To Go Back to Work, or to Not Go Back to Work

I'm a working mom and doing everything I can right now to be a working mom from home. For me, I have hated the last five years of dropping my kids off each day, all day. I'm exhausted! I also have to say, when I had my first son, I really thought being home with him when he was a baby would be the most important...I would have loved that, but now that he is in kindergarten and there are activities and sports he wants to do, I feel I really need to make the move. I want him to be able to do those things and not have to tell him no because mommy works. My evenings are also a mad rush to get everything done, dinner made, dinner eaten, cleaned up, lunches for tomorrow made, baths, kids in bed. Now we're starting homework as well! That's gonna be a challenge. If you can, I say maybe job share or ditch it altogether...
BUT...if you do end up working, a few things that help me.
-Have a schedule.
-Vons.com...I order my groceries online and have them delivered in the evening.
-Hire someone to clean your house.
-Soap.com...I do my "Target" type shopping here...no sales tax, no shipping and it all gets to me the next day.

Good luck...it's never easy either way!

-M

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I've worked, and I've stayed home. Working is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, it took a real toll on my children, myself, and my marriage. If you have the option of waiting to go back then take it. You daughter needs her mommy. Give her that next year. Many children are able to handle daycare at two years old, but one is still very young. She won't get anything out of it, she's too young to socialize with other children, and she'll be missing out on that constant mommy-love that she needs so much.

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Hi C.,
I've worked 20 hours a week since shortly after our daughter was born, 5 years ago. I'm now returning to full-time work beginning this coming Monday, so I feel your pain. I have a friend who is a Tustin elementary school teacher and she had to return to work 8 weeks after giving birth w/ both of her children. I'm not gonna lie, it's been very difficult for her -- both times. I know it's also going to be difficult for ME come Monday! If you have the financial means to extend your sabatical by another year, I would personally do it in a heartbeat!! Good luck and whatever you decide, focus on the positives :)

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Hi C.,
If your heart is torn on this issue, then my advice would be to wait on going back to work. Teaching will always be there, but your baby will grow up. You can't get these very important years back. If you have any choice, then go with your heart and your gut. It sounds like you really want to stay home.

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Hi C.! I know how you feel! After the birth of my first son, I went back to work full time. But after a year, I realized how much I had missed of his first year, so I made a difficult decision and quit my job that I had been at for 10+ yrs and took a part time job working 3 days a week so I could be with my son more. After the birth of my 2nd son in April- I stayed home with them. However- as you know, not easy to make it on one income, so I started looking for a job again. I had a few offers from my previous employers but knew that I would get sucked into being away from my boys more then I was willing too. So I started working from home last month. It is working out great for me- just what I wanted! Is this something you have considered doing? If you are interested I would love to share with you what I do. Please msg me for more info. And either way- your little girl is fortunate that she had a great mommy that was able to spend that time that you have with her! Every day means so much to her, and you, and remember that some mothers are unable to even take more then a few weeks off!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi C.,

If you're not sure about going back, but you want to keep your certification, you could always sub for your school district. That allows you to work a little bit and keep your foot in the door. My daughter's kindergarten teacher quit working full time when her 2nd son was born, but she continues to sub at the school she used to work at. She loves it! Whatever you choose, best wishes to you and your family!

~P. G.
Portland Preschool Directory
We can help you start your own local preschool directory!
http://www.PortlandPreschoolDirectory.com
http://www.MrsGowing.com

Well, I lucked out. I get the best of both worlds. I job-share (2nd grade class). So I work 50%. In my situation I did need to return for financial reasons. If I didn't have to, I would have preferred to stay at home, until my DD was in preschool. But we have an awesome nanny who is here on my work days. Moving from middle school to elementary school has been a difficult transition, but I get to spend my time off with my daughter.
I went back to work when DD was 6 months old. It was tough, but I knew she was in excellent hands.
If you can and want to be a SAHM, do it.

I'm a teacher and I went back to work when my daughter was 18 months old; it has worked out great for us. I love teaching (college)-- I feel like I make a real difference in my students' lives (I mostly teach developmental reading/writing) and I have terrific coworkers and boss. My daughter loves her preschool -- happy at drop off and happy at pick up. I really like that i can pick her up at 2:30 and have the afternoon to unwind together. I also like having holidays and summers with her.

That said, there are some challenges to going back to work :) My husband really pitches in at night-- cleans up after dinner, puts the kids to bed so i can get my schoolwork done; still, many nights I only get 4-5 hours of sleep because I am grading papers. With a full time job and two little kids, there isn't really any time for "myself" I look at work as "me time" lol.

I would think about what you want-- what would make your family happy (and you are part of that family, as is your child and husband...) Also, my mom stayed home when i was a child and she was miserable. She tried to say how great it was to stay home and wasn't i lucky... but all i remember thinking was "this is stupid. you are not happy. go get a job!!" really, kids are smart and they can sense when you are not happy... so try to figure out what will make you happy-- easier said than done, i know!

If you do go back to work, it helps if your husband is a real team player and you have a good boss/coworkers. When my older daughter was born, i was working at a different college and some of my coworkers were a bit... snippy. i could tell they thought i was doing less b/c i had a baby (which really wasn't true) but where i work now-- everyone is very supportive and it makes a difference. In fact, three other women had babies this year and are all recently back to work. we were talking last week and saying we felt a little guilty because we didn't really really bad about going back to work. hah. There are days when i wish i could stay home because life seems crazy or everyone gets the flu one after the other-- but mostly i am happy with my decision.

Finally (wow this is really long!) my sister told me, right before i went back to work and was freaking out a little, that you can always change your mind. if you stay home and later decide you want to go back to work-- then you can job hunt. and if you go back to work and are unhappy, then you can stop. try to listen to your heart and do what is best for your family.

best of luck

J.

Hi C.,

I too as a working mom have struggled with this question nearly every day. I am glad you have had the opportunity to stay home for your daughter's first year if that is what you wanted and needed. I have three kids and have always worked. Sometimes the idea of something is worse than the reality of it. Meaning going back for me each time was hard, but once I did it we all adjusted well. That doesnt mean I dont question my decision every day, or worry about them, or feel concerned that we havent bonded as well as we could have, but we are doing well. Every moment I have with them is spent entirely on them. I don't answer phone calls, clean up, or anything of that nature when I am with them, as I want the time with them to be all about them. Needless to say I am tired, because those things have to get done while they are asleep, but at least I go to bed feeling like I tried to give everything 100%. No one knows what is best for you and your family, but my point is that no matter what you decide, you and your daughter will adjust and be just fine. If you stay home, you'll adapt your spending to suit your situation and you'll all adjust too. I like work, I like the feeling of a considerable paycheck that gives my family choices to do nice things, and I like the security of my job in these insecure times. anyway, best of luck to you in what you decide. I know it's hard no matter what.

I was in the same boat as you. I took a year off of my middle school teaching job to be with my daughter and had to go back to work when she was 16 months old. If I could have stayed home longer, I probably would have but it was either return or resign from the school district.

I was really worried about how she would do without me as she never wanted to be away from me; would cry if I tried to put her in any day care situation like at the gym. It did take a few days but she really loves going to school and her teachers. She even seems a little bored with us on days she has to stay home.

It has been an easy transition for me to return to work. I will have to say that the house is not as clean as it could be and I stop for dinner more than I did before, but these things do not bother me.

Finding a day care that was so good was really helpful. It is nice for us teachers, as we can pick up our kids early in the day and have all the holidays and summers to be with them. All said, I would still pick staying home if it was financially feasible, at least until she went to kindergarten.

You've got some great responses here and it is a decision that you need to think really hard on. You are not really saying why you would go back to work and if it is because of income, there are so many things that you can do to allow you to stay home with your daughter. What subject could you provide tutoring in the meantime while you make your decision if it is monetary? Do you still have that passion for teaching? Is it something that you really want to continue doing at this time?

I found something that I love to do and I can do it on my own time and around the schedule of my family. I work with a skin, bath, body care company that the products are used by the whole family and it has allowed me the income and flexibility that I need. What is your passion? What could you do in Direct Sales that you could do alongside teaching or in place of?
www.sensaria.com/J.

I haven't read all the other answers so forgive me if I repeat.
I would make a list of pros and cons for yourself, because only you can make this decision for yourself. Include every reason on the list no matter how silly it might feel to write it down.
I have twins and I went back to work after they were 12 weeks, but I was able to make adjustments to my schedule (thank you boss!) so I have a lot more flexibility. I also work one day from home.
Ultimately you should feel at peace with your decision once it is made. And hey- you can always change your mind later! Nothing has to be forever.

Hi C.,
I hope my view can help you. I'm not a mom yet :( but I am a daughter and a seven time Auntie. I can tell you from the childs point of view (me) I had a working mom and I always envied the kids that had a mom at home after school. In my opinion if you can stay home, do it!
With regards to returning to work, the situation may be different in your neck of the woods but here in Cincinnati, Ohio I find that most teachers are having a heck of a time finding a job once they leave a position. That may be just Ohio though. My neighbor is a teacher also and she is home full time now. What she is doing is tutoring kids after school via word of mouth of the moms at the bus stop. So, if you have to earn some money maybe that would work for you? I think the rate here right now is $15-20 an hour depending on the subject. It seems to be working well for them. Just some thoughts for you to ponder. Best wishes, Lillian.

This is a very personal decision, no one can make it for you. My son's teacher had her baby last year, and she was able to work out a class sharing schedule with another teacher, so they both teach part time in the same classroom. Would something like this be an idea that would be supported by your school? What ever you decide has to be what you feel is best for you and your family, not what anyone else feels or thinks is best, so follow your heart.

Blessed Be.

I went back to work part-time (20 hrs) and it works well for me. I get to spend lots of quality time with my daughter in these formative years where she adores me. Unlike those teenage years I'm sure. I think family is much more important than work and it really does make a difference to make time for both. My husband works 30 hrs and we are able to tag team during the day so we can stay home with her and then have evenings together. Anything you can do to make it work so that you are not full-time is totally worth it.

Hi C.:

I am a mother of three and an educator. With my first child, I worked as a kindergarten/ first grade teacher until the birth of my second child three years later. At that time, my husband and I decided it was financially better for us for me to stay home. I then went back to work as a reading specialist when my second child started Kindergarten, during that year I found out that I was pregnant and now I am at home again.

I found it easier to work when my first child was very young. Their schedule is so simple: play, nap, engage, feed, change, repeat. Emotionally its harder on you than on them because there is an element out there that seems to think this is often a choice. It was harder when I went back when my second child was in Kinder because of the demands we place on school children. Suddenly I had to fullfill all the requirements of my job, have meals made, and provide assistance with homework projects for my 3rd grader and kindergartner. In addition, I found myself needing a substitute alot because my children were home sick frequently that year and so was I!

So....no matter what you decide it will pull on your heart and / or your wallet. I think one question to ask yourself is: "Are you going to have more children?" "If so, will you do think soon or much later?"

There is really no right answer here because it's such a personal decision.

Awe! Well, all I can say to you is that I HAD to go back to work with my first child right after my 6 week postpartum checkup. Now with my second, I HAD to go back to work after my aditional 6 week paid family leave. Both times, my milk diminished because of the stress that comes with coming back to work. If you are capeable of staying home and you don't have to go back to work, then don't. I miss my 4 month old daughter every day. I want to be there when my son gets out from school, but I can't because I work an hour away. I think, you should go back to work when you want to, or if you want to and not because you HAVE to. I wish I didn't have to work, but I roll with the punches. Good luck and congrats on your baby. :)

This is such a personal decision. I have many teacher friends that have a hard time going back to work to look after OTHER people's kids instead of their own. And others that love to feel productive and make a difference. It is like their focus changes after having their own kids.

I am a FT working mom, and I know that it is very hard going back to work, and I only had 8 weeks. I know that I am doing this for my kids though. I seem them blossoming at daycare, and experiencing things that I would never have though to show them. Plus, we can pay off debt and show them a positive life without focusing on money as a restraint so much. I think you need to figure out what is best for your family, your sanity, and yourself. Good luck.

If you can work part-time it is a nice balance.

It's hard to go back, that's for sure -but it was also hard for me to stay at home! I had reached the point that I just didn't need to do that all the time anymore. I still desperately miss the time I'm not getting with my youngest. However, if I didn't work, we would be riding a very slippery slope financially, so it's nice to have the comfort of having the extra money! If I were you I would jump at the chance because, as a teacher, you will have more time off than you would normally. I used to teach years ago, and I don't really want to do it again, but I wish I could have the schedule! I know your time "off" is often filled with school activities and requirements, but still, you'll have a lot more time to spend with your daughter by going back now and securing your teaching position than doing something else. I will say -I do contract work, and currently I'm basically an independent contractor for a company on a "permanent" basis. I like this situation because I DO take off a lot when I want and I'm not a slave to their vacation policy (although I can't take off all the time). You could explore doing contract work if you're qualified in something like technical writing or with an online curriculum company. Ultimately though, it sounds like you do need to go back at some point, and it may be easier for both of you if you go ahead and do it. Overall, going back to work has been good for me.

Updated

It's hard to go back, that's for sure -but it was also hard for me to stay at home! I had reached the point that I just didn't need to do that all the time anymore. I still desperately miss the time I'm not getting with my youngest. However, if I didn't work, we would be riding a very slippery slope financially, so it's nice to have the comfort of having the extra money! If I were you I would jump at the chance because, as a teacher, you will have more time off than you would normally. I used to teach years ago, and I don't really want to do it again, but I wish I could have the schedule! I know your time "off" is often filled with school activities and requirements, but still, you'll have a lot more time to spend with your daughter by going back now and securing your teaching position than doing something else. I will say -I do contract work, and currently I'm basically an independent contractor for a company on a "permanent" basis. I like this situation because I DO take off a lot when I want and I'm not a slave to their vacation policy (although I can't take off all the time). You could explore doing contract work if you're qualified in something like technical writing or with an online curriculum company. Ultimately though, it sounds like you do need to go back at some point, and it may be easier for both of you if you go ahead and do it. Overall, going back to work has been good for me.

I am a teacher in the UK and here we just get 6 months of with pay then unpaid leave for another 6 months. I returned to work when my little girl was 9 months old. I only came back part-time (3 days a week) and I am lucky enough to have my parents and in-laws to look after my daughter when I work. My daughter is a very well adjusted child with a fabulously calm nature - she has not yet had a tantrum (she is 2 and a half), she sleeps well, eats well (most of the time) and is very happy. I enjoy being back at work and feel I spend lots of quality time with my daughter. If I did not have my parents to look after my daughter then I'm not sure that I would have come back to work. From my experience of attachment disorder (I know this is the absolute extreme of leaving your children) I believe the bonding that occurs UP TO the age of 26 months is the most important - it seems you have been able to offer wonderful support for your child for this most important part of its life.

Do you have a principal that would allow you to share a contract? I'm a school counselor and I just came back half time and it is perfect! I was full time after I had my son but now that I have my daughter too... we thought we'd try half time. It is perfect!!! It is the best of both worlds!

I teach w/ LAUSD. I returned to work when my oldest was almost a year, and with my second, I returned when he was 6 months. I wish I could have worked part time and spent more time with them, but it didn't work out for me to do that. So if you have the oppirtunity to do so, meaning you can afford it, you will still will have medical insurance, and you won't loose your teaching position, then I would say go for it. Some things to consider if you do decide to take more time off: Will you still have a position at your school when you return? If not, what will you do? Are you prepared to interview and look for a new job after being away from work for so long? The job market is tough for teachers right now, are you ready to compete? Think about all of this before you decide. Your baby will only be a baby once, so send the time if you can afford to, but remember to weigh the risks involved.

I think that you need to examine which choice would make you happiest and most fulfilled as a mom and as a total person - that will be your answer. Both options have pluses and minuses - it's just a matter of figuring out which one works best for YOU. Good luck!

I am a stay at home mom, and gave up my career. if I were you i would continue working. as a teacher you get the whole summer off, and holiday weeks. If the school isn't far from home, and if child care can be arranged i would do it in a heart beat! i feel like I am now unemployable. we have no extra $. and yes, there are great things about staying home. but, I know i would appreciate and enjoy my family if I didn't have them around 24/7.

I have done both sides of the coin. With my first I went back to work and it was a heavy job, far away, many hours and I found it to be a nightmare. Ultimately I cut my hours in the office to 30 per week and found a better balance. By the time he was one I dropped the job all together and worked at home.

On the flip side, with my next two, I continued to work at home and never looked back. I found that the stress of balancing work outside the home and home responsibilities to be too great for me.

Now all that being said, I am a firm believer in either side of the coin, I think every parent knows what is best for their family. You are VERY fortunate in your profession because the hours away from home are less than a lot of jobs, you have the summers off and holidays, etc. Very conducive to raising children. You also have the opportunity to set up shop at home as a tutor, etc. which a lot of people do not have. I think you will be fine with whatever route you take.

One last thought I have for you is if you have the opportunity and can afford to take the extra time with your child I would do it. You will never get that window again. Once your kids start school themselves you get less time with them and your opportunity to spend each day with them is gone. You will never regret taking the extra time to spend with your child instead of everyone else's.

Good luck with your decision. = )

When my kids were little, I worked part-time. Is there a way you can do that? I absolutely loved that schedule - it was kind of the best of both worlds. Right now I'm a stay-at-home mom with a pre-teen and high schooler. I feel I need to be home when they are this age so they don't get in trouble after school! Good luck with your decision!

If I had a choice of working or staying home while my son was a baby, I would definitely stay home. I just love the babies. They are cute and sweet and funny and tiring in a good way.

But for those of us who have to work, it is a hard adjustment that must be made and the more help you have the easier it becomes day after day. Yes you miss that sweet little baby face daily but it does get easier as time goes on. I wish you the best.

I had all intentions of going back to work FT after my child was born but quickly found I didn't want to! :-) BUT staying home FT was not working either.
PT is the perfect fit for me. Could you sub?
Everyone needs to find her own right balance.

I found it very hard to juggle full time work and be a mommy. I am now part-time and love it. Plenty of time with my kids and still keep up my profession and earn some money. That will make it easier for me to return to full time in the future. Is there anyway you can do part-time? Subbing? These kids are only young once. I would move to a smaller house and drive a cheaper car to keep from having to work full time. Good luck!!

Yes, a tough decision. I have two little ones and probably could have stayed home had my husband and I decided to accept all the tough financial adjustments that come with only having one income. I like my job and was not completely ready to let go of my "adult" life and the security (salary, benefits) that come with it - I see these as important contributions I am making to the well being of my family. We have a wonderful nanny and my children are happy which is one of the most critical factors in my decision. All that said, there is not a day that goes by that I don't wonder if I'm going to regret not soaking up every moment I could have had with them at this age. I think it would be hard to stay at home (MUCH harder than work) and I would echo those who encourage a part-time gig if possible. But I think if I had job that would still be available to me after staying home with my kids at this age, I would stay home. It may be hard at times, but it is true that you can never get these years back...and before you know it, that year will be over too! Best of luck to you in your decision.

I am attorney and I went back to work with both my kids that are now 6 and 8. We all did fine. I think in the end it was a great learning experience for them. I was with my mom growing up and was so attached to her that going away to college was miserable for me. I want my kids to be more independent than I was, and I think they are now. I had a nanny till my oldest was 4 1/2 and then she left and they went into my works day care (Sony - Bight Horizons). It was great. My daughter started school and my son had the day care. With all the socialization and interaction, they got everything (friends, experiences and learning). They are both now in 1st and 3rd grade and now (due to the economy) I am home. With all the school work, it is necessary for me to be here, but with you being a teacher, you may be available after school even if you work.

Do what makes you feel good. Keep in mind, I was getting home at 6:30 or 7 with a nanny. With your job you would be getting home a lot earlier, so it is very doable. Follow your heart and you child with be just fine.

Hope this helps.

Hi There, this is always a toughie. I'm a working mom and I have been since my son was 4 months old. I never would have thought that I could be a stay-at-home mom, but after having my son, I totally could have done it!! Financially, I had to go back to work, and I have to say, I do really enjoy my job. My son is now 2 1/2 years old and I am very happy with our situation and very glad that I did go back to work. He has blossomed at daycare (we call it "school" as all the providers where we are at are called teachers). They have so many enriching experiences that I would not be able to give him such as performances from Irish Dancers, Indian Storytellers, African Dancers, Fish Market representatives!! They also paint almost every day and play in the sandbox (all messy activities that are not in my home :) ) It's great that you have had the time to spend with your daughter for the first year. A warning: if/when she does go to daycare, she will get sick!! We went through a span of illnesses, but they eventually get over them and now I feel as though he is definitely resilient! We shouldn't have all the days out when he goes to pre-school/kindergarten! Hope this helps to give a little perspective. Whatever your decision, I'm sure your daughter will do great :)

Hi C. - This is a tough decision no doubt! I would love to share with you some testimonials of a couple of teachers who joined my business and how it eventually exceeded and replaced their teaching income and they still got to teach on their own time and terms and make a difference in children's health for a lifetime.