To Go to Kindergarten or Have an Extra Year of Preschool?

I'm in the exact same situation. My son turns 5 in July, and has some big sensory integration problems even though he excels academically. His preschool teacher kind of laughed at me when I brought up the idea of holding him back a year, but I think she's really only looking at the subject matter, not behavior. After tons of prayer, we have decided to send our son to Kinder. I really think either decision could have been a good one, but I'll tell you the big things that made us decide to do it:

1. Someone already mentioned this in a response to you, but what we came to believe is that we can't really know how our son is going to react to a Kinder classroom setting until he's there.

2. He has an IEP for Speech Therapy & Occupational Therapy. There was a time his speech was non-existent, but he's fine now. I was suprised he qualified for one more year, but he did and I think anything extra he gets can help. The OT is for his sensory issues. In the state of CA (and I'm sure everywhere), a 5 yr old is not allowed to receive special services unless they are attending the public school.

Number 2 kind of clinched it for me. I really think our son will benefit tremendously from those 2 therapies and because of that I feel like I need to face whatever obstacles Kinder may have in store for us. I also keep thinking if there is more to my son's problems (like how you are concerned about ADHD), the best chance of him getting evaluated is if he's in a class where a teacher is being disrupted by him.

Of course along with this decision, I had to come to accept that there is a very possible chance my son will be repeating Kinder. It's a little freeing to let myself realize we're not trapped forever. I think I kept feeling like if I started him then I didn't have options (repeating does not sound enjoyable to me). But the fact of the matter is it IS an option, and we really need those extra therapies, which means we need my son in Kindergarten.

In full disclosure, we're military, so we know we'll be at a different school soon and kids in 5th grade won't know my son had to repeat Kinder, if that actually ends up happening. But because in San Diego you can pick whatever school your child goes to, the options are pretty limitless. You have my sympathy because I really know what a hard (and gray) decision this is to make. I wish you all the best.

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Dawn, We held our son back and plan to the the same with the other 2. All I can tell you is when I was trying to make the decision and asking any and everyone about their opinion, I never heard anyone say that they "regretted" holding their son back, but I have heard MANY people say they wish they did. It was a great decision for us. They have so many years of school ahead of them, why not give them any advantage we can.
Good luck.

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Wait until he is emotionally/socially ready. My twins are October b-days, so they would be really young, but still qualify for K. We are keeping them in preschool one more year. Im a/was a middle school teacher and my good friend is a K teacher. This is what she recommends, especially for boys.

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Dawn
Although my son did not have signs of adhd, he does do a lot of daydreaming. His birthday is one the cut off day and I had a choice of letting him go to kindergarten or keeping him in preschool for another year. I heard all of the studies that boys develop slower than girls and that it is sometimes better to keep them back one year than to have them struggle forward. So I kept him back and it was the best decision I ever made. He is still struggling with the daydreaming but we have had him tested and he knows the work, it just doesn't keep his attention. I have also seen in my middle son's kindergarten class several boys that the parents ended up keeping them back one more year for a second year of kindergarten and they are now flourishing in first grade. So I would keep him in preschool one more year. When he finally does get to kindergarten he will be the oldest and better able to handle the work load. Good luck.
N.

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Send him to kindergarten. He is too old to hold back unless there are significant problems. My son has ADHD and was born in September. I considered holding him back, but he is very bright and I was advised he would be bored if I held him back, which would cause more behavioral problems in addition to the ADHD. He is now finishing 2nd grade and has been at the top of his class every year, including kindergarten, so I know that holding him back would have been the wrong decision. He is on medication for the ADHD and it works very well (adderall). I strongly suggest, based on the information you provided, that you enroll your son in kindergarten and deal with the ADHD with your pediatrician.

K.

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Not the exact same problem but I did keep my daughter in preschool an extra year because she wasn't socially mature enough for kindergarten. She'll start kindergarten in a couple of weeks and I am so happy that I went this route. Not only is she more than ready academically, but socially and emotionally she is more than ready. It is up to you, go with your gut! I'm sure either way, he'll do fine!

By the way, my daughter was surrounded by kids her age in preschool 4 year olds and newly turned 5 year olds, otherwise, I wouldn't have kept her there. I don't know how most preschools are but where she is at there is a 3/4 year old room and a 4/5 year old room then a kindergarten room, so the kids are always no more than 6mos apart. I think this is important to add because if your son would be with young 4 year olds and/or 3 year olds if he stayed in preschool another year, then I'd send him to kindergarten.
M.

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I applaud the fact that you are more concerned with his well-being rather than just sending him regardless. Way to go Mom! As a teacher, I see that holding back is usually the best route to go. The students, especially boys, seem to do very well when they are given that extra year. You will find less behavior problems and frustration coming from him in school by giving that year to mature. Also, when he does start he will have a greater academic advantage, and if he does participate in extracurricular activities (future)he will also have an advantage.
I have seen parents want to push their child into school, and yet get upset when their child is reprimanded for social and maturity issues that are naturally not there yet.

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my husband's a first grade teacher (for 11 years) and has taught a K-1 combo class. He recommends that it's always more important that the child is emotionally ready. Therefore, it's recommended that you wait it out if you feel he needs time to mature.

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I have elected to do both with my three children. My case is different since my sons bdays are November and August. May is not an issue. From what you are saying it sounds like he is normal and will benefit from school. I don't like to label children, because they all have different personalities. There comes a time when they need to learn about structure and public authority (kindergarten). They have a tremendous capacity to grow at that age. Don't hold him back with your insecurities. Your choice though!

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I'm reading a fascinating book right now, and you might want to check it out as well. It's called Raising Boys, and the author is Steve Biddulph. He talks quite a bit about how more people need to hold boys back in school a bit because girls are usually way ahead of the curve. So your gut is probably telling you to hold your son back, and you should. I plan to keep my son in preschool and out of kindergarten until he's 6 for reasons that make sense to me after reading this book. Best of luck, Dawn!

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I would send him to kindergarten just for the fact that being bored with the same old lessons/work will add to any acting out/not listening.

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As an educator I have been taught to think of this decision process as a gift to your child, not taking something away, "holding back" means you are keeping something from the child. If a parent thinks of this decision as a gift of time to be given to the child and consider what's the rush, to be in junior high sooner, college sooner, to have to be an adult and pay bills sooner. Take a look at the life span of the child, what will the potential long term effects be of allowing the child to mature a bit socially now, versus him learning that being in school is so socially difficult he does not want to be there or believes that he can not succeed.

The idea of an elementary school with a Transitional Kindergarten Program (T-K) will allow the child to complete the process he is currently in, and not feel socially rushed. On the other hand if he is doing well in the environment where he currently is, maybe one more year there will give him the belief in himself to do well in the future. What ever you do work closely with the educators to ensure that there is a balance of growth in social skills as well as in academics. When a student does well in balancing the different aspects of school-life, academics and social, then there is more time in the week to put effort into other areas of interest. When school is too hard it becomes all encompassing of one's energy. This is a big decision, good luck in making it and listen to the little voice inside you, instinct speaks wisdom.

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I'm having the same problem with my son. He's a September birthday and would start K at 4(!) because the cut off here is December 20. He will be in preschool this year and next year he would be able to start K. I spoke with the preschool director (who has all sorts of child development degrees) and she believes it easier to hold the kid back then to make them repeat a grade, even Kindergarten. Our plan is for preschool for two years. Also, our preschool has a Junior K program that is 5 half days a week. There is more seat work time and more academic instruction then even their pre-K program. This is Escondido Christian Preschool in Escondido...maybe a preschool in your area has a similar program?

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Hi Dawn,

I agree that the best way to go is to have him evaluated by a professional...If you think that he exhibits some ADHD symptoms, then the best thing to do is to get help early. I do not see this as a "label" so much as a way to identify challenges a child MAY have - a way to help professionals narrow down the overwhelming field of issues that children face. Also, what does his preschool teacher think? I think if you can get a professional opinion, it might be easier to decide what your next step should be...good luck!

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Check out www.chancyandbruce.com. They address and evaluate for emotional/social readiness, in addition to academic readiness. They're in Huntington Beach. A great resource!!!

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Your child's preschool teacher is the best person to ask. A 6yo in preschool (next May) will probably be as socially awkward as your son may seem now. ADHD should not be diagnosed in a child under 6yo and needs to be official (eval by teacher, parent, physician). A normal attention span in a 4yo is 12minutes. If your son can sit and listen to a story, do circle time, etc for 10-15min in preschool then he is a normal child. If he won't sit or do one activity for 30 minutes he is also normal. Waiting another year for kindergarten will mean he will be bigger and have more expected of him all through school. You can also try K and if he does not succeed, repeat. A May birthday SHOULD start in the fall as the cut off is December, a full 7mo younger. Do you want your child to be almost 2yr older than the youngest child in class and perhaps have lower level teaching not up to his level throughout school? Or do you want your child to be average size and appropriate developmental level? If the second, get your paperwork completed for kindergarten (most schools have already enrolled).

I highly recommend you read the book "Gender Matters" by Leonard Sax. I borrowed it from the public library and it is very well written. It brings up a case where he had recommended that a mother hold her son back from kindergarten and she didn't. If I were in your shoes, I would wait. You can always do some schooling with him at home until you feel he is ready. Best of luck.
S.

My oldest son is now 13. He was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age. I only wished we had held him back sooner. Now he is in 8th grade & we are finally holding him back. He is the one that asked to be held back.

Hi
What a thoughtful question! I am a preschool teacher and this is such a hard decision to make!!! We hold a meeting with kindergarten teachers and parents each year to discuss kindergarten readiness. What I learn every year is that an extra year of preschool is often a great gift that you can give your child. Your child will be more mature and able to handle social situations and down the road will be better at sports and actually do better on the SAT's.

For the present time though, kindergarten teachers agree that they can teach a child that comes in with no exposure to the concepts that they learn in kindergarten and they will catch up with the children that have been in preschool quickly if they are socially and emotionally ready for school. If the child is not socially and emotionally ready, the child will have to practice these skills in the classroom and on th e playground before the child will be able to focus on learning the concepts in the classroom. The child will probably struggle and will have a more negative attitude to school.

Preschool is less structured and has lower teacher/child ratios. The focus of preschools is on the social/emotional development and your child will be able to practice these skills every day in a safe, positive environment where a teacher can facilitate interaction. In kindergarten, there are high expectations for longer attention spans, getting along on the playground and independant work. There is also one teacher for 20 children and no aide!

If you can afford to keep your child in preschool for another year, I feel you will be giving your a child a gift that he will carry with him for a lifetime.

P.s. Ask his teachers at school or the director what they think!!!!

Good Luck!

Hi Dawn, I think having him around kids is own age would be good for him, around the preschool age kids, he will probably act more like a preschooler. Also as a mom myself I don't like it when lables are put on kids, if a child can't sit still, oh they must be ADD, no, they just have a lot of energy. Look Dawn if he starts school late he will be older than his peers, kids can be crul. I would at least give him a chance at Kindergarten. J.

My daughter also has a May birthday and I put her in kindergarten when she was 5. She had been in preschool in the prior year. My thinking is that his ADHD will not get any better from preschool as they dont really have a academic program that is consistent like kindergarten is.

I would recommend that you put him in kindergarten and let his skills shine thru and I am sure that he will excel.

Hi Dawn,
This is such a personal choice and I know that a lot of my friends are going through the same decision making process. My personal preference is to hold my son back because he is also not very emotionally mature. I was a November baby who was not held back and while I did fine academically, I did have some social issues which looking back on it, I believe had to do with my age. also, my friend's son has signs of ADHD and was not very mature and she held him back. He is now 6 (will be 7 in Nov) and is now entering 1st grade. If he was a little bored academically, she was able to do extra activities with him at home to keep him challenged. Bottom line, its a personal choice and as his mom, you have to trust in yourself and know that you'll make the decision that is best for your son.
best wishes,
C.

Hi Dawn,

Social and emotional skills are as important as academic skills in life. I know people who held their son back one year and it was the best thing they did. He went through school with great confidence and self esteem because he was physically as well as mentally a leader. The "ADHD" may just be his lack of emotional maturity trying to deal with something socially too advanced for him.

V.

i have a son that turned six this past may and i put him in kindergarten. i feel it did him some good, being around other kids, getting used to the school and the kids he will know for most of the time he is in elementary school. but its really something that you as a mother need to feel out for your kid, always go with your first gut instinct.
also i dont believe in that adhd crap. people who give their kids drugs for "behavioral problems" that are not thinking about the kids, they are thinking about ways to sedate the children so their own lives will be easier. just say no to drugs, thats what we were taught

The only way that holding back a child is successful is when it is done for social and emotional reasons NOT academic. Is he interested in the same things as children his age or can he focus on the same things? Is his attention span as mature as others his age? How does he interact with others his age? Talk to his teachers to get there opinions. They know him in a classroom setting. You know him best outside of school. I would also speak to one of the kindergarten teacher or someone in the district. Maybe there are readiness tests or checklists that can help you collect more information before you make your decision. Also check to see if you school district has a prek program. This may be the perfect solution for your son.

I hate the thought of "holding back" kids in regards to education. Be aware that many parents hold back their boys more than their daughters, so they are bigger for sports later.

We put our son, who was academically advanced (we did workbooks with him for fun - and he LOVED them), into preschool for 3 mornings for 3 hours at 3.5 years old starting in February. Then in September, he went to Jr. Kindergarten for 5 1/2 days each week. This past September, he was 4 and started a dual immersion kindergarten (where it's 90% Spanish and 10% English - we speak only English at home) from 7:45am - 2:05pm 5 days each week. He has done extremely well. He speaks Spanish and English, writes in Spanish and English and reads in Spanish and English....it less than 8 months.

You can always see how he's doing in there and then drop him back, IF you decide what's best. He might just surprise you.

Extra year of pre-school. School is harder for boys and how they learn vs. girls. Let him have an extra year of pre-school and get more comfortable socially and emotionally and then he can start K and have it be a successful and satisfying experience!
My brother and I are both Oct babies and so we went to school and were the younger/youngest in our grades. My mom said she always wished she had given my brother that extra year of pre-school and have him start school one year later and it would have been a lot easier for him. good luck in your decision!

My son's birthday is mid-November (only a couple weeks before the cut-off date) so for us it was a no-brainer to give him one more year of preschool, especially since kindergarten is so much more academic now. I teach first grade and the young children, September bdays on, are usually a stand-out. A May birthday though is a bit different, especially if academically things are not an issue. I would really consider starting K but every child is so different. Another issue to consider is his height. If he's on the taller side, delaying another year might not be the best choice. Good luck!

Go off the social and emotional maturity for this and let him have a bonus year to build confidence,especially if he is showing a bit of ADHD. The academic part won't leave him, but the maturity for the emotional and social situations can make it very difficult for the years come! I have given my children the bonus year even though they were all reading at 5 and I was told that they were ready to go, but socially I questioned it and I am really happy now with the confidence and maturity that they have in the classroom. I would rather regret keeping them back and giving a bonus year than putting them in and having to hold them back!

Good luck!! Go with your gut!!

Let me start with the fact that my son is now 24 years old. However I had the same problem as you have now. He had a May birthday and was very shy socially but bright. I decided to keep him home for one more year and it was the best thing I ever did. Instead of struggling in school because he wasn't ready, he excelled and was given the Presidential Scholarship for College because he was a straight A student.
I was also a Kindergarten teacher for 15 years and the boys are usually more immature than the girls when they start in the fall. I could always tell which student had just turned 5 as compared to those who were almost 6. There is a world of difference at that level.
My answer to parents who asked me whether to hold out another year was always, "Would you rather your son is ready for school and is top of the class or do you want him to struggle to be middle of the class?"
I have heard many parents say,"I regret sending him so early!", but I never heard a parent say. "I am sorry I kept him home another year."
My opinion for what it is worth.

What does his teacher say? She has a lot of experience in this arena. Personally I think that if you're not sure keep him back. This is the only time in his academic life that it just won't matter if you do, and the extra time to develop socially will be more valuable than the academic exposure. If you're hyper concerned about the academics perhaps you can find an outside tutoring source to touch upon it.

I would send him to Kindergarten , because of the adhd symptoms. He needs to learn a school structure asap , and preschool won't cut it. Also I rep for a natural food company and we have some great articles about the additive/ preservative food connection between ADHD and Autism . Let me know if you'd like me to forward the articles.

Good Luck,
J.

Hi Dawn,
Here is my experience. My son is a late Sept baby. I sent him to Kindergarten when he was 4 and he turned 5 that first month. He did great and he's looking forward to first grade. Luckily he has always been "older" socially and academically so he had no problems. However, his best friend in his class has Aspergers. He is a full year older - he turned 6 the week before my son turned 5. His mother held him back a year due to socialization issues even though academically he was ready. However, he is bored to death in kindergarten. His mother is constantly asking the school for works books, etc. from first grade. Because he is doing first grade work now, he'll be bored in first grade. I think holding back a year was not beneficial for him. All 5 year old boys are somewhat socially and emotionally immature - it's their nature - but it doesn't mean they won't do well in school.

With a May birthday, your son is the perfect age for Kindergarten in Sept. He will grow up a lot in the next few months before Kindgergarten starts. My concern holding him back is that he'll be bored if he is just starting Kindergarten at 6 and he may find the other children too immature.

Hope this helps.

Not sure if this link will work or not but I had a lot of great responses to pretty much this same question. I too have a May guy and after much discussion with his Dr and others I am comfortable letting him start K at 6 instead of this year.
Hopefully you will find your own peace with what you do... his pedi told me if you even are thinking about it give him a chance. Also, if you are San Diego North County I could give you the number for the Child Development that is run by the state. They are doing testing on my child in July but will only test through 5 years old and before they start K.

http://www.mamasource.com/request/16299312245664382977

P.

Two of my boys I retained a year prior Kindergarten. One because his hand coordination was not in (Aug BD), one because he was so small (June BD). I think it helps with maturity, especially in boys. I have worked in the school system with special education and had to convince parents to retain and repeat Kindergarten so the child could mature.

I think that a pre-Kindergarten would be the best for your son because he could develop socially and emotionally.
I have friends who have had children (who were kindergarten age and put them in these programs because they weren't sure they should go to Kindergarten) and were very pleased. Remember today Kindergarten is much more academic than it use to be...it is a lot of writing and paper work and reading. Many boys are not ready for it. They can't take the strict demands of concentrating on printing and filling in forms and listening...they need more activity

If he isn't diagnosed with ADHD, do not use that term. It is used too much today and leads to use of meds that are not needed. My oldest son was very, very active and the kindergarten teacher made me have him tested for ADHD. The psychologist said he could concentrate on things he was interested in therefore did not have it. Is our son able to do that? Can he get engrossed in building a tower, playing with cars, etc.? If so, he many not have a concentration problem, just be very active. Boys are active...I have three.

Do look into a good pre-kindergarten program. They are many more of them around since the Kindergartens have become so academic. Find activities that he can do to release his energy and get together with other moms and children so he can learn to interact and develop.
I hope everything works out well.
H.

As a kinder teacher I highly recommend the extra year of pre-K. Maturity is more important than academic skills when first entering kindergarten because we have less time than ever to teach social skills. Regarless of their academic skills, kids that are slightly less mature seem to have more difficulty making and keeping friends, and keeping up with the rest of the class.

My son is 16 and I never regretted starting him late. He was not a problem kid, I just wanted him to be on top of the class rather thatn fighting his way around. He is a leader, older, great student. I never thought he would fail Kindergarten, it was the later years that worrid me--lots of challenges as they get older!
I think I would put your son in a strong pre-school that challenges his intellect, but is a little more flexible on the rules of being young at heart.
Good luck!

it's a tough decision and so personal. I have two sons ages 6 and 8 born in May and June respectively. I gave both an extra year of preschool and am very happy I did it. There are so many things to take into consideration .... the type of school and the teachers opinions are critical, physical maturity, emotional maturity, etc. etc. Good luck and listen to your instincts.

L.

Dawn,
Go for the "bonus year" of pre-school. Give him a chance to mature and be socially and emotionally ready for Kindergarten. I did that with my daughter, who has a November birthday and I think it definately a wise choice. I tried to think of it in terms of how starting school early would affect her in the long term and decided that if I waited, she would be ready both socially, emotionally and academically. I also felt that by waiting the extra year, as one of the older students in class, she could be more of a leader than a follower and this could increase her confidence.
Good Luck!
T.

Hi Dawn,
Well I completely understand your situation as I too have a boy who was older and still needed that extra year of pre-K. He is a March b-day. We put him in pre-K for 2 years in a row and what a difference that extra year made. Now in Kindergarten, his teacher never mentioned ADHD as the preK teachers did...he just needed to grow up and learn to be still and listen and the extra year gave him that chance. We are so glad we gave him the extra year. No regrets! Take care and God bless!
K.

How did he do in the pre-school class? Did he sit when he was supposed to, or was he running around the room? If IN GENERAL he's on task with what the other kiddos are doing---send him onto k-garten by all means! My son is similar--no ADHD, but emotionally immature--I'd say a little below the other kiddos in his class--but scholastically is at the top of the class. It's always a balancing act, and he's in 2nd grade now. But if your son is performing well under the curriculum at pre-K, go forward. If he's struggling with the environment, I'd keep him one more year.

As a k teacher, I think maturity and academics go hand in hand. This is not an ADHA issue, this is a maturity issue. I have had many kids who are very bright but just not ready to be there. It is hard on them when the other kids call them "babies". Sometimes kids just need one more year to grow. You can keep your son in preschool, do enrichment activites at home with him, and enroll him in a summer program to meet his academic needs too. You can also request the kinder teachers at his future school do an eval. and see what they think too:)

I know a lot of people have responded already, but I felt like I could contribute a little as an early childhood professional. I also haven't read all the other posts, so sorry if I repeat!

Initially I wanted to tell you to keep him in preschool because he's emotionally a little immature. However, you may be simply seeing signs of frustration due to the fact that he's intelectually ahead, so perhaps Kindergarden is the best choice. Also, if he has to repeat a year/class in preschool he may become even more frustrated. Your best bet (because it doesn't matter what we all said on this post, none of us know your son!) is to talk to his teachers (all of his teachers, not just one), the director of his preschool, and any other person of a professional capacity who you think can give you some insight. Some preschools have other professionals (besides the teachers) on site or available who can help you evaluate your child. Also, talk to the prospective teacher/teachers at the kindergarden or anyone else at the school. This is an important decision, and while you get the end say you shouldn't have to make this decision by yourself!

I have a 4 YO who will be 5 next January. Seems like all the mom's on one of the forums (a Jan. '04 birth forum) I'm on will be putting thier LO's in kindergarden this upcomming fall, but I've decided not to. Boys in general seem to be immature, regardless of their intelligence. My DS has been in a active learning DC/home preschool setting since he was 14 mos old. He's extreamly bright, above adverage on many areas, and is eager to learn. He knows the alphabet, all his colors, is currently (driving me nuts) about counting, numbers, and math, he has an almost unnatural obcession about anatomy, and is starting to learn to read, BUT he gets SO easily frustrated, and if he's not interested in something (like phonics) NO WAY will he give it any of his attention (which makes learning to read difficult).

I had read a good book by Dr. James Dobson, a child psychologist whom I've trusted for years, called "Bringing Up Boys" where he suggests either home-schooling in the early years, or holding off putting into school for a year.

Beyond this, I'm just as in the dark as you are about when exactly to start kindergarden. For now I plan on looking into a charter school for the following year.

I would start him. If he needed to repeat kindergarten it would not be the worst thing in the world, he would just be more prepared the next time. Maybe being around other kids is exactlly what he needs. He might not be as socially or emotionally immature as you think. He might suprise you and blossom in kindergarten.

If you are at all unsure I would give him the benefit of the additional year.

Hi Dawn,

I'll be in the same boat as you next year. My son will just make the cut off by 7 days here in Nevada. When we were in Florida, he would have missed it and it would have been a non-issue. I have a very good friend (she is a teacher) who told me to go a head and move Brady up when the time comes. There is a reason they have the cut off when they do. You can always pull him out and put him back in pre-school and then re-try the next year. My daughter missed the cut off by two weeks and she was more than ready by the time she went on to kindergarten. The benefit for her is when she will start to drive before all her friends. Talk to his preschool teacher and the kindergarten teachers at his new school. Kids do seem to change overnight and he could be completely ready by the time Kindergarten starts. If you feel in your heart it will benefit him to wait, then do. You know your son best of all. Good luck.

I would reccommend him to stay the extra year in pre-school. You will be happier about that decision his entire life. Its better for boys to be a little bit more mature for school.That extra year will make a world of difference in his social skills. He will never know the difference and when he is in highschool. He will like the fact he is the oldest in his class.

I would recommend moving forward with kindergarten. Kids can really rise to the occasion and it is often better for them to be challenged than to be bored.

Even though it sounds good for now think about what age he will be when he graduates from high school.
You do not want him to graduate at 19 that would be cruel.
I was a kid that was emotionally young and my social skills were considered young as well but my education was two grades above what I was supposed to be.
In kindergarten I was asked if I wanted to skip a grade and I wanted the easy life so when my mom asked me I said no. In the second grade I also said no.
I was dumb for choosing this. When I finally got to JR and sr high I was so bored that I wanted out. When I was 15 I dropped out went on home study and went to college. I found no use for high school at all. It was a big waste of time. I hated being there and I still had not devloped the social skills that I was supposed to have for my age.
Turns out that I never socialized or played with my peers until I started my major of math at the university and found other people that were just like me.
So you see who cares about social skills and standing in relation to your peers it might just be that the peers are not your cup of tea. If I had it to do over again I would have skipped those grades and just plowed through the whole school thing and done what I did anyway which was get a BA in math and an M.Ed. in curriculum and instruction and lived happily ever after only it would have happened a lot faster and without all of the heartache of knowing I did not fit in and wondering why I was not like other kids.
Embrace his differences and let him move forward as fast as he wants.
T.

Just wanted to point out that most preschool now have a pre-k program for children who need that extra year so I'm sure your son will be with other kids his own age should you decide to give him an extra year.

I know that other have pointed out the stigma of being held back a year but here's another thing to consider. My son is a first grader and during his second semester a couple of kids from kindergarten were moved up into his class. These were kids who had an extra year in preschool but where now socially and academically ready to move up and be with kids their own age.

I have both a son with ADHD who was a July birthday, and a son who was academically advanced (was reading and writing in pre-K) but was socially and emotionally immature who was right at the cutoff. We were told by the July birthday's teachers that he was fine to go, and my instinct with my November birthday child was to hold him back. I have to tell you, I wish we had held the July son back, and I'm incredibly glad we held the November son back. That level of maturity can only help them. As far as the issue of them not being academically challenged, I think it is much better for their self-esteem to be at the top of their class. My November birthday child is considered so much smarter than his brother, even though I believe they are intellectually equal. However, my other son has had years of being considered average versus the November child who has always been told he is very smart. I believe it is better to be emotionally and intellectually stronger than it is to rush them in. Also, I don't think there is as much of a stigma these days as so many kids are being held back. And I wouldn't worry too much about the not being challenged when being held back in pre-K. Teachers see what level children are, and often give more or less work as needed. Our local elementary school actually encourages holding emotionally immature children back, as they believe it is much easier to teach a child who is ready than a child whose birthday tells you they should be in school but may not be. Your children are always going to learn no matter what the setting, but you really want to give him the self-esteem and mindset that he is good at school, and that he isn't a behavioral problem and get stuck with that label. I think that's what you really give them when you hold them back. Hope that helps!

I say- keep him in preschool! As a former elementary school teacher, I have never heard a parent say they wish they had not kept a boy back but I have had several say they wish their child had entered kindergarten a year later. I don't think you need to worry too much about him being ahead academcially. A good teacher will take care of that with each challenges, etc. I hope things work out for you and your precious little boy. G.

We have a little girl that we started into kindergarten when she was 4...just turning 5. She was academically advanced but socially immature. Fast forward to 4th grade where this really mattered! We were able to keep up academically all this time but socially she's still immature and we had to have her tested for ADD because the teacher decided that must be the issue because she just couldn't pay attention the way the other kids do. This has been a trying year and I've been told it will only continue as we push forward. If I had to do it over again, we would have held her back one more year. Statistically the older kids do far better academically and socially...wish I'd known that then!

My daughter is in first grade and doing incredibly well academically and socially, because I held her back an extra year. Many other parents followed the same route as me.

When I volunteer in the classroom it is really, really, really apparent who the younger less mature children are....the boys especially have a more difficult time paying attention, sitting still, etc, if they are younger..the older boys seem to have a real advantage.

I am also a former teacher, and see no harm come from giving that extra time, and many downsides to sending them in too early. So, if you decide on that extra year, I doubt you will regret it.

Good luck!!

There is no rush, enjoy him another year at home and in preschool.

Hi Dawn,

I had to deal with this when my daughter, now 18 was that age. Her day care provider told me she needed more than she could give her, but was not ready for kindergarten yet, and recommended I find a day care with a Pre-K program. This was due to emotional issues, not scholastic. I felt that her day care provider probably knew more than I did and wanted to listen to her. Her father totally disagreed, she was old enough to go to kindergarten, she should go.

My best friend agreed my daughter's father, but suggested I have her tested. The school didn't test, saying if she wasn't ready, they would ask me to pull her out, which I felt would be more harmful than starting her out a year later.

We actually ended up going to visit my mother and my best friend who's sister tested children for the school she worked at. She tested my daughter and agreed that she wasn't ready. Her assesment was that my daughter would be fine if school started in Nov. We followed her advice and put her in a Pre-K class and it was the best thing we did. And she called it right, she settled into learning more in Nov.

She is graduating this year, has many friends, is on the honor roll, did water polo, swim team, drama. I think one of the the best things we did for her was hold her out and let her emotionally mature first.

Also, on the other side, I started Kindergarten at 4, because the cut off date said I should. My mother never even thought about questioning it. I already knew how to read and was academically ready, but not emotionally. I always felt a step behind. I had my friends, and did well enough, but I when I was having to make this decision, I wished my mother had held me out one more year.

I think the emotional maturity is more important than the scholastic. Kids can be cruel. There is nothing wrong with being in the top of his class scholastically. The schools should be able to place him in classes that will challenge him as he grows.

My daughter was asked by her friends if she was held back and simply explained that she started later and that was the end of it, no teasing, and no emotional damage.

My suggestions would be to talk to his preschool teacher and see what they think. Maybe there is an "in-between" solution. If not, my advice, having seen it from both sides, err on the side of caution and start him late.

I too had this concern about our son, July birthday. He was academically ready, just not sure about socially. We decided to have him start K and if he needed to repeat it, it would be ok. He was 5. Since then, he has done great socially and his academics continue. If a child is strong academically and you hold them back, when they do enter K, they will be extremely bored, and as a result, develop behavioral problems. I would recommend putting him in K and see how he does. Let the teacher know your concerns, so she can also watch his interactions at school. Good luck.

Preschool is where they learn the social skills that will be invaluable to him (and his teacher) in Kindergarten. If you are in doubt, just hold him back and be sure that your preschool is heavy on the social thing instead of the academic thing (preschools vary so much in what they stress, some consider themselves "college prep" while others are arts based, some teach independence skills and some stress social skills). I'm OK to let him be a kid for just a little bit longer...

He sounds totally normal for his age. My kids are finishing kindergarden and there are lots of boys who look ADHDish at this age. I think with a May birthday he will be just fine. Lots of people will tell you to hold him back--but I think this has more to do with the parents wanting the kids to be little than with what is developmentally appropriate. You can ask the preschool teacher, but it sounds like your son will be just fine in kindergarden. If he in fact has ADHD when you enroll him in school is not really going to matter--he will still have that condition.

Hi Dawn,
Has your child been diagnosed by a doctor with ADHD? You should find out for sure before you make assumptions. If your child is ready academically, then you should send him. Being around children his age may help him develop socially. Besides, all kids mature at different times so I wouldn't worry about that. If you hold him back, he'll be 6 turning 7 in kinder. That's too old, especailly if academically he's ready. Remember, kids have to be 5 to start kinder, so he will be a lot older than the rest of his class. My son's birthday is in November, so he'll start at age 4 and turn 5 two months into school. I may hold him back, depending on how he's doing at the time. My second baby is due in October so it will be the same story with him. But a May baby? I wouldn't hold him back, no way.

Hello Dawn,
I homeschool my 4 children. Have you considered homeschooling your son. You know your child best and can work with him at his speed and he can have the freedom to move around while he learns. D. H.

I have a friend with the same kind of child and he's now 12. She kept him up with the academics.

I'd advice first follow your instincts. Second, I'd say follow his academics. Eventually his social skills will catch up.

My daughter was told at Pre-K that she may be ADD. I went to therapists etc and found that it was too early to diagnose. She is now (at 10 years old) in vision therapy which is believed to be the problem of many kids with problems like she had (but not the excessive energy she always needs to output...that's just her). Worth a trip to an orthopedist with vision development experience -- at least the vision check appointment was covered by insurance!

G.

I don't know. It seems that pretty soon we're going to have 9 year olds in Kindergarten because of all the holding back going on.
On the serious side, I really worry about the boredom factor. If a child is advanced already and he is held back, he will only be that much more advanced come the following year. When they are reviewing letters and sounds in Kindergarten, and he is reading, he may get put off by school because to him, it will appear "Boring". I would not want school to be a negative to him. Most all boys are "a little socially and emotionally immature" - don't you remember!! :) I'd error on what's best for him academically and supplement with play dates and social work at home rather than the opposite. I bet he's immature compared to girls his age but much more in line with other boys his age.
Good luck - parenting does not come with easy answers!

It's not unusual to hold boys back a year. Him being at the top of his class (this year or next) won't hurt him at all either. My Dad always tells us about how when he was a kid they used to segregate kids by skill level into their classes. He was always in the middle of his class of the smartest kids and felt mediocre. Then he skipped a grade and was put in the middle performing group of kids- he was at the top of that class and enjoyed it much more. He felt special then and it really built his self-esteem. So - holding him back a year will just make him more special and build his self-esteem with his academics. Ultimately though follow your instincts. They are usually accurate. Good luck with your decision.

Hi Dawn
I have taught elem. school for 13 years, recently I had a unique experience to teach a Kinder/1st combination class for couple of years. I loved the age and the experience. From it, I can tell you 1st hand that the right start makes a big difference, not just in the academic progress of your son, but also in his attitude towards school. His social/emotional readiness is at least as important to his development as his intellectual readiness. If you have ANY doubts, give him the gift of time to mature. Kindergarten is no longer just fun and games, kids are expected to "work" more independently and this is hard for even the most developed kid. Those 1st graders who were in my class (mostly boys) really weren't mature enough to get the most out of Kindergarten the first time. What a difference a year can make.

Good luck with your decision

D. - What ever you do, don't hold your child back just because you are feeling nervous. If you have concerns, have him tested by a professional. It's vital that you express your concerns to your son's teacher. Have open communication with the school.

I was so glad to see this question posted. My son just turned 5 mid-May and we are trying to decide whether to send him to a pre-K plus program (Encinitas YMCA) or kindergarten. He is normal academically but has some impulse control issues when it comes to listening (loves play) and not being aggressive (loves contact!) He is also tall so most people think I am crazy to think about holding him back. In talking to some other moms though, I am finding that so many people are holding their kids back (or giving them another year!) that if we hold our May boys back, they will actually fall in the middle of the pack age-wise instead of the absolute oldest. Also, lots of people say "they'll get bored and have behavior problems" but I have never heard of an actual example of that, and if they are soooo bored then maybe they can be advanced a year or go into a gifted program. We have had some rough times in our family with parental growing pains and a huge move that I mostly just want to give him another year of lightness and fun. Still not sure what we are going to do, because I worry about the stigma and height. But thanks for giving me a chance to vent :-)

Dawn,

I have to agree with Brandis R. My 3 year is also intellectually more advanced than other children. Whenever he gets too bored with waiting for the other kids to understand the lesson, he goes off by himself and starts playing (basically not paying attention). To some people, this could be interpreted as mild ADHD, but I was the same type of child and simply bored and frustrated waiting for the rest of the class to catch up. At my insistence, his school moved him into the pre-K class (4-5 yr olds). He is now thriving because the lessons he is learning are new and interesting to him. I would suggest sending your smart little guy to kindergarten. You will probably discover that he will rise to the challenge.

Good luck!

Hi Dawn, your son would SO benefit from having the extra year of preschool. Studies conclude that children who are emotionally not ready for school have a harder time and, in some cases, never catch up. It is very important that a child be emotionally ready and developmentally ready so they have the best possible chances for learning. best wishes. R.

There is nothing wrong with giving your child the gift of time to mature. If his maturity level isn't quite there yet, he will more than likely struggle with school. Let him mature for another year. I have 2 friends in Indiana, both of whom have boys that have May birthdays. One has twins with a May 7 birthday, and the other has a boy with a May 23 birthday. The one with twins had her boys in the kindergarten enrichment class this past year, and the other is sending her son to a different 3-day preschool program next year. There's no reason you should push him into school.

Just a suggestion, is it an option to put him in a preschool that has Kindergarten? That way, if he does need to repeat Kinder, it will not be at the school that most of the kids will "remember him" 2 or 3 years from now as the one that WAS in our grade, but now isn't. I went to public school, and I still remember one of the boys that weren't THAT young being held back. Even in High School, some of us remembered him being in our Kinder class, and some of the kids were not kind about mentioning it to him. (At times, I might have been one of them, but honestly don't recall being mean to him.)

That would also allow his teacher(s) to assess whether he is ready to stay in Kinder, or if he needs a little more time to mature. If they feel he is not ready 2 or 3 weeks into the school year, they would be able to move him to a better class.

One other thing I wanted to quickly note- ADHD is a symptom of a HIGHLY intellectual person. It is caused by the brain thinking so fast that the consious mind can not proccess the information fully. The brain is "overload" with thoughts, and as a result, the brain tells the body it needs to "move on" both physicaly and mentally. However- other parts of the brain are saying to "finish your task" and the mixed message interferes with a persons ability to fully focus on any of the many tasks going on in the persons mind. Believe it or not, Einstein had ADHD. Check out this list of other famous peopel that had ADD/ADHD http://www.adhdrelief.com/famous.html

In general, I have heard that boys should start school a bit later, but I don't agree for ALL cases.

One last bit of advice- ask his preschool teacher if he/she feels he will be successful in Kindergarten this year or if he needs to wait. The teacher should be able to give you an honest assesment with validating points.

As a teacher, (preschool for 7 years, 5th grade,and kinder for 3 years) I always encourage the gift of an extra year. You want your child to strive in school and not always be treading water for air. I would suggest finding a preschool you feel challenges your child academically, while also supporting and nurturing his needs. It's much easier to hold the student back in preschool and move them up later, then to hold him back later on. You'd be surprised by the expectations set on these students these days- especially in kindergarten. Also listen to your gut and the recommendation from the preschool teacher. Offering a child that extra year in preschool does wonders in kindergarten- I typicaly have students as young as 4- turning 5 and 6 turning 7 by the end of the academic year- So its very common these days- and I've heard nothing but positive and relieved moms share how hard it was to make that decision but how thankful they are they did because their child has just blossomed~

I would definitely keep him back an extra year. If he isn't ready emotionally or socially, then all the academic ability won't matter at all. He'll be frustrated and lonely and won't have the opportunity to use his academic skills because working on his emotional skills will take so much of his time and effort. It would also be harder emotionally to cope with being held back in a few years when he understands social pressures and comparisons between himself and peers, it is much more embarrassing for a third grader to be held back than a preschooler. He will probably be very happy staying in preschool where things are familiar and safe, and in another year he will be so much more ready to tackle full time public school.

According to our pediatrician, boys are held back a year by their parents more then girls because of the immaturity factor. Our daughter i starting kindergarten in the fall as well and all incoming kindergartners have to have an evaluation meeting with their teacher to find out what they know and what they may need to work on. I think I would wait until your son has that evaluation and talk to the teacher about your concerns and see what they suggest.

I believe you should send him to Kindergarten. I think you may be surprised at how well he adapts to a classroom setting and working with the other students. A well structured environment may be exactly what he needs. The teacher ought to be able to give you his/her opinion toward the end of the school year whether your son is ready for the 1st grade.

As a preschool teacher I am always for giving a child who is either on the birthday borderline or in your case socially and emotionally a little immature with signs of ADHD the gift of an extra year of preschool. Although he is as you say, academically a little above the other children his age the social and emotional go hand-in-hand with academics too.
I teach what we call in a two tiered kindergarten program at our school. I teach what we call the K1 class....this class is designed especially for children like yours as well as those with birthdays who are borderline for kindergarten acceptance. We have found that all too many parents strive to PUSH their child through school. Education is a journey NOT a race. Parent should let their child enjoy school rather than learn to detest it by pushing them through. Good luck in your decision.

I definitely have experience with this subject. My son was academically ready for kindergarten, however, socially he was not. The pre school teacher recommended I keep him in preschool. I thought I knew better and did not realize the enormity of this. I put him in kindergarten anyway. He caught up socially in college.................Yikes. My grandson was academically ready, but because of signs of ADHD was not ready to sit still and concentrate. He spent an extra year in pre-kindergarten and is now goint into 3rd grade. It was the wisest decision to make and worked well.

If in doubt...wait. You and he have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Better he should be a little older and more mature than his classmates than younger and immature.