18 answers

The "I Think Your Having Sex" Talk?

I have a 18 year old girl who just turned 18 a while ago, she has been datting the same boy since she was 16, he's a great guy, but no parent ever wants to think about this topic. I was thinking about it yesterday, and it just kinda hit, she could be having sex, they have been datting for a long time. Yes, I have talked to her about this before, like protection and she should feel conforatable to talk to me about anything. She is my quite one so she might not come to her. Its actully a really scary thing to think about. I'm thinkin' I need to start talking my 16 year old about this too! ahh! So andvice on how to approach this topic? thanks!

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks for all the responses!! And just so you know, my daughter is a senior in hs, soo she still lives at home, so that is why I thought I should be talking to her, not to mention im her mother!

Featured Answers

My mom asked me point-blank over lunch one day. She got an honest "yes". She had always been really open with us about sex/pregnancy/STD's, etc so it wasn't a complete shock to have her ask.

If you need/want to know, then ask. If you feel like you want to reinforce the point of birth control, then reinforce that point. My mom said something along the lines of:

"Barbie, you and Ken have been dating for some time now. If you want me to make an appointment for you to discuss birth control with the doctor, I will and I promise not to get upset."

Not only did this result in my having an appointment with the OBGYN within a week, but it also took away some of the "secrecy" that had been going on for months.

7 moms found this helpful

i dated my ex from 14-26 and I definitely was having tons of it! I would have never admitted it to my mom though, probably because we J. didn't talk about those things and I would've been afraid of the repercussions. I plan on being open with my daughter throughout her life and drilling in the facts of std's pregancies and myths regarding sex and the ability to not get pregnant or std's from certain things. I want her to be safe should she decide to and I'd like to be close enough that she can come to M., but I will also have her aunt talk to her and let her know she can confide in her if thats easier

3 moms found this helpful

More Answers

In a moving car. MY mother did this trick for any serious talks. There is no eye contact and no one can leave if they get upset or embarrassed. We always knew we could go to our mom with anything. And many a secret was revealed on trips to the grocery store.

13 moms found this helpful

"Hey, Sweety, I was thinking yesterday about taking you to see Dr.(OBGYN). You're 18 now and really should be started seeing one and getting the full check up once a year. Never too early to learn about breast exams and all that. What do you think?"

Do not mention your fear about her haveing sex. Seeing a OBGYN isn't just about getting her on the pill, but getting her into the habit of thinking about her own overall feminine health.

9 moms found this helpful

At 18 I was out of the house, living on my own, taking Birth Control (that was covered by my insurance, lol) , having sex.
I sure HOPE you have talked to her and the 16 year old about sex, contraception, consequences...
" Hey Sarah, you and John have been together for awhile. While I know it may make you uncomfortable I REALLY want to stress to you how important it is to take care of yourself by protecting yourself." and go from there.
Laura

8 moms found this helpful

My mom asked me point-blank over lunch one day. She got an honest "yes". She had always been really open with us about sex/pregnancy/STD's, etc so it wasn't a complete shock to have her ask.

If you need/want to know, then ask. If you feel like you want to reinforce the point of birth control, then reinforce that point. My mom said something along the lines of:

"Barbie, you and Ken have been dating for some time now. If you want me to make an appointment for you to discuss birth control with the doctor, I will and I promise not to get upset."

Not only did this result in my having an appointment with the OBGYN within a week, but it also took away some of the "secrecy" that had been going on for months.

7 moms found this helpful

If you have already "talked" to her what is there to talk about.

I probably just don't understand the question.

Do you just want to confirm your suspicion? The easiest way to do that is say are you have sex with (boys name). She will mumble a yes or no and hope to god you never broach the subject again.

When your kids are having sex it is like when your parents have sex, you know it happens but no one wants to talk about it.

You teach them what is what and then let them be unless they come to you.

6 moms found this helpful

I agree with Jo W...it sounds as if you really would like affirmation of your suspicions. Instead, how about just simply offering a visit to the dr/Planned Parenthood for basic birth control measures. Better safe than - not sorry - but becoming a parent before she's ready. :)

Treat this as being proactive & in charge of her own decisions....rather than being nosy/concerned mom.

3 moms found this helpful

i dated my ex from 14-26 and I definitely was having tons of it! I would have never admitted it to my mom though, probably because we J. didn't talk about those things and I would've been afraid of the repercussions. I plan on being open with my daughter throughout her life and drilling in the facts of std's pregancies and myths regarding sex and the ability to not get pregnant or std's from certain things. I want her to be safe should she decide to and I'd like to be close enough that she can come to M., but I will also have her aunt talk to her and let her know she can confide in her if thats easier

3 moms found this helpful

Here's my thing. The fact that she's 18 years old means that she ought to be seeing a gynecologist regardless of whether she's having sex or not. She should be checking with a gyno for any questions she has about her menstrual cycle, bringing up any problems she might have with her cycle or PMS, concerning or confusing symptoms of "anything" and establishing a trusting and healthy relationship with a gynecologist for future visits. She needs to establish a baseline for healthy lady bits as well for annual check ups, which is part of establishing the relationship and in case there are any concerns it's better to catch them early. And of course she can start the discussion with her gyno about types of birth control, what they do and don't do regarding STD's, how effective they are, and get some one-on-one education about her own personal reproductive health.

So maybe now that she's 18, I would approach her like taking her to see a gynecologist (and not necessarily the same as yours, maybe another one in the same practice) as a right of passage. Let her know that it's an important step in becoming an adult, and it opens up the conversation and chances to discuss birth control.

EDIT: It's good to get your 16 year old into the gyno too for exactly the same health reasons. Gynecologists are not just there for birth control, but our entire "female parts" health.

3 moms found this helpful

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