The Reluctant Potty Trainer

I have a son who also was not interested in potty training at age 2. I did not push the issue at all until he was 2 1/2. Then I slowly started talking about it and had him help pick out some "big boy" underwear. That got him a bit more interested. However, we did not really push him until his third birthday. Then we told him that 3 year olds do not get to ride in tractors with diapers on (he LOVES to ride with his grandpa in the tractor). He was trained in one day. My advice would be to wait until he's a bit older, and then find something he likes to do and tell him that 3 year olds don't get to do it with diapers. Hope all goes well for you. Godo luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi A.,

One thing that is hard right now with potty training is that there are pretty much two schools of thought: (1) Elimination Communication, where the parents are in tune with when their babies have to go, and babies are "diaper free" from early on, sometimes infancy; and (2) Waiting until the child "self trains" and is "potty independent" right off the bat, often at 3 or even 4.

We don't hear too much about anything in between these days.... But ask anyone who was raising kids in the 60's & 70's (or earlier)--there weren't musical toilets or Pull-ups, and there also weren't a lot of 3 and 4 year olds still in diapers, either.

Much of what route you take depends on what you mean by "potty training" and how much responsibility and work you want to take on. If you are willing to become in tune with his potty rhythms--basically put the responsibility on yourself to get him to the bathroom at the right time, do extra laundry, put in time and effort and have the patience, then yes, it can be done now. If your idea of "potty training" is him being able to say, "Mom, I have to poop", and agreeably going to the toilet to do so, and not having to deal with too many accidents, then no, you probably need to wait.

There is no "right" answer here--it depends on what you want.

I will admit, I am a fan of introducing the potty chair earlier rather than later. I think that it can be a part of the child's daily routine and something they get used to, even if they are only using the potty part-time. Also, some kids do not "self train", so you could be waiting until hell freezes over. My brother was in diapers off-and-on until he was 4 years and 10 months simply because he was allowed to be.

If you want it to happen now, get him out of disposable diapers during the day. Pull-ups are a gimmick. They are expensive size 6 diapers without the tabs. They keep kids dry, and often totally unaware of when they pee. And what incentive do kids have to use the toilet if they can just go in their pants and still be comfortable. Put him in training underwear (thick padded underwear) or regular underwear with plastic training pants and don't look back. He then has a choice--to use the potty and be dry and comfortable, or to go in his pants and be wet and have to change. It will click with him, but if he has been in disposables up to this point it may take a few "wet" days.

My son is 17-months-old and has been using the potty part-time for 6 months, so YES, it can be done. One thing that has helped is we use cloth diapers. My son does not like sitting in a wet or poopy diaper--who would. He caught on real quick that if he went in the potty, he wouldn't have to be uncomfortable. He goes poop in the potty almost all the time--we can go weeks and weeks without a poopy diaper. It is SOOO nice not to deal with poopy diapers. And we are down to 2-3 wet diapers/day--the rest of the time we make it to the potty. He does the sign for "toilet", but most of the time I know when to take him. I will admit that right now I am the one "trained", however, I am also "trained" to feed him at certain times and "trained" to bring him to bed at certain times, so that argument doesn't stick with me. All I know is, I don't have to deal with shelling out for expensive disposables or laundering piles of cloth diapers!

Whatever you decide, make sure you are ready and up for it, and that there is no stress going on in the home. I would say either start now, or wait until a few months after the baby is born. Good luck to you.

1 mom found this helpful

My son turned 3 in March and he is finally almost potty trained. 2 is a little early to start worrying about it - especially for boys.

With my daughter she was almost trained and we had the second baby and she regressed to diapers for about 6 months. My suggestion is to hold off until after the baby is born and probably closer to the first of the year to push it.

Since you are having another baby in September, hold off on potty training your son. You do not want to add any more changes to his home life right now. If he is not interested, do not push the issue. He will let you know when he is ready. My oldest son was 3 yrs and 4 months before he was trained. My second child was trained right before he turned 3, but we are still working on night time training.

Good luck and have patience.

Wait till he is more ready! A fun video is Elmo potty time. We had bought our son two potties, one that sits on the floor and one that goes on the big potty and let him choose (he chose to use the big potty). Another sugestion for when he is ready is get rid of the diapers, say they are all gone and now he has to were underwear. We still use pullups at night and when we are going to be gone for a while but that is it. Good luck.

My two year old (in July) daughter just started using the potty part time about a week ago. We started occasionally watching the Elmo Potty Time DVD (that Vicky mentioned in a PP) about six months ago, which seemed to generate an increasing interest in using the potty herself one day. I highly recommend it. It contains cute and catchy songs and is, I imagine, especially effective if your son appreciates Elmo the way my daughter does. If nothing else, it could get the ball rolling by peaking your son's interest. I agree with all the others that there's no point in pushing it, simply ask casually from time to time if he wants to use the potty. Given the opportunity, he'll start when he's ready. It is wise though, to be prepared as it sounds like you are with his choice of potties (almost exact same as my daughter is using. The first three times she used the big potty with her seat, but since has preferred the Baby Bjorn potty, in large part because she seems to get a thrill seeing exactly what she put in :p) Good luck and congrats on #2!

My daughter will be 3 in August and we are JUST getting to the point where she is finally getting potty training. I have also tried since she was 2 years old but she did not "figure out" when she was peeing and pooping until this past week... now to get her to actually stay on the potty for the whole time. She also got very frustrated so we took many breaks because she really wanted to do it but did not have the control yet.

We did not push it, we talk about it, make a suggestion but then give it a break if she was getting frustrated. There are tons of techniques out there so you may get tons of different suggestions so in the end you will just have to figure out what is best for your son. If you find you and/or son are getting frustrated just take a break and regroup, try again in a few weeks it will happen at some point.

I haven't seen all the other responses, so I'm sorry if I'm repeating someone else.

First, I wouldn't recommend a fancier potty chair. If you were looking to buy one and already had nothing, I've got nothing against them. But since you already have one of each kind (one that sits on the toilet and one that's on the floor), I think that's plenty. It's nice to have that choice but not necessary to complicate it.

I wouldn't push too hard; lots of kids are ready later than 2. I was really worried when my oldest didn't seem ready "on time," and my pediatrician kept reminding me that his own son was 3 1/2 before he was potty trained. And shortly after his third birthday, he started to become much more interested, and it really went smoothly after that.

Finally, I really like "Elmo's Potty Time." It has the great Sesame Street characters that the kids love, it's very matter-of-fact about the entire process, and it really emphasizes that kids learn in their own time, in their own way. I do day care and have kids who are trained, those who are training, and those who are not ready to begin learning yet. And they all really like the video.

Good luck!

It's WAY too early to worry about it. He'll do it when he's ready and no amount of coaxing on your part is going to change that. Save yourself a lot of headaches by not pushing. Take a break and try again when he's actually showing some interest. Most boys don't train until 3 anyway. You could try showing him some videos (my little guy likes the Elmo one) and letting him watch you and Dad use the bathroom. Also, watching other kids may be motivating. But again, my experience has been that they do it when they're ready.

Good luck!
J.
Mom of 3

The best advice I ever got was from a friend of mine.....you can frustrate yourself and him by trying to make him go potty or you can wait until he is ready and he will potty train in a day. With our first one we bought the really cool potty that flushed....and my husband tried to potty train him, while I sat back and told him that advice. Sure enough....he got tired of trying and when our son was ready....it happended in a day and you'll know when. He was about 3 years and 2 months when that happened. They say boys take longer than girls too. Don't worry about when other people say it should happen...Let your little guy develop at his own pace. As my friend said....I promise he won't go to kindergarten in diapers. Relax and it will happen.
One more thing...even if you do get him potty trained, with the new baby arriving, he would probably revert back anyway. Happens all of the time.

Hey A.,
My son would sit on his potty chair and was interested at about 18 months. So I would put him on the potty after meals and naps (they say for 5 minutes) Sometimes he would go and sometimes he wouldn't. He didn't really get it until 2 years and 4 months and he has been day time trained since then. Although, sometimes he still doesn't tell me he has to go. I catch him doing the pee-pee dance. One video that was recommended to us is the Sesame street one. It's about Elmo. We got it from the Library and actually checked it out quite a few times. They have songs and such. He would watch it with us and talk about it. We also had potty books. One we kept in the bathroom.
One thing that I know now looking back is that my son was not ready at 18 months. He would be interested for a week and then not for a month. We went back and forth between diapers and training underwear and then diapers and "big boy" underwear with characters that he liked. It seems like one day he just got it. At first it was good practice though. He had a hard time holding it even for an hour at first. So I would to take him every half an hour for a few days and then try and push it longer for a few days. He had so many accidents at first but then eventually he learned to hold it for about 2 hours and that is a reasonable routine. Give him lots of stuff he likes to drink so there are many opportunities for him to sit on the potty during the day. I would not buy a fancy potty chair. My son liked having something of his own and we sounded really excited so he was excited about his. They tell me most boys aren't ready until they are 3 anyway. All of your grandparents will probably say that is absurd, but my theory is that back then they used cloth diapers and the children felt more uncomfortable. They wanted to stay dry. Whereas now days they disposables hold so much more and whisk moisture away from the skin that they don't feel uncomfortable.
Good Luck!
S.

All three of my boys were 3- 3 1/2. I wouldn't worry about it.
Our Dr even said not to even try to start till they turned 3.
Good luck

2 is very young for a boy to start potty training. I think you ought to give it a rest for a couple years.

My daughter is 2 yrs 3 months and I just bought a great book that really is helping me to understand how to help her through this process. It is called the No Cry Potty Training Solution: http://www.amazon.com/No-Cry-Potty-Training-Solution-Good.... Check it out and I would suggest the simple $8 potty from Target. As the book says... you don't really need all the buzzes and whistles... it makes the potty seem like a toy when it isn't. Good Luck... after all they will all eventually learn to use the potty, right?

Your son is not ready. Back off for a couple of months and then try again. My son had success on the potty when he was 2 years and 2 months and then didn't want anything to do with it until he was 3 1/2. My daughter trained herself when she was 2 1/2. I didn't believe it until I experienced it, but boys really do take longer! There is a video that both of my kids loved, and how my daughter was able to train herself. It is called "Potty Power." You can probably get it pretty cheap from amazon.com.
Relax, he will come around soon enough and good luck!

No I would wait until your son shows more interest. If you scare him with it now it could take you longer to potty train later.

Buy the book Diaper-free before three. Jill Lekovic. Her method has nothing to do with pushing a child to use the potty. It's not a training in 3 days sort of thing either. She takes the approach to pottying like you would with anything else your child learns. Using utensils, getting dressed etc. I read the book and within 2 weeks my girls have just gone 2 days with dry pants during the day. They turned 2 in May. Twins even! You can't expect no accidents ever. If that's what you want wait until he is 3.

A.,
I will say without any shame that I'm TERRIBLE at potty training! So I have no advice for you, only encouragement. I did EVERYTHING wrong and my kids (2boys) still managed to get trained (finally). Both before turning 4 (whew)! I know you want to stop the diapers, the mess, the expense, the time-consuming task, etc, but get ready for an even bigger, nastier mess, the expense of books, videos, pullups (my ONLY advice is that pullups are completely worthless), and time-consuming?....don't even get me started!
So....if you want to wait a little bit for all the fun (!) to start, read up on some of the great advice that you're getting from the other mommies and wait for those all-important "signs of readiness" to show up. Then bust out your mad skilz!!
Me? I'm pretty much the example of the Japanese saying; "when the student is ready, the teacher arrives".
Good luck

He is still pretty young to potty train. My oldest did at that age, but my second is also very reluctant, and that is normal. I've been told that most boys are not ready until closer to 3.
The things that worked for my boys were 1) let them pick out their own underwear that they only get to wear if they can keep them dry, 2) set a timer for 30 minutes and have him sit on the potty chair every time it goes off (pass the time on the potty by singing songs or reading books), and 3) bribe, bribe, bribe. We did a sticker chart for my oldest. My second gets candy and lots of cheers when he is successful. We also have a silly potty dance that he occasionally likes to do.
It also helps if he can try when someone else goes. As I was typing this, my 2-year-old followed his older brother to the bathroom, took off his diaper, and went potty by himself. Monkey see, monkey do. =)
Be patient and don't push too hard. Make it a fun thing that he will WANT to do without feeling pressured. There is no need for a fancy potty chair- just lots of encouragement. Good luck!

I wouldn't spend all that extra money on a new potty chair. Some kids are ready to potty train before 2 and some aren't ready until they are 3. My oldest son was hard to potty train and now I know I just started him to early. My youngest would scream when I tried to potty train him at 2 and so I put up the potty chair until he was about 2 and half and then only left it out without making him use it. I would stand him in front of it without a diaper when I ran his bath water and sometimes he would go in it and other times he wouldn't. I never pushed him to use it but always would ask if he wanted to try. He always said no until he was almost 3 and he decided it was time for him to use it. It only took a week before he wasn't having any accidents at all. Was the easiest potty training ever! Keep it out, ask if he wants to try it but don't push it or talk him into it. Take off his diaper when you run his bath water and have him stand in front of the chair (Just in case) Let him decide when he is ready.

I know a lot of moms who have had success with early potty training, but I don't have the patience for it. With my first boy, we decided to wait until we knew he was ready (very interested, dry diapers, etc.) He basically trained himself, and 1 month shy of 3, he decided he was done with diapers and one day just put on underwear and never looked back. We had two poop accidents and no pee accidents, and I couldn't have been happier. Yes, we had to deal with diapers longer. But I didn't want to struggle with the battle of wills, the bribery, or mess (I have a LOT of carpet) of doing it sooner. So for me, the diapers were so much easier for our lifestyle. Either way, DON'T stress. No one has ever gone to college in diapers, so it will come.

A.-
The best advice I got about potty training came from the director of our Preschool. I was so excited to tell her that my son had gone on the potty. She looked me square in the face and said "Great! Now quit talking to him about it." I couldn't believe it. I did what she said and when HE decided he was ready, he potty trained in one weekend. No accidents. He WAS 3 1/2, so there was definitely a trade off, but I was so happy we did it that way, rather than have it become a struggle and a power issue. I intend to to the same with son #2 who turned 2 last August. We had the potty chair in the bathroom for a while, but he hasn't been using it, so I put it in storage. If he asks about it, I will tell him that we will bring it out when he is ready to go potty on it. WAY less stress that way. Good luck!

I haven't read your other responses so excuse me if this is what you've already heard. In my opinion, wait until your son really shows interest because he may go back to diapers after your newborn is here. My dtr was a late potty trainer but to this day I'm so happy that I was patient with her. I wanted to make sure she was good and ready. I encouraged her by offering her the option to use the big potty or potty chairs that we had available but it was her choice. I also gave her big praises for attempting and following through with going. Since you will be adding a lot of changes come fall - I've heard that siblings can go backwards especially with potty training. They will attempt to get whatever type of attention they can get. I noticed that with my dtr even when she was age 4 when my son was born. She had more behavior problems rather than potty training issues. She wanted me to help her calm down whenever she had "bad" days or problems instead of using her own coping strategies. Anyways, back to potty training - I found that spending a weekend with a friend of mine and her dtr - my dtr showed much more interest in potty training after watching her friend do it proudly and independently. My dtr never cared to mimic us very much in talking, actions, etc but I always saw her taking in whatever her friends were doing and learning/mimicking a lot of their actions. Luckily we have a great group of core friends so that she's learning the proper behaviors but at times we've also talked about "better or positive options" if she has seen a peer react poorly too. You might find some other potty training tips in previous posts.

A.,

Take from a mother of FOUR boys - don't push it - wait! Every child is different. Boys tend to drag their feet more than girls in this area. Just wait until he is interested - or is telling you he needs to be changed or is peeing in his diaper. It's not easy to wait - but don't make the same mistakes I did. My last one was one of the easiest, because I just didn't care when he trained. He was 37 months old. Put all the stuff out there, read the books, and WAIT for him. Oh, and don't invest a lot in fancy potty stuff - he'll love it when he realizes he can stand up - and you won't need anything but the real thing!

Lisa, mom to boys aged 13 to 3

Hi A.,
You should absolutely start working on it. As long as it isn't stressful and you aren't pushing.
We got a movie on potty training. If you are noticing that he is going for an hour or more with a dry daiper, start putting him on a schedule. We set out a timer and put our kids on every 45 minutes. Just for a couple of minutes each time and sang songs, read book, etc. At some point, he will accidentally go and then you make a big deal out of it, so be prepared with party stuff. We used an M&M treat if they went (just one and only for going potty). Start with 45 minutes and as he gets better, start expanding the time until he start asking to go or going himself (you should also keep reminding or asking him throughout the day - kids get so caught up in what they are doing that they forget to listen to their bodies).
You might also try putting underwear on under a pull up. Daipers are sooo absorbant that kids don't really feel uncomfortable when they go. Once things start to move along, make a big deal out of him picking out his new underwear at the store.
My daughter was completely day trained at 21 months and my son, who has Down syndrome was day trained just before his 4th birthday (really young for a Down syndrome child).
We used a book called "The Potty Trainer".

Good luck!
K.

I wouldn't push it. My older daughter potty trained at just over 2 years old in less than a week. My son turned 3 in February and has very little interest in potty training. I figure he'll train much easier if I don't stress and wait until he's more ready.

My oldest son was 3 before he was interested, my daughter was 3 1/2 and my youngest is 3 1/2. We are still struggling a little with my youngest one, but most days we do okay. I wouldn't worry about it too much. He will let you know when he is interested.

I have 3 boys and 1 girl. My youngest turned 2 on March 7 and he's a boy. He's probably ready physically; however, my past experience tells me that it's a lot easier if I just wait until he's closer to 3. If your little boy isn't showing any interest then I wouldn't push it. He's just not ready and there's nothing wrong with that.

I know you're probably wanting to get him trained before the baby comes, but chances are if you do get him trained by the end of summer, he will most likely regress when the baby is born. So, if I were you I would wait until he's 3 when the baby has been around a while and he's more ready.

I told my pedatrician that I don't potty train until my boys turn 3. He laughed at me and said he wished all mom's had that attitude. Potty training can be so frustrating and I don't like to be that upset.

Good Luck!

A.,

DON'T go out and by fancy potty chairs, I don't believe they potty train a kid any faster...lol
My son didn't show any interest in the potty seat (on the big potty) or the potty chair until just after turning 3yrs old. I believe he was trained by 3 1/2. I have heard boys are usually slower than girls with getting trained....

We stopped pushing him to sit on the potty and he than gained interest.

My 19 month old daughter has a potty chair that when the lid closes is also a step stool (also used for my 2 older kids). We have had it in our bathroom for her to use as a step stool to brush her teeth and she will come in just to sit on it when we are going potty. The other day I put her on there before taking a bath and she went "alot", not just a little tinkle. I know it was just a fluke, so I am not going to push her to continue to try to go...

Good luck and don't push him, he will get there when he is ready...I know I went crazy training my son as well..

I'd wait till he is closer to 3 and the adjustment to the new baby is over. You'll have better sucess and you won't be stressing over it. Kids should transistion to being potty trained very quickly and it shouldn't take months to do.

Good luck!