Tips on Having Three Kids

Been there. Appreciation for what you have, a bit of guilt for wondering why you are feeling like you need more, and an unsettling feeling that you feel will be fulfilled with another baby. I love my children. I could never get my husband or friends to understand the "just one more baby" need that burned inside me. I had my one more. Begged my husband for another...I have SIX children! Ok that sounds crazy, but they are well behaved, smart, creative, and I am supporting them, not public assistance. You are right, it is only something you are able to decide, but for me, it has been a God send. The right decision. I wish you the best. Follow your heart! Jean

1 mom found this helpful

Having 3 kids is WAY different than having 2 kids, so think it through carefully. I have 3 teenagers and it's far more difficult than 2. With 2 kids, there is one sibbling relationship between them, which may occasionally need some support from mom. With 3 kids, there are not one, but three relationships to manage, and believe me they do need support as they grow up. It's also much harder to make things seem "fair" when there's 3 rather than 2, so the potential for fighting is greater.

Another problem is the inevitable fact that 2 of the 3 kids will likely be closer friends with each other than with the other sibbling. This can change, switching the aliance, but often someone feels left out. And let's not forget the sheer balance of power in the house: having 3 kids means there are more of "them" (children) than "us" (parents). That doesn't matter at all in the beginning, but as they grow up, it can. I guess the biggest issue is that having 3 kids instead of 2 means you have less time, energy, and resources to give each child.

All that said, many families have 3 or more children and do just fine. Children learn more about life, love, sharing, and being flexible when they have multiple sibblings. A bigger family means more support later on in life, when they are adults. And of course, more kids means more love for you because your heart only grows bigger and fuller with each child.

I know when my kids were older toddlers, I started to get what I called "baby lust" -- I found myself looking longingly at other people's infants, wanting to hold a baby again, wanting to pull out those tiny baby clothes, and thinking about having another child. Fortunately, it passed!

Good luck to you. Think about it, then go with your heart and all will work out.

1 mom found this helpful

If your hubby is on board then I say go for it. YOu can only regret NOT having a 3rd but you wont regret having had one.
If you could figure out why your kids were bad sleepers then maybe you could change the pattern with the 3rd one and cross your fingers. Sleeping through the night is what has deterred me from having a 4th as my 2 and 3yr old still dont sleep thru the night. I decided on a 3rd cuz I really wanted 4, but given my age, health and the sleep thing, we are going to quit w/ 3.
Give it a little more time to be sure and then go for it! Happy baby dancing.

1 mom found this helpful

M.,
You have to make the decision knowing your family BUT I was in the same boat between my 2nd and 3rd child. I was very happy with our healthy family of 2 girls but I still felt like I miiiiight want another baby. I spoke to friends but one friend with 3 told me something that resonated. She said if you are still thinking about it, you probably want one. If you're done, you're done. She was right, once I had my 3rd (a boy) I felt DONE. There was no more wishing, etc. I also was thinking long term and for the sake of siblings... I am very happy with our family and I feel complete. Much like finding The One. Good luck with your decision.

1 mom found this helpful

M.,
children are amazing. the wear you out and build you up. YOu want to pull your hair out with frustation and cry tears of joy.

My second child was stillborn. i tried really hard for over a year for another child. Finally my sweet sarahchild was born. My joy. then my precious Hannah came along. she was autisitic. What a sweet blessing she is. Now i have 6 altogether. Not one could i do without. One is bipolar, one is autistic, one is adhd...they are amazing.
they have a great love for one another. just last night my oldest daugther called home just cause...we put her on speaker and everybody came running to talk to her to play the new guitar for her to share a story with her. it was like christmas all over again. the sibling relationships are incredible.
one of my sons had trouble with a girl...he didn't talk to me he called his sister. "cause she knows about that kinda stuff mom".
that's why we have families. I love all 6. just like my mom loved all 6 of us and my husband's mom loved all 7 of hers! life is about families!
good luck with your family.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't know if this will make your decision any easier,, but I regret not having more kids. I have a nine year old son and six year old daughter. We thought the same way - we have one of each and two is a workable number. I felt like I was done until about two years ago. I thoroughly enjoyed my kids as babies (and enjoy them now of course) but I kept dreaming of this third child and began to feel like someone was missing. My two problems are my age (40 now) and my husband, who told me he didn't feel he had the emotional resources to cope with a third. I should have had my third when my daughter was three.

1 mom found this helpful

Dear M.,
I can so identify with your feelings! I had twin girls, followed by a singleton girl 18 months later. But, that wasn't the end of my story....
Though I already had three wonderful children, I knew I wasn't done. Part of my feeling came from wanting a son, but part of it was simply the knowing that I was supposed to have one more child. Once my fourth (a son)came (17 1/2 months after my singleton daughter), I had an increased knowing that this one was my last. I even had my tubes tied after his birth.
I know this may sound simplistic, but I would suggest to you that if you cannot find peace until and unless you get pregnant again and give birth to this child, then, by all means, do so!
I hope my comments help you! God bless you!
Blessings!
J. F.

1 mom found this helpful

Of course everyone's situation is different, but two is enough for me and I couldn't imagine having more. I am a believer that the kids should not outnumber the adults! However, I am the youngest of four, so obviously I'm glad my own mother kept going. But I think that is why she is now a little nuts.

Personally I couldn't wait to be done screwing up my body, packing on extra pounds with each pregnancy. I hated being pregnant and was so glad to know with my second child that I was done FOREVER. Now every pound that I take off is hopefully gone for good.

There is also the issue of population growth. Even though in this country we can often afford to have more children, those children consume more of the world's resources than any other people on earth. I made a conscious choice to have only enough children to replace my husband and myself and not to contribute to overpopulating the earth, which is already swarming with too many humans.

One final thought is that your feeling that something is missing may not be satisfied by having more children. Sometimes people are seeking fulfillment in their lives and they try to fill it by having more children, or other more destructive means, such as drugs and alcohol or food. It could be yourself that you are seeking. But that said, you will do what is right for you.

1 mom found this helpful

I love having three kids, but it is a lot more work (for me) than 2. Just know that unless you have a babysitter, you are going to miss out on some activities with your older children (for example, you can't bring a younger child with you to most schools if you want to volunteer in the classroom). Also, you will be missing out on sleep until the baby gets older. However, like one poster mentioned, the older children can be really cute and helpful "taking care" of the younger sibling. Good luck with your decision!

Hi, I'm at a similar crossroad with one child (who by the was is 16 mo. old and doesn't sleep through the night. LOL). I've always wanted atleast two or three but now that I have one, I kind of just want to focus on her. I will tell you the same thing someone told me... it's to do it than to not be able to and wish you had. Besides, all children are different. Your third may sleep through the night from day 1. And if not, in the grand scheme of things the first two years will go by quickly and the lack of sleep will be a distant memory. Especially compared to the joy that child will bring for years to come. But ultimately the choice is yours. As for me, I have put it in God's hands because what God has for me is for me. And He will take care of me. but I definitely want one or two more.

Hi M.!
I was in a smiliar situation, here's my story. When my two boys were 6 and 4 I told my husband I wanted to be done with having children. I never did deal well with the whole sleep issue. I know it sounds selfish but i LOVE my sleep. I'm a better person when I get a full nights rest. He backed me on this although we both did really want to have a daughter. So he was going to get snipped and I was having kidney issues so we put it all out of our minds. Well I ended up getting pregnant and was devestated for a long time and sometimes still get baby blues even though our daughter is 16 months old. It was really hard to do the night feedings the diaper bag the jar food the whole thing all over again! I wouldn't change a thing now, don't get me wrong but it wasn't easy. I guess what I'm saying is if you are content with the way things are don't change it (but that's my selfish side speaking) but if you really in your heart of hearts want another baby and you have a supportive husband then go for it. Just remember that 4 years between a child is rough, at least it was for mine. He always wanted attention when I couldn't give it to him. We had to do a lot letting him be involved. My oldest and youngest are almost 8 years apart and we too have only been married for 8 years. we are a military family but we make it work. I do all the worrying and my husband is my saving grace. I hope that any of this has helped.

S.

Hi M.,
I myself have 3 kids. 5, 3, 14 mos. the first is a girl, the 2nd a boy. i thought i was done. i didn't decide to have a 3rd, but God, in his divine wisdom, thought I needed a little more action,excitement,and work! Before my youngest was born, my older two had a routine and structure. When my youngest came along, that all changed. she has yet to sleep through the night (lately it's been worse due to teething) and she isn't really on any kind of schedule, which is only to my fault. that being said, as a christian i believe that our plans really aren't our own. we can plan one way or the other,but ultimately it's in His hands and all things work together for good for those who love God (romans 8 : 28).
THe only thing i'd do different is been more disciplined from the begining to stay on a routine and get my little one to fall into it! But not for one single second have i been upset that i had her! she is a gift given to me to look after and teach. she is quite a huge blessing (in a small package) as are her big bro and sis!there are days that are hard to get through but that comes with the job!
I hope you don't feel as though i'm preaching to you. this is just the way i look at life, with christ as the center of it.
by the way, i'm now considering a 4th, but "my plan" is to wait until my youngest is about 3. we shall see!

Kids are always work but they are also always a blessing and well worth the work. It sounds like you may regret not having another one but I can't imagine you regretting that you did have another one. It sounds strange but it does get easier when you have more. If you have a third you will have two helpers and they can do lots of little things. It is not like have three infants and people do survive that and live to tell about it and even with some funny stories too.

M.,
These women that are being practical are killing me. I am a mom of three so I understand where you are. I was not content with two and felt my husband andI were suppose to bring another child into our family. Something within me was not ready to stop at my first two and we are not rich nor do I love my first two less nor do I have eight hands! ha My mom gave me wonderful advice. "You will know when you are done. You will no longer have the desire for more children." She was right. When I was pregnant in my last trimester, I knew that I was not going to have a 4th. And I still do not have a desire for anymore children. Something within our bodies tells us. I really believe that. I have friends that have told me the same after their 1st or their 4th. So, you need to be the judge of that. And do not base it on practical things. This is not buying a purse! But do make sure you are not considering bringing this child into the world to fill a void. Make sure your husband is on board and in agreement and your relationship is good. This will only cause more tension if things are not good. I wish you the best in your decision making. A.

My OB/Gyn once said to me that no matter how many children you have, it is very natural to want more. Can you weigh up the pros and cons and impact on your existing children?
Good luck with your decision.

LOL...you know that it's totally up to you both but I know what you are saying. My husband and I were so on the fence with whether to have baby #3 or not. And all of a sudden, 4yrs later, I found out I was prego! What a wonderful blessing he has been to us. I cannot imagine our lives without him in it. We now have 3 boys and enjoy every minute....okay maybe not every minute, but you know what I mean! LOL And even if yours do not sleep well for the first 2 yrs, you can get through it. And don't forget, just because the first 2 had a time with sleeping doesn't mean # 3 will, okay?

Prayer works! Ask God what He wants for you. You will be surprised at how easy it is and how peaceful it will be to do what HE wants you to do.

Enjoy those babies! They grow up so fast!

Take Care,
N. :) SAHM homeschooling 3 boys and married 15yrs to my Mr. Wonderful. I love to help other moms reach their goals!

I haven't had a chance to read the other responses yet so I apologize if this has already been said. I'm in the same boat but have decided I will NEVER regret having another child, but could regret not having one, so we'll be trying for a 3rd. If my husband felt strongly that we were done, then I wouldn't go for it, but he's on board so somewhere in the near future we'll be back on the TTC wagon. That being said, if we have trouble getting pregnant, I won't seek out fertility help, it will be a sign that our family is complete as is.

I fully believe that if it's in your heart and you know you'll never regret having another child, that you have your answer. Just my two cents.

I don't always read the mamasource, but decided to open it today. I'm a 68 year old grandmother. I now regret not having more kids. I have family members that have large families - 5 -6-7-8-9 -- you know what I find, the bigger the family the more unselfish every one is, it seems. I'm not sure I could have handled a large family like that but love my relatives who have done that. What is amazing to think about is these young years are just a 'blink on the radar screen' But, my recommendation is that if you want 3, you should go for 4. Pairs are always easier, even if they aren't the same sex. This has proven true in my grandchildren's families.
As far as sleeping through the night, my daughter learned that if they wake up and cry, you just lay them back down, give them encouraging words and touch and go back to bed. If they cry another 10 minutes, you do the same thing again.... and again... and again. Painful at first, but eventually they fall asleep faster and faster. Be sure they are not getting any stimulants, like chocolate or soda with caffeine during the day.
I hope you have more children, my bias is you will never regret it! and when they are older, it is a whole lot more fun.
My grandkids are now 9 years to 17 years (8 of them) and I realize in a blink of 10 years they will all be adults! I love teens! So, for you, just think, if you have another 2 babies, in 5 years, they could be 3-5-7-9 -- all out of diapers, sleeping through the night, and helpers around the house and with each other. Learning to love and give love!
Go for it!!

Hello- we are in the same boat. We have 2 children, same ages as yours, one of each and I felt the same way. Perfect family. I have gone back and forth so much, but the bottom line is, you don't want to look back one day and wish you had. So here we are, very fulfilled, but deep down I would like to have another. I can't imagine ever regretting it. I would never regret having the two I have. I have talked ot my husband about it and after considerable thought, he feels the same way. As if maybe something will be missing. We are so very blessed with the 2 we have, another baby will make it even more perfect. Good luck to you - it is a hard decision, but worth the consideration.

M.

If you really feel like something is missing and that your family is not complete then you proabaly want another child , but you need to ask yourself whether you actually want another child or if you are just missing having a baby.

After my 2nd was born I knew within weeks that I wasn't done and now have my 3rd (now 7 months) and yes I hate that she is growing so fast and sometimes I feel like I want another but I really think that's because I love babies so much & not that I want a 4th , I now feel that my family is complete with 3 kids.

Good Luck

K.

Well if you guys really want more and you feel you can handle more then go on and do it. i had two, a boy and a girl. well i said the same thing i did not want anymore since i had both, well 7 years later i had a boy in march. even though it felt weird considering the length since my last child, but it is a joy. now i have three, two boys and one girl. now if i hit the lottery :)lol then i might just have some more:) i love kids!

M.- Such a big question and so much to go into the decision- or is it? Almost 3 years ago I found my self in exactly the same position (well, we had 2 girls- 4 1/2 and 8), but I thought it was all good and then I got the same feelings. I searched for many ways to explain why it would be good or not good to have a third child. We were stationed in Australia at that point and had required fertility for the first 2 and I really did not want to go throught it again. I asked peolple over there because they are much more simplistic in their thinking. One women said to me, mattters of love and children require you to follow your heart- there is no right or wrong answer, but your heart speaks loudly. To logic figure it out- I don't think you can!We decided to try for the third without fertility and to see what happened- well, I have a 21 month old little girl and I could not imagine life without her. I had the very feeling that something was missing- it feels perfect now!

If you're asking, it means there is one more in you. It's as simple as that. Once you're done, you'll know you're done. And regarding sleep and tiredness, I know it's EXHAUSTING. However, it all passes, they get bigger and life will be great with a 3rd. Best of luck!

Follow your heart and your head. If you can afford another, want another, then go for it. I thought about it since my baby was little. But I am a planner & had to have perfect timing! Then after she was 2, we decided to start trying. I became pregnant & then had a unexpected miscarriage. My heart was broke. Both my husband and I decided to take some time & figure things out, but my body had other ideas. My period never came & we ended up pregnant again. We went in to have a sonogram for dating and low and behold-TWINS. Holy moly I am still trying to wrap my mind around this. We are now 12.5 weeks, so wish me luck. But needless to say, we are going from 2 to 4, 3 kids in carseats. Wow, now that was a shocker! Good luck!

Hey M.,

Being a mother of five I can understand what your going through. I have a 13 year old daughter, 11 year old son, 5 year old daughter, 4 year old son and a 1 year old daughter. Our youngest does sleep through the night the majority of the time, but being a mom of many kids does take a toll on me from time to time. But it's the best decision we have ever made. We love our children and would go do all of it over again. Best of luck in your decision

www.jenniferzaranis.com

I was right there with you when my boys were 2 & 4. My 2nd son was a handful & a half & I wasn't sure if I'd ever feel that having a 3rd son would be ok. Eventually, we decided that if we were meant to have a 3rd, it would happen and I'm pleased to say that God richly blessed us with our daughter who is the sweetest little thing! My boys were 4 1/2 & 6 1/2 when she was born. Going from 2 to 3 was very easy compared with going from 1 to 2 (at least in my house). The most difficult part was being up in the night, especially since I worked part-time back then. All in all, though, I can tell you that I have cherished her babyhood like I was unable to with the boys-#1 due to inexperience & #2 because my hands were so full w/2 little ones in diapers, working full-time, etc. Best of luck to you with whatever you decide. No matter what, cherish this time with them as they grow up too quickly (my oldest will be a teenager in 3 months-yikes! :)

K.

I understand how you feel. I have two daughters and I felt the same way, my head keep telling me no and my heart was saying that something was missing in my life. My husband and I decided to try for another one. I always wanted a boy, but I had to make sure that I could accept another girl if I had one. I thought about this for a year and I have now decided that was right for me, to have another one. Both of my girls are horrible sleepers and I figured another one isn't going to make a difference. Just make sure what ever decision you make you make it for you and your husband sake. Don't just want one to want one. Make sure that is what you really want. Its a tough decision as you know and I wish you all the luck. You will be in my prayers.

M.,

According to my experience, since I have three children, go for it. I would have never in a million years thought it would be so much fun. My house is always active. My kids are 10, 5 and 3. I'm so blessed because my intention was to have one; and after being talked into a second and the third being a total SUPRISE and gift from God, I'm elated.

I'm not what I would have thought to be the mommie type, but who knew. I wouldn't change one thing about being a mother of three, other than having to work outside the home. Fortunately, I’m working to change that as well by starting my own business where I work from home to be more available for my kids and contribute to the home financially as well. It's a win-win situation.

We mom can have it all; the great husband, wonderful kids, and the money to support our shopping habits. Check it out at www.in2action.biz. Good luck with your decision.

OMG, I was reading this wondering if I had written it. My boys are 22 months apart and almost 2 (April) and 4 (June). We have similar sleeping issues. My oldest is much worse about sleeping, still, than the younger one. I have the same thoughts about having another one especially when we have a good week with everyone sleeping. But, on those nights (and they are frequent) when we all get no sleep I think that I am crazy to want another one. And, then, when that bad week of sleeping is the same week I start my period and I am exhausted from a low iron count, I really think I am crazy for wanting another. Not to mention my husband and I work full-time right now. I was staying home however, the economy dictated that I go back to work for a while:(.

But, part of me really wants to have one more. It just seems like our family would be complete with one more. I want to wait a bit longer until the younger one is at least 2 but I don't want them all to be too far apart, like more than 3 years.

Any thoughts on the subject to help work through this from anyone else would be great...

I totally get where you're coming from. I'm a mom to two - a 5 year old daughter and a 2 year old boy. I've always wanted three kids, being one of three myself. I've had people be surprised I still wanted three after we had our son. They'd say something to the effect of "now that you have one of each, you're done." It was as if the only reason to have a third was if you had two of the same sex. I had a miscarriage in October. Since then, my husband's job has become more precarious and we're giving it a bit of time to work itself out. My husband asked me why I wanted three and my response is that I feel as though our family is incomplete - like someone is missing from it. I also feel as though if we don't have a third, we'll regret it, whereas I can't imagine regretting having a third. Wishing you the best of luck as you decide what to do.

Hey, I was EXACTLY where you are two years ago...Now I have a 6 year old (boy), four year old (girl), and an eight month old (boy)! I knew that I may regret never having any more, but would never regret having another baby. My first two are 19 months apart, so much of my little girl being little I feel like I missed because things were so hectic that I can't hardly remember the first year of her life at all! This baby has been totally different! It was very different because our older too were very involved in knowing the baby's phases, naming, guessing boy/girl, etc. They were so excited. They were just as anxious to meet him as we were! Anyway, my first two slept well...the first one slept through the night before he was 2 months and the second right after she was 6 months...the baby is no where close to sleeping through the night, he is definitely spoiled and use to attention ALL the time, the kids love him and try continously to take care of him and make him laugh, he loves them dearly already...you can see it in his eyes and excitement when he sees them. Also, when the baby was first born and demanded alot of MY attention, the older two still had each other to play with, entertain, help each other, etc. when I was nursing/rocking/changing the baby. Just as I thought...I really I am glad we made the decision to have him...he just fits us perfectly...

However,(I thought I should share All sides of my experience!) my little girl feels the middle child syndrome! She definetly feels like she has to compete with both her brothers because with one she is not quite big enough and the other she is too big to act the same (this absolutely breaks my heart, but I just try to make sure she gets individual attention and time with me and NOT compare them at all!) Also, it was harder for me to take the kids to things that they enjoy and are finally big enough to do like the swimming pool in the summer heat and snow tubing in the winter because I can't take the baby just yet. It really has not been an issue, but something to think about...you don't realize how long four years is without a baby! It is definitely a personal decision and depends on how your husband feels! Mine was ok with two, but I was really wanting a third...he loves the baby and probably appreciates him alot more than the first two, because now we realize how fast they grow!!! Good Luck!

I have three amazing children - 3.5, 2, and 4 months. Somedays we think we are crazy but it is so worth it. I think it is something you and your husband must agree on but if you feel a strong desire for more that says somerthing. The adjustment from 1 to 2 was harder than 2 to 3. They all comliment each other so well.

M.,
I don't have an answer for you, but just wanted to let you know that we are going through a similar decision. We have one child, I had a very difficult pregnancy, so we are deciding if we should try for a second. While I can't give you an answer, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your decision. I think lots of people go through this, kids are so wonderful it is really hard not to want another one, no matter how many you. Factors we are considering are: can I care for our daughter if I have another difficult pregnancy, can we handle a 2nd child and the extra work that brings, can we financially afford a 2nd, and how will a 2nd change our lives. I too feel like I may regret not having another, but we're weighing all those other factors I mentioned also as we make our decision. I wish you the best of luck with your decision. I'm sorry I don't have a definitive answer for you, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

M. - Here is my two cents: when you are together as a family, you'll be one-on-one with the kids; when you are alone with the kids, you have two hands. You don't say otherwise, so I assume your kids are healthy - quit while you are ahead! From practical purposes, what about finances? Kids are expensive - activities, braces, tuitions, etc. Good luck with your decision and enjoy your family! Best, N.

We considered having 3, yet weighed the pros and cons and stopped at 2. Several friends who had more helped us make that decision for ourselves. Our friends with 3 plus needed to quit work or switch to P/T to care for them. With 2 kids when one is sick, sometimes you get a pass and the other one does not get it...with 3 or more you rarely get the pass. Most of our friends with 3 said the change from 2 to 3 was significant, yet those that went beyond said 4 plus is not that much change from 3. They do not regret their decision, yet we did not feel it was what we wanted. Take some time together and review the pros/cons as it relates to your situation.....only the 2 of you can decide.

Oh, I am in your place right now. It is such a hard decision and no one can make it but you. In my family growing up, there were just me and my brother and my brother has issues. I always longed for another sibling and my parents now say that they went back and forth and now wish they had decided to have a third. My husband on the other hand, has 2 sisters, the younger one with issues, and is afraid if we had a third, it would cause major family issues. I guess it goes back to your background. I will say on the sleeping thing, my first was a horrible sleeper, and looking back, I can say I was clueless. For my second, I read the Healthy Sleep Habits book and he slept much much better. So I think that issue can be remedied. My husbands big concern is financial, because it is so expensive in this area. My big concern is time, for both each individual child and myself. I really hate when people tell me that since we have one of each we should be happy and done. Like if we had 2 of the same that would make us unhappy and give us a reason to try again? Good luck to you. It isn't an easy decision.

We went for the third and are so happy we did. We have three girls, but when we decided to try for a third, we really just decided that we wanted another baby. I can't imagine my life without my littlest one. it is a lot of work, but it is fun for kids to have two siblings. If your heart isn't ready to let go of the idea of having a third, I say go for it!

sometimes people do just KNOW, and how nice for them.
many more do not.
i don't think there is any surefire way to avoid regrets, whichever way you go. i think that bearing and raising children is such a big deal that unless you're BURNING to do so, you shouldn't. others feel exactly the opposite, of course. it sounds to me as if you're happy with the status quo, just pondering and considering, a very natural thing to do. but every decision leaves you open to regret not making the other choice. you can make yourself nut up that way. and 'i might regret it if i don't' isn't the best reason to have more, imo.
khairete
S.

You didn't write your age. If you're almost 40, then you might have to make your decision a little sooner than you'd like. If you're in your 20s or early 30s, give yourself a little time to think about it. The choice to have a baby or not really does not have to be put on a schedule when you are biologically fit and emotionally stable. Healthy women are able to have babies into their 40s (and I believe beyond, nowadays, though that would not be my choice). If there's ambivalence, you're probably not ready. Also, is your husband ready? If not, then wait. If he's ready and you're not, then ask him for more time. Give yourself a window of 3-6 months or so, and if at the end of that window you're still ambivalent, then give yourself more time. But, a word of caution, if you are engaging in marital bliss without a parachute, just know the choice will be made for you at some point whether you (and your husband) are ready or not. I am in my 40s. I was faced with a life-threatening condition and had to make a choice if I wanted to have more children or not. Because I had to make a decision in that moment, I chose no more children. Had I had more time, I might have chosen differently, but I didn't have the luxury of time. If you do have time, take it. I wish I could have had more children, but honestly, physically and mentally and financially, I don't think my family would have managed well. We would have had to handle it if I had gotten pregnant, but when it was my choice, I chose no and based on my current age and health, I do not regret the choice. I only regret that I didn't meet my husband until later in life. I regret that I couldn't have had children with him when I was healthier and had much more energy to endure sleepless nights and still manage the many activities of life without being so exhausted, while spacing them out far enough to give myself time to recover between babies. If you have time, take it. If you honestly believe you will regret not having another person to love and you are healthy and things are halfway decent, just jump on in. Just know that each new life requires more of you, which is why you have to mentally gear yourself up for the challenge. Best wishes to you.

If you think you're fine with two, it may be a biological need telling you to have that third, that something is missing. Nature tells us to have as many as we can, but people are more practical these days! You just have to know yourself. Are the cravings for another child biological? Do you have the energy for a third? Can you do well for next one?

If the answer to the last two questions is yes, and if your husband is on board with a third, then go for it.

-S. Kav

M.,
Of course, there are many factors that should be considered - Can you afford another child, Is your husband on board with another?
We, too, were done after two boys (one was horrible sleeper)so we thought. I had some issues which require a change in birth control and ended up pregnant. What a blessing! Our third boy completed our family.
Yes, it was harder for me. My husband, it seemed, was always gone with work so I was a single parent for long stretches of time. Now my "baby" is 7 yr old. I always thought I wanted a girl but our having 3 boys is perfect for our family.
Good luck with your decision. What you and your husband decide for your family will be the right choice.
K.

I know exactly how you fee. Sleep deprivation is horrible & can effect everything else in your life- I've been going through it too. I have a 3 year old girl & a 13 month old... the youngest is very inconsistent with her sleep patterns & it has driven me mad- luckily she's adorable & very happy during the day!!
However, I believe that having children is not about us. They are the greatest gifts we have, but we need to understand that our job is to raise them to one day be on their own... I truly believe that the children we have are a gift to the siblings. I love my brothers & sisters & the relationship I have with them can never be replaced by anyone else- cradle to grave; we share so many unspoken truths.
So, if you can afford it, and your husband will welcome the baby with love... GO FOR IT. You are giving your children a gift throughout their entire lifetime, and you too will be rewarded.
Good luck, K. :)

I found having two kids very fulfilling and manageable. I found having three children a treasure and a challenge. Our decision to have another one was different between my husband and I- he wanted another boy. I wanted more experience and resources for my two children...by having a sibling. I was a child of 4 and knew how much I value the different contributions my siblings bring, and brought, to my life. When we began to realize the dynamics that changed in our life when it became three kids, two parents, I felt more comfortable due to my upbringing. We are grappling with the idea of one more...