Thinking of Going Back to Work

I currently have a 15 month old daughter and both my husband and I work full time. To be honest - it sucks not being able to spend all the time in the world with my little one. However, I tell myself that it is good for her to have playmates. Right now, both my husband and I have to work in order to keep things status quo. I have been told by many people that being there when they are young is so essential but that sometimes it is frustrating. And then when they are older (in the pre-teens and teens) it's more essential to be home with them then. Only you know what the right choice is. Have you thought about doing daycare to have extra income so you can stay home w/ your children? I know if I had it my way, I would probably work part-time (Tues-Wed-Thurs). I know this probably doesn't help you much, but if I had it my way, I would stay home with my baby. Only seeing her for 2-3 hours a night is a total drag. I don't get to do much with her. By the time I get her home from daycare, it's 6pm, then dinner at 6:30pm, then bath at 7pm and then bedtime between 7:45/8:30pm. I do have time with her in the morning for about 1 hour but to me, it's not a enough. On the other side - I like my job and doing appreciate getting away for awhile and being able to be with other adults and having adult conversations.

Again - only you know what's right for you. Look into your heart and family and you will find your answer.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi L.,
Well first off theres no advice any of us can "give" you. In my opion staying home with your child or going to work while you have children is a personal choice and we each do what he are able, capable and can afford to do.
I would look at a couple areas first
1 you going back to work, you have to put your children in daycare (wether it be a home daycare or preschool setting whatever you decide) financially are you and will you be able to afford this on whatever salary you are gonna be able to bring in?
2 Lets look at gas prices these days you would be driving from home to daycare, to work and then back to daycare and back home again. So I would say what 25 miles round trip maybe more maybe less herE again depending on job location and daycare location.
3 daycare depending on what type of daycare you put them in depends on how much you are going to pay. Also if you were going to go with a learning type like a preschool how often are they out of school, are they closed for major holidays and even the not so major ones and are you going to take of those days or find other child care. And what things do you have to supply some places want you to bring lunches, provide snacks etc.
4 Lets look at mundane things like housecleaning, laundry, meal preparation, the grocery store, all these things will have to wait for the weekend to get accomplished unless you try to do these things during the evening.
5 clothing. This might not seem like a big deal but you can't very well wear the same clothes every day so depending on wear you are working depends on what you need such as do you need nice dressy suit sets things like this. This is an expense for you and for your kids.
5 lets go with food. you now will need breakfast for you, and both kids easy things (also depending on daycare, what time you are leaving in the morning) to eat while on the go, don't forget your lunch. All though this doesn't seem like a big deal it's still an expense. What about if you want to or have to go out to lunch with employees.

Overall these are the money expense part of going back to work.
Let's look at the benefits of you staying home until your youngest is in school. No daycare costs, not really a clothing expense to speak of, no wear and tear on the car not really anyway, no getting stuck in rush hour traffic or sitting on the freeway with it snowing, raining, sleeting or the sun shining looking like a parking lot. No getting out in the 90 degree sun or 15 degree cold weather if you don't want to or need to.
The biggest benefit that I see is that you will have seen your children go from being a newborn and going through every stage seeing every milestone, kissing every boo boo and making it better. These things are truely priceless and it's something you never forget.
Does this mean you should stay home NO you need to do what is best for you, your family and your kids. And not you or anybody else should make you feel guilty for that. I have been on both sides of this fence I worked outside the home for 10 years and loved it but when I started staying home it was and still is the best choice I have made for MY family. But also to help support my family I'm a home child care provider. I can tell you that it is overwelming at times to get dinner done and cleaned up, kids their baths and in bed, house picked up and ready for the next day wether it be staying at home taking care of other peoples children/and my own or going to work. I know this much that with you staying home you still "work". You work at home taking care of and loving your children and that is something all in its own. I wish you good luck in making your decision. Your kids will like whichever you decide if they go to daycare it will be new and exciting for them. if they stay home they will never know the difference. For me it was easy to leave my job I loved what I did but I didn't like who I was working for and wasn't making enough money. There isn't enough money in this world to pay me to go back to work there or anywhere else. I can also tell you they grow up so faster than we would all like them to. W. mom of 4 and home child care provider.

Only you can decide what's best for you. y advice is stay home with them as long as you can. I worked until my daughter was 2 years old and I've stayed at home with her the last year and a half. I don't beat myself up for missing out on the first two years, but I just can't justify missing out on the time with her now. The way I see it, $10 an hour isn't worth being away from her, it's literally priceless.

In a few years you kids will be in school, you'll still have your degree then. Think about going back to work when they're in school.

I stayed at home with my daughter until she was 2 and I was forced to get a job due to divorce. I can tell you this, it was the most heartbreaking pain I have been through. She clung to me crying...every day...for years! Some kids are different and they love going to a day care situation but leaving my daughter for 10 hours in the care of someone else seemed so wrong. I still have a hard time with it and she's 10 now. I would really give it some thought. I'm not sure where you live but day care for both of your kids could run about $200 a week. I know for my daughter alone it was $125 a week. You might think about working part-time, that way you get the benefit of feeling like you're doing something for yourself (listening to Barney all day can send you into a coma)and the kids may get the benefit of being with other kids in a social environment which would get them ready for the rigors and structure of school. You would be amazed how time goes by so quickly and you can't get those years back.

I f you don't have to work don't. Letting someone else raise tyour kids is not why you had them. If you can find a job where you work from home that is better. My Mothere in-law was had an in home daycare and she told me the sads thing was know that she got to see all of these kids first and not there parents and they would rathere stay with her then go home in the evening because they thought of her as there mom. So please stay home you can work when there older. If you have questions about at home work send me a message. L.

I have been on both sides worked outside the home, daycare provider, and also been stay at home mom with no extra job as if having 4 kids isnt enough, I decided I would do both again.
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Good luck with your job decision, this has been the best decision for me. Being home with the kids and still working a few nights a week.

I have been on both sides and I will tell you the best thing for me was to be at home with my kids I felt like I was missing out on so much. There are other ways of doing it if you need the income I found a team to help me where I was able to stay at home with my kids. I have been home since February and it is the best choice that I made for my family and I if you want more info about this you can e-mail me ____@____.com

Hi my name is N. and I am a Sales Director with Mary Kay. I would love to share with you how you could make some extra money with a Mary Kay business. The great thing about a Mary Kay business is you get to have the best of both worlds. You can stay at home, but work when you want, on your own terms. You can work Mary Kay around your family. New consultants start out by making an average of $50-$75 an hour, and you are having fun. We have no territories. So if you need to move you can take your business with you. Also my unit is in 12 states, so we can train you at one of our local sales meetings. Let me know if you would like some more information on how to make some extra cash, for those little extras.

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You can go to my website, and click on about the company to learn more.

Hi there L.. I have a 12 month old and I am seriously considering (putting in some applications now) on working outside the home just part time. I am loosing focus here at home, and driving myself crazy without adult conversation, etc. My SIL suggested it, and the fact that if I make no money and only come out even with money made and money spent on babysitting, it would help me with my need to get out of the house a few hours a week, and some adult conversation. I also think it will help my little one, since contact with other children at church nursey and a moms group I am in really is minimal. He can learn so much from other children, etc.

I tried the work from home thing with several different companies in the past several years (Mary Kay, Avon, Pampered Chef, and several others), and it just wasn't it for me. I need a reliable income and hours that I can plan the rest of my scchedule around.

Hope my story will help you. Good luck in what you decide.

A.

I'm a full-time working mom of 2. I have to work because we cannot make it on my husbands salary. Can I just say don't do it if you don't have to. IT SUCKS leaving your kiddos. You think they grow up fast now- wait till you're away from them 40 hours a week. I feel guilty a lot and I wish I was able to stay at home. I know being a stay at home mom is the hardset job in the world and I respect all moms who do it. Just remember you can't put a price tag on time with your kids and the money is really not worth it.
Best of luck to you. It's a hard decision, I know.

I guess I'm in the minority - but I support mothers working outside the home. Obviously you do need to consider the financial pros and cons -- can you make more than enough to compensate the day care fees and additional gas expenses?

But I see that, if placed in a good and nurturing environment, children excel in day care. As an example, my daughter has been in formal full-time daycare since age 1 (she's now 6) and I have a nephew that is a year older, but was at home until he went to Kindergarten. I saw him a xmas of that school year and he was so proud that he could count to 20 and could do 1-5 in spanish. My daugher, again being a year younger, could already count to 100 and do 1-10 in spanish. So she was much more advanced in her learning because she had more structured play at day care than I would have done at home. Also, she started Kindergarten this year and that first month she had a few classmates that sucked their thumb or refused to do their assignments at their desk (they prefered to sit on the floor) and they had stay-at-home moms up until the first day of school. They were not prepared at all for the environment.

I've met stay at home moms and they talk about watching TV shows when their kids are still up and they just have them play in the other room, or things like that. Since I have limited time with my daugher, my time is with her until she's in bed. No TV, no laundry, etc. My evenings are spent with her. So I have just as much quality time with her than some stay at home moms that spend the time making dinner, doing laundry, running errands, etc. So again, I fully support quality day care and do not feel it detracts from the special moments with your children.

I would suggest taking this in phases. Phase 1 would be putting the kids in a mother's day out program where they are in a day care setting for half a day (10-4 I think is standard) once a week. You'd just need to make sure it's a program that teaches the kids things through play, versus a free-for-all baby-sitting service.

Phase 2 would be part time day care - either half days or a few full days a week. This would give you time to do a part time job for that extra income and adult interaction! Your 3 year old will need pre-school before Kindergarten anyway, so this setting can also prepare him for his time away from you and the structure/tules he'll experience in the classroom.

Phase 3, if needed, would be the full-time day care. This could very well wait until your oldest is in K since he could do full day K or an afterschool program, while your youngest adapts to a full-day program.

This was probably more info than you needed, but I had a lot to say! I wish you luck.

I see that you have gotten lots of response, but I thought I would throw in my view point here.
I have worked outside the home, went to college and now I am a stay at home mom. I have to say that I wouldn't trade my life now for the life back then. I was never able to spend enough time with my children because I was tired or because there was dinner to be made, chores to be done, etc. I don't own a TV so we never just set the kids aside to do that. My marriage suffered and my husband and I grew distant. My children were being raised by someone else, and when my daughter took her first step at daycare, I had had enough. I came home that year and I have been home ever since!! I homeschool my children and we have an amazing relationship!! I would not trade this for any amount of money. I have been offered SEVERAL jobs and after thinking about what I would be losing, the money just wasn't worth it.
I think you have to look at what is most important to you and realize that there will be time for other things later, but your time to be with your child is NOW. I have teenage children, but my time to be with them is also, NOW.
I was a childcare provider for 7 years and that provided extra income. Now I work part-time with the company Melaleuca and I love it. It works around my life!! Not my life around it.
Whatever you choose to do, remember, you have your WHOLE life ahead of you to work outside the home, but you only have 18 years to raise your child.
If you are just looking for adult stimulation, join and Mom's group in your community or get involved in church activities. If you need extra money, work from home. I am not trying to be pushy, but I have seen so many moms who work outside the home and then regret it later (my mother, my sister-in-law, myself, etc.)
I hope that helps.

L.,

Why do you want to go back to work? Is it a need for money? Or a desire to be creative? Or do you feel the desire to get back out in the working world with adults each day?

Reason I ask is there are ways to make money from home and to be creative from home.

I own a business from home and I'm also a "telecommuter/independent contractor" (work at home jobs). The jobs help pay the bills and the business allows me to be creative.

I worked outside the home for the first 6 months of my oldest sons life. It was out of a need to. It was only 3 days a week, but those 3 days a week were enough for me to say this isn't for me.

I quit and started working from home. For me, it was the right choice. It isn't the best for everyone and I know that. And it is overwhelming at times.

I'd say look at your reasons why you want to work and that might help you make a choice.

If you do go outside of the home to work I'd be sure you do a really thorough job of researching the potential daycares and ask for the recommendations of other mothers. I'm sure there are still some really wonderful daycares out there.

Good luck with your choice.

I was in the exact same situation. I graduated from college when I was 2 months pregnant with my son. I never thought I'd be a stay at home mom because I worked so hard to get my degree. I stayed home while I was pregnant and until my son was 8 months old. I thought I am ready to get to work, didn't think I'd have a problem leaving him etc. I worked full time during the day for about 2 months and hated it and felt guilty the whole time. I changed my hours so I was home pretty much all day and went to worked in the evenings, which worked out great for us. Now, I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old and am thinking about going to work during the day. My son is in school parttime and my daughter could use some time away from me. I think it is really up to you and what you really want to do. Your kids are older and may enjoy being around other kids. If you decide to go work and you hate it you can always change. I am planning on working parttime and putting my daughter in a MDO preschool program while my son is in school. Everyone is right this is totally up to. I just wanted to let you know I know exactly how you feel. I feel like I worked so hard for my BA and haven't really used it like I thought I would. Although I am glad I have been able to stay home with my kids, I am ready for a change.
Good Luck!

This sounds just like my situation! Except I'll be going to pharmacy school next fall instead of work, and it it means I'd be gone on a "full-time" basis at class so we'd also have to rely on preschool/daycare. I have no doubt it will be hard, probably more so for me than them! I actually take my kids to daycare just one afternoon a week right now while I finish my undergrad degree, and they love it! They hate to leave when I come pick them up because they are having so much fun playing with other kids their age and with all kinds of fun toys that we don't have at home. I think the biggest thing would be to find a childcare provider who is on the same page as you with problem-solving, discipline issues, feeding, schedules, etc... Then you can have peace of mind when you drop them off for the day, and also the transition for them will be a little smoother if things aren't too terribly different from rules and practices at home.

I know for my situation my kids will both be preschool age (3 & 4) when I begin pharm school, so they'd be gone part of the day anyway for that. I may as well get some schooling in too while they do, that way I can better my family's living situation for the future, you know?

I completely understand what your going through. I am having a return to work or stay home dilemma myself ....my maternity leave is up next month but I have yet to find a daycare situation that I am comfortable with. I have a soon to be 4 yr old girl and a 6 week old son. I went back to work when my daughter was only 3 months old. I lucked out and find a wonderful lady to watch her. If you can find an awesome person it makes the transition much easier. Speaking from experience it is very hard to see them only at night and weekends. You have to do all you can to cram a lot in those precious hours.