Time Outs - New Caney,TX

My suggestion is not to put her in a separate room for time outs. Keep her in the same room as you are so you can monitor what she's doing, and I also think that for such young kids it's scary to be put in a different room and left alone. When she's in time out (we use a chair in the middle of the room far away from anything reachable, including walls, but you could use a corner, depending on the layout of your room) watch her out of the corner of your eye but pretend to be ignoring her. She shouldn't get any attention from you- positive or negative- until she's finished with the minute. If she gets off, the first time you can remind her she needs to stay there until you come to get her, the rest of the times you should place her back in the spot as many times as needed with no comments, no emotion, and no eye contact, but you shouldn't hold her or force her physically to stay. She needs to learn to stay there by herself. The minute starts over each time. The first few times it might take quite awhile for her to understand how time outs work, but she'll get it! I find they work much better for us when I keep myself from getting mad throughout the entire thing. My son also gets more upset with them when I don't give him the slightest amount of attention while he's there.
People have different ideas of what to do when time is up. Some say you should just get them and let them go back to playing. I believe that they need a recap of what brought them there in order to learn from it. When we first started time outs, my son couldn't tell me why he was there after the minute. However now, he tells me what he did wrong and what he should have done or could do next time (he'll be 3 in Dec). Then he apologizes to whomever he needs to, we give hugs and kisses, and he's off again to play. If you never talk to them about what was wrong and what you expect from them, I don't think they'll learn the correct behavior as quickly!
Good luck!

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I'm with Liz A. on this. My daughter never got "punished" for doing something wrong, she got corrected and shown how to do it right. I guided her through the process every time. I also gave her lots of positive feedback when she was behaving in ways that were constructive. Same thing with my grandson, now 4.5.

This is not pushover parenting. It demands attention, thoughtfulness, respect for the child's potential, and consistency. (But it does turn out to be less time-consuming than time outs.) With the exception of one boy who turned out to have a serious mental disturbance, every child I've seen deliberately raised this way has turned out great, with positive, helpful attitudes and good manners.

Some kids do fine with time outs, but many do not. I experimented briefly with time outs when my daughter was little, and she has tried them a couple of times with her son. Not nearly as effective, or as positive, as guiding and teaching the expected behavior, and they can become distracting – for many children a time out becomes a protracted power struggle with no apparent connection to the original misdemeanor. What's the point then, if it establishes confusion or an antagonistic relationship that is anything but positive?

So I encourage you to watch carefully how your daughter responds to this mode of correction. If it serves to make her more confused, angry, or defiant, I hope you'll look into something gentler and more mutually respectful. As contradictory as it sounds, this can help turn "problem" kids into problem-solvers. Find out more about this approach by googling "Emotion Coaching" or in great little books such as How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish.

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I'll be in the minority from your responses, but you can discipline without the timeouts. My suggestion is to not do them.

Once your jaw comes back from off of the floor, what I do is follow through. Have her do what she needs to do, or have her not do what she shouldn't be doing. She's learning that what you say happens. This is the important thing. The added 'reinforcement' of a timeout doesn't strengthen that message and even takes away focus from needing to follow the rules.

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I watch Super Nanny sometimes and she explained her method for time out. It has worked for my kids for years. Below is the way we do it.

When your child does something unacceptable:

· Go down to their level

· Make eye contact

· Tell them they did something unacceptable

· Warn them that if they do that again they will go to the Naughty Chair

· If the bad behavior is repeated, take the child and sit him in the Naughty Chair

· Explain why they are sitting there and to stay there until you come and get him

· The length of the time-out is determined by their age: 1 minute X their age. A timer would be useful here and a visual indication for the child to watch the time go by.

· At the end of the time-out, the child must apologize.

· For an older child, they can go to a “Naughty Room” that is not their bedroom and does not have a TV or other activities; it has to be a boring place.

· For a younger child, the time-out should take place in a “Naughty Chair” that is placed close-by the main play area, but again not in a bedroom or eating place. The first step of the stairs, if you have stairs, is a good place for a toddler.

· Either way, you cannot associate a time-out with a place where they sleep or eat or play, or else they will refuse to sleep, eat, or play there.

I forgot to add that we keep taking them back w/out saying anything and their time there does not start until they stay there.

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I'm with Liz and Peg. I didn't really use time-outs, in the classic sense of the word.
although I think different techniques work for different kids, so if this is what is effective with your daughter you have a couple examples to follow.

Probably around 24-30 months I would put my daughter in "time out" to let her get control of herself if she couldn't do it herself. But I always tried to coach her or re-direct her on what behavior I wanted to see. There wasn't a 'naughty spot' or whatever the supernanny does. instead, if she couldn't behave with what she was doing and wasn't receptive to coaching and/or was upset then she was removed (sometimes to the kitchen table, sometimes her room etc - just depended on what I felt she needed at the time).

Good luck!

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For time out, there seem to be basic rules.
Put her in a room that is not fun (her bedroom has her toys, which equal fun)
Set the timer for one minute for each year of age
Put her in time out calmly
Stay with her in the same room until she knows what's going on
If she gets up, simply pick her up, put her back, and state that she is in time out
When time out is over, calmly explain that you realize she is frustrated, tired, upset, mad, etc... but it is not appropriate to do whatever behavior she was doing
Tell her what you would like for her to do, and then offer her a hug for comfort (for both you and her)

This is what we do with our 3 year old, and she has learned that her feelings are valid, and has also learned to express them in more beneficial, productive ways. She also tells us when she is frustrated.

Hope this works. :)

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... kids this age.... do NOT even have full "impulse control" developed yet.. nor the abstract constructs of "cause/effect" nor the attention spans... to stay on point for very long.

Any kind of teaching/discipline/expectations, has to be... age-appropriate.... and in line with their development both cognitively and physically.

You child is VERY young... to perform, on point and consistently....

all the best,
Susan

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i do not have this problem. my son sits in time out in the same room (open plan house) and has to sit one min per age. if he turns around i use my mom voice and tell him to turn around. off subject but simular: once you switch her from her crib to her toddler bed the first time she gets out of it in a stern mom voice tell her " you better get back in that bed right now". we swiched my son when he was two and he never gets out of bed untill we go get him...except that one time. girls are emotional people and if you use a little stern ness (or a lot) it should take care of it. yes keep putting her back every time, time out starts when she sits down if she gets up it starts over. nanny 911 addresses this topic and it really works. she knows she can get away with it and thats why she is...dont let her.

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20 month olds are way too young for time outs. At this age, redirection is the discipline method of choice. Out of sight, out of mind kind of thing. Kids this age do not yet have a cause and effect worked out yet. Time out is all about cause and effect.

Our "naughty spot" is a corner by the front door. I just put my son there and stand there with my back to him at a distance he can't get past me but also can't touch me. If he tries to move past, I just turn around and silently put him back in the corner.

I don't do a timer, I just make sure he's in for about a minute. Then I get down to his level and ask for an apology. Sometimes he's ready to apologize, and sometimes not. I tell him he can come out of the naughty spot when he's ready to say he's sorry. When he does, I explain that I don't like XYZ behavior for XYZ reason (I don't like it when you hit me because it hurts my body), tell him not to do it again, then give him a hug. Honestly, I find the whole routine very effective. It's rare that he's in the naughty spot for the same misbehavior twice in a day.

Good luck!

use the highchair or portacrib
read Parentening With Love & Logic

I think they chair needs to be somewhere you can easily see her. In our house it was in the kitchen/dining area.(since that's where I seem to spend the most time) And yes, the time starts over if she gets up. Both of my kids, by the time they were 3, I had taken away the chair completly and they had to stand with there nose to the wall during timeout. They just got too use to the chair and it wasn't like punishment for them anymore. Also, face the chair towads the wall or a corner so it is less fun for her and she can't just sit there and watch you. Remember, the tone of your voice can work better than any punishment sometimes. Make sure she knows you mean business and I dont' mean yell, just a stern solid self assured mommy voice.

I'm with the others that say putting her in her room and asking her to stay there is too much. I put mine in the dining room (boring) where I could see them from the kitchen. At first until they grasped the concept I would stand in front if them with my back turned- I was there so they couldn't get up but not available for interaction. Once they got the idea, I could put them in there and they knew what to do-sit and stay.
I also used time-outs for when I was mad at my kids! Go sit over there and give mommy a chance to cool down. And they knew that. Or if they did something out of control- hitting, throwing. Then I knew they needed to regroup which is what time-outs are good for.
My favorite use of time-out was for the toys. If there was an argument over who was playing with what - the toy went into time out if they couldn't agree how to share. So effective and keeps you from having to choose a child. In fact, maybe I need to do that over a few items of clothing that both of my teenage girls want and will not share!
Time out works-just don't over use it and realize it is more a time for collecting and reflecting, not really a punishment per se. Once the time out was up I would go over with the kid just what they had done wrong and what they should do better and we would hug.
And then there's my precious middle child who was such a sweetie- I would say "If you don't stop that, I'm going to put you in time-out." Thirty minutes later I am wondering where she is, and she is sitting all by herself in
the dining room. Maybe she just figured out on her own that she needed some time to collect...but she did it to herself more than once. She's still my most compliant of the three....
Good luck.

I do almost exactly what Kelly W. said, but I put my kids at the kitchen table. For whatever reason, they stay don't move from there.

I worked in a daycare with the 0-18 months olds, and 20 months is not too young for time outs. However it is too young for her to be in time out in a room by herself and expect her to stay in time out. You need to put her time out spot (chair, mat, rug etc.) in a place where you can see her. I would also suggest to use an egg timer. 1 minute per year of life is what is recommended for time outs. If when putting her in time out where you can see her she does not stay, you may want to put her in her highchair. I would attempt to put her back a few times and if that does not work put her in her highchair.

Good luck!

My kids sit by the fridge for timeout. It is right where I could see them. When first starting time outs I had to put my kids back many times. They don't get it yet. Keep putting her back until she has sat for one-two minutes total. I would stand by them and remind them to sit for the time limit. One minute per age is a good standard. My daughter is 4 and will sometimes cry when going to timeout and I tell her the timeout starts when the crying stops. I always make my kids tell me why they had a time out when it was done and say sorry to me or each other if needed. And a big hug is always in order after a timeout.

Your daughter will eventually understand, but you will have to teach her what a timeout is and it may take a while.

I used to put my son in a spot by the wall and tell him not to leave that spot. If he did, he was put right back and I told him sternly not to leave it. He would usually cry when he realized I meant business, stay put and get the point. Sometimes I would have to do it a few times. Now my husband started having him "assume the position" with his little hands on the wall like what the cops do when you get arrested. He said if he did it now, he would never be in that position for real later!!LOL At that age about 1.5 minutes is a good amount of time for a time out, but I think they do have to get the point that they will be made to stay and not like it, or it is a pointless endeavor. Good luck!

If you choose to do timeouts at this age, you really can't "turn your back to leave the room". At 20 months, your daughter does not have impulse control. When she sees you leave, she's going to want to follow you and doesn't really understand how to NOT follow you. I second the recommendation for reading "Parenting with Love and Logic". You will pick up a tremendous number of great tips and helpful hints. Some of your local churches may even offer L&L classes. Hope this helps you!