Thinking About Going Back to Work- Am I a Bad Mommy?

First of all, no, it doesn't sound at all like you are a 'bad mom'. Secondly, I think that attitude that if the parents are happy, then you have happier children, blah, blah, blah is nonsense. Kids don't have a choice in how their parents are feeling and I think feelings shouldn't even play a part in this. You are capable of getting social interaction without putting your 3 year old in daycare. I'm sure the 3 year old isn't socially retarded from being home w/you either. I'm a SAHM (obviously) and I just don't think enough importance is put on this job. I just get frustrated when I read some responses that focus on the happiness of the parent. Happiness is achieved by doing for others and putting others first no matter who you are. The me, me, me attitude (not saying you) is what causes our society to be so miserable and never satisfied. I'll get off my soapbox now...Your kids need you and it's only 5 years of their life until they are going all day 5 days a week until they retire basically. Let them have this time w/you. You are more important than you think! I'm sure you'd never regret your decision to wait 2 more years. I also think that just the thought you've put into this makes you a good, thoughtful mom and your little ones are lucky to have you. Good luck with your decision.

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I personally believe that we are all entrusted by God with different talents and abilities. When we use those to the fullest, we will be the best people--and best mommies--we can be. For some, using those talents to the fullest means being a stay-at-home mom. For some, with other talents, that means working outside the home. I honestly, in my heart, believe that God intends me to be a teacher. I am a good mom to my DD, and I ALSO help my students every day. I make compromises in each--DD is in daycare 4 days/week (which, thankfully, she loves--she's very social!), and I don't always spend as much time as I would like preparing for my classes, so I can spend quality time with DD. But I do believe that this is the best I can be, both teacher and mommy. You need to find what is best for you.

On a related note, I remember when my mom went back to work part-time. Folks often ask me if I felt resentful; on the contrary, I thought it was GREAT! Mom was happier, more fun, and we had money to go to Disneyworld! Plus, I went to my friend's house to play all the time (as far as I knew). If going back is right for you, it's right for your kids, too. GL!

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No - you are not a bad mom. Your whole family will be happier if you are happier. And if your youngest love going to school it shouldn't be hard on her - she will probably love it!

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Hmmm. Just to ask, "Am I a bad mommy?" reveals a bit of guilt, I think. It's not likely anyone will respond in the affirmative to that question, and it's something almost all mommies want to hear, so, NO! - YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOMMY! Even going back to work full time, three jobs, 8 days a week wouldn't make you a bad mommy.

Ok, so now that that's done ;D let me offer an alternative question for you to ask yourself, as only you are capable of answering: Am I the best mommy I can be?

For some, it seems their answers reveal they can only be the best mommies they can be if they are working outside the home. For others, it seems their answers reveal they can only be the best mommies they can be if they do not work outside the home. While I usually abhor post-modern flavored, what's-true-for-me-isn't-necessarily-true-for-you-type relativistic cr*p, it is almost what I feel to be the best case here. The caveat being, of course, is to ensure you honestly embrace the virtues God has entrusted you to hold when it comes to raising your children - things like grace, generosity, patience, kindness, and love - when you are making your decision. There are also important lessons you can teach your children through life decisions such as these like the good of putting others first, the good of taking care of yourself, the value in delayed gratification, the value in taking risks and living without fear, and the importance of doing things God's way as best you can gather from prayer, reading the Bible, and walking with Him. You can do all those things, teach all those lessons, and embrace all those values whether you work PT or stay home. And, like I said, only you and your family can know which path is most likely to give your heart a "YES! I am being the best mommy I can be!" answer at the end of the day.

HTH!

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I am in the same boat. I am considering going back full time especially since my husband is being laid off in April. You are not a terrible person...trust me I feel that way too sometimes. I personally feel like I am a better mom when I work. I worked until my daughter was 3 & my son was 11 months and have been at home 1 1/2 year and ready to work again. Good luck!!!

I'm not going to repeat what the majority of the posts have told you. What I will tell you is it's ok to be selfish. It's ok to think about yourself for once. Someone said that it shouldn't be me me me, well I will argue that point. If you can't take of yourself and your needs, desires, dreams, whatever; how can you take care of someone elses, be it your children, spouse whoever.
Your kids aren't going to know the difference honestly. I've yet to meet one person who said that when I was 2 my mom went back to work and that's where all my problems started. I think too much emphasis is put on mom's staying at home. We expect our children to grow up and be functioning adults in this world and we expect them know how to interact with people. Well what's the best way to teach them about the world around them, stick them in it. And yes I believe the earlier the better.
I also believe that being able to be a better you helps you be a better mom. I just got laid off from my job, and I will be the first to tell you my kids will still be in daycare/preschool even while I am looking for another job. I'm not going to interrupt their routine and normalcy so that I can spend more time with them while I'm out of a job.
Make the right decision for yourself and your family, but think about what would be best for you so that you can be the best for your family.
Good Luck!

I haven't read all the other post, so forgive me if I repeat any suggestions. First, you are not a bad mom if you want to go back to work. I know it is not about the money, but to some extent it is. I would think about how much money you are going to be making, in comparison to how much you will be spending in daycare. If you are only going to break even or make a nominal amount, is it worth working 4-5 days a week for no extra money? You may want to look into other groups that meet when your child is already in preschool for adult interaction.

I worked for a year after my first was born and have been home ever since. He is almost 5. I love being at home, but I have friends who work because they want to work. I respect their decision and they respect mine. You are not a bad mom for being truthful about what you want in your life. Besides it is only part time. I think even as much as I enjoy being at home, I would consider a part time job like that! Good luck with your decision!

Some moms want to stay at home, and some want to work. It's whatever is best for you and your family! I think there are pros and cons to both options, so you just need to figure out what you really want. It sounds like you really want to go back to work. Don't feel guilty about it! If you ended up staying at home b/c of guilt, then you might end up feeling some sort of regret and/or resentment about not going back to work. I decided to leave my job and stay at home when my son turned 1. I feel guilty sometimes b/c it made our tight budget even tighter. Sometimes I think I shouldn't have quit b/c then things wouldn't be as tight as they are financially. Then I remember why I wanted to stay at home. I think as parents, moms especially, we just feel guilty no matter what we do. Just know that you are a great mom and that going back to work will not give your kids a complex. They will be fine! There will be an adjustment, but things will work out. You will still be a great mom! Maybe even a better mom b/c you'll feel satisfied in your adult life (you know, that life without kids where you can interact with other grown-ups). Good luck with your move and whatever decision you make!

I think that moms are BETTER MOMS when they are happy.

(i've tried typing this to you about 4 times and my computer has a complex) you are now getting the shortened version.

you: do what you need to do for you...your entire fam will benefit. put yourself on your "to do list". we tend to focus on everyone else (which is natural) but cant give them our best when we arent taking care of ourselves.

child: will benefit from peer interaction. the fact that you are bringing this up and concerned shows that you are an involved mom.

do what you ultimately feel is best.

last of all...are you mainly looking for adult interaction or your profession? there are some very active moms groups out there that you could join if its the interaction. just an idea. good luck and keep us posted.

I don't think you are a bad mom, but have you considered (if your only problem is needing some outside interaction) joining more mom's groups and/or getting involved in the community. If you older child is in school, you could volunteer your time to help there. It was hard for me to leave my career at first, until I got involved with other moms. Now I have my grown-up talk, my kids get me, and we are all happy.
Good luck with whatever decision you make.
A.

I've been there - and just went back, sort of. We own our own business and I work from home. I needed to take a larger role. I did have my almost 3 yr old in school 2 days/wk (started when she was 2, before she was always at home with me). We put her in 5 days/wk from 8-3 and she's loving it. My older one is in K this year and the hours work great for everyone involved.

i've been the stay at home mom, the full time working mom, and now the part time working mom. for now this is the best for me and my family. i'm better as a mom when i work. there's no shame in admitting that i was a bad stay at home mom. i got depressed and lonely. i went back to work at the year mark and have no plans to ever go back. every family is different.

You aren't a bad mom! Some women make better moms if they do work. I'm one of those. I love my kids more than anything, but I'm not cut out to be at home with them. I love every minute I'm able to spend with them and some days I wish I didn't work, but I'm a better mommy because I do.

Good luck with your decision!

The fact that you're asking if you are a bad mom to me says you're because you're thinking about how your decisions will affect your children's well-being. Bad parents don't bother with that (I know, I have one like that).

I would suggest that, if you can, find a balance or compromise. Your child is going to daycare 2 days/week - can you do 3 days to start?

Like another mom said, though - if the cost of childcare is = or more than what you're making, why bother, though. It might make more sense to find volunteer work or something you could do with your child instead of the work thing. I think SAHM's are undervalued with the impact they have on kids, but I also understand the need to be DOING something. I have my own business - he comes to work with me (Shuttle service), and my babysitter comes while I'm home so I can get things done. I'm always accessible, but I'm still doing my own thing and interacting with the outside world.

Good luck!

Happy mommy = happy kids.

Especially when they love daycare as much as mine do. They ask to go on Saturday. :)

S.

M.,
No it doesn't make you a bad mom at all. You care about your children, you spend time with them, a lot of time with them. You need to stay mentally healthy too. It doesn't sound like you are "me, me, me" type of person anyway. This will also give your little one social time, which is just as important as educational. Just enjoy them while they are little they grow up too fast as it is.
God Bless!