The Birds and the Bees

I have a great book for you to read to your child about the dreaded birds and bees and growing up. It's called First Comes Love. ALl about the birds & the bees - and alligators, possums and people too. by Jennifer Davis Illustrated by Clare Mackie.
The IBSN for the book stores is 0-7611-2244-3 $10.95 us dollars. It is the best book and answers all questions. My daughter is 7 years old now and it was easy to read and talk to her about. Let me know how it works out for you. ____@____.com

1 mom found this helpful

H.,

At this age, less is more. The more you tell him, the more confused he will be.
Simply saying that you and his dad used to be together, but that you and he could not agree on a lot of things that husbands and wives really need to agree on and that while you were together, you had him. And then it was decided that he would stay with you because you couldn't bare the thought of being without him. And then saying that you met a man (his stepdad) and that you and he agree on the important things that husbands and wives should agree on. But that his stepdad loves him and considers him to be his son too. And that he will always be there since you've both made a committment to stay together forever.
And that's all that you need to really say at this point. When he has more questions, I would address them as they come up.

I think your son needs to know that his Daddy (the one who takes care of him) is your husband and that his Father is the man who made him. You can tell him it takes a man and woman to make a baby and that when he was born you were married to his Father, you don't have to tell him how it happens. But his Daddy is the one he can count on to be there for him. If he still persists then you can tell him, or buy a good book written for his age. Seven is not too young to be thinking about these things.

I'm a grandma and retired school teacher...I've gone thru this many times.

Hi H.,

I'm a children's minister and often counsel with children. One of the first things we learned in counselling 101 was to only answer the question the child asks. It is not necessary to ellaborate. It's best to give too little information than too much. If it is too little the child will continue to ask questions. With that said, you did an excellent job answering your son. If that was/is not a satisfactory answer you can bet he will figure out how to ask another question that will quench his curiosity. I think it's also wonderful that your husband is taking the time to express his feelings toward your son so that your son feels loved regardless of blood relation. A positive male figure is SO important, especially in teaching boys how to express feelings.

As for the birds and the bees . . . it's difficult these days to know when the right time for that chat since children are being exposed to so many different things earlier and earlier in life. There is a series of books that could help with this discussion called God's Design for Sex. Book 1 is titled, "The Story of Me" for ages 3 to 5. Book 2 is "Before I was Born" for ages 5 to 8. Book 3 is "What's the Big Deal? Why God Cares About Sex" for ages 8 to 11. And book 4 is Facing the Facts: The truth About Sex and You" for ages 11 to 14. Even though your son is 7 I would start with book 1 to lay the foundations. After that move on to book 2. Before reading with your son, be sure to read the book in advance yourself. This way you will know what to expect as you read it with your son.

If nothing else your son will understand he was conceived from love between you and his father. It is difficult for a 7 year old to understand why adults don't stay together and they often imagine that it was their fault. My husband's parents divorced when he was 4 and he was 40 when his mom finally told him that it was not his fault. He lived with this thought for a LONG time because the divorce was never discussed, his father was never talked about and when he visited his father at age 11 he was ignored. As long as you and his step father continue to show your son love, are open and willing to discuss his questions and address his needs he will feel secure. If his biological father is less than faithful that might be an issue of misunderstanding that you end up discussing with your son if his bio father doesn't or is unwilling to do so.

I'll pray that God gives you the wisdom to understand your son's needs and the ability to answer whatever questions come your way.

Hi H.! Just my humble opinion, ok? When I was 8, my parents gave me two books titled What's Happening to Me? and Where Did I Come From? After they gave me the books to read (written on a child's level, but using the correct terminology), they assured me that I could always ask them anything I wanted to know.

Having said that, I think that as the parent(s), it is up to you to determine when your child(ren) are ready to have 'the talk.' I think it is a matter of maturity -- your son had enough sense to ask you; I think that says something about his level of maturity in getting an answer. Because he is a thinker, as you stated, I would give him as simple of an answer as you can, and let him ask you more questions, if necessary.

I think that as long as you keep your responses or explanation simple (as much as you can), you won't offend any parents of your son's classmates (smile).

I have always appreciated that my parents gave me that information well in advance of me being exposed to anything related to sex or before I started experiencing puberty. When things started happening, I was not afraid or embarassed to talk to my mom. Of course, this is me being a female child, as opposed to a son.....maybe you could also ask your husband (if you haven't already) what his parents told him when he started asking questions....?

I hope this helps. Good luck.