Thinking About No.3?

I contemplated the same thing a while back. A few women I worked with said they regretted not having 3 as they had kids in high school/college now. I didn't want to look back and be past the point of having kids to say I regretted not having 3, so I did. I am completely happy with my family, we actually added a 4th and life is as it should be, my kids always have playmates and I can't complain. :)

I am 33 and the oldest of 6. I wouldn't have it any other way. Two of my siblings are 1/2-sibs, and 1 is step, but you would never know the difference. From us 6, we now have 8 between us, and a close family friend's 5 make it 13! Birthday parties, Christmas, Thanksgiving, everything is a chaotic blast! I have 3 children myself, after always thinking I never wanted any. They are 13,7,& 5 and fight frequently making me think I want to pull my hair out, but it only reminds me how much I love their unique personalities. Money concerns will always be there whether you have 1 or 15. By the way, we are also cram-packed in my 3BD/2BA ranch along with my dad who needs looked after. I wouldn't have it any other way!

T.,
This is a difficult decision for you and your husband. I would only consider some things that you told us. Your hous is too small already, you have some debt (like most, but are you talking your mortgage or more credit card debt?). Your children are still young-I would take a year and see about getting into a bigger home, also see about getting rid of any credit card debt. Also, if you are going to SAH with 3 kids, you might want to see about getting some outside help (from neighbors or grandparents) for a couple days/week so that you don't lose your mind (maybe you wouldn't, but I would). If you get those things figured out in a year or so and still want to have another baby then I'd go for it. I have 4 (one from my husband's first marriage) and I wouldn't change it for the world. Our last daughter is the icing on our family cake and I cherish her so (as well as the other children). I no longer have that ache for another baby (course it helps that my tubes are tied!) :) Anyway, it's not all fun and games of course, but my other children adore her and no body even notices that we are outnumbered by children. They all help eachother (and us) out when one of us is working with another child. Best wishes on your decision! Your fellow mamma, A.

HI I have 3 boys 12-10-5 and love every min with them. We live in our starter home 3 bedrooms 1 bath and 1200 sq feet. We are all in the kitchen or living room all the time anyways. I have even thought of having #4 but the feeling has pasted for now. I never regreted having number three, he fits in to perfect. And actually most of my friends and people I know all have three kids and love it. Good luck!!

I don't know...we always planned on 2 and we aren't quite ready to move out of our starter house...and I want to try for a girl. But what if it's a THIRD boy?! lol...I don't know:(

T.,

I am in the same situation. I'm 35 and I am currently pregnant with my second child but I know I want a third. I am an only child and I have always wanted 3 but I didn't get married until I was 30. We also live in a small 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom home with relatives close by. My mom had me when she was 40 and didn't have any problems. My mom is 74 now and it is hard for her to watch my 3 year old but she still does it. I always think about if I want to be a much old grandparent and not get to see my grandkids grow up. I always think that the house situation and finances will work themselves out. I hate the thought of money keeping me from having another child. I would say that you should go ahead and have a third.

I have never heard of a person regret having one more child, but I have heard a lot of people regret NOT having one more. I think if you're having these feelings, you should go for it (that is if your husband is in agreement!)

I have 5 children. I went through the same dilemma when I was deciding if I should have #5!

Well I am a mother of 4. they are all about 2 years apart and they love each other dearly. I don't think they could live happily without each other. I am young so im not sure how your body would handle it but that you can figure out with your doctor. But if there was no previous problems then i would do ot each child brings more love and of course kids will be jealous at times but the love overpowers it. I hope this helps!

T.,

I hate to tell you this but for a lot of women, that pull in your heart to have another child never goes away. You hold a friends baby, you see a mom nuzzling her little swaddled one in the park and your heart aches. It's bittersweet. You either have to keep having children until you die, or you live with that persistant little ache.

What does your husband think about having another? You clearly have the love and the inclination for another little one. And I've been told by many women that three children are much easier than two. You'd think the opposite, but they say it's true.

However, this is a descision you will have to make together. Perhaps you two could leave it up to fate and ... well ... 'ride without seatbelts' so to speak.

I tell ya, if we were more financially sound and younger and had family nearby and and an extra room and a few nights of REM sleep ... well, my husband and I might have a third too. Ha! he's rolling his eyes and shaking his head at me!

But I don't see any of those things changing for us.

Good luck in your descision,
J.

Stop thinking so much! Children are a wonderful blessing from the Lord. Period. He makes each one different and challenging. He makes each one special. The idea that your house is too small is an American-thing--get over it and get organized. Get rid of the stuff you don't need and you'll be amazed at how much space you really have. I grew up in a 3 bedroom, 1 bath house with 2 brothers and 3 sisters. We did just fine and now that we're adults, I'm thrilled to have so much family to count on. Friends come and go, but my siblings are always there--in good times and bad! I love them all. Kid to parent ratio? Whoever thought of such a thing--kids love being able to out-number and overpower their parents! LOL! I have a friend who was only able to have 3 of her own--now she's a foster mother with 9!! They are crazy, but love every single minute of it. If you love kids, then have some more. Don't worry about money. Here's the thing about that--the more you make, the more you need. You never have enough. Donald Trump said so. :) Good luck.

Hi T.!!

My husband and I just went through the same thing - trying to figure out if we wanted a 3rd child or not. We decided that we would try and let it happen if it were meant to be. Both my husband and I were up for expanding our family - it was a mutual decision. However, we were limited on time as I am 38. We just had our 3rd child 2 weeks ago. Our other children are 4 and 2. I can tell you being fresh off the presses with #3, that it is definitely a challenge, but I do not think that it is more so from going from 1 to 2 children. My 2 year old I think is the most effected as she was the baby and now we are less tolerant of her baby like behavior. However, we would have been any way (less tolerant) it just happened to coincide with the birth of her brother. Both of our girls are doing well with their brother and my husband is a VERY active dad. I have resumed some recreational classes and am back to attending meetings. My husband assumes all care and I am very lucky that he is willing to take some, if not all, of the feeding shifts at night. That being said, (I am knocking on wood) our little addition is an AWESOME baby. He sleeps fairly well for only being 2 weeks and feeds like a champ. We are lucky. My pregnancy was difficult - bed rest for the last month & a half. VERY h*** o* me - the baby was fine, it was just me that had issues. As much as my husband and I have thought about a 4th - I do not think that my body could handle it without some serious complications. So, we are pretty sure that we are done having our own children now. We have been blessed with 3 great kids, all different, all unique.

As far as your living situation and financial situation - we thought about the same thing. As it is nice to spread out and everyone have their own room, I remember growing up and occassionally having to share a room with my brother. The house I grew up in was fairly small by today's standards. I think it may have been 1000 sq. ft. for a family of 4. Only 1 bath. No matter how many toys and such we put in their rooms, they tend to always want to be where we are, which is in the kitchen/dining/living room. I truly believe it is the love, structure, and learning environment that parents can give is the most important. Not necessarily if the rooms are big enough for everyone, etc. My girls, even though they do have their own rooms, they currently want to sleep with each other. They spend more time together than apart.

I hope that you and your husband can make the decision that is right for you and your family.

Good Luck!!!
K.

I can tell you that I am a 29 year mother of two and had my tubes tied after my second one and I regret it. My children are 3 1/2 and 1 1/2. I would talk to your doctor and ask if he thinks you can handle it again. Talk it over with your spouse. It may also be your hormones and it may pass, but only time will tell.

I'm a mother of 3 and I love it! My children are spread pretty far apart (almost 20, 8 year old and 3 1/2 year old). Anyway, I love saying I have 3 children, I love HAVING three children, and if there was any way for me to be able to stay at home and be financially sound and have another one, I'd do it in a heart-beat.

As far as I'm concerned, if you and your husband both have the desire, then you should do it! As far as the kids resenting you...well...no matter what you do, there'll come a point where they'll find a reason to resent you! LOL! It's what they do. They'll be mad you only had two kids. They'll be mad you only had three kids. They'll be mad they weren't an only child. :)

I envy the position you are in. I hope you realize just how blessed you are to even be able to have the option of having another child...

Blessings,
M.

Hey gal, I'm with ya! I'm sooo on the fence about #4. One day I will be like, "I neeeed another baby!"...and the next I am like, "My hands are so full, I can't imagine another one!" I came from a fam w/ 4 kids and my hubby 8. I always wanted 4. We got married young and started having kids right away. My husband's 31 and I am 27 with a 7, 5, & 2 1/2 year old. My husband works hard and provides for us so that I'm able to to stay home with our girls. Thank God! We have a 3 bed 2 bath home but a full unfinished basement (for future). I have never felt crowded in our 1200 sq. ft. home. My 2 older girls have always shared a room and love it! You could make a moving decision later if you wanted. We have some debt but, a child is not going to make much difference in that. I usually nurse exclusively for the first year and we get hand-me-downs. Diapers are the main xtra. I will probably give myself a little more time (start saving for the basement project)and go for it. Like some one else said, You will never regret having another...You may really regret NOT though. May God bless you in your decision! ~H.

It's perfectly normal to be thinking of #3. I'm thinking of #3 - but mine is just my hormones wanting to be pregnant again.

I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old daughter. My parents had 4 kids in 7 years (7,4,2,0) I was #2 child, and have a sister 2 years younger than me. I don't even remember my mother being pregnant with her much less much before being 4 years old and she was 2. So I don't think worrying about the kids resenting it is much of an argument. If your other two pregnancies were easy, then this one would likely be easy too. You will likely always wonder what it would be like - my first pregnancy with my oldest daughter - she was a twin. We lost the twin 10 weeks into the pregnancy, and I still wonder what it would have been like to have twins. Don't get me wrong - I love my daughters dearly, but sometimes wonder how things would have been if we hadn't lost the twin.

I think it's whatever you and your husband decide is right for your family.

Good luck!!

Pray about it and allow God in on the decision. His plan for us is better than anything we can come up with. My prayer is usually..."If YOU want us to have another child, please put the desire in BOTH of our hearts". Then trust in His plan for you.

God Bless,

M. (by the way, I'm 42 with an 8, 6, 4, and 1 year old -- and loving every minute of it and feeling very blessed)

I always wanted 5 kids. I had two and then due to moving, job situations, finance, I had my 3rd 7 yrs later. I made a rule I was not going to have one past 35. So, my dream of a big family was cut short; I was hoping my last one was twins, then I would've had 4. Now that I am older, I think it was probably best for me and our finances to only have 3. But still wish I had had one in between that last one and the one before.

If you are physically and financially able, I say do it. Kids adjust and your others will love the new one. Don't worry about the size of your house. You are never going to regret having a child, but you just might regret NOT having one.

Talk it over with your spouse. If this is something the two of you want to do go ahead and do it. If he doesn't want another child then I wouldn't do it.

You might consider being a foster-parent to help fill the need and your desire to help children if he is against having another child of your own.

Follow your heart.

I enjoyed reading your response Diana B. You were able to point out much of what I wanted to say, but probably better.
I am a SAHM of 7 (5 of which are still at home) and we are expecting our 8th in August. It is an absolute joy and blessing to have a large family and our children get excited with each pregnancy and announcement of having another sibling. I know not all families are built the same, but we have chose to live a very simple life and have fun choosing to do things that we can all take part in. We have learned how to make it work on my husband's income which is not at all excessive, but this allows me to be at home with our children. We too live in a 3 bedroom and 1.5 bath home and we currently have 2 in one bedroom and 3 in the other. Is it cramped? Much of the time, but it forces us to not accumulate too much clutter and non-essentials.
You are fortunate to have grandparents so close by and active in your life. And like others have mentioned, you are happily married, and with the desire to have more I believe the rest will be taken care of by our Creator.
Good luck and may God Bless you in your future

You sound just like the kind of parents who should have more children! Loving marriage, excellent support from grandparents and neighbors, financially OK. Work on getting rid of the debt - stop using credit cards, pay off the ones that have balances. Best thing you could do for your family. As for your 'starter' house - I'm amazed at the people who think they can't have another child because they don't have enough bedrooms. Kids should share bedrooms!! It builds good sibling relationships. My son and daughter shared a room until he was 8 and she was 5 - our house only had 2 bedrooms until then (and we still only have 1 bath!!) Your 5 and 2 year olds can easily share a room, with the other bedroom for the nursery until the baby's older, then let the same-sex kids share a room.

I'm oldest of 7 children, 2 girls, 5 boys. We had a 4 bedroom,1 bath house - yes, 1 bathroom!! - until my parents added a second bath when I was in high school. All of us shared our room with a sibling (or 2), and we even twice hosted exchange students,and our parents never refused us to have friends sleep over. My advice: don't worry about the size of your house -even if you should have twins. That's what bunk beds are for! Children don't needs so many 'things' - cutting back on buying toys helps the budget and the household clutter factor at the same time. Super-large houses are not good for family togetherness. If everyone can escape to their own room with their own TV, etc., they have no incentive to learn to cooperate/compromise, etc. It's better to live in closer quarters which fosters positive relationships. Read to them, let them read to you - use the public library to the max. Take them places and let them have great experiences. My siblings and I have so many great memories of our growing up together - yes, it was noisy and we had our fights like all kids, but we're all in our 40's and 50's now and get along great! I'm blessed to have had the experience of a large, loving family. And my parents are in their 70's, active and healthy - they survived 7 babies, all over 8 pounds - and therefore survived 7 teenagers, too! If you are committed to your husband and your family, you can make it work. And another child will forever enrich your life in ways you can't imagine. God bless!

Dear T. - Bless your heart! I fully understand how you're feeling, wanting to have another baby but not sure. It's clear that you are physically able to, so that's not an issue. But as a person who has lived long enough to see a wider perspective, my suggestion to you would be that you can live a wonderful, rich, full life with your two children and you will be very happy! The years between birth and age 8 are technically Early Childhood, and they're often referred to as the Golden Years, because children are so adorable, growing and learning so fast, and doing and saying cute things all the time. But as children grow, they're still lovable, of course, and cute and funny and smart, but their little problems become bigger, and it takes much more energy to handle their everyday lives. Then there are the teen years - start gearing up for that now! LOL

The point is, you have a perfect little family now, and I doubt you would ever yearn for another child 5 or 10 years from now.

One other thing to consider, and not to be negative, but having a healthy child is not a given. These days, there are many things that can go wrong, both before and after birth. This is just another reason to be VERY thankful for the two bright, healthy children you already have.

And in the broad perspective that comes with age, I have learned that we can be content with the blessings we have now, and not gamble on anything more.

This is just one more opinion you can put in the mix as you make your decision.

My best to you!

My number 3 was a suprise- we were all aprehensive about it- my older ones weren't sure they wanted a baby and I was already aware of the changes in my life it would cause. Well he's 1 now and is such a joy- my older 2 love him, and I really just feel hes made our family complete, like something I didn't know was missing but now he's here I can't imagine life without him. I told my husband he's like the cherry on top for our family. GOod luck with your decision!

Hi T.- I have 3 kids. I am an only child and I too always envied larger families. When I had 2 my older kids I just "knew" that I wanted another child. I had one of each and others would ask why I wanted another and I would say because I still want another child, I have room in my heart for loving another child. I just felt that my family was not complete yet. I don't ever regret having my youngest. Having said that, the desire for "another" never completely goes away, but I knew that 3 was enough. However you will always feel that pull for an infant. If both you and hubby want #3 and you have enough resources(time,money,etc)for a 3rd, then do it!

Hi T.,
I read most of your responses and I agree! If you and your husband agree then Why not? I read your post and your comment about twins. I did alot of research on this subject. Being pregnant with twins a year ago then losing them :( If it runs in your family chances are high of twins. Also due to your AMA- advanced maternal age(dont take that in a bad way-just medical jargon)twins are more common. So just a little heads up. You may get more than you bargain for! LOL Anyway if I were you I would talk with your Dr.to see if he suggests any testing for AMA. I have read that this can raise chances of pre-eclamsia and birth defects. Also, just because everything was fine before doesnt mean it will be that easy again. Every pregnancy is different. I am younger so it may sound wierd giving advice, I have just had many comlicated pregnancy related issues. I don't want to scare you! I just want you to make an educated and heartfelt decision. Just be sure to work closely with your Dr. and that your husband is on board in case of any bumps in the road. I wish you all the best and a healthy pregnancy if that is what is decided!

Go for it!

p.s. It's having, not haveing (no e), and "patience" not "patients" like in a hospital and it's "fRaternal" not "faternal". It makes posts hard to read & understand when the wrong words are used.
Good luck, and I hope it works out.

It looks like you have the resources to have another child. Will the other children really resent it? I don't think so. If you don't, this issue will always haunt you.

Who really said the perfect family MUST be two for every couple? People limit the number of children for environmental and financial reasons. Talk it over with your husband. My husband's neice had a surprise third child at 38. All is well with them.

Yes, you can have a healthy baby at 36. Consider any family genetic diseases before you try. I know somebody else at work who did, and the baby was fine. Good Luck.

I think I am confused about your question. It sounds like you are in a better position to have baby #3 than most people. Unless their kids are grown, I don't know anyone that does not have debt of some sort. Sounds like you are in a great neighborhood and have a great family/friend support group. The size of your house is irrelevant if you are where you want to be, you can make a 3 bedroom house work. You are not too old to have another, and kids adjust so well to new siblings. I am a SAHM to 4. I don't have the luxury of knowing what it is like to go from 2 to 3 as I went from 1 to 3 on my second pregnancy. When I found out I was carrying twins on my 2nd pregnancy, my first thoughts went to guilt for what I was doing to my daughter, and I never did think I was a very patient person, but you love those kids so much that you strive to be better and you have to accept imperfections even from yourself. I know my daughter got jealous often, and I had to really make sure I took time for her, but other than being a little competitive towards them (which is in her nature anyway). Her and her brothers are very close and play so well together. Then when I got a 4th surprise, my daughter was the most excited I think than any of us. In fact, the other day she told me I needed to get Mirena as the commercial for it lead her to believe that if you hold that "Y" thing in your hand then it will make you pregnant in a couple weeks--LOL. The twins did not have any trouble adjusting to the baby as they always had to share me. So the real question lies in do you and your husband want another baby? If so, go for it. If you happen to be one of the lucky ones in your family and its twins, I would be glad to tell you all about how wonderful that is too. I can give you the good with the bad on that subject, but the good outweighs the bad as it does with a single birth.

Hi T.,
Just a little fyi...everyone I know who has had #3 has never regretted it! ;o) From my experience and others I know, the third is the easiest, and there is really very little adjustment. The older two play together so you can deal with the baby...it was the easiest adjustment for me. We actually decided to go for #4, and ended up with a little surprise blessing! So, now we have 5, ages 6, 4, 2, and 7 month twins. :) I wouldn't change it for the world!! I felt the same way, never wanted to regret it if we didn't go for it...we had the same feelings about trying for #4. Never dreamed we would end up with 5, but we are so glad! Plus I no longer feel that ache of wanting 'just one more.' I feel VERY done right now!! LOL!! OH, and I am 35, almost 36, and the dr. did watch me much more closely because of my age, but I handled the twin pregnancy very well. No bed rest, gained 50 lbs., and the babies were born at 37 weeks weighing over 6 lbs. a piece! So don't worry so much...if you and your husband want it, go for it...God doesn't give you more than you can handle!! Good luck to you!!