The Potty Training Nightmare Continues

My father in law told me his mother said once: "I hope Robert will be done potty trained soon because in a couple of months he starts elementary school"...so, see you are not alone!!!! My boy is also having BIG trouble and he is almost 4, I believe he could have his grandpa's genes....I know it's frustrating, be I have never seen a first grader with a diaper, so don't lose hope. They'll figure it out, later than soneer (ha ha!)

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There is a DVD that helped us - Potty Power. Its sing songy and shows picture diffs between being a baby and a big kid.

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I am a pre-K special education teacher and a speech-language pathologist. In your county your child can be evaluated through the public school system for free and if he qualifies will receive services for free. Your child's speech delay may need more attention by placing him in a special education classroom setting. I currently have a 5 year old in my class we are potty training. He is not the first 5 year old I have been through this with during my career. Early intervention is the best. If you suspect he is not understanding fully then it is extremely important to address it before the gap gets bigger. If you call your local school board office you can ask them who to contact for early intervention evaluations and services. Every county and state does things differently but it is federal law that evaluation and services must be offered birth to age 21. In my experience once in a classroom routine working closely with a teacher and observing their peers, all of my students have been potty trained before kindergarten. Good luck!!!

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Hello,
I'm sorry you are having a hard time. Potty training can be so frustrating. My son has been in speech therapy since he was about 3 1/2 years old. He has come along way and I think doing fine with his speech today. He is now 5 years old. But, even when his speech was at its worst, I knew that he understood what I was saying to him and what I wanted him to do. He just had problems putting his thoughts into words. With that being said, I bet your son also can understand what is being said to him.
It sounds to me that you have tried everything and you are at the point where you could use some outside assistance.
I had a hard time potty training my son also. He just did not want to set on the toilet. He was eventually trained at about 3 1/2 years of age. but it was hard.
I don't know if you are near Beaumont hospital of Royal oak? but I do know that they have a "potty training" class. You could probably find information about it on their website. I believe it is a weekend class that meets all day on saturday and sunday. They also require that you bring your own snacks and juices that the child likes to make way for more potty training chances. Then after the class is over they give you a number of the psychologist so that you can call to get updates and assistance.
this class was going to be my next step because I was having such a difficult time with my child. The class has one draw back and that is the price of $500.00. It's very exspensive but I was almost at the point where I was willing to try just about anything.
Hope this helps. Good luck.

If he is 5 yrs old, he is understanding everything you say. Some children need BIG incentives like a great toy they don't have but the instructions say they can only get it when the child is potty trained (working with my 2 yr old) and others need peer pressure of seeing other children do it. Sometimes finding activities only "big boys" can partake in helps. At other times, they sense the pressure and tension from the parent getting discouraged and become more stubborn. I use Elmo's Potty Time DVD to inspire my little one as well. It talks about having the feeling to go, listening to the body and how great it is to be in underwear and staying clean.Using little rewards like stamps everytime he sits at the toilet or at least tells you he's wet and then build from there. Stamps for trying and then stamps for accomplishing.
Otherwise, he might be frustrated and so are you. Perhaps taking some time off the training will ease the pressures and he may be inspired to do so on his own. Continue to read potty stories and/or play potty movies but no strings attached.
Good luck!

I am impressed the most by how desperate you sound. Your sense of urgency and frustration are understandable. AND they may be at the root of the problem. Kids who feel pressured, and kids are great at picking up even subtle tones of voice or body language, will often balk.

No amount of child psychology is likely to help him overcome his resistance to feeling rushed. I say this as a woman who was pushed so hard and continuously by my well-meaning mom that I was labeled as stubborn, when I clearly recall just needing more time and space to work out issues myself. At 62, I still struggle with pressure and my automatic resistance to it.

I know you probably need him to be trained to start school, but what if his bladder or bowel control simply isn't developed enough yet? Occasionally kids, especially boys, simply take a few more years. If that's the case, there will not be enough tricks and techniques to get him past that hurdle. And in the meantime, all of you will be experiencing more stress than is necessary.

My suggestion would be to completely drop the issue for a month, then calmly reintroduce the process and watch him for signs of readiness. Good luck!

I was wondering if you have had him tested for Sensory Integration Disorder? This was my son's problem with potty training. Your son may just not feel it. It doesn't bother him because his sensory system does not tell him it is time, and when he is wet, his tactile sensitivity may not be triggered.

There are things in OT (Occupational Therapy) that can be done to help with this. It is normal for a boy to not be potty trained until 3-3.5 years of age, but 5 is bordering on "something else is going on" (in my opinion).

I would look into having him tested, and you may see great improvements in not only potty training, but other areas of his life. I know it really did help my son..:)

I wish you all the luck in the world!!

The place we have gotten the best wordsis from Yoka Reeder.com-honestly I have found psych to be next to useless-I'd drop that asap!
Find something you can admire about him, and admire away. It sounds like he has been invalidated plenty already, and that is where I'd start- whatever gets admired- well you get more of that.
I just heard that Yoka Reeder will be here in May so send me a note if you want times when they become available- and you can ask her- she is quite the tour de force.
best, k

My son was stubborn too. He didn't care if he had a mess in his pants. What I did is explain, "next time you mess your pants, you will have to clean it up". And then I followed through. Not in a "Joan Crawford/wire hanger" way, just a matter of fact, "pull a stool up to the sink and you will rinse out your underpants w/ soap and water." After about three times, he decided he would go in the potty. The same worked when he kept peeing on the floor next to the potty. I told him he had to be responsible and pay attention to what he is doing or he would have to clean it up.

We tried many potty training tips and tricks unsuccessfully with my son. We had to stop and start back up many times. When we were on a potty training "break" I got the book Once Upon A Potty. There is a version for boys and one for girls. We started to read the book over and over and something clicked and he wanted to do it, too. Since we were on a "break" my son did not feel pressured. It is a big control issue and he has to decide when he's ready. You said he wets and dirties his underwear and doesn't care. I made my son wash his dirty underwear after an accident and after a few times, he learned it was best to use the potty.

Lenguage or speech developpe is very important for potty trainning, the school psicologist of my son´s pre school explained to me that when a child can talk, then he is ready for potty training, not before. Every child developpe speech at different time, I have a niece that didn´t talk till five, however, many times delayes in developpes has relations with Alergies. When you have time, go to www.naet.com and read about how allergies to elements afects not only skin or respiratory track but also the brain, the learning capacities, the concentration capacities, etc.............good luck and be sure that this is a stage that will be over soon

Sweetie-
I have no ideas, I just wanted you to know that I, too, have felt your pain. My son finally agreed it was time to be a "big boy." But that was after 2 1/2 years of excrement battle. While boys are usually later to potty train than girls, 5 seems especially late.

I would consider the pediatrician, if the psych didn't help. I know that there is a medical condition where you can't feel the need to go (either poop or pee), but it could be a major control issue.
Blessings!
S.

I know it's awful, but it might be best to stop. Perhaps if you stick him back in diapers and drop it, he will remedy the situation on his own. Tell him that you have no choice but to put him back in baby diapers right now and that when he's ready he can wear big boy pants again. Give it some time and see what happens. He may decide he wants to be a big boy. If not, you can resume trying to potty train him again in a few months. If he is delayed, then he just may need the time to mature. If it's stubbornness, then he will probably stop out of embarrassment at some point when he realizes he's too old. Especially if he spends time with other kids. Make statements like, "when you get into big boy pants, we should buy you a new pair." Don't rub it in, just on occasional offhanded remark and see what his response is. I also like what Cheryl C. said, it's worth a try first!

Look online for Wendy Sweeneys Booty Camp classes. She offers them in Chicago over one day and has an amazing success rate. It would be worth the savings in diapers to fly there for the day and have your kid take the 5 hour class. Good luck!

S.,
is he going to speech therapy because he had ear problems and couldn't hear right, therefore not pronounce the words correctly or for another reason?
My oldest was in speech therapy as well for the reason that I just asked you, too many ear infections until he got the tubes in. But that didn't seem to affect him with the potty training.
If I was you after you are done with that last book you have and you don't see any changes in him; I would take him to the doctor's and have him tested. Maybe it is something that is inhibiting him from getting the swing of things. You do what you can, but let the doctor's do their part too. Don't go crazy and lose you sleep over it. Some kids are different and take longer than others. Maybe there is nothing wrong with him, and he just needs more time.

Order a book called Reflexes. Learning and Behavior by Sally Goddard Blythe. You will understand what is happening in your son's brain/body/central nervous system. It's all about primitive (primary) reflex integration that has not taken place and his brain has failed to mature. There is a place in Hlwd to take him and one in Davie if you want to go to the core of the problem and that will never be with a psyhologist! E-mail me for information. Also look more into primitive reflexes www.masgutovamethod.com or INPP.com