The ADVANTAGES of Having Kids One Year Apart

My kids are 16 months apart. They are now 10 1/2 and 12. I can tell you, I wouldn't have it any other way. It was not planned and I cried when I found out I was pregnant with my second. My first born was 7 months old. The first year was tough, that is for sure, but wow, how much easier things get. Your kids will be interested in the same things , you can go to the same movies, ride the same rides, at be at the same level. I feel like you get through the tough spots quicker, instead of drawing them out.

I have a girl and a boy, and being close in age also helps with less running around to different schools, camps etc. They only have one year of being at different schools. They work on similar homework and can help each other. Vacations are easier, one isn't wanting to nap while the other is ready to go. I could go on and on, but I feel the rewards are so worth it. My kids are friends as well as siblings, they understand each other. Of course they argue as well, but they have so much in common.

Good luck to you! K.

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As a kindergarten teacher, I strongly believe that it is in the best interest of siblings to have at least two years in between them. Each child needs one on one time with his or her parents. It is extremely difficult to get that attention when one has an infant sibling around. I have noticed that it may cause problems later on with impulse control.
Best Wishes!

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Hi D.,
I am a mother of 4 wonderful children yes one right after the other it felt like I was pregnant for ever
I think you getting pregnant or trying for another is wonderful this is how I look at it there all in dipar at the same time they all potty train at the same time But the most important thing is they'll have each other to play with and when they get older they have each other its a wonderful thing for me but you are the only one that knows if you can or can't I say pray to God and ask him it takes a pretty strong woman to raise alot of children you will have your days worse than others but hey its only a day me I don't regret one day yes there have been many rough days where it seems like I was asking myself what am I doing but thats life it won't be easy but the REWARD IS FAR GREATER THAN YOU'LL EVER IMAGE
GOD BLESS you and your wonderful family Danielle S

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D.,

I have a 1 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. For my emotional sanity, I personally can't go closer the 18 months apart. When I was preparing to have my second, my requirements were that my first be able to walk, and to be able to communicate with me somehow. Plus, she was young enough that she wasn't to stubborn or set in her ways. When my second was born, I made sure that once she was sleeping, she was in her crib and away so I could focus my attention on the oldest. About 2 months later I started to see some signs of jealousy and immediately my husband and I gave the oldest more attention. We thought we were giving her enough, but apparently she needed more at the time. It only lasted a few days and we haven't had jealousy issues since. There will be times of exhaustion and frustration, but thats just one of the many perks of motherhood. About the time my youngest turned 1 was when she moved to one nap a day so now they are both on the same sleeping schedule which is great. Once the younger one started sitting up was when my oldest began to play with her. They haven't stopped since. The love hate relationship is growing strong but they also have such a great time together. Just last week I even moved them into a room together and they hate it if the other leaves. What helps me is to look at a child who will be the age you want your older one to be, watch their mannerisms, etc, and think if you could handle a newborn if your oldest where kind of like that. Good luck, go with your gut.

Hello D.
I have two boys 13 months apart. They are 2 and 1 year so I can't talk much about the long term benefits of having them so close together. However I'm so glad I had my boys so soon, even though we didn't plan it that way! Right now even at their young ages they play together, laugh, and jump around together (and fight too sometimes!). When we take just my oldest son out he's always asking for his brother. They are live-in playmates, and as a stay at home mom I love this because I can actually get things done around the house and study (I've recently gone back to college) without them constantly looking to me for things to do. The day to day stuff isn't much harder with two then one.

On the other hand, we had to buy a second crib instead of reusing the old one. We had to get a double stroller, new car seat, and double up on their favorite toys to prevent fights. Plus having two kids in diapers isn't exactly a dream!

Overall, I would recommend having another baby soon. But of course the choice is completely personal. I'm grateful in knowing that as my sons grow older they will always be close to each because they can relate to each other since they are so close in age. (At least I hope it works out this way, I guess you never really know!)

Whatever you choose best of luck to you!

Hi D.
I have 2 boys that are now 4 and 5. I am so happy they are close in age and here's why...
1) Neither ever remember life without the other.
2) We put them in a room together at ages 1 and 2. All toys are put into a common toy box. Although they know which toys were given to whom for presents, they gladly accept that everything is free game for each other.
3) They are always at similar motor stages do that both can equally participate in a give sport or activity together.
4) They have the same age interests for games, toys, etc.
5) When they were young we did toilet training at the same time. It was easy since they had each other to use as an example.
I haven't read the other responses on how to cope. But
in all, life has been great having the boys close in age. I actually can't think of a drawback.

Good Luck! You'll be fine in whatever decision you make.

I have a boy who is 3 and girl who is 2. They are 14 1/2 months apart. Sure, it is tiring, but I couldn't say that I'd be any less tired if they were 18 months, 2 years or 3 years apart. And there are tons of benefits! My daughter has been in the picture for about as long as he can remember, so there was no jealousy or adjustment phase when she arrived other than I wasn't as available when she was an infant due to breastfeeding, etc., which would be the same at any age difference. Since my daughter has been able to sit/crawl they have played together, so they are interested in the same things and always have a similarly aged playmate. I can take them to the same activities and they can almost do all of the same things. My daughter also became interested in going on the potty when she saw her big brother doing it, so she is close to being potty trained without much effort on our part. And if you are going to have another surrogate, you won't have to worry about the exhaustion and physical limitations (e.g., lifting while pregnant) of pregnancy! Good luck!

I agree with what someone said before, I think about 2 years apart is the best. My kids are 21 months apart, and I feel that is pretty good. I was able to give my daughter the attention she deserved as an infant, and now that she is older I can give my son the attention he deserves. Plus she is old enought to participate with caring for her brother in small ways (getting diapers, etc.).

My kids are 17 months apart (6 and 7 years old). I have read the last responses and it certainly seems like this varies from family to family. All I can add is that the first few years are hard. Similar schedules do help, but there will be a time that you have two very dependent children, each with their own interests. However......they do grow out of that phase. I am LOVING right now that my kids play together, entertain each other, do after school programs together, and yes, fight together. But they truly love each other and enjoy each other. On the flip side, my brother is 13 years younger than I am and I am still waiting for us to be friends. We are just too far apart in age. I say go for it!!!!

I have three kids all two years apart. It was easy at first but then as they all got to toddler ages, it wasn't so easy. If I could have it my way I would almost go 3 or 4 years apart. :)

Be prepared for a lot of ainxt between the two. Everyone I know thinks the kids will be close....and some moments they can be, but most of the time they are at each other's throats; in direct competition; and two in diapers is not fun.

If you want two, and can wait...give it enough spacing that your first child will not feel so displaced and can be your "little helper" and your second child can recieve the attention they need (your first child is more independent) 3 to 5 years is good spacing depending on the child.

Hi -

My parents had my little brother and sister 11 months apart (when I was 15 yrs old) and while they were growing up they were super close. They did everything together. There was always that buddy to play with in the backyard. In the mornings they would get each other up to play. As infants it was a little tough for my parents, but by the time they were 1 and 2 yrs it got much easier because they were both walking and talking and my mom and dad didn't have to carry around one or the other. We would go places and they would ride together in a wagon and share cookies. And I even think potty training was easier because the little one wanted to keep up with the older one.

Now they are a Jr and Soph in high school and they have a love/hate relationship. They are still super close, but have their own friends and interests as any siblings would, but they still look out for each other even though they give each other a hard time.

It will be tough at first giving each equal attention, with any kids you'll have your share of tough times, but as you know, it's worth it.

Best of luck to you!

I would suggest reading some of the books by the Sears who write about attachment parenting and suggested time between births. Honestly, I've read nothing about the advantages only how to cope with it. Sears and other attachment parenting models suggest 3 years. From my personal experience, I would agree.

The ADVANTAGES for us (we have a 3.5 year old, 2 year old and 9 month -all 16 months apart) have been everytime we get the kids together in the same room... it is controlled chaos, and so much fun. The children are on the same "silliness" level. They have little code words for things, laugh at same jokes and want to play the same games (the ones that the 3.5 year old picks out) but ALL the same, they LOVE each other so much. It shows everytime one has been away from the others and their face lights up when they see them again! It is definitely challenging, but worth it for us! Good luck.
K.

HI D.,
Our kids are 20 months apart, which I know is a bit further apart than you were asking. 1 year, 2 years or 3 years apart I think you'll have exhaustion at some point. It's just exponentially harder to have 2 kids. In the grand scheme of things though, the exhaustion is fairly short in my opinion. One of the great things about having them close together for us has been that at 2 and 4 years old they still take an afternoon nap together. Particularly when they are younger and still waking up at night, that break during the day was a life saver.
I read some people talking about jealousy issues etc...and I think it makes a difference that we have a girl and a boy because their interests are slightly different. There doesn't seem to be as much rivalry. They play together beautifully (most of the time) and are used to sharing toys and space (they share a room and seem to miss each other if they are separated). They don't remember a time when the other one was not around, and I feel like they will grow up to be very close.
My husband was 40 with our first as well, and admittedly we both felt some exhaustion, but feel like after a certain point the kids actually make us feel younger. Now the hardest part of having them close together is that our 2 year old has passed the milestone of potty-training and it feels like the "baby" stage is over... Some people may consider that an advantage... If you have kids further apart, then everything feels like starting over. The night waking, potty training etc...I think we've blocked out how hard it was in some ways, because now we consider having another!
Good luck with your decision!

My kids are 14months apart and I love it! At first it was hard being preg. while my daughter was not even one. My second was an accident but now at 4 (boy) and 5(girl) they are best friends. They entertain each other, and have a lot of the same friends. If anything my 4 yr old has always been ahead becasue he wants to be like his sister. So its true what they say about Irish Twins! I hope that helps my husband and I are glad we had them close together.

Paying two college tuitions at once for three years will be hard. My two are three years apart and play non-stop. My second had colick and was a very fussy baby. Thank goodness for those three years. My first deserved all the attention she got before the second arrived. I recommend three years apart.

My girls are 15 months apart and planned that way--I wanted them to be friends!--they are mortal enemies! Forget them having same friends and same interests. My girls couldn't be more different. Aged 7 and almost 9 now--they grow more unalike each day. They don't get invited to the same parties, they don't like the idea of sharing every event--clubs, playdates etc. They soooo want to be individuals. More strife than not. Perhaps when they are older 20/30 they will be the best of friends. Plus I always felt like I cheated them out of their baby years--one of me and 2 of them--diapers for 5 years straight--craziness. Enjoy your ONE baby. I now have a 3 year old and they both ADORE her, as do I. Such a BIG difference...
Best wishes to you however you decide!

PS. 4-5 years is a good distance between sibs in my opinion. :)

Hi D., I am a mother of 5 boys, ages 13,12,11,3 and 2.
As you have heard it is a challenge to have children 1 year apart. But the advantages I experienced out weighed the hardships. I found that the 12 and 11 year old went through their stages much easier because they were following in big brothers foot steps. They potty trained, slept better, ate different foods earlier, spoke earlier, walked earlier,and found compassion and sharing very early. We never had any issues with unity, sharing, or fighting. They don't remember not having each other. We make a special effort to make sure that they each get 1 on 1 attention from us. When they got older we had to make sure that we didn't treat them like twins and let them become more independent of each other. They are best friends. Good luck and know that at any age there are going to be hardtimes and wonderful times. Children are a blessing. P. S.

Well... I had my children 1 Second apart... So I can tell you there are TONS of advantages... Yes, this is exhausting... but I've watched my friends with a 3 yr old and a new born... and they are just as equally tired...

They have 2 totally different needs to meet... totally different nap schedules (sometimes the oldest doesn't nap... UGGG!) Totally different meal needs... Etc...

I see you had your child through surrogacy... so the lucky thing... assuming you do that again. Is that YOU won't be totally exhausted while PG with your little one... So you can give your 3mos. old your total attn. and then add the next bundle of joy. Also, given that surrogacy might not work the first cycle... I think it's worth getting things going... so you don't feel the "pressure" of trying to get your family going...

They will be going through the same steps within months of each other. You won't forget how you dealt with it. Clothes will last the whole year!

Once you're done... you're DONE! Everyone will be potty trained within the year... never to be done again...

Good Luck and Congratz on your little one!

The only benefit is that you are done earlier than later. If you don't feel you can handle it, then you should wait. It's not fair to you to exhaust yourself mentally or physically and it's not fair to your babies, either. Do what's best for you, and it'll be what's best for them. Enjoy your baby!

If I were you, I would wait another year. Personally, I think two years apart is perfect. Believe me, you don't want both kids hitting the "terrible two's" at the same time! It starts around 18 mos. and goes on until they're three or older! It's crazy!!!! At least with a few years between them, you'll have one ready to potty train, pre-school, etc. while the other begins to walk and (and starts getting into everything!) The advantages to kids being two years or less are great when they get a little older, though. You just have to be able to endure the first few years of maddness.

~L..

Yes, indeed, you will be very tired. However, there are some wonderful benefits to having your children close in age. Your children will grow up really knowing each other. They will be close enough to know friends and teachers. This is of great value because, believe me, you will become somewhat of an outsider...especially during adolescence. My boys are 18 months apart and are currently in college in another state. It is funny how close they remain to eachother, even though they are as different as night and day. They would agree that it was an asset for them to be so close in age, in spite of the occasional sibling rivalry. Be prepared to juggle driving, lessons, and sport teams. You will not be able to be two places at once, so do not expect to be able to do it all. Good luck.

M.

As exhausted as I am right now, i am painfully responding because I must share with you my expereince with 2 children 16 months apart. Although I wouldnt change anything (I love my children fiercely) but living in survival mode is really difficult. I NEVER have a moment to myself and the stress level in my life is over the top...let alone getting hardly any sleep. Alrtough, in the future it will be great...they will be close, the sooner we will be out of diapers, bottles etc BUT the reality is its asking allot more to have someone babysit 2 kids than 1 and its so much more work to get out of the house with 2 kids (i now realize one chld is a breeze)I have to do so much now online including grocery shop because I do not have the time. I am not trying to be insensitive or cavalier towards your situation I just feel like brutal honesty is best. If you have family near to help out on a day to day basis then I say do it, but otherwise I say wait until your first born is almost 3 at minimum before baby #2. For sanity sake! Good luck to you guys and what ever you decide remember you'll get through it! -T.

My sister got pregnant with her second one when my nephew was only 6 weeks old. The boys now are best of buddies. It's tough the first couple of years, but hang in there!

My kids are 19 months apart (now my girl is 15 months and my boy is 34 months). As much as I loved my first born, watching my first born fall in love with my second born was pure heaven. Now that they are old enough they play and laugh together. They are learning to share and negotiate.

I grew up in a family of 4 and my older brother and I are one year apart. Although my relationship with my brother has been up and down over the years, I was never lonely as a child. Also, my brother is still there for me when I really need him.

There is no perfect solution to spacing. But the older we get the more tired we get.

My three boys are 18 and 17 months apart. It is very tiring of that I cannot deny. But having them so close is nice. They play with one another and I know that they will grow up together. Plus I see it as a great benefit that when we are finished with diapers and bottles and other baby stuff we will be done. There will be no starting over and going through it all again.
It's hard but definately something you can accomplish.
Good Luck!!!

My sister and I were Irish twins as were my husband and his brother. We both had such great experiences growing up that we decided to have our two boys as close together as I could physically manage it. Our two boys have some of the same friends, they can swap clothes and they will almost always be at the same school. I know they will probably be more competitive than if they were farther apart in age, but every day is a playdate.

My boys are 22 months apart. I think close to 2 years apart is perfect. I think you will be exhausted if you have another so soon. You won't be able to savor your baby time with your 1st. Whatever you decide will work out though if you are up for it and you want it to. Good luck!

While I don't have two children (yet!) I do have a brother who is two years younger than I am and I have a niece and nephew who are 16 months apart (aged 8.5 and 7 now.)

As an adult, I love having a brother so close to my age. It means my child has cousins close to her age and thus family gatherings are more fun for her. Also, in adulthood my brother and I became friends! It is nice to have someone who shares the same childhood memories as you.

My niece and nephew are both the best of friends and the worst of enemies, depending on the moment! Recently, for school, my niece had to write an essay about her favorite person. She wrote "My brother is my best friend. He gets to come with me every time we go to Disneyland." So, there is the perspective of an 8 year old on the subject.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

N.

Ok I have 4 children and the last two are 13 months apart. They are now 20 and 21 years old (Boy and Girl). So I think I can speak on this subject. Long-term it is great for them! They are very very close, almost like having twins (even my pedi told me that when they were growing up). It allows you to deal with some of the "stages" of childhood one time especially since boys mature a lttle slower than girls. As long as you don't treat them as "one child", because they have their own personality its great. They tell me the are very glad they are close in age. Also a playmate is always THERE! I think it worked great and they are happy as well. I think it is great.

I only have one kid, so my comments are what I've heard from other people.

Having kids 1 year apart has more benefits down the road...like when they are closer to 8 or 9. They can play together, walk to school together, do activities together. Some people express concerns about affording college, but that's ridiculous because financial aid offices take into account siblings that are in college at the same time to calculate packages. One friend had a sister 2 years younger than her. They both ended up going to the same school. The costs for her sister were almost NOTHING since they both went to the same private university.

Some people think siblings grow up closer if they are nearer in age, so they will have a chum to go through life struggles with. You might be able to get them to potty train at the same time. :o)

Well, I had twins at age 39, so that's less than one year apart! And, talk about exhaustion - no doubt, you will be sleep deprived. The first year especially is super hard. But it passes. And really, I think it's easier after that because having 2 kids at the same stage seems easier than one in diapers and one out, one talking and one not, one mobile and one not, etc. When I see my friends who have kids 3 years apart, for example, I think it's harder to manage. And, now my kids are 4 and I couldn't be happier. Don't let that one concern keep you from realizing your desires. If you want another one, go for it! You will find a way to get through the tough times. And, really, there will be tough times no matter how many years apart your kids are. You just deal with it as you go, and stay grateful for a happy, healthy family!

Hi D.. :)
It is commendable you'd like to have a playmate for your first child. Please know having an only child is ok too! My first was raised an only child for 17.5 yrs. Then I got re-married and had 2 closer together (the last being at age 40). Both situtations 'work' for the children. (And, shouldn't it be about -them-?) My first is more independent, more well read, and just (if not more) well adjusted...Having a 'second' child (at least for me), was, like you said, exhausting. One would think the efforts would 'only' increase 100%. Not true. It's more like 300% due to the interaction, accommodations (physical and emotional), it takes to have 2 needing attention. Please don't feel like you -have- to have another child in your home. Your relationship with your single child can be closer and more enriching for both of you with just the one. Best wishes - parenthood is rewarding, no matter what choice you make!