Terrible Twos, How Can I Manage

My daughter is 3 and the tantrums have not stopped either. I did get a great peice of advice from a mother of four the other day I would like to share (I have just started it myself, and it seems to work) If you call them a terror - they will be. It's all in the attitude you show them. Kids are extrememly insighful, and feed off you feelings. Soo Instead of calling her a terror and getting stressed out during a tantrum - send her to her room by herself until she can come out and act like a big girl. Let her know that you are not angry at her. You just want to give her some time to think about the way she is acting. alone time for everyone does wonders! The naughty spot does not work for every child. Not mine anyway.

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The most important thing to remember is consistency. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you follow through. In my childcare program and I recommend this to families, it works. If a child is yelling at another, I will approach and step between the two looking at the child being yelled at, ignoring the other child. I will walk that child away and talk softly to soothe the child being yelled at. I than will calmly say to the yeller, "you are yelling and it hurts our ears. I will let you yell but you will do it hear alone. When you are done, I will come back and bring Joey. We will talk than." I walk away. You have to have a safe spot. If it is the bedroom be prepared to keep the child in there. It will be difficult the first few times but if you are consistent and do not give in it won't take long. I gave this advice to another family and within 2 tries her child would calm within seconds. After the incident, have each child problem solve by talking to each other. You may have to put words to the youngest one. Each child should be able to say how they feel and help them to find a solution if they can't do it by themselves. Do not pass judgment on either or the choice they make to make it better. The Key is to not take sides. This will encourage sibling rivalry.

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I read many of the other replies, so I can say I have to agree with most of 'em here. I have a 20 yr old, 18 yr old, 17 yr old, and an almost 2 yr old, myself, so I've been through it! My 18 year old was the WORST of them all, he hit terrible two like a brick in my face! Anyway, this is the age of testing and not listening, seeing how far they can go. They won't listen to reason, and the ONLY thing you can do is BE CONSISTENT in your response to the bad behavior. Eventually that consistency WILL pay off, though it's obviously not overnight. My now-18 year old drove me to the very brink of sanity, I swear! Keep putting him in the time out, and telling him why... when he gets up on his own and it's not "time" to yet, just put his butt right back into that time out chair, and appear calm, and just say again why he's going back there. You'll get further trying to reason with the almost 4 year old: tell him "WE" need to help your little brother get over this stage, so please help me by not screaming at him when he does it. If he sees you screaming he will want to copy you ,and you don't want that, right? We can teach him by acting in the way we want him to act, and he will grow up and copy us staying calm and nice..." Good luck, this is a time when patience is a virtue!!! :)

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Hi, my children had this same problem also due to the fact that my oldest, who has autism, didnt understand pain tolerance or that his behavior could hurt his siblings. He's 4 also. His behavioral specialist began to read him books on emotions and ask him questions about proper behavior and how the situations in the books made him feel. He was also given a "good behavior" chart and a reward system. The time outs never worked with him either, but this approach did within a little over a week.

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K.,
I think at some point we have all had this. It is just your child testing their grounds, and seeing how much they can get away with. If you have a time out chair, you need to use it. By putting the child in his/her room, you will only have problems down the line with them staying in their bed/room. You need to have their room as a "safe haven". That is there place. You need to be firm, and sit them in time out, or sit them in 1 place, and contiue to bring them back if they get up. It can be very hard and tiring. Seems kinda weird, but if you have ever had a puppy it is the same thing. It is like establishing dominance. Kids are the same way, you have to teach them that it is not ok to scream etc. They are supposed to get 1 minute for each year old they are. It is hard, because alot of times, it is just easier to give up, but they need to know where their boundaries are. That is all they are doing. I have a 4 and 7 year old, and with each new stage, we get the testing of the boundaries. When they are done with thte time out you need to give them a 1 thing simple explanation of what they did wrong. (as after a while just like adults, they turn what you are saying off) so you need to keep it simple, and be stern. hope this helps..:)

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My son just turned two and is testing his boundaries big time. I had the same problem with the time out chair. I just put him in a room by himself for 3 minutes and let him cry. When he comes out, I explain why he was in there, make him apologize and give him a hug. It's really been working.

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My son just truned two and he is the same way. i know that it is something that all 2yr olds do. i think the best thing to do is remove her from playing with them and let her see how much fun they are having. i would explain to the other kids that this is how they were and she doesnt understand.... have you tried putting the chair facing the wall and just stand there.

hope this works

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I know this is late but I just read about you 2 yr old..What we do when any of the children do this sort of thing we send them to their room and let them know that when they are done screaming or having a bad moment and all done they may come out and join us..Don't get me wrong this just didn't work over night it took some great effort on our part not to give in and not to let the child come out of the room screaming..We leave the door open always, But at the same time we are letting them know that this is unacceptable...When they would come out screaming then we would walk them right back in the room at the same time letting them know when they are done then they may join us but they would have to do all the crying and screaming in their room and then we would talk and explain to them that we will not allow them to behave like this..

It will take some time but you have to stick with it..I know this works we have a 2yr old 3 yr old 4 yr old That at different times they have their moments like this..Now when they feel they are going to act like this sometimes they will walkt to their room on their own..Other time times we have to tell them they need to go to their room until they are ready to talk about this...I know this might sound weird to you but it really does work...Good luck..

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I feel for you, 2 year olds can be very challenging to deal with on soo many levels. I just read a very wonderful book, and I will e-mail the link to you, but the basic messagee is that if one thing doesn't work, try something else/ Some things that have worked for me are time-outs for more than a few minutes, actually, door shut, sit on the bed time outs. Why punish your other children who have to be exposed to the crying when they are not to blame. As long as your child is able to understand "limit-setting" keep it up, take something away from her. But remember to also say something positive first, IE: I love you very much, but what you are doing is unacceptable and when you act like this I need to help you by putting you in time out, or taking away your favorite toy, and because you are worth it , I am not going to give in until you change, making it there choice. Hope this helps!

I love everyones responses; exactly what I would say! I just wanted to add..I was reccomended the book "1,2,3 Magic" It is a book about stopping behaviors and the book works with ages 2 and up; it is suppose to work in three steps like Magic...
It is just a simple behavior plan that works without fighting; I even used it with my boys who have PDD and bipolar!
Hopes this helps and best of luck!
C.

As Im sure you have noticed your child has entered the non complient stage. She/he has relized that they are able to think for themselves. She/he is learning about what type of reactions they get from others. Im sure if feels like by having your child sit in time out you are teaching them that when they do something wrong they will have to sit. Your child is not old enough to understand such a complex idea long enough to hold onto it for the next time the situation comes up again. Redirection is very helpfull with toddlers. Instead of focusing on what she is doing and why it is bad help her do something else. Encourage her newly found independence by having her do tasks for you. Have her "clean" things with a damp rag for example. Also I would look at the environment.Over stimulateing environments tend to contribute to problems. Get rid of loud battery operated toys. Good luck!

K.,

Been there seen that...Feel for you. I am also a mother of 3. What worked for me were a few things. First have a plan before the day begins. I would think through what I would do if war broke out and know how I was going to address each child. First the screamer. Talk with him/her about wanting to help her and how we use our voices when trouble happens. This converstation is good to have when life is calm. Let him/her know you love them and want to help but screaming/hitting is hurtful to ears and does not help at all. Second hold the childs hands at their level and tell them no hitting. We create, make and help with hands never hit. Explain to your son that his sister is learning and by screaming he is teaching her to scream when things go wrong. This helps nothing. If she is grabbing he needs to tell her no and use her name. Teach him to tell her no Susie you may not have this toy but you may have this one. The old bait and switch works. Unfortunately the older has to endure while the two year old learns how to share. I would keep your two year old near you when the two are on the floor playing so you can quickly address any hitting. My older would retaliate and hit back. Knowing the toddler could not articulate and then I would wonder why she was crying so hard. Keep a watchful eye and stay on top this will pass. Help your son use some coping skills. -J.