The Boy Who Won't Go Potty

First, if he has hit all those keys that they say to look for then keep working on it. If not then you can't force him to potty train without creating potty issues (that may last many years---constipation from withholding, etc). So evaluate that part. Just because the calandar requires it doesn't mean he can do it.

don't go crazy MAKING him go potty but do go crazy talking about it..in a very normal casual way. Bring it up after meals (or before).."do you have to go potty before we eat?" and get the big kid underwear (like dad's is a BIG DEAL in my house, we used a video/book that got my son talking aboutit a lot..Once upon a potty
good luck

My friend bought this manual I guess you could say off line on potty training in 1 week and she used it on her step son and daughter and it worked fairly well for her, she gave it to me and i have it saved to my computer as my son is only 8months old so I have plenty of time but if you'd like me to send it to you via email I can.

I had to train a boy and a girl by myself. I took them to the bathroom with me every time I had to go so they would understand what was going on and know mommy does it also. I had the males in the family go with my son and the females go with my daughter whenever I could so they knew everyone uses the potty. I would sit them on the potty next to me...I started out leaving pull ups on them...after a while they wanted to be like mommy and started pulling the pull ups off. To get my boy to pee standing up I put a little water in his potty and tossed in a couple pieces of floating cereal and told him to aim at them...he loved it. Good luck to you I hope this helps some.

I tried about a month ago with my 2 1/2 year old son. He didn't seem to understand the feeling to have to "pee." So, he would have lots of accidents. There was only one time he peed in his potty. All the other times he went in his pants or on the floor. The time he peed in his potty he was wearing no pants or underware. It was right after he got out of his booster seat from lunch, and I told him to "Hurry, quick, go pee on the potty! Go pee on the potty!" He peed a little on the floor that time, but most of it went into the potty. I ended up putting him back into diapers because he just never understood that feeling of "having to go pee."

So, maybe try having your son go all day for a few days with no underware and pants. After a few accidents, he might understand better and then pee on the potty. This is how my sister potty trained all three of her boys, and they were around your son's age when she did it, too. It only took her kids a day or two, and she said they were peeing on the potty.

I am anxious to see what answer you get b/c I have a son who I will be starting to do in about 1 yr. My daughter started when she was 1 1/2 and did GREAT. She was trained in about 1 month. I did a sticker each time like you and I would do 2 for #1 &2. I would sometimes say I am going to beat you and I would run and she would literally push me out of the way lol and I of course let her win. lol So it was a game to her and liked it. ALWAYS have him go before bed of course and NOTHING to drink after 8. IF they fight you on it not wanting to go I say OK try not to potty in pull up which I put on her b/c she would get up in night to go on her own. She would say ok and if she woke up dry I would get excited we would jump up and down and I made a big deal out of it so she knew she did something good and she got a sticker. I got the stickers SHE wanted which were horses, lady bugs and butterflies that way she knew it was her idea. She is 3 almost 4 and does GREAT of course and when we try the I am going to beat you to the potty thing now she laughs and says MOM I Know what you are doing TRUST me I do not have to go. I sit and look at her and laugh and say OK if you say so and she says YEP I do. lol She will still fight to go to potty but when she has to go she runs lol. I wish you all the best and I hope Quentin will be easy like her I hear boys are harder but do it with cheerios and have them aim for it BUT I am going to have Quentin do it sitting down...

When my kids were starting, I'd fill a dishpan with warm water, and let them "play" with the warm water while they were sitting on the potty. Not only was it fun, but the warm water made them go, so they knew what it should feel like. Good luck!

Hi! I went to a potty course at the Jewish Center a few years ago and it was very helpful. The potty training technique is empowering. This is the first choice that your child gets to make for himself and as Mom's this is the first time that we get to empower our child to know that they can do it. SO...
Over the weekend you can prepare a stack of clean underwear - plain no characters...and a stack of easy to pull up sweats. Then tell your child that "You're all finished with diapers now. They are gone. It's time to use underwear." (FYI: There is NO turning back at this point or you'll have 7 times as much work the next time you try. So be strong Mom.)"These are your underwear. They need to stay clean and dry." Then -go for it. Prepare a mantra for yourself. I used...."Mommy knows that you can keep your pants clean and dry." and "You are the boss of your body." When the child soils in their pants - it is now his responsibility to remove the soiled clothes with your verbal instructions and clean and dry his body. It is also his responsibility to clean up any mess that was made from soiling on the floor. The whole time you're right there saying your mantra. "Mommy knows you can do it." If your child is strong willed you'll have to be really strong. I suggest camping out with a magazine in the bathroom while they are resisting. With both of my children - there was never any real resistance. They enjoyed my releasing them into further independance and responsibility. It took one hard day and a second day. After two days they were rewarded with colorful undies with characters they loved.

This sets the tone for all the other challenges they will face. You're there and you believe they can do it.

When my son was little daddy showed him how to make bubbles in the water. It was that simple. Also, you can put a few colorful cereal pcs. in the water and see if he can hit them.

I trained my son at 2 1/2. Pretty early for a boy. I got a HUGE bag of M&M's and we got busy. I know that parents like to avoid food rewards for children but it worked awesome! 2 for pee and 4 for poop. The pooping on the potty was a little more difficult to accomplish, for a short time we did move to match box cars as a reward. It was worth it. It only took me two months to get him out of diapers. I also kept an extra training potty out in our garage so that he and I didn't forget to use it, we spend hours and hours outdoors in the summer, that helped a lot. Another idea is to have a basket of wrapped presents near the toilet for them to pick everytime they use the bathroom successfully. The dollar store is a great place to get little things cheaply. And in the long run, much cheaper than diapers. This worked great for my sister-in-law and another friend of mine.

Go to the library and get as many kids books about going on the Potty. There are some fun DVDs out there for kids to watch too. My son is 27 months and he just all of a sudden decided he wanted to be a big boy and wear underwear. We just started this, so I am crossing my fingers this will last. He loves the DVD - Once Upon a Potty and Potty Power......they have catchy songs that we sing while he's sitting on the potty.
I admit, I've resorted to bribery also. One sticker and a piece of candy if he uses the potty. Ususally 1-2 M&Ms or yesterday he wanted a popsicle so I told him to go potty and he can have one.....it worked. I believe they honestly do it when they want to do it and the signs are there. My son usually wakes up dry from naps and bedtime. Just try and get him super excited about the potty. Good Luck.

Hi TL, my 3 yr old had some interest in potty training and then just lost interest and wouldn't go on the potty. He was never "potty trained" but he'd go in the potty maybe 3 times per week. I didn't push him. His daycare teacher said to me one day, "He knows how to do it, he's just not really interested in it." She suggested I send him to school the next day in underwear and a change of clothes, shoes, underwear, etc. I was incredulous--my son wasn't "pottytrained"...he couldn't really do that, could he? She said, let's try.

Talked to him about what was going to happen the next day, acted excited, sent him to school like a big boy. NO ACCIDENTS the whole day!! The teacher had done this with another child and gave that kid a "certificate" at the end of the day with streamers and stickers, etc becuase they had no accidents, and she told my son he'd get one too if he had no accidents and went in the potty. He did it!! I was SHOCKED. He even went poo in the potty! (which he'd never done) After that we just put him in a diaper at naptime and for bed (with big boy underwear over them) and he's rarely had an accident since!

His teacher was right--he could do it, we just weren't really asking him to step up. If your daycare provider is willing to try this, I think it probably works better when there's other kids around who are using the potty.

I think the key here is to not be angry at his mistakes, but to praise his accomplishment--bribing him with a treat or toy at the end of the day for his efforts probably helps too. But I'm telling you--I never would have dreamed of just sticking him in undies, but it worked. He was literally potty-trained in a day. Expect to clean up some accidents, but this method really works! Good luck!

I was lucky enough to have my son's daycare start the potty training. He was full-fledged "pee" potty-trained by the age of two. It took less than 3 months to conquer.

All they did was put him on the potty every hour - whether he needed to go or not. They'd let him sit there for about 5 minutes or until he went (whichever came first). If he went potty, they'd praise him. If he didn't, they wouldn't do anything except help him off the potty. It worked like a charm.

As far as poopy goes, he was full-fledged trained at a little over 3 years. There were several stages to that since toddlers often have issues with letting go of poo. But, that's another whole set of questions and answers depending on what dilemma's your son will face with Number 2.

Good luck!

Does your son drink a lot of liquids? My son is a huge water drinker, and we made sure he had A LOT of water for a few days. We never did the pull up and went straight to underware. Every 20 minutes we went on the potty and because he was drinking so much (we made that a game too) he had "success". That was key for us. After a few days, I just asked him or put him on the potty. A week later, we gave him the exciting news that he could stand "like daddy" and potty. That was really big for him. Oh and he was 3 when this took place too. The accidents he did have we never punished, but he did have to put his underware in a bucket and get clean ones from unpstairs.

Every child is unique. Ours never cared about stickers, candy, prizes etc. Go with your gut and don't stress too much. At this age, once they get it...they usually are pretty good since they are older. He may suprise you!!

You are on a time line so I wish I had some great news for you. I have a 3 1/2 year old that just became potty trained 3 weeks ago, it was not bad at all we have had only 2 accidents, total since day one so I am not upset at all. I only put a pull up on him for a 3 hour car ride, just in case, and not problems, still dry. He still wears a diaper at night. Anyways.....

Our story, so you can see if this will work for you. He came out one morning scratching. I noticed that he had a tender spot from being wet, so I told him he had to air it out, and told him he had to use the potty. I sat down on the floor and explained to him that he was a big boy and could do it. I reminded him. I look for clues to remind him to go. He does well. He does not use a potty seat, but we have one incase someone is in the bathroom when he has to go. He has only used it a couple of times, we take it when we are going to watch a base ball or soccer game or go to the park so he can use that instead of port potties or any of those potties. It works out nice.

I hope this helps
Just J.

Ok, so I think this needs to be done in two steps:

1) getting him more interested in it, by hanging out with friends that don't wear diapers, and reading stories about not wearing diapers anymore (this can take a while, but you can't really push it, they have to develop an interest themeselves).
2) Then, once he's talking about it a bit more and seems interested - is telling you when he's peeing or pooping a bit more, then you've got to take him out of training pants. I know it seems more difficult, but actually its much easier and faster.

What I did with my son (who seemed very ready in terms of talking about his friends and saying when he'd peed or pooped) was put him in his big boy underpants (made a lovely big fuss over this) and trousers that could be pulled down easily. Then we talked about going on the potty since we didn't have nappies. Then we simply asked him to tell us when he needed to go, so we could go on the potty. Invariably this resulted in an accident. I would then say, that's ok, no problem, your just learning! But, we should sit on the potty now just to see if there's anything else. There wouldn't be anything else, but by associating sitting on the potty with the accident, the learning happened a bit quicker. One method I read about advocated doing this 10 times (getting them to sit on the potty after an accident) but I couldn't imagine how that would work without a huge fight, and that's what I had read to avoid - fights and power struggles. This really had to be something he was interested in learning and that we were supporting him on.

I was amazed how quickly that worked - I think he made a handful of accidents - I was expecting that phase to go on for ages - but then he 'got it' and was really proud of himself.

We did use to really make a big production everytime anything was produced on the potty - we'd jump up and down and clap and say excitedly what a good job he did - which helped a lot.

Good luck!

I also had a little boy who was not willing to be potty trained at the age of three. In fact, he was three years and 8 months old before we potty trained. After many very unsuccessful attmepts at potty training, we decided to quit pushing it for a few months and it finally worked. It sounds like, however, that you do not have the luxury of waiting much longer if he needs to be fully trained by August. I will mention that because we waited so long with my son, he was fully (I mean NO accidents) in 3 days. The sticker chart did work for my son but we had to design it to fit him. What I mean is that he needed instant gratification so after only going on the potty a few times he got a reward, and then he had to go on the potty a few more times before he got the next reward and so on. The time in between the rewards became longer and longer until finally his whole chart was full. The other thing that really worked for us (and this may sond bad, but it isn't I promise) was when my son had an accident on himself HE had to change his clothes and clean up his mess--and boy did he not like that. It just made him think twice about holding his potty and trying to make it to the bathroom. This only happened twice before he went every single time on the potty and was potty trained!! Oh yeah, and we went straight to underwear with no going back, no pull-ups, and no overnight diapers (I think that it really just confuses them)! Good luck and I hope this helps!

I have tried others suggestion of going straight for the underwear. My son is 21 months old and was very excited about picking out underwear with cars on it. We explained to him why he was wearing big boy pants and I could see right away the advantage of the underwear. He has had accidents but he gets the point, as soon as it happens he says uh-oh and looks at what happened!! Now he has learned when he's having the urge and that's the main battle!

T.L, I totally agree with Kimberly P's advice. It has to be the child's responsibility, it is his/her body after all. Below is a link from the Today Show yesterday about a woman from Chicago called the "potty whisperer". She reinforces that it must become the child's responsibility, period ! She also makes them clean up their mess from their accident in their "underwear". You have to plan & expect a great deal of messes when you abruptly place them in the underwear & explain, with eye contact to your child, that there are NO MORE diapers & that you will be wearing underwear from today forward. Pull-ups do the same as a diaper in my opinion by keeping the "wet" away from the child's bottom. That child needs to feel the wet & the mess ! Some parents think it is cruel to have a child clean up their mess, but, they learn quite quickly how disgusting it is, and that the mess belongs in the toilet. This "potty whisperer" guarantees that a child will be trained in one day. Check out the link I've sent you, hope this helps & good luck. P.S.- He is ready if he is 3. Don't let him fool you. A.
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/25057503/

Get a jar of M&M's and keep it in the bathroom... every time he goes potty in the toilet he gets to have one M&M. I've potty trained 3 boys (one more to go in a year or so) and bribery WORKS! LOL! =)

My son was turning 3 in August and also needed potty training. I had been working with him for 6 months. I have 5 kids (now all potty trained)and everyone of them, including the my son had to wear underwear or nothing at all for about a week. Give them a lot to drink so that they have to go more often. They may wet themselves for a couple days, but that is what got my kids to figure out that they needed to go on the potty. Choose a few days in a row when you won't be running around so you can be at home. Be consistent too. Don't put pull ups on him except at night or he will be confused. My son finally figured out how to pee in the potty 2 weeks before school. He still wouldn't poop, but luckily he never had to poop at school and he was fully trained by 3 1/2. Good luck - they are all different. I had to clean up many messes, but eventually they all get it.

BR

Have you tried putting him on the potty, turning on the water, and playing some type of hand game with him or reading him a short book? The sound of running water will increase the pressure for him to go if he has to go.
Every 30 minutes is a bit often, I think. I took mine about once an hour. There was a lot of praise and a special treat of some type. I used a cookie, my sister-in-law used skittles (one of each color) and then they got to brush their teeth.

I think pull ups are greast for nap time and night time. They are still a diaper which means they absorb liquid away from the child. Until your son feels the discomfort of wearing wet clothes and having to change himself why should he stop doing what he's doing? It's working fine for him. After being wet a few times and he has to interrupt his play time/ cartoons, change his clothes etc... Than if he just uses the potty he'll realize the potty is the better answer. This method worked very well on my 4 children plus the 2 year olds I had in my preschool class.
Use underpants (I like the thicker ones during potty trainning) and rubber pants. You'll go threw more clothes and shoes but it's worth it!

Potty training comes and goes. No 3 year old doesn't have any accidents now and again, so don't stress yourself too much. Pre-schools know they have to ask them to go potty. Often they will take the children to go potty about 5 times a day on a schedule. I always packed extra clothes and plastic bags in his backpack just in case.

I would try giving him lots of fluids during the day, ice pops, and continue to take him to the potty every 30 minutes. You can use stickers for rewards. A friend of mine said she used M&M's. Her son loved candy, so he would keep sitting on the potty just to get an M&M. She would reward him 1 candy for sitting down. After he started sitting down like 30 times a day (lol), she started only rewarding him when he did something.

I personally reward my son for sitting down, pee-ing, pooping, pulling up his underwear on his own, and pulling up his pants/shorts on his own. My 3 year old does pretty much everything on his own and is very adament about doing so. He was fully potty trained and now we are back to pull-ups. He comes and goes.

My 4 year old is finally fully potty trained. He still has accidents though. He gets upset or really into whatever he's doing and holds it too long. I still send extra clothes to pre-school and daycare for him just in case. For the most part he does very well.

When kids are sick, they tend to have more accidents. After my boys had tonsels out, they both reverted back to pull-ups. When they had the flu, they reverted. When they had "the runs", they both reverted. So... it comes and goes. Just stay consistent. They don't like to sit in wet and dirties, so sometimes I ask my boys if they pee'd or pooped their pants. Sometimes they even asked to be changed.

I just read this article online about potty training done in a day. The link is: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/25057503/. In the article they talk about a book also that perhaps you can find at the library. I don't have any personal stories to share since our little one is 5 months. Hope you find some good information. Good luck!

Sometimes it takes a respected man to help out by example Little boys want to be men. So if they have an adult man their father or uncle to go to the bathroom with them and see how a man does it they try to copy them. Have the respected male tell your little boy "this is how we men go to the bathroom". I was a single mom raizing a little boy and had the same problem.

T L
When I was potty training my children I would take them to the bathroom with me and make a big production of the different noises that were made by the falling urine into the water in the toilet basin. Also the glop glop of action two. Sounds gross but my little ones were really anxious to see if they could do it too. The only real problem I had was watching to make sure my little ones did not fall into the toilet bowl trying to mimic mom and dad and drown.
Dad should do the same to teach his son how to hit the target
and to make the noise of water hitting water.
Since all our children are so different in personalities I can't be sure it will work for you. But it worked for my family and potty training was never a problem.
Good luck
D. Y.

I have a three year old girl who I was having a difficult time with potty training as well. I was over my mom's yesterday and on the Today show they had this RN that started her own business of potty training. They raved that her technique worked in one day....so I went online and watched the clip and read the story. I thought I have nothing to lose so I tried it and I can not believe that she has been dry since I started the technique. If you can pull it up off the Today show it is called the Potty Whisperer. She just lets the kids know that the potty is there if they need to use it. She also tells them if they go in their pants or on the floor that they have to clean up the mess. I told my daughter that and she said "I don't want to clean up the mess" so I kept reminder her that the light was on for her if she had to go "all by herself". I did notice if we asked her if she wanted or needed to go just before bedtime she refused. Then 3 minutes later she decided on her own that she had to go. It must just be the whole whose in control thing. I am amazed so far. So give it a try...you have nothing to lose. I thought we were never going to get her potty trained.

i know this may sound alittle off, but...you can tell him that there is a teeny tiny village at the very bottom of the toilet & only his pee & put out the fire & he'll be a hero. my friend didthat for her son & had him trained in no time..unfortunately she didn't tell me until my husband had our son peeing on tires outside & then got little ones to put in the toilet for him to pee on...lol. men are weird. good luck.