Tired - Helena,MT

Updated on December 29, 2009
H.H. asks from Helena, MT
23 answers

Hi moms!
I don't know what to do so I am coming to you for advice. My almost 15 month old daughter is still getting up at least one time a night for a feeding (bottle). From 8 months to 11 months she slept through from 10 - 6 without any waking up but then at 11 months, it all started again and it seems to be getting worse. The times are different, ranging from 12:30 to 4:30. She gets up, has the bottle and goes right back to sleep (thankfully). Our doc told us that we should try just letting her cry it out. We are all for that. Unfortunately, our room is literally only separated by a wall! So, when she cries and cries and cries, none of us sleep. Last night we gave her a bottle at 9:30 (8 oz) and she was up at 1:00 and I gave her 5 oz. Then she woke up at 3:30 and we let her cry until 5:00 before we gave in. We can move to the basement where we won't hear her as loudly, but I am not sure if she can handle it. I know I am ready, baby #2 is coming in May and I don't want to have 2 up at night. I just want to make sure I am doing the right thing by letting her cry it out. Any advice is extremely appreciated! Happy New Year!

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J.M.

answers from Denver on

My almost 15 month old sn did the same thing...sort of. At 8 months, we had him sleeping throuh the night (by way of Ferber method or "tough love"). At 10 months we went on vacation and by the time we got home, he was waking in the night not getting to sleep on his own unless he slept with us;that got old real quick! We ended up sleep training from scratch. Sounds to me like you need to try what we did:
Put her in the crib when she's still awake, if she cries, go in after 5 min. and comfort her but do not pick her up, leave and if she cries again, wait 10 min. and do the same thing. Keep increasing time by 3-5 min., and she should fall asleep on her own. Trust me, it realy takes a few days (week at the longest) to work. Best if tried on Friday night because neither of you have work on the weekend. For us, it worked by Monday.

Good luck,
Jen

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G.P.

answers from Boise on

I'm a supporter of the cry it out method. With a holiday long weekend coming up, it might be a good time to start, as hopefully you don't have to work for those three days. For me, it took 3 days. The main thing with any method though, is consistency. Good luck with whatever method you try.

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E.S.

answers from Fort Collins on

I haven't read through all of the posts, but it looks like you have gotten some good advice. Certainly at 15 months your daughter is not getting up during the night because she is hungry. Babies can typically make it through the night without a feeding after 6 months. Now the bottle is simply a habit. Does she go to sleep with it? Does she use it for nap time? It really is time for her to learn to put herself back to sleep on her own. She will most likely have to cry it out...and it will not be fun for mom and dad either...but it will be best to do it before baby #2 arrives and it disturbs his/her sleep as well. Pick a long weekend, if possible. Yes, you will be tired.... but hopefully it will only take a couple of nights. Do the same thing for naptime, if she is used to taking a bottle then too. If you want to take it gradually, water down her milk a little at a time until she is only on the water...then do the "cry it out" method for the bottle of water...she probably won't be as attached to it. If she just wants something to suck, and you are not against it, give her a pacifier. Just know that someday you'll probably have to wean from that as well.

My son loved his pacifier and kept it until we finally decided to go "cold turkey" when he was 2.5 years. He gave it to a baby friend, earned a big boy toy, and had a couple of rough nights...but it was over within a few days (3 total nights of crying to sleep). It was, I believe, even harder for us than it was for him! We were so tired...but it doesn't take long - although when you are in the midst of it, it seems like forever!

If you are going to do it, just tough it out and stick to your guns and do it. You will be so glad you did! Best of luck!

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K.N.

answers from Denver on

I had a similar situation except my daughter was 10 months old and breastfeeding. I didn't want to go from one night nursing and soothing to the next crying it out (that seemed to harsh!), so I did it in stages. First, I focused on her learning to put herself to sleep, starting with nap time. I would read her books, soothe her for a few minutes then leave the room. It's much easier to let her cry when you are awake and busy during the day. During this week, I kept the night time the same as before. Then the next week (or when she is doing well with naptime) I focused on bedtime. I did her bedtime routine and even nursed her before bed, then put her in her crib, soothed her for a few minutes and left the room. If she fell asleep nursing I would gently wake her up before putting her in bed. The last step was the middle of the night awakenings. No more nursing or even picking her up out of her crib. I started by going in and helping her get back to sleep by rubbing her back, etc. but I quickly learned that she fell asleep much quicker if I didn't even go in the room.

Also, try making her crib a fun place. We have a couple stuffed animals, a music seahorse that lights up and plays soft music when she presses the belly, and a fisher price mobile that hooks on the side of the crib and lights up and plays music when she turns it on pressing a big pink heart button. Try putting her in the crib once or twice during the day for a few minutes just to play! Play peek-a-boo with her or fly the stuffed animals around the crib for a few minutes then get her out while she is happy.

Good luck.

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J.M.

answers from Denver on

At 15 months I was ready for a full nights sleep as well, my son was still nursing once at night/early morning. What worked for us was to have my husband go in and tell our son it was not time to get up yet. He settled himself down pretty fast and with in a week was sleeping through the night and I never again nursed him in the middle of the nigh. Later when he woke in the night we would go to his room and tell him the same thing; it was not time to get up yet. Seems too easy but it really worked!

T.S.

answers from Denver on

Hi H.. I would have to agree with the doctor on this one...I have a soon-to-be 1 year old and I used the cry-it-out method a while ago with her. I breastfed until she was 10 months old, so I always got her when she woke up (around 1:30-3:30) breastfed her and slept the rest of the night with her in my bed. It was easiest as I work full time too. Around 8/9 months I really started working with her to try and get her to sleep through the entire night on her own. When she would wake up I would let her cry for about 5-10 mins to see if she would settle back to sleep. If not, I would go into her room and rub her back and say night night to her for a few mins, then leave. I would repeat this until she fell back to sleep. It was tough the first few nights but eventually she started sleeping between 8:00pm - 6:00am!! Now it is super easy to get her settled back down if she wakes up in the middle of the night. I can also tell if she is trying to go back to sleep but is hungry...so in these cases I do give her a bottle (but this is rare). Do you give her a bottle to help her fall asleep? Maybe your child wants a bottle for comfort? Please think about trying this for a week and see how it goes. My child went from sleeping half the night in my bed to on her own completely in less than a month. I know all babies are different but with another on the way - you need all the sleep you can get! Best of luck to you and with baby #2!! :)

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M.W.

answers from Boise on

I have never understood the "cry it out" thing. Please consider an alternative. Get the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution." (I borrowed it from the library.) Give it a try. I would not be able to sleep knowing my baby was left to cry alone in another room. They are little for such a short period of time, and there are ways to teach them to get themselves to sleep without abandoning them to cry it out by themselves. Peace to you and your family.

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K.E.

answers from Colorado Springs on

We had the exact same problem so I totally feel your pain. Our baby is literally on the other side of a half wall we had put in our master - so any noise she makes keeps us all up. Our pediatrician said at this age she doesn't need the bottle - it's just a comfort thing - so you can totally let her cry it out. It just sucks though - I would recommend moving yourselves into the basement for that night - otherwise you'll never be able to do it. It only took us one night - we moved into our office (which is two floors below the bedrooms) she cried for about an hour or so and finally passed out. Never had the problem again...

Good luck! Another suggestion is to slowly change the bottle from milk/formula to water - makes it less appealing and she'll eventually decide that it's not worth getting up...

Kim

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P.D.

answers from Denver on

She will be fine if you let her cry it out. There is no physical reason she needs a bottle in the night at her age, and waking up like that can become a habit with little ones. Right now when she cries, she gets to see you and have a bottle. If you take away her 'rewards', she will begin to sleep through. And yes, it will take a few nights, but perhaps not as long as you think. Perhaps start on a Frday night, when a good night's sleep is not as crucial. Even by the end of the weekend, her time awake will at least likely be shorter. The waking up should be done with all together in a very short time Good luck! And congratulations on baby #2!

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K.H.

answers from Salt Lake City on

My first baby was the same way. He is now 5 but I had to do the same thing just let him cry out. It was hard at first but the books I read said give them something such as a blanket or whatever you choose. It said to let them cry for so long, go in comfort with out picking them up. So I would give him his blanket and a binky. Then I would go out of the room. If he started to cry, we would push the time up, then start the process over again. They soon realize they have the blanket or binky to comfort them. Start off with 5 or 10 minutes, then add 5 minutes each time. It really does work but hard at first. Because you have started giving her that bottle she soon expects it. You will have to eliminate it so she doesn't think if she wakes up she gets a bottle. Give her the blanket or binky to comfort her to go back to sleep. I hope you find a way that works for you. Good luck.

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H.K.

answers from Great Falls on

I think crying it out is the way to go - kids are smart, and they will keep waking up if they think they get to see you and have a bottle! Letting her cry for 5-10 minutes at a time, then going in and rubbing her back (but not picking her up and holding her), and most importantly not giving in, should help. A few nights of poor sleep now for your family will pay off in the long run! Another thing we did with our daughter and son is to make that nighttime bottle less enticing by watering it down. We added an oz. of water and an oz. less milk/formula, and kept adding another oz. every night or two. Once there was very little milk left, and it wasn't tasting as good, they both gave up nighttime bottle for good. Good luck - hope that helps!

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S.H.

answers from Huntsville on

My first thought was is she getting enough to eat during the day? I don't remember how much a 15 month old should be eating, but her pediatrician should be able to give you info on that. Make sure she's getting enough during the day, then she shouldn't be needing anything in the middle of the night.

Perhaps if you started offering only water when she wakes at night? She would learn that all she will get is water, and if that's not what she wants, hopefully she will give up and sleep through the night!

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D.B.

answers from York on

I would NEVER let a child cry it out. You can focus on what the baby needs and it takes such a short time to provide that need that the issues will self-correct quickly when the needs are met. She needs you or the bottle or something!

Here is a link to a blog that you might find helpful. I don't know the person, but it might help.
http://mommynewsblog.com/newborn-babies-and-sleep/
here are a few lines in quotes from it if you don't have time to read the whole thing.

the No-Cry books-"such a good book.:-) Very sound advice, and unlike so much “junk” I’ve read in other books and on the internet. It took me a few kids to finally understand, but as a parent, I need to tune in to my children and their needs, and then meet those needs the best that I can. That’s what parenting is about. It’s not about meeting other people’s expectations or making our children “fit” into our life for our convenience."

"I know in time my little one will sleep too, and it’s totally normal and natural for him to want to nurse a lot at night…. he’s attached to mommy"

"The whole “cry it out or they will get spoiled” mentality is very dated and might I say ignorant considering all we know now about infants and just how aware they are.
Not to offend anyone but you can sleep when you die! So for now…ENJOY your timeless and precious moments with your baby and be there for them when they cry, because they change and grow tooo fast to take any moment for granted"

Those quotes are so true and mine are all grown now. I have very well adjusted kids and was there for them whenever. If you are questioning the cry it out advice, your mommy instincts are telling you it is wrong for you and your child. Think how you would feel if you were stuck in bed crying for your husband to come help with something and he ignored you.

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D.M.

answers from Denver on

I agree with you and others - no need to eat in the middle of the night. It's probably just a habit - and tough one to break. Do what you feel you can handle... crying it out was tough for me to do.

I would let them cry for a bit (10 - 20 minutes), go in put them back down and rub their back or sing to them to try to soothe them w/o picking up.

Then leave - they would cry again, and I'd wait longer (the longest was under 1 hr) and eventually, they learned it would be ok and not to keep crying.

My daughter is particularly strong willed, so this took quite a while. Just be consistent.

Also, maybe get a sound machine - fan or other "white noise" for your room, and some ear plugs... the only way I could let them cry even a little.

Good luck! It's totally normal....

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K.M.

answers from Denver on

Hi H., while this answer doesn't address your immediate problem, I would strongly suggest reading "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Weisbuth. Your DD is going to bed WAY too late. She should be in bed by about 7:30 at the latest. I think that if you get her on an earlier schedule, you will find that she sleeps straight through from 7:30-7:00am. It's counter-intuitive, but the earlier you get them to bed, the better and longer they sleep. My 16 month old has been sleeping 12 hours without waking from the time he was about 4 months old and I attribute it to following the advice in this book. Good luck!

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B.D.

answers from Denver on

Nobody sleeps when a baby is crying but trying to move so that you cannot hear it is not a good idea. Everytime you give in to give her a bottle simply tells her that as long as she dries she will eventually get a bottle. Does she go down at night before bed with a bottle if so that hs got to stop. Try giving it to her about an hour before bed then do the crying out method so she learns to fall asleep on her own. Look up ferber method on the internet. It can be used in different ways but same idea of letting her cry it out. The variration can be adjusted for you and baby. You will ahve to do this in her night waking too. She is old enough that she does not need 1-2 feedling through the night but doing so is teaching her she does and it is the only way she can fall back to sleep. Correct it now. A wise mom told me tht with everything you try new give it two weeks which may mean two weeks of little sleep but pays of in the end. It may only take a few nights. My daughter gave up her night feedings at arounf 4-5 months. She learned to put herself to sleep at about 3-4 months. The trick is too put her down in her crib when they are tired but still awake. It is okay if they play a few a little in there crib eventually they fall asleep. Good luck and check out the ferber method and adjust it to fit you and your child.

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N.W.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Does she drink the whole bottle? I would just give her a binky, arrange her blanket, pat her tummy, say "night night", and walk out.

If she doesn't go right to sleep, turn on the radio and listen to 2 songs, then go back in her room and do the same thing - binky, blanket, pat pat, "night night", and walk out.

This time listen to 4 songs. etc. you might not get much sleep that night, or the next night, but after that she'll sleep thru.

PLUS, you'll always be able to go into her room to check on her and make sure she's OK. then just do the binky/blanket/pat/"night night" and walk out.

ALSO if you think she's teething, give her some ib profin at bedtime (it lasts longer than tylenol)

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M.H.

answers from Denver on

Check out the no cry sleep solution for toddlers. Great, gentle advice in there. If the bottle is a crutch for sleeping, you need to replace it with something and help her learn to sleep on her own. Just letting her cry until exhausted is not fair to your daughter.

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J.W.

answers from Provo on

I ditto the "No-Cry Sleep Solution" book. The friend who recommended it to me has five kids under five (including 4-month old twins), and they all sleep through the night without having to cry themselves to sleep.

The book doesn't have a one-size-fits-all method; it is full of tips and suggestions to try for various sleeping situations (co-sleeping, crib in you room, crib in a different room, bottles, nursing, pacifiers, etcetera), but none of them encourage letting your child cry for hours on end.

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D.C.

answers from Denver on

Sounds like a fast metabolism. Try cereal in the bottle? Works for me.

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J.L.

answers from Pueblo on

Throw away all her bottles. Let her see you are even if its into a clean bag going into storage for baby number two.

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D.R.

answers from Denver on

Yes, you are doing the right thing. Earplugs. She should be able to sleep 12 hours by now, all the way through. Stay strong! I'd put her to bed earlier, 6:30 or 7, even if she seems wired.

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A.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I agree with Sandy H. Be sure she's not really hungry and then just give her water. Maybe a little cereal before bed would be all it takes to keep her tummy full and let everyone sleep through the night.

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