This Feels like a Stupid question...high Functioning Autism

I hear you completely! Not only that, but when I tackle the different therapy options, I hear, "But he's already doing so great. Why do you need to try something else?" Yes, he is doing great, and I am so very thankful. But I also know that I will keep fighting for him for the rest of my life, just as I will fight for all my kids no matter their needs.

My son needs very minor modifications, to the point that in most cases, people don't know that he has a diagnosis. But it's for those times that he needs modifications, that I need to say, "He has autism," for the times when no one can console him as silent crocodile tears run down his face for fear that if he speak, he'll lose it completely... Even though those times are few and far between, it's when our needs are great.

Maybe that's it. Maybe it's not that others have more needs. It's that they have more times when they are in need of support. I am thankful that my times of need are not as often, but I am also thankful that when I have times of need, the support is readily available.

My two oldest have ADHD, it was so easy to deal with so I never bothered with IEPs and all that jazz. My third is PDD, even with him I feel no need throwing it out there that he is Autism spectrum. He has a lot of issues but nothing we can't really deal with.

What is odd is there tends to be two things that compel me to throw it out there. Someone treating Andy badly or someone with a very mild case attention seeking. Strange I know. I mean the treating Andy badly is kind of a no brainer. It is that people bitching about how hard their life is when it really isn't gets to me.

What I have realized it is the attention seeking aspect of it that drives me nuts. It is the look at how hard my life is, look at me, no, sorry, can't look at you, I am too worried about your child, ya know, the one who actually has the disorder. I just don't like attention seekers, my issues I know. That and no matter how it effects me it clearly effects Andy more. He is happy, why should I complain.

I know you want to hear from other Moms, but may I add something from a former teacher's persepective? Thank you, thank you, for accepting help for your son. The goal is to meet each child's needs. With your great attitude, I encourage you to continue to accept help as needed, work with the system to increase or decrease services as necessary and keep on lovin' that dear child. And please know, the "classification" is not about your son, but about the way the education system needs to define characteristics, so that children may receive services. Years ago, there was a popular saying: "Labels are for jelly jars, not kids." I love that saying!

My son is a very high functioning Autistic child and has an IEP. I have felt guilty at times because there are kiddos in his school that for some reason just can't get a diagnosis of any kind and can't get the services they need. My son gets services that at times it probably appears to outsiders that he doesn't need. I was told by one of his teachers that she loved having him in her class, 1st because he a great kid and second because he has a classroom para as part of his IEP. When my son doesn't need the help of the para, she is able to help others in the classroom and that in turn helps the teacher.

I understand your feelings and where you are coming from, but hold on to any services and help with both hands. My son is now in the 8th grade and I'm told that the school will probably try to eliminate his IEP before he moves to High School, Aint Happenin', No Way, No How. As classes get harder, etc. he's going to need the help.

Take Care,

M.

I know exactly what you mean! I have a 10 year old who has Asperger's. Every year presents its own challenges, but for the most part he does well in the mainstream setting. I have often thought of joining a support group for parents of autistic children, but feel guilty because I know our problems are minimal in comparison. I always felt like we are between the worlds of special need and neurotypical kids.

I can tell you that as my son gets older I see more and more of a gap between him and his peers. I'm so thankful to have a school that is proactive in his needs. I had to fight for help in our old school district. He was just too high functioning for it to be obvious to them.

One thing I have learned is that you have to keep on top of things and be your son's advocate. His needs will change as he gets older and the IEP will make a bigger difference. Just because other kid's needs are more apparent does not make your son's needs any less important.

I know exactly how you feel, I've been there, I'm still there sometimes. It sounds like you are doing a great job, keep it up!

It's a very easy trap to get stuck in, isn't it? We're so conditioned to be grateful for what we have, as we should be, that when we do need help legitimately we still feel guilty for it. That even when we have a child with special needs such as ASD we feel we have to qualify it with, "... but we do realize that so many other families have a child/family member with much more severe autism ... '

I have to remind myself not to compare my daughter's ASD to another person who has ASD. There are so many different Autisms and they're all equally valid. They're all a challenge in different ways for every single individual. They all change as they get older. Some issues improve while others get worse. New issues pop up. Everything fluctuates. We have good days, bad days, good weeks, bad weeks... and yes we've had months at a time where it was simply tragic.

Then we have a really great stretch of time and everything seems to go so smoothly and even I wonder if maybe I was wrong, but really I should have been waiting for the other shoe to drop. And still, as bad as it can get for us, as horrible as her worst days and moments can be, I know that there are people out there that have it so much more severely nearly constantly.

That doesn't minimize what we go through or what our challenges are. Our experiences are still our own. And what it comes right down to is I don't know how very difficult it actually is for my daughter because her verbal skills aren't on par with those of her peers. She can't tell me what it's really like for her or how difficult. I only get glimpses.

So I blog and I research and I read other people's ASD blogs. I especially enjoy blogs written by autistics.

I don't have anything with ADHD or Autism but my sons have a bleeding disorder. When my oldest was 5, I signed him up with the Starlight Foundation. When we go to activities, I feel out of place. Looking at my son, you would not know he has any type of life threatening condition. When we go to the acitivities they have for the kids, I feel out of place. He has mentioned it recently also. The events are fun but so many of the kids there have major issues: wheelchairs, paralyzation, burned, and other stuff. I was told he qualified for Make A Wish but that really feels awkward to make a request when there are a lot of kids dealing with much more important things like cancer and other immediate issues. It makes you appreciate how good you really have it--and want to help even more. My son has even agreed with me that when he is older, he wants to volunteer to help at the events.

I have similar feelings myself about asking for help for my autistic son. I'm not certain where he ranks on the spectrum exactly. He is in kindergarten this year and academically ranks at the level or far surpasses his peers however he also is nonverbal and has many other issues. He is not mainstreamed. I feel very lucky that while yes my son has issues he is perfectly healthy and happy. I'm learning that sometimes us parents with special needs kiddos who while special needs are not severe in one way or another need to cut ourselves some slack. Yes, there are many that have it harder than we do but we too have issues that need to be addressed and challenges that need to be either overcome or circumvented in some way.

Cut yourself some slack mama and why do you feel embarrassed?