Tips on Helping Baby Self-sooth

My only thought is that you can never hold or spoil a new born or baby too much. I have a 3 month old and still rock him to sleep most times. They grow up soon quickly that before long they won't want you to hold them. Besides that they are used to the human contact so it is a very hard thing to get used to being alone. Personally I would continue holding, rocking, rubbing her back or head whatever works. She's only little. I'm doing the same thing with my son as I did with my daughter, who is almost 6 and she has been going to sleep on her own now for years so they do eventually learn how to do by themselves.

My personal opinion (and what was re-inforced by my pediatrician) is that you can NOT spoil a newborn. They need to know that their needs are going to be met in order to establish bonds of trust. I think 7 weeks is way to early to try to teach a baby to self-soothe. I rocked my son to sleep until he was 6 months old before I tried to institute self-soothing and it worked perfectly well. He's 11 months now and I can put him in his crib wide awake and walk out and I'll never hear a peep from him. I know it seems like this stage will never end, but trust me that it does go by fast. Give her all the cuddling she needs at this very young age.
T.

First off, congratulations on the birth of your daughter and becoming a new mom!

Second, please know that you will receive TONS of advice from everyone around you (doctors, parenting experts, family, friends, etc.) about your new baby - but be confident that YOU are the expert on your baby. You are the best expert on your little girl! So take all of the "teach your infant daughter to self-soothe" and "she doesn't need to eat at night anymore" opinions with a grain of salt.

Just trust your own mothering abilities, listen to your daughter (babies CAN and DO tell us what they need if we are open to hearing it!), and enjoy this fleeting time... trust me when I say you will look back in a year and wonder how your daughter grew up so fast!

One last thought and then some resources that you might like:

Thought --> We humans are really still just mammals, highly evolved (so we like to think) animals. Our babies are born into this world *expecting* constant contact - we ARE their food (breast), their safety (carried close), their sleep (sleeping in close proximity helps a baby regulate his/her breathing, body temperature, and food intake), their comfort (gas, pee/poop, warm/cold), and their reassurance (nurturing touch, learning how the world works). So don't be dissuaded from honoring your primal mothering instincts by others encouraging you to do "baby training" or "sleep training" or enforce overly-rigid schedules that discount a baby's ability to communicate their needs from moment-to-moment, hour-to-hour, day-to-day. I'm *not* saying there's anything wrong with melting your baby's natural rhythms with a daily routine or schedule! I'm just a bit wary of the "experts" who recommend that we "be the boss of our infants annd show them they aren't the center of the family." Newborns ARE needy, and your instincts are usually right on - you have these instincts for a reason and your baby has her signs, signals, cries, coos for a reason, too. You have only known each other (outside the womb) for a mere 7 weeks - and every day, you'll get to know each other even more, becoming more secure in your relationship, more confident in your mothering.

Resources that you might enjoy (treat this like a buffet - take what works, leave the rest!):

* Dunstan Baby Language DVD - discusses and shows many different infants using the 5 universal sounds that new babies make so that we can recognize them and meet the appropriate need of our baby. What I like about this is that it doesn't tell you "you have to do this, sleep this way, feed that way" -- it simply encourages to you get to know your baby, to respond to their needs, and help you more accurately decipher which need to address. The five sounds are:
NEH - hungry
OWH - sleepy
EH - upper wind (burp!)
EAIRH - lower wind (massage, colic holds, baby might need to eliminate)
HEH - uncomfortable (too hot/cold, need different position, or perhaps need to pee/poop or change diaper)

I checked this out of our local library for free, so check with yours to see if they have it, or you can order it online:
http://www.dunstanbabylanguage.com/

* Even if you aren't interesting in using elimination communication (EC) with your baby, it is incredibly helpful to keep in mind that babies know and signal to us when they have to pee/poop - every cry is not hunger or tired or gas. Sometimes it's elimination, and just knowing this can be reassuring, a great parenting tool. For more information:
http://www.fourtrimesters.com/naturalinfanthygiene.htm
http://www.viviente.com/2005/10/how_to_do_parttime_pottyt...
http://www.diaperfreebaby.org/pottypositions.htm?&MMN...

* If you are at home with your baby all day and all night, it can be more than sanity-saving to connect in person with other mothers who are currently going through and/or who have been through those first wonderful, intense, exhausting, beautiful newborn months. It's so nice to be able to see and hear about the wide range of what "normal babies" do in terms of nursing, sleeping, moving - don't get caught up in comparing yourself or your baby, but simply celebrate your own unique place in the world of mothering, of figuring out what is right for you & your baby. And though it might sometimes seem challenging, please do recharge your own adult batteries, take care of yourself. You are a better mother with more resources when you aren't burned out. There are creative ways to do this, and you will learn quickly what you need most - don't be shy in asking for help, in needing adult conversation, etc., so that you can recharge yourself!

Here are some groups, both online and in person, where you might find support, good conversation, and reassurance:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/daytonattachedparents/
http://www.lllohio.org/groups/dayton.html
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/ (general parenting discussion)
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/forumdisplay.php?f=80 (regional boards, including Ohio)

Hope this helps - and once again, congratulations on becoming mom to a baby girl! :)

My son is 4 years & my daughter is 4 months. I can't stand that people or books try to tell us what we "have" to do with our kids. I never put my kids to sleep sleepy & I HATE the "cry it out" method. My son has been sleeping through the night on his own since he was 6 months & my daughter does it 5-6 nights a week. My personal advice is to follow your own instincts & do what works for you. My daughter didn't start sleeping this well until she was almost 3 months old. Somtimes it just takes time.

There is no rule that says you have to lay your 7 week old down to learn to self soothe. I can't stand it when all these 'experts' say what someone needs to do. Every baby is different, so if your child won't take a pacifer, try something else, like swaddling. I personally slept with my daughter on my chest, or she slept in a car seat because it was the only way she would ever sleep. Babies this age need to feel secure, so that is why she is waking up right after you put her down, so try a few things and go with what works. Honestly, there is no magic answer. I just followed my daughter's lead, and by 3 months she sleeping 8+ hours a night. She is now a year old and has been sleeping 12 hours a night since she was 5 months old. You can't spoil a baby this age, nor will you develope bad habits. I never let my daughter cry it out, or anything like that, I just allowed her to move at her own pace, and everything fell into place.

Hello D.. Congrats on the new baby. I must agree that there is no reason why your baby has to self sooth if you are not ready for her to. My 7 month old falls asleep in my arms, the car, or swing 99.9 percent of the time.
Now, she is not staying asleep when you lay her down. Several diff possibilities. A) is she eating enough? Mine is Breastfeed and if she didn't have enough to eat she wakes back up as soon as I stand up. Milk makes babies sleepy, but just b/c they fall asleep doesn't mean they had enough. B) is her bed too big? When mine was brnad new she was sleeping in a play pen and I put her changing table mattress in the play pen (with a blanket over it) for her to sleep on since it was curved, she felt snugg in it. C) You might be bumping her when you try to lay her down and waking her back up. This is my fourth child and some nights I had to put the matress on the floor so that I could get her laid down and my arms out from under her w/o waking her up. I was shaking her ever so slightly and that was waking her up. Also, if you are not able to get her to sleep at night, she might be sleeping too much during the day. Also, this will come in time, I know that after my baby is asleep I have a certain amt of time to get her to bed or else she will wake back up when I lay her down. I don't know if all babies are like this or just mine, but if I hold her for more than ten min after she is asleep, she will wake up as soon as I lay her down. All babies are diff and it might take a combination of fifteen diff things to figure out what works for you two. And like I said; I have four children and I also have the same problems some nights. Hang in there, it will get easier.

She is MUCH too young to self soothe. It is NOT healthy for an infant to have to cryu. She spent nine months being lulled in your womb and it's unrealistic to have her and expect her to put herself to sleep. If my dr told me to have any baby cry it out, I would find a new one IMMEDIATELY. studies are beginning to show that when a baby is left to cry, it damages certain areas of their brain. While she is sleeping nestled against you, remind yoursef that this is the way nature intended it. In a few years she may not want cuddling and will be a big girl!

D.,

Just hold your baby for longer until she gets into deep sleep.
I was attached to my boys while they were small, too. Actually, I avoided the whole sleep problem by co-sleeping, but I know that is not for some people.

Read www.askdrsears.com

It is perfectly normal for babies to need to be held. Babies who are not held enough do not thrive.

Best wishes,
K.

First off, congratulations on your little girl! (We share the same birthday!!)
Secondly, I have to agree with every other mommy on here. There's no reason for a 7 week old to self-soothe. And if you don't feel right about it, then go with your gut instinct. My almost 1 yr. old boy (8 weeks preemie, so 10 months old gestational) still has issues going to sleep on his own. There are a lot of babies out there who just need to feel mommy. There's nothing in the world wrong with that, in my opinion. After all, we ARE their sole providers (parents, I mean).
IF you feel you want to try getting her to sleep in her own crib, try first warming her sheets. Use a hot water bottle or heating pad to warm her sleeping space before laying her down. Going from nice warm mommy to cold sheets may be what's actually waking her up. Don't heat the area too much!! Just enough so she's not startled awake by the cold.
Good luck to ya! And remember, if it doesn't feel right to you, then don't do it!!!

Congratulations! And I agree, you'll be amazed at your daughter because the more you snuggle, cuddle, and hold her now the more she'll be comfortable being out and about on her own as a toddler. She'll know that you're always there for her. My youngest is two, and I still rock her to sleep each night. Most nights nowadays we snuggle a few minutes, then she points to her bed. : ) But she still needs the snuggle comfort before bedtime. Your baby will only be little for such a short time, enjoy each drop of snugglin'. And congratulations and God Bless.

I think a 7 week old is too young to self soothe.

Honestly, there are so many opinions out there... just follow your heart. If you don't mind holding her to fall asleep, then hold her. If yo want to cosleep, then do so. Just follow your gut and both you and your daughter will be happy. I personally think babies need the comfort in the early months and making them cry it out or being too scheduled is not in their best interest, but everyone is different and we all do what we feel is best for our kiddos.
As far as self-soothing goes, there really shouldn't be a need for self-soothing if the baby is truly tired and ready for bed. She'll pick up her own little signs and habits as she grows:) My 2nd dd loved (and still loves) her back rubbed as she settles down, no matter how tired she is. That has become our little cue that it is night-night time.

A 7 week old is too young to self-soothe. Babies eventually gain the confidence to do things on their own by having their needs responded to over and over again. My daughter is 13 months old and I still nurse her to sleep every night. Once she's asleep, I lay her down in her Amby baby hammock. Then, when I go to bed, I take her out and put her next to me. She nurses all through the night. This is completely normal behavior for a 13 month old, but especially for a 7 week old. Throw your current parenting books away and get some Dr. Sears books.

My two kids have both become attached to a stuffed animal that they always sleep with and hold onto. My daughter's is a stuffed dog that played "womb sounds". My daughter also sucks her thumb and my son uses a pacifier when he sleeps. Both kids enjoy having music playing in their room too. We were fortunate that someone told us about the importance of teaching babies to fall asleep on their own. It wasn't easy at first to listen to them cry themselves to sleep, but they have both become really good sleepers and I think it has benefited our whole family. Hang in there-- it will get better!

Iknow how you feel. When my son was that young he did the same thing. I dont' know how you feel about your son sleeping with you. The only way my son would fall asleep if he was right next to me than when he got into a deep sleep I would put him in his bassinat. He wants to be close to his mother. You could also put him in the bassainate and give him a bottle and pat his\her bottom untill she falls asleep. Soon she will be sleeping in the bassinate and than the crib. Also do you have a clidder???? She can sleep in that also. But Your going to be in for some long nights. Good luck

The "Happiest Baby On The Block" book is great and the method works great. Our son has slept through the night on his own since he was 2 months old. He is now almost 4 y.o. and he has slept in our bed only once or twice when he was sick and none of us got any sleep. It's tough listening to your child cry but they (and you) get used to it after only a few days and everyone's happier. I know not everyone agrees with this method so I'm sure you'll do whatever you think is best for you. But, it worked like a charm for us. Good luck!

Hi, Happiest Baby on the Block is great Dr. Harvey Karp started and uses the 5 s's. He has a book or DVD. I also teach the classes through Greene County Career Center at Bellbrook and Beavercreek, and Fairborn High School. You also can just buy the book if you can not make it too a class I also teach it private. It is very easy and does not consit of leaving you baby to cry, I helps you baby to stop cry within in minutes! If you have any questions please email or call me. ###-###-####
J.

Hi, D..

She's still pretty young; she needs her mommy's attention and strength right now. I started putting my daughter down on her own at 4 months -- I'm not sold on attachment parenting; I always wanted my kids to be able to self-soothe -- and even though my daughter blows off steam for the first few minutes that I put her down to sleep, she's able to put herself to sleep and then back to sleep if she wakes up again.

A seven weeks, your daughter's still a newborn. She probably can't move much on her own to get comfortable, and she's looking to you to see how to make it in this crazy world already.

Just don't let her fall asleep while feeding. That'll be the harder one to break in a few months when she would otherwise be ready to go to sleep on her own.

Know exactly where you are coming from!

Wait until she is sleepy, but not asleep, I look for stary eyes or that second yawn, then put her down. If she cries pick her up and soothe her then as soon as she's settled put her down to sleep again. You will probably need to stay with her at first but gradually she'll be fine on her own. I also find that gently tapping the chest with 2 fingers in a heart beat rhythm really works and stroking my daugters nose encourages her to close her eyes. Other things I do are tell my daughter it's sleepy time before I take her into her room, I try not to make direct eye contact when I'm settling her and I don't talk to her unless she's upset. Hope you have some sucess soon but be patient, she has to learn to fall asleep by herself and it takes time but will happen if you are consistent.

From about the 3rd week, I used a 'nightime routine' with my son and while it was tough at first it has paid off considerably for both of us. Around bedtime, we take him to his room, change his diaper, put him in his pajamas then swaddle him, then turn out the lights for his last feeding. During the last feeding, we are playing the same lullaby cd which lasts about 20 minutes. If he is exceptionally sleepy after the last bottle (but not yet fallen asleep), we put him in his crib and pretty much goes right to sleep. Sometimes I run my hand over his hair like 3 times and he'll settle. Sometimes we have to turn on his 'ocean' cd, which is waves crashing/basically white noise and this calms him.

Now...if he's only 'sorta sleepy' we put him in his vibrating bouncy chair, turn it on, and let him fall asleep this way. The longest it takes him on a normal night to fall asleep this way is 10 minutes and he does this without crying, just mild protesting of grunts.

I used to get caught up in the whole "I should put him in a bed to sleep", but as far as I am concerned, he has been sleeping through the night since 3 weeks with very few incidents of unhappiness. He's getting great quality sleep which is necessary for his health and growth, so I totally got over the 'not sleeping in the crib thing'.

Only you know your baby, and you know your baby best, so best wishes in finding a successful method!

HI Diana,

I hate to tell you that this will probably be a slightly painful process, especially if don't like to even hear her sniffle. I didn't force my daughter to do this until she was about nine months and bed time became a two hour ordeal, we had a number of little transitions before that, but I waited far too long. The older they are the worse a big transition like this is. It's not so much about self-soothing as is it is about learning that when you leave you will always be back. The biggest thing is you need to REALLY want to do this, and 7 weeks is a great time to start!

When you start notice her drifting off, lay her down, keep touching, singing, talking or whatever is most comforting. Then just stand over her for a while so if she wakes up she knows you're there. Then slowly back out of the room... I would sing my way out. If she wakes up and cries go back in, but don't pick her up, unless it's feeding/diapering time. After that try to sing or touch a little less every time. As young as she is, she just needs to know you're there, and should within a week or so have no problems falling all the way to sleep on her own.
Don't let your guilt at letting her cry a little bit get the best of you. If you stay consistent it will much easier on you both. Best of luck.

D.,
Congratulations on your new little one! And she since she is still new...hold that baby! With my first son I read that you should start laying them down when they were sleepy. If you wanted their bedtime to be 8, you would start the first night at 11 and it would gradually work its way to 8. Thats what I did. We laid him down at 11, let him cry for 5 min then went up to his room, consoled him till he was quiet and started over. My husband ans I took turns going to him. It did work. We cheated occasionally and gave him a bottle or whatever, but for the most part, in about 2 weeks he was going to sleep on his own, at about 8ish. I started it when he was about 6 weeks old.

With my second, not at all! He just seemed so little to be in there crying, and he was almost inconsolable after 3 minutes of crying, so i didn't start letting him cry and fall asleep until he was about 14 weeks. I used the same process as before. By then I was back to work and just was not getting enough sleep. The end result was the same, he will fall asleep (after a long "conversation" with himself, usually) without the holding and all that. Both of my children had a paci though. I suggest you read "Secrets of a Baby Whisperer", it is a wonderful book for new moms.
Good Luck
~L.

Congratulations!I am a mother of 4 kids and have been married for 10 years as of October of this year..I husband is a wonderful father and provider... I had my last child, little boy last year 2 days after christmas..! Not all babies care for the pacifier anyways..but have you tried singin her to sleep? or gently tickling her face with your hair? i did this with my daughter when she was that age and she went straight to sleep! try these two things and let me know what happens..also i am always lookin for new friends..take care and i will talk with you soon
sincerely
B. and family

Edited: I thought your daughter was 7 months old, which is a HUGE difference. Seven weeks they still need rocked and sung to and so on. And time goes by so fast when they are tiny it isn't going to hurt anything to cuddle her a little longer. End edit:

I had this problem after moving out of my moms house when my son was 5 months old. I had lived with her since his birth and she liked to hold him when he was asleep.

Our pediatrician recommended we let him cry himself out a half hour. So I would put him to bed, rub his back for a few minutes while he was in his crib turn on a lullaby cd I had on repeat in his room and walk away. Then he would stat to cry. After three days he was only crying for about 10 minutes and it wasn't a real meaningful cry, more a slight complaint.

For the first days go into your living room and call someone who can help you keep track of the time and can talk you through sitting there. After a half hour if your little girl is still awake go in, turn on as little light as possible and cover her or rub her head for a minute but DO NOT pick her up. This is where it gets real hard, but you are teaching her to relax herself not that you will pick her up if she just cries long enough. Her diaper doesn't need changed as you just did it 1/2 hour ago and she is not hungry as she just ate. Tuck her in again, remind her you love her and leave the room. Then wait another half hour. Call the same friend or someone else.

This isn't really as hard as it sounds after the first night. You are doing the right thing by asking for help while she is still really young. I know people who have this problem with toddlers and you can't let them cry themselves out as they can get up and wander around. :)

Hi D.:
We've loosely followed the techniques of the Babywise book to great success. I recommend it to all my friends. Some people claim it's controversial, but my baby has been going down for naps or bedtime with little or no fuss since she was 3 months old. She also cries much less than most babies -- she knows what to expect throughout her day. The trick is to establish a flexible feed-wake-sleep routine. It really works and the sooner you do it, the better, so you don't have to break her of any habits or worry about making her "cry it out" when she gets older. The book has all the details. Get it! Good luck...