Terrible Two's

She sounds like a typical normal little girl.Most stuff my kids do I have never seen other kids do either. Maybe its because the kids wait till they are in familiar places so they feel comfortable being them selfs. i dont know. But just know it will pass. It may take till she is in kindergarten! Sorry!
Have fun!

Welcome to terrible two's. I try not to use the term Terrible two's because I feel it starts from when they are considered a toddler..so call it the terrible toddler years..LOL. My daughter is 23months and she is a hellion on wheels. Attitude, temper, doesnt listen. Time outs, pops on the butt, taking toys away, no TV, no treats... NONE of it will work. You gotta just learn the wonderful talent that most parents learn around this age...the talent to ignore. My daughter started at 18months and it has just gotten worse. We still tell her no, and still use time outs but even though they dont seem to work... eventually they will and all the while she's learning what is right and wrong and while right now she's rebeling against it all..eventually it will all make since to her. I swear it's the smart ones that make life even more difficult. LOL> Good luck to you, good luck to me and good luck to anyone entering the Terrible Toddler's. Aloha!

I read The everything parents guide to temper tantrums by an author I cannot remember (sorry!) but it really helped me alot. The book gives a lot of different ways to deal with temper tantrums and it helps releive a little bit of the frustration knowing all parents go through it. My son just turned two and I have seen a drastic reduction in the amount and length of his tantrums.

Children coming into the world these days can be quite "difficult" by normal parenting standards. They are very bright, extremely aware of detail, understand many many things we think they cannot possibly understand. Yet at 22 months, they are not able to get their bodies to do what their mind comprehends and it is extremely frusterating. To make it even more maddening, they do not have the vocabulary to express what they need to express to help parents feel more at ease. Watch your daughter and prior to yelling "no", first try to see what step she is on in trying to accomplish something. When I would see my daughter trying to move the big dinning room chair out of the room, my first thing is to yell No, but she was actually trying to retrive the paper she needed for her next activity. She wasn't able to effectively communicate her need to me for help, so she was executing her plan on her own, that had several planning steps, (beyond what I thought she was capable of at age 2.)

These children are also extremely sensitive to their environment and will feel the impact of the adult's negativity, joy, sadness, with great intensity. They are also known to be patient with parents that do not understand them. Their frusteration comes mostly from their own inability to communicate or perform tasks, rather than the parent's restrictions placed on them. You see your daughter saying "i love you." when you get mad at her. She wants you not to be angry with her or with anyone. She wants you to feel good, but she still has to accomplish the task she has in mind. Take time to understand what she is trying to do, and enable her to do it safely, or assist her with some of the steps, or help her create a modified plan or activity that is more appropriate or safer, or allowable.
Give this child a lot of manipulative activitys that are creative, such as painting, making bread type things with parent like dough, mixing ingredients. Spraying on fabric paint on T-shirts. Letting her get paint on her feet and make footprints on the sidewalk. Even if you have to wash it off. It is about the doing right now, not the preserving the art form. Give her things that she can organize. Even if its your old junk jewelry.

Keep your heart open. These children will amaze us and be teaching us many things in the future.

Yes, this is where is stops being cute and starts being work. This is parenthood. Try reading some parenting books, taking some classes, going to socializing opportunities for your daughter where you can commiserate with other moms, etc. You are not alone. If you think your daughter is a bit more extreme than others, try reading "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. It really helped me and my daughter. If you think 2 is bad, just wait until 3!! Don't worry, you will soon figure out ways to deal with her behavior and enjoy parenting your daughter. You may be surprised, but ALL kids go through these phases with amazing predictability. Any professional will tell you this. Hang in there, mom. You guys will get through this!!

WOW, please reread what you wrote with your heart. Your daugter loves you! you are her hero. she is learning.She needs lots of attention and activities to grow. Ofcourse she has no patients. that is something she will have as she matures. there are great parenting classes and mothers groups that will benefit your whole family and help you understand more about your daughter. even for the best parent, they really can give more insite and support. please look at your situation with your daughter in a positive light. time goes fast....... and its hard at times to parent. though its truly a blessing and a gift you have been given. i wish you well. S.

The "Terrible Two's" doesn't start at exactly 2 yrs. of age... it typically starts to manifest from about 1.5 to 2 years of age. You say that you've never seen a little girl behave this way before...she is stubborn and has no patience etc. This is ALL VERY TYPICAL behavior... your daughter is not an anomaly or an exception. THIS is how it is.... yes, it's a phase, yes, probably every parent has gone through this, it is not unusual. Keep in mind... that the "Terrible Two's" is a phase reflecting age & stages of NORMAL development... then, it DOES continue through 3 yrs. old, 4 yrs. old, and then by 5 yrs. old they typically start to mellow out. It's all part and parcel of child development.
A good idea, since you are a 1st time parent...would be to see other children and talk with other parents so you can see it for yourself... One would be to join "mom club's" in your area... go out to play groups with them, talk story, and you will see right away that EVERY child goes through this...regardless of their intelligence or parenting. It's also a good idea, since you are both first time parents...is to read or subscribe to 'parent' type magazines... I like the "Parenting" magazine www.parents.com which is great for kids and Adults. There are LOTS of helpful articles... and you will see how ALL kids go through phases, AND how to handle them. Remember also...that from 2 yrs. old, they are discovering their own self, their own identity 'apart' from their parents etc. I would NOT STIFLE their NATURAL growth process with too much rigidity.... or expecting the child to act like a 'little adult' which is what I've seen quite often and is very sad.
It is not always easy as our children go through phases and 'tantrums' and what not... but rest assured that EVERY parent goes through it, regardless of this child's gender or intelligence or culture. Good LUck!
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

A., I'm a childcare provider. I'm especially successful with toddlers. The key is to really tune in and be able to interpret what it is they're trying to say. Getting this in-tune takes lots of bonding time. Ignoring you is usually their way to say "I don't want to," or "I'll do it myself," or "I wonder if I can predict what comes next (accurate prediction builds trust)..." By "terrible twos," I'm assuming you mean tantrums and such. It is not "typical," as many will tell you, for a toddler to act aggressively or to constantly tantrum. A toddler's tantrum is a cry for your help. They have overwhelming emotions and can only express through instinct. Knowing this, the best response is to stay close, make sure they're safe, calmly say that you understand what they're going through and let them know you can hold them when . . .(they stop kicking, they're ready, etc.). Don't ignore, stifle, shame, admonish or punish ANY expression of a child's. They need empathy, first and foremost. They need to know we're there in support and have waiting arms for them. This doesn't mean we should never feel frustrated or irritated; we just can't outwardly express that to them. Our own reactions and feelings have nothing to do with them, and we should not make them responsible for our own limitations. Usually, we feel powerlessness and it's expressed as anger. Your toddlers tantrums are among your first opportunities to build your child's confidence in your unconditional love, which is the most important piece of his/her self-esteem and success. Unconditional love doesn't stay or abandon, based on behavior. Unconditional love says,"I'm sorry to see you this way. I understand it's hard when (you can't take the toy, when you can't have...). You're going to be o.k., and I'm here to hold you if you want me to." Make sense?

~Disclaimer: Strong opinion following, and I only mean the VERY BEST, and I have examples and experience behind what I believe. I have an issue with methods, not people. I think nearly every parent wants the very best for their child.~

On "Time out": I believe that "time out" was developed as a tool for parents to help themselves, not the children. I think it was considered better than physical punishment, and so it became a popular method. It's the same advice given in Anger Management. *Quite frankly: The professionals found a compromise to get parents to stop beating their kids.* But it's still very often done in anger, which delivers the same message to a child. The "1-2-3-Timeout"-type methods seem to be written by mathematicians, not childcare professionals. They simply don't work the way we wish they did. And they make parents feel inadequate and confused. We can punish anyone into submission and compliance, but it kind of defeats the whole purpose of parenting, to me. Bless Supernanny's heart; I think she's a fabulous personality, who is edited for T.V. I think the conventional use of "time out" teaches nothing and can be as harmful as physical punishment. I believe it also escalates unwanted behavior and teaches children to be passive-aggressive. It says "don't!" and leaves out the "how to" for the child. I think cookie-cutter methods work for puppies, not humans. I believe in building a child's inner happiness and self esteem - and not treating symptoms of their unhappiness instead.

I'll post a couple links that elaborate on my advice, and give more of the "what to DO." Lastly, "Smart Love" is, IMO, the best parenting book ever written. I'll post a summary of it, too.

Smart Love:
http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/parenting/smart_love....
Positive Discipline for Preschoolers: http://www.randomhouse.ca/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=9780...
WONDERFUL parenting articles: http://www.handinhandparenting.org/articles.html

The best to you,
J.
http://www.lhlearnandplay.com

A sibling would take to long to make a difference in her current attitude. The best thing you can do right now is remain calm and read the book What to expect the toddler years. I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter (my first as well) and the book has been a huge help for me in dealing with bad behavior. Also remember that it is never to early to begin displine, you just have to be creative and find what works for your daughter. My daughter is not a fan of the corner, at first she would cry whenever I sent her to the corner, but now she will go there by herself when she has done something wrong. I do not recommend telling your daughter that she is bad, but that what she DID was wrong. Also I have found that if you constantly are focusing on the negative behavior you tend to over look the good behavior and fail to reward it with kind words of encouragement. If you try to focus on her better qualities and reward her for these she will begin to focus her energy on behaving better. Toddlers are very smart and they just want your time and attention; so give her positive re-enforcement every available chance you have, it works wonders trust me! it really does sound like your daughter is just trying to communicate with you for your attention (since she tells you I love you after doing something wrong) so it just may be that she wants more of your time but only knows to get your attention by doing something wrong. Read the book, it helps, I refer to it on a weekly basis.

My daughter did the same exact thing when she was around two. It was pretty bad until she was close to three. Time-outs really helped for awhile. When I see that my daughter is starting to act out, I take it as a sign that she needs more limits. And when I really put my foot down, she seems to calm down. Just know that this too shall pass. Good luck!

Hang in there! Just wait till 3!!!! I thought 2 was bad!

Hi, my little boy is 20 months and I also have a hard time knowing how to discipline him. His child care provider taught him the "time out" method when he does something bad - but instead of putting him in a corner or a certain spot - he is told to "sit down" right where he is - of course he cries because he did something wrong- Then I start counting..to 10. When I am done, he's not crying anymore and he is allowed to get up and play. Now I am looking for a good solution for hitting - its really hard because he is smiling while he hits (he's playing) but sometimes it hurts. I'm looking forward to reading your other responses... Also, I can't wait to hear "I love you"!
Good Luck!

My daughter started the terrible two's at 18 months with exactly the same behaviors you're describing. She's now 2.4 and it's gotten much better as her language has developed more. The only I can say is keep being consistant...the second you give in to her cute manipulations, she'll realize she's in charge.

Hello,
My only suggestion is when your daughter knows you are mad at her & comes close to you and says "I Love You", tell her then that the way she is acting you do not like. Make sure you have a straight face because she realizes your upset and she knows how to make you feel better about it also. So you must make her realize at that moment when she feels bad about it that you dont like it and you LOVE IT WHEN SHE LISTENS TO MOMMY. Remember even when she does the smallest things without a fuss PRAISE HER so she realizes that you LOVE IT when she is a good girl. Hope that helps

Your daughter is completely normal. She is trying to become more independent and is testing her boundaries. Try not to get too upset. The more buttons she pushes on you, the more she will continue the behavior because being able to control your emotions will make her feel more powerful. Set limits and then be consistent with them. If she breaks a rule, remind her why she cannot do that behavior and what her consequence will be if she continues. Then, follow through with a consequence if she continues not to listen. That will help her predict the outcome of her choices and give her incentive to make better choices in the future. She will probably keep testing limits throughout her life, so if you start being consistent and predictable now with her consequences, you can help her think through her immediate impulses to what the outcome will be. I think that logical & natural consequences work best. For example, if she throws food on the floor, take it away from her & have her help clean up the mess. If she refuses & runs away or tantrums, wait until she's calmer and have her come back and help clean up before she can play. If you can stay calm and firm, she will realize that she has to clean up if she wants to play and she will eventually get it over with. Depending on her natural personality, this could take a very long time at first, but if you can, help yourself stay patient & remember that she is being a normal toddler and you are helping her learn to be responsible. I promise, it will pay off in the future. I have two sons and have taught preschool for 8 years and have had great results with consistency. Good luck! : )

A.,
As a mother of two beautiful girls 5 & 18 months (and already behaving quite like your daughter), and a toddler teacher turned SAHM, I would have to say Julia is right. It about her testing her limits and finding what she can do. It is one of the hardest parts of letting our babies grow up.

D.