January 05, 2009,
M.L. asks from Gilbert, AZ on December 28, 2008
The Worst Year of My Life...
Except for the birth of my newest addition 2008 has been the worst year of my life...I feel as if my life is falling apart...
My family and I have had a really rotten year...very challenging economic times from filing bankruptcy, DH business losing contract after contract because of the economy (he is in construction), then DH having challenges finding a job and because of this I had to go back to work working overnight shifts on the weekends.
We had to begin living on a very strict budget - every penny we make is accounted for. We are struggling to make ends meet. So much so we are relying on food stamps to provide food for our family. This is completely new to us and my husband feels completely emasculated. He is staying home while I go to work and when I get home he watches the kids so I can sleep. I told him last night that I feel we are just ships that pass in the night...he agreed.
Then our newest addition arrived 5 months ago which is a wonderful gift but it has been quite an experience with "two under two". The first few weeks were great and then everything fell apart. I was extremely stressed out and overwhelmed. People who I thought were my friends were not and I realized I did not have the support I thought I did. My OB suggested I begin taking an antidepressant (Zoloft) and I eventually agreed. I was not comfortable with it but felt in my case I felt it was appropriate.
Before I was pregnant with my second child I was very fit. I used to jog and walk everyday. Now I am almost 190lbs on a 5'4 frame and have more belly fat than I did when I was pregnant. I have absolutely no desire/motivation to exercise. I honestly cannot even look at myself in the mirror anymore and my DH and I have not been intimate in a very long time. I have no sex drive anymore and feel completely unattractive. I feel my husband is not attracted to me anymore and I do not know what to do.
I had success with WW with my pregnancy but I cannot afford the meeting fee (we literally do not have any extra income). I have tried to do it on my own but have been unsuccessful so far.
Lately I have been going on food binges and literally cannot stop eating. I do not know if it because I am still nursing I am getting so hungry but it is obviously really taking its toll on the scale. I will eat anything and everything. A few weeks ago I had a craving for raw sugar and ate it by the spoonfull everyday for two weeks! Then one day I did not have the craving anymore...I feel I am out of control!
I have tried counseling but we are on AHCCCS and I have not had a great experience with the company they contract with.
I do not know what to do and could really use some advice. Please help! Any advice is greatly appreciated...I want 2009 to be a better year for myself and my family.
1 mom found this helpful
K.D. answers from Phoenix on December 29, 2008
I know what you are going through. I am divorced, my ex can't afford to get caught up in child support & we have 5 kids together (I have a total of 6 kids) I brought my parents out to help me w/ the baby who is now 3yr old. You are just going to have to hang in there. No matter how you feel You 2 love each other & this is a trial for everyone. When I was married (15 yr. long & my divorce was on my 15 yr anniv.) We went to United Way. Great place. You will have to go there, but they were worth it.
You are going to have to start believing things will get better. You have not hit rock bottom, yet. You have each other.
S.L. answers from Tucson on December 29, 2008
If you had the time, money and health to do anything you wanted, what would you do? To me, owning my life means having the time, money and health to do what is most important to me. I know a simple system that anyone can learn for building a successful home-based business that requires no selling and doesn't take a lot of time. If you are interested in more information feel free to contact me.
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E.B. answers from Las Cruces on December 29, 2008
I'm so sorry sweetie. As a binge eater who is trying to get a handle on her own eating, I have a lot of information. There are several things that can cause this kind of eating, and you may have more than one. Stress and the emotions you are having to deal with can cause emotional eating. When I'm upset, I do the same thing. I have to work really hard to resist. You may be repressing some of those emotions (I have a problem dealing with anger, I repress it for years if I'm not careful) acknowledging those emotions seems to help some.
You are very likely sleep deprived. Sleep deprivation can cause weight gain and cravings. Fish oil can help with the sex drive. It's not very expensive and it makes a huge difference.
I suggest that you also try to be more forgiving and accepting of yourself. If you don't think you are beautiful, no one else will. You are beautiful. Old navy online has clothes for plus sizes on sale. I saw a dress for less than $10. Buy a pretty dress (call it Christmas, or birthday present) get your makeup on and do your hair. Then have a little romance with your husband. Be confident. Don't worry about being naked. Remember, you are beautiful.
1 mom found this helpful
C.M. answers from Tucson on January 05, 2009
I completely understand your feeling of the worst year of your life. Things usually have to get worse before they get better. But, that's not a shining light. I'd like to try to help. I noticed that you said your husband is in construction. I'd like more information about that. What kind of construction does he do? What is he skilled in?
My boyfriend owns both a remodel company & a roofing company & though the economy is bad he is still mangaging to get work. It may not help much but depending on what your husband is skilled in, I could work on getting your husband some hours so that you would have a little extra income. It doesn't provide health care but I know from experience that every little bit helps. Please get back in contact with me..
C.J. answers from Phoenix on December 29, 2008
I am so sorry you are having a hard time this year. I am a SAHM of two and I just wanted to let you know that Zoloft is not for everybody and if it is not working you need to tell your doctor. There are other medications out there if you need any at all. I know what you are going through with your weight issues. After my second child I also have been struggling with my weight. Make sure that your doctor also checks your thyroid. I found out I had hypothyroidism. Once I was able to balance the hormones I felt better and was able to loose a little weight. If I can help you in any way please let me know.
J.S. answers from Santa Fe on December 29, 2008
Wow, sounds like you have been through a lot! You are doing the right thing reaching out for help and support. You both need it and deserve it! You might consider trying Overeaters Anonymous meetings. I have been attending OA meetings for 5 years now and have found a great deal of relief from my eating compulsions. I also found it very helpful to find a group of people who did not judge me or what I was going through. Everyone is extremely supportive. Best of all, the meetings are free! You can find meetings in your area through the website: www.oa.org. Whatever you do try, I wish you much happiness and blessings in 2009. Take care of yourself!
D.F. answers from Phoenix on December 29, 2008
If you are in the Phoenix area, our church offers counseling, food bank, and a wonderful support system. Please check out Vineyard Church at 63rd and Peoria.
I hope this will help,
S.L. answers from Grand Junction on January 02, 2009
Sounds like your situation is pretty complicated and I won't even pretend to know what you are going through . . . financial stress takes such a toll on everything else, doesn't it.
I just wanted to send you a quick note, because a few things you said made me think of something (no sex drive, sugar cravings, belly fat and gaining weight). I know for me, overeating and gaining weight is such an emotional thing . . . but I wanted to tell you something I recently came across. Check out this website and see if it rings any bells with you. After months of muscle issues, weight gain, low sex drive, moodiness, cravings etc, etc. It all got really bad after I had my last baby and it comes and goes with hormone changes. I found a doctor who believes in Candida and prescribed me Nystatin and I also follow some other healthy habits that he suggested to get rid of yeast overgrowth. I can't tell you how much better I feel! Just look into it and see what you think. Good luck to you.
L.R. answers from Tucson on December 30, 2008
So far it's the worst year of your life... and I am sooo sorry you are going through this! Have you talked to your husband about the way you feel> including the sexual and feeling unsexy to him part? The only way for a relationship to continue growing is to NOT suffer alone and share your thoughts! I bet you will be surprised by his answers and the communication (both talking) will strengthen not only your relationship but, your own mind. Having someone to talk to (as long as you both can) is the greatest help to getting over the bumps in life! Good luck to you and I really hope this new year will be a happier one for you and your family!
S.G. answers from Phoenix on December 29, 2008
I hope I can offer a little advice that might help. First, I can completely relate to having "2 under 2" as my kids are just 18 months apart. It IS hard, and I just want to tell you that it really does get easier! Mine are now almost 5 and 3 1/2, so we've already been through those tough first few years. As much as I love and enjoy my kids, those were THE toughest few years of my life. I also turned to food as my comfort and gained about 20 pounds by the time my youngest was 6 months old (on top of the 20 pounds I had gained and not lost over the 2 pregnancies). I truly had a binging problem, and would eat anything and everything I could get my hands on as long as it was full of fat and/or sugar. I feel like I've been on a long road to recovery, and I'm still dealing with some health issues that may very well have developed because of the way I treated myself. I can finally say that I've "recovered" from that way of live, and just want to emphasize -- it is SO important that you eat well to cope with your current financial and other stresses. I cannot stress it enough - If you eat really well and just put the brakes on junk food entirely, it will make more of a difference than you can imagine. Your entire outlook will change and you'll be much more able to cope. I know when I eat a junky diet, I have no patience with my kids and no motivation to get things done, which just adds so much more stress to the whole situation. Eating poorly sets off a chain reaction of vicious cycles that can be very hard to break. PLEASE if you'd like to discuss or feel you need more support, you can contact me via. I regret so much from my poor decisions, and I SO understand where you're at with respect to the binging and stress of dealing with 2 under 2. I've learned so much over the past year or two from experience and various things I've read. If I'd had more of an understanding a few years ago of what I was doing to myself and my family when I binged and didn't control my diet, maybe I wouldn't have gone so far down that dark road. I really wish you all the best. I know financially it must be very hard, but if you arm yourself with good nutrition you will be amazed how much easier and brighter your life will feel!