This Is So Scary!!! What Would You Say to Your Child?

You need to call the school social worker and tell her exactly what you wrote here. The social worker can't tell you anything but she can check into this. My youngest son has in the past battled depression. When he was about 9 or maybe almost 10 he told the social worker that sometimes he wished he was dead so he didn't feel like this. We are lucky that we had a support system in place around him. My older son had a child commit suicide his freshman year. It is scary scary stuff. you need to contact someone at the school besides the teacher. on the off chance that she just pushes it aside as not being a real statement.

8 moms found this helpful

First of all thank your daughter for telling you. Try to stay calm and matter of fact.
Let her know it is also good that the teacher was told.

Then explain that suicide does not help anyone, instead it hurts everyone else.

This little girl that said this must feel very lonely, frightened and scared. These are not reasons to hurt ourselves.

Then ask your daughter "If someone was bullying you, what could you do?"
Then discuss options.

Let her know that you will always love her, you will always be there for her and that NO ONE else can make us feel bad about ourselves.. That bullies say mean things because they are not happy with themselves.

Tell her if she ever feels hurt, frightened or scared, you will be there for her and that if you are not there at that moment, teachers, Principals, and then think of other family and friends she could speak with. will always be willing to listen and be on her side. .

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Call the guidance counselor at the school tomorrow. If you tell them this, by law they have to get involved. Tell her you know this. She will call the parents.

It will make you feel better, and you'll sleep better at night.
D.

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Please take it seriously. Talk to the school about it first thing in the morning. It's really not uncommon in many areas, and schools are supposed to know how to intervene with a suicidal student. Poor girl. Your daughter did the right thing to tell you.

3 moms found this helpful

Hi Mama,

Tween agers is a very hard age group, they are growing up too young. I had a similar situation.

I told the girl that was here to help or listen but encouraged her to talk to her parents. I also told the girl that I would be talking to her Mom too, because being open with the Mom was important.

Some parents may not be open to your help, but it is important for you to reach out.

You may also send the girl to the school counselor.

Good luck. Keep those doors open to your child. The pressures only get stronger as they get older = (

R. Magby

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Do EXACTLY what Dawn B. said. First thing tomorrow, call the guidance counselor. If you get her voice mail, don't leave a message. Call the school again and ask if someone can locate her, that you must speak to him/her immediately b/c it is urgent. If necessary, go there in person. You must speak with her right away. This is too serious for you to leave a voice mail message, so insist that someone finds him/her immediately. Bullying is all over the news. Also - if the guidance counselor is not there tomorrow, then speak with the principal.

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I would go to the teacher tomorrow morning and ask her if she does indeed know about the situation (not calling your daughter a liar or anything -but sometimes things get lost in translation with kids!) and I would ask her if she spoke to the girl and her parents and the boy and his parents. If she hasn't, I would ask her why not, and then I would call the girl's parents myself. Normally I'm not so eager to stick my nose into others' business, but your daughter is upset by this and due to the rash of media reports lately and the suicides from bullying, this girl's parents need to know immediately and the child doing the bullying needs to be dealt with immediately.

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The parents NEED to know. Please contact them ASAP. This child needs help and doesn't know how to get it so she is reaching out. My daughter was tortured in school and my husband and I never let it go. Back then they didn't have all of the anti bullying laws they do now so my fight was a tough one. The computer is the biggest source of bullying for most children and as we know by past stories it can push a child to do horrible things. Bullying has been around for hundreds of years, but it has really risen to such dangerous and life threatening levels. Technology can be a wonderful thing but unfortunately most children are not monitored by their parents and it can make a child's life hell. Please get involved!!!!

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A previous daycare child of mine is 10 now and he just spent 3-4 weeks in 2 different psychiatric wards because he was feeling sucidal and drew a picture about it and told a friend. It should be dealt with immediately, even if it means being in the hospital for awhile.

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I would be in the principal's office tomorrow morning! With all the suicides in the news recently that stemmed from bullying, the principle is sure to take action. If you can talk with the friend's mother, I would do that too.
9 is not too young either. I have read medical charts in prisons, and I frequently see people who attempted suicide multiple times, starting around 10 years old.

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It is all over the news. I'm sure that is where the child heard about it. I hope the child's parents were told of the incident so they can keep a close eye on the child.

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Let your daughter talk openly to you about this and anything else. But first I would call the school and talk to the principal or go there personally if you can to talk to him/her. This is serious. The bullying alone is serious. Our schools deal with it quite seriously and hopefully your daughter's school will too. That needs to be taken care of ASAP. She may only be 9, but is very capable of committing suicide. Let the school councelor talk to her parents, that is their job, not yours. They will, but she needs an advocate and that is you at this moment. If you haven't already called the school, do so now. I hope your daughter recovers from this and that this little girl doesn't feel this way anymore and that the bully is punished. Good luck and God Bless.

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Contact the school or if you have the number, the parents. In my view, you can't do anything other than be honest with your daughter...sometimes people get so upset over their problems that they do it, but that doesn't make it right. When we have a problem we do exactly what you did, come talk to your parents.

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it needs to be taken seriously, please. whatever you need to do, the girl needs professional intervention/ help.

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Even if it is just talk, you MUST notify the parents of the child who said this. They would want to know. I would also email the teacher asking how this was being handled and CC the principal. I would have a serious talk with my daughter about how serious it is, how our actions (the bully) affect others, how life is precious, even when it is hard, and how proud you are of her for coming to you.

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I didn't read the rest of your responses, but I have been acutely following the recent child suicides due to bullying and I am very, very concerned. I would not be comfortable thinking that the teacher is going to handle it because lo and behold, that same scenario failed in a couple of the recent suicides. The school/teacher dropped the ball. The bullied child's parents MUST hear about this. Can you call them, somehow let them know? Since it's your daughter's friend, I'm sure you can find a way to get in touch with them. I really encourage you to be that "village" that helps this child. I know I would be so very thankful if someone were to do this for me.

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I don't know what to tell you but I have been hearing all sorts of things on the news. The first I heard was that college boy who killed himself, then an 8 year old boy in an elementary school bathroom. I don't know what's going on and I think it's outrageous, kids shouldn't be thinking about this kind of thing. I would talk to the school if I were you and make mention on this. Sometimes things need to go beyond the teachers and to the principal or school board. Just tell your daughter to stay calm and think happy thoughts. Good luck and sorry to hear about this.

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Okay, I agree this is serious, but let's take a step back here...the teacher knows about the situation. I am sure the teacher is handling it and has probably gotten the principal and the girl's parents involved. You do not need to show up pounding on the administration's door with this issue. I would suggest maybe mentioning something to the teacher since your child is concerned and you know about it, but again, trust that the teacher is handling it. I would maybe say something like...'hey, Daughter came home and told me about a bullying situation with Girl and that Girl mentioned suicide to Daughter...can you fill me in on more of what happened?'... and go from there. Yes, this is serious, but don't jump to conclusions.

I also agree that you should talk with your daughter about what suicide is...make sure she's clear on it. Talk about bullying and ways to get help. There is a lot of talk about bullying and suicide in the news after the college boy and his video release on the internet, and kids are hearing a lot of info, accurate and not, I'm sure. It is scary that even 9 year olds are touched by these things and have these words in their vocabulary. I hope this situation is resolved peacefully! Good luck!

The first thing you need to do is contact the girl's parents. They need to know, so they can talk to her about this. It is serious, but as one person said, you can't demand that the administrators tell you anything, because they can't. I wouldn't trust that the teachers are doing their jobs tho, how often does that actually work in a situation like this, especially if the child who is doing the bullying is a "popular" child or one who's family has a prominent last name in your town. As a victim of bullying since I was 5, I know how that goes, they don't listen to people like me, because we aren't the popular kid with money, we are the obvious trouble makers, even if we don't do drugs, smoke or drink. Just talk to your daughter about it and try and contact the parents of the girl.
Good luck with this, bullying issues are never easy, but we need to build better support systems for the kids who are being bullied.