This Is What Happy Couples Do...

#1 vacations: yes, my DH & I take 2x year. He goes fishing & I travel with my Mom. The weeks do not coincide...therefore, each of our weeks adds up to 2x year.....because a week at home without each other counts as a vacation!!! yep, check this one off. ***ooops, mini-breaks: yep, he's on call 1 wkened each month & I have total freedom. Yep, another checkmark! We ace the mini-break segment of the study, too.

#2 have a lingering kiss 6 days/week: yes, it happens. We have dogs & they like to lick us- which counts as a kiss. yep, check this one off.

#3 say I love you 4.5 times/week: oh, we ace this one! "I love you" comes in many shapes, sizes, forms.....when I make his coffee - when he takes out the trash - when he brings home a treat for me - when I sew his ripped clothing. Oh, yeah! Check this one off.

#4 have a healthy argument once/week: OMG, we win the crown!! We can beat that #......how about 3 x/week....or about daily if his glucose level is high or I'm headed for Witchy Week! Hell, yeah! Check this one too!

I am shocked by the other responses! I didn't even have to include kids anywhere in the formula! OMG, we sooooo rock at this! & I bet the rest of you do too!

All kidding aside....totally bogus study. Where are the kids when all of this happens?

Thank you for making my day! Excellent question, post, etc. :)

5 moms found this helpful

We haven't been on vacation since our honeymoon 9 years ago, we rarely have weekend breaks and have high stress due to our kids medical needs, BUT, we are crazy happily married. People comment that we behave like newlyweds.
We rarely argue, but we do have spirited discussion in which we disagree about points of view, but that's just part of being different personalities.
We probably say "I love you" 4.5 times PER DAY, and kiss just as often. Of course, it ebbs and flows, but every day is precious-

As far as a kiss ending in sex, why shouldn't your husband be tortured once in awhile over it? I would think a little torture would add to the spice! ;)
I have seen questions on here about frequency of sex, and it's very safe for me to say that we have sex MUCH more often than the average couple, but sometimes anticipation is better than being instantly gratified all the time. So, start the lingering kisses just when y'all are headed off to work.

By the way........everyone thinks that they have the perfect litmus test for a happy marriage, but I think stereotypes are ludicrous. If you fail on all of the counts you listed and still feel happy, then screw the test and enjoy! :)

5 moms found this helpful

Actually... come to think of it... all the really happy couples I know do at LEAST 4 out of 5 of those things!!!

And many of them are dirt poor. We're talking grad students with families, out of work for 2+ year families, fixed income elderly. Vacations 2x per year are still on their radar (camping, for example, is almost free if you already have the gear... others go visit grandkids/grandparents, etc.). Minibreaks almost always include the kids... and are things like... playing in the snow, going to the beach, going to a sporting event, going to a drama festival, a music festival, mushroom hunting, berry picking, kayaking, hiking, winetasting, a gaming weekend, a gardening convention... whatever they like to do / enjoy doing together.

Those with money tend to do the SAME kinds of things (stuff they enjoy), but they can get on a plane for a destination vacation as well. But the minibreaks are the same kinds of things. Something special once a month, or every couple of weeks, they go do as a family or couple.
________________________________

No... my husband and I make neither list. (either doing the things on it, nor being happy. 'Not being happy' is something of an understatement, actually). Ironically, those are things that

a) I USED to try and do/set up... but they became nightmares. My husband is a very unhappy/angry person who hated spending any kind of time with us.

b) minus the sex/romantic stuff... are things I DO do with my son! Which on the surface sounds creepy... but if I'm really looking at the list, it seems to be mostly involved with staying connected, not getting burnt out, keeping life interesting, enjoying each other's company, feeling comfortable enough to speak your mind/disagree and not have it become some kind of huge deal.

Huh.

4 moms found this helpful

I do all of those things, unless poverty keeps us from doing the vacation/monthly weekend breaks.

The lingering kiss can end in making love. Nothing wrong with that. Just because you or he don't want to make love, doesn't mean you shouldn't. Its one of those gifts of kindness you do for one another. I don't like taking out the trash or pulling weeds, but I do it because I love my wife and she wants me to. So I show my love indeed. (pun)

Yes. We think we are a happy couple. Good luck to you and yours.

4 moms found this helpful

LOL I think they failed to mention that these mythical "happy couples" apparently don't have kids. C'mon...a weekend getaway once a month? Really?

3 moms found this helpful

I think my husband and I are very happy. It's probably irritating to others, but we're just really compatible. Let's see...
We take a real vacation about every other year. Mini-breaks of 3 days or so, about twice a year.*
Lingering kisses most days of the week.
Saying I love you about 6 times a day. Always before we part ways, always when we hang up the phone.
No arguments, really. We're both pretty laid back.
*I wil say this, though...we both cultivate a kind of spirit of celebration in our everyday lives. When I come home from work on Friday, I say "I'm on vacation until Monday!" even if all we're doing is going to Home Depot and swimming lessons. We enjoy each others company whenever we get to be together, without waiting for an "occasion." I know we're not unique in that aspect, but for us, that's part of our glue. That, and we have a strong identity as a couple. We see ourselves as a team, working toward the same goal.
Now you made me want to call my husband!!:)

3 moms found this helpful

Hahaha!

Us? Meh....
A lingering kiss 6 days per week? Fail.
2 vacations per year AND mini-breaks? Fail.
Seems like we're doing OK on the ILYs and arguments! LOL

Well....ARE you happy?
I'm happy so I wouldn't base the state of my marriage on a "study"!

3 moms found this helpful

Hell, ANYONE would be happy with that many vacations!!

We say I love you multiple times a day.
We have HEATED arguments... often ;)
Lingering kiss? Why yes, I'll work on that when he gets home ;)

But the vacation thing... impossible!

They didn't mention other things like mutual respect, kindness, always putting the other person first, helping with the kids... so I'd say this is well far off the happy couples mark!!

3 moms found this helpful

We're very happy - we celebrate our 23rd anniversary this summer.
We kiss and say 'I love you' every day.
We argue maybe a few times a year - after 23 yeas plus 9 years courting - we've got most of the arguing out of our systems years ago.
We take a week long traveling vacation once every few years.
A lot of school break vacations we stay home and enjoy sleeping in.
We take a weekend short family get away trip maybe once a year.
We go out to eat once every few months.
This study must be talking about newly wed rich people.

2 moms found this helpful

How funny! The only thing I fail on is the mini-monthly vacations.. but I have to say I think me and my husband could be a lot happier and we do all those things so don't put too much thought into it... And healthy argument.. think more like healthy debate (where you disagree on something but it doesn't end in a blow-out). How sad that you don't kiss, we got out of the habit for a while but it makes things so much hotter and it's a way to connect so we don't plan on letting that slip again... think about it, how many people don't make out with their husbands? Doesn't that seem weird? And saying I love you all the time doesn't cheapen it, it lets the person you love know that you love them!

2 moms found this helpful

We fail it also. The healthy arguments is when you disagree and keep it clean and work it out in a compromise. They say that arguements are good for a marriage because it shows communication. No arguments usually means there is one of them holding it in, or both, and not solving the problems.

2 moms found this helpful

My hubby and I are very happy.

We do take vacations, but not twice a year. We do also try to get away for some weekends, but not once a month.

We have lingering kisses about 4 - 5 times a week when we make love. Like others have said, it would be torture for my hubby to engage in a lingering kiss that didn't end in sex!

We tell each other we love the other every day - and we mean it. It's not just something we say; there is feeling behind it.

We don't really argue so I guess we fail on that. We may disagree, but disagreements don't turn to arguments. We agree to disagree.

2 moms found this helpful

One a MONTH?? How much free time and money are people supposed to have? Also, my husband and I aren't arguers. We talk things out. We do kiss and say I love you. I guess we're good there.

I don't need someone to score me, we are very happy!! We're doing something right!

2 moms found this helpful

#1: we only do one big vacation at year, and a few short vacations here and there (PASS)
#2: he travels for work so we save our kisses for the weekends (FAIL)
#3:We have say " I love you" every day since we married (PASS)
#4: We do have "healthy" arguments every once in a while (assuming I know what it is a healthy argument), and a few no so healthy ones sometimes. (HALF POINT).
I think I barely made it, pheww!
Well, I still getting happy to see him every weekend...and he is still coming back home every weekend so we must be happy, lol.

2 moms found this helpful

We almost never vacation, lingering kisses other than during sex...fail, we say I love you numerous times a day, "healthy" arguments happen too often. As far as the tests go, we're about 50/50. As far as actual happiness levels go, not good. As far as how much stock I put into silly quizes &/or "should-be's", zero.

1 mom found this helpful

I agree with Riley on the vacations and mini-breaks. It doesn't have to be elaborate, it can simply be camping or driving a few hours away. My husband and I definitely do that. I'm in awe that so many people are without vacations. When my husband and I got married, we vowed that we would go overseas once a year. Sadly, we have broken that vow. We do take at least 2 vacations a year and every 3 months we'll do weekend get-aways in a state next door. We do also go to the mountains or drive for a few hours and have lunch in the next town over once a month. We do always take the kids with us and I am happy to do so. I love giving them the experience of travel. We're going to San Fran for Spring Break and will definitely go somewhere over the summer.

Lingering kiss 6 days a week - well - that's a fail for us. We work opposite each other and sometimes don't see each other at all (hence the importance of our vacations). I wish I had more day-to-day time with my husband. We have no help with the kids and don't use daycare.

We don't say I love you 4.5 times/wk. I have no idea how often we say it. We say it when we really feel/think about it. We also do say it more by our actions, like when he takes my car to work so he can have it filled with gas for me the next morning, with coffee waiting for me in the cupholder.

We do have our healthy arguments, but again, not sure how often. I usually don't track such things.

If you were to ask me if I am happy, I would say no. I work too much and would like to have more time with my family. If you were to ask me if I am happy in my marriage, then the answer would be yes. I am thankful everyday that I am married to my husband.

1 mom found this helpful

The vacations are out, with kids in school and a husband who works extremely hard one time a year is all we get for vacation. However, we do try to always do something little for ourselves, such as coffee from Starbucks every weekend.

We say I love you several times a day not because it feels forced or because we feel we must but rather because we're just that way, and always have been.

The lingering kiss comes and goes but we're always very hands-y with each other and I don't mean in a sexual way.

We don't argue but we have regular discussions about random topics on the news or about our government.

1 mom found this helpful

Oooo, what a fun question! First, my husband and I are very very happy. ^_^

take vacations at least 2x/year and shorter mini-breaks (i.e. weekend getaways) once a month
> Actually, I haven't had a real vacation since 2008. Financially, it just isn't feasible. Mini-breaks - what are those? Do the kids come along? If so, is it really a break? Anyway, I think I fail.

have a lingering kiss 6 days/week
> If you're excluding sex, some weeks, but not every week.

say i love you 4.5 times/week
> Do I get extra credit? We say it several times a day, every single day. Every time we say good-bye, almost even time we hang up the phone, randomly when it strikes us, etc. I understand why your husband feels like he does, but I have always felt that, should something tragic happen, I always want the last words I said to my husband to be, "I love you." I never, ever want to think that I didn't say it to him enough, but I promise you, I mean it every time I say it.

have a healthy argument once/week
> Argument is a strong word, but I think I can say yes. We certainly debate, discuss, dissect, disagree, and work it out, etc. every week. I think that's probably what they mean. BTW, a healthy argument means no name-calling, no yelling, no hard feelings afterwards.

I guess I get like a 2.75/4? We pass, but we're not acing it. Oh well. I'll have to go let him know we're not that happy, after all. ^_~

1 mom found this helpful

I don't know who the study participants were or how they came to draw such ridiculous conclusions! I also think there's no such thing as a "healthy" argument! My husband and I will be celebrating our 21st wedding anniversary on 9 Feb. We love and respect each other. We share chores and work outside the home to provide the best possible environment for our kids to grow in. Last "holiday" was 1 night away - just hubby and I - last year (which I bought in lieu of birthday presents and anniversary present for both of us). We are very happy! Of course, we'd LOVE to have the time and money for vacations but we're happy at home too! We occasionally have a difference of opinion which we need to deal with, but imo happiness is finding a win-win compromise and NOT arguing until someone gives in! I do say "I love you" a lot .... that's because my father-in-law died recently and I want to make sure that ALL my loved ones KNOW I love them should any of us die suddenly! Lingering kiss = foreplay ... sorry, that's just how it is! :)

1 mom found this helpful

Ha, ha.

You are not the only one that "fails" this test.

1 mom found this helpful

haha getaway once a month? sure because we have hit the jackpot!!! NOT.
but we pass 1, 3, and 4.
we believe in vacations throughout the year, whether mini or longer. it is the only time our phones don't ring, we have nowhere to go, to cook, clean, work etc. we do not plan our vacations like others months in advance because with our work we just can't, but usually 2-3 weeks before we say alright let's do it, and we do. we never get great travel deals but that's because of our work schedule.
we used to have arguments often but i got on happy pills and now we barely fight. i seem more understanding of males :)

1 mom found this helpful

hmmm vacations---i'd love one...we do mini ones sometimes but not a big one
lingering kiss---pass
love you-pass
argument-pass but i didn't think that was a good thing, i thought that was bc were new (only over a year) and still working out the kinks- i would think they get less frequent the more you know eachother?

1 mom found this helpful

We are very happy, and do most of those things, and we have 2 kids.

We do take vacations usually 2x a year, and we do take mini-breaks, but not every month.

We also don't argue much. We disagree on things, but rarely really argue.

1 mom found this helpful

We area a happy couple. I can see how these can all be beneficial in a strong relationship. As for the vacations, we visit family a few times a year, and no to the mini-breaks (is that without kids)? Who can afford to do that?

We fail on the lingering kiss... maybe once or twice a week?
We say I love you, way more than that!

As for the healthy argument, we have healthy discussions and disagreements every few weeks, which are usually stemmed from stress or misunderstandings and our typically resolved within 5 minutes or so... we argue maybe every few months, but even those are usually solved relatively quickly, like an hour or two.

1 mom found this helpful

We pass 100%. BUT we don't have kids yet, so I expect that will change in the future! As we are now, though, we are very happy, and it's only getting better. :)

No vacations in fact I lol"d at that one.

Lingering kisses yes, but it does end in sex.

We say I love you more than once a day.

Yes at least one spirited argument a week.

Updated

I notice it didn't say "what happy couples WITH KIDS do..."

If "argument" means "discussion of opposing views" - then we're all good except on the once a month.

Oh - and we also fail on the lingering kiss.

We fail on the vacation, we don't spend the money but what we do is to make sure that we have "our time"...even if it's just a movie from Redbox or one in DVD collection. The last vacation we had was an all expense paid trip my husband won from work that was 2 1/2 years ago.

We totally fail on the lingering kiss too.

My husband is not a "i love you" type guy. He says it and when he says it he means it. It's not just another statement. (not that anyone who does say 4.5 times a week is saying just a statement, it's just how we feel)

Argument...we are alike in so many ways, and yet when we disagree we disagree. We have learned the others communication ways and we discuss more than argue. We do get over quickly and move on. We don't hold things against each other.

I am happy, and I believe he is happy, there are no indications that we are not.

People that take lots of trips without the kids must have an awesome family or sitter. I can't go away for a weekend without the kids (at least not the little one) every month. So maybe a future goal, but not now. I also freelance, so any time off is unpaid. Last year I ate 3 weeks on 2 trips and that really hurt. I've already raised the concern to DH that I can't do that again. We say I love you all the time. We don't have a lot of arguments and I guess it depends on what you consider "lingering".

I think that it's important to stay connected. If it's talking on your commute or popping in a DVD or sharing news...DH and I have gotten into watching Community - we can spare 30 minutes at the end of the night for something we both enjoy and to laugh together. On DVD means we watch on our own time.

Like B, I wonder if these are rich, childless newlyweds.

We take mini-get aways a lot! Starting in March we'll be gone a lot. With the kids, but we have our own room ;).

Not so much on the lingering kiss...kids are always around.

We say "I love you" at least 4.5 times a day.

Healthy argument? Umm...sometimes we fight big, but not normally. I'd say we disagree several times per week, if that counts :).

Oh brother, who on Earth, married or not, is able to take a weekend away once a month? Celebrities I guess, lol!
We do take vacations/trips a few times a year, but it's almost always as a family.
Lingering kisses? Nope, hardly.
Say I love you? Pretty much every day, it's part of our morning goodbye ritual, along with a peck and a squeeze.
Healthy argument? Well we do argue off and on, especially when we are having a hard time agreeing on discipline or some other aspect of parenting, and of course, we argue politics ;)
Ah, yet another "study" to make us question everything we are doing!

We are happy. We definitely don't do the vacations unless visiting out of state family counts. We do say I love you. I don't know how often. We do have lingering kisses pretty much every day. We do argue about stupid things like if he used his turn signal or if I called a duck a goose, but I would say it is maybe once a month, not once a week. We discuss things frequently and we don't always agree...I wonder if the researchers consider this arguing?

This is such an important topic! ALL these things are addressed by the best therapist I know, Dr. Raymond Jones: http://aspencenter.org/

Vacations - FAIL!
Lingering Kisses - Fail, but mainly because at the moment we are only able to physically see each other on the weekends
I Love You's - Pass :) We say it every time we get off the phone, or leave the house
Healthy Arguments - What's that? If it's an argument over gay rights, or other world issues where we are on the opposing teams and we have a debate over it... Then we pass :)

I kind of disagree with the healthy argument once a week. That sounds a bit excessive, and I don't think it's healthy.

But we fail on the other counts. And I don't think we're a particularly happy couple. Other than the argument, maybe my husband and I should incorporate the other 4 things if we are going to manage to stay together.

But then again, I would have to be the one to initiate everything.

We fail in all aspects too except we probably over say I love you.

All but the vacations... but hubby is only home 2 days a week - does that count as vacation, lol.

(kisses are used up on the weekends)

My husband and I have never had a night away from the kids or a vacation where we weren't visiting family-we will this year however! We have a "lingering kiss 4 or 5 times a week, rarely argue-disagree yes! As for the saying I love you-at least 2 times a day.

we would get about a 50%. We do date nights once or twice a month. We take a vacation 1x/year. We say "I love you" a couple times a day and have a lingering kiss every day. We don't really argue. We are very happy:)

I have a wonderful and happy marriage. We say 'I love you' several times a day. This can NEVER be said enough or too much. We do lingering kisses ONLY when it can end in sex. We very rarely have an argument. And we have never had a vacation in our 14 years of marriage.

Vacation, getaway...what is that??? Wait, I think we had a vacation the first year we met and put everything on credit cards. Lingering kisses probably happen 3 days a week. We say I love you a lot, like at least 5 times a day. I've never thought of saying it often as cheapening it. I like it because it's a reminder to slow down life and just love my husband. We probably have a disagreement once a week or so. Actual fights are quite rare with us. We do our best to resolve it as a disagreement before it becomes a fight.

I wouldn't let this survey affect you..there isn't one recipe to a happy couple..happiness is being w/ the person you love and want to be with...you can be anywhere and be happy if you're with the one you love....

xo

D.

We fail, and have an amazing relationhip. We never fight. We say I love you every night when going to bed. We only have a lingering kiss if proceeding to sex, and that may be every other week (sometimes once a week). We NEVER get to go on vacation. We have a 7 and 9 year old and we have never left them yet. We are, though, best freinds and have a great relationship.