Terrible Two's - Irving,TX

My daughter is 29 months and I also highly recommend Love & Logic and the Harvey Karp book - The Happiest Toddler on the Block. I'm working to get my strategies down, but the techniques in both books have helped me quite a bit! Best of luck - it sounds like his behavior is very typical for his age.

Re. the cough, I'd go to the doctor for that one. May be allergies which could be making him feel miserable.

Check out your local library for Love and Logic parenting books. They focus on choice driven discipline, the idea being that kids at this age have VERY little control over their world which is frustrating for them. You want to give them as much control as you can over things you really don't care about so that they learn to listen and make the choices YOU want when it DOES matter. It also teaches them to start making decisions at an earlier age and to start thinking about consequences. Example - my son is pretty good with diaper changing, but sometimes he doesn't want me too. I let him chose WHERE it will be changed - changing table or floor? Either way, I get what I want done, and HE feels he "controlled" the situation. I'm not sure what you mean about sitting in his car seat - can he unbuckle it? Or is he just not happy there? If he's just not happy, I don't know what to say, but if he's unbuckling, you need to get a seat he can't get out of.

Love and Logic is also on the internet, and if you call them, they can send you a list of people who do classes in the area. Good luck!

I am sorry. I do understand. Go with your gut things will get better. Turst your self. and hang in there!

A.

sounds to me like he needs to be assessed by an asthma specialist for asthma. get that cough under control so that he is rested and feeling MUCH better and THEN the discipline issue will get much better, but he is going to be much more crabby and stubborn while he is unrested and not feeling good. Then bring on the time outs and, if necessary, spanks. My son is always worse when he doesn't feel good, which is a lot of the time because he is immunodeficient. I still hold him accountable for his behavior, but I also try to be a bit more patient and tolerant when I know he is miserable.

My son is 28 months and acts much the same. I try hard not to lose my patience or even show anger at all. I am just consistent and firm, but not mean. Sitting in a car seat is not an option. So, I would tell him it is time to get buckled up because it keeps you safe and if he refuses, I would simply hold him down and buckle him in. I would completely ignore the screaming, kicking, fighting behavior and go about my business like it had no effect on me. I've found that sometimes my children will do things without argument if it is turned into a game or race. Boys are naturally competitive and this works with both my sons much of the time. Who can get their clothes on the fastest or who can get to the table for dinner before me? Distraction works so well, too. While changing his diaper, talk in your silliest voice and make silly faces and get him to laughing instead of fighting you. Boys love silly behavior! Only do it during diaper changes, so he looks forward to it. I think your son is seriously testing his limits and needs to be shown what those limits are and how far he can push before consequences will follow. All of this with love, of course. I really believe that if you start being consistent and your son knows his limits most everything else will fall into place. I would talk to the pedi about some meds to help him not cough at night, so he can sleep through the night. Good luck with everything!

Hi E., definitely try to do something about the cough, when my kids(18 months and 3years) are sick, they are different kids, very uncooperative. Sickness and lack of sleep will cause all the above. Vitamin D did wonders for my son 18 months. A little honey helps the cough at night so he can sleep. Just a little tsp. Vitamin C helps my daughter. I personally would go with making sure they are well before disciplining. Maybe he is overstimulated in the car?

E.,
Try not to lose your patience. Patricia G had great advice. Love and Logic!
and
sounds like allergies. Talk to the doc but be sure you get toxic cleaning supplies out of your home and consider a humidifier.

Know this: what you are describing is typical. You child is growing and wanting more control an to explore.

Hang in there,
P.

I love Love and Logic also....I like the Magic of Early Childhood book the best for the little ones....real examples of real issues!!! I also like Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr. Karp....get the DVD though it is easier to understand but is amazing how powerful this communication strategy is. I use both of these resources for my lil' ones!!!

I am 41 years old with children ages 14 (almost 15), 10 and 34 months, so I know what you mean about dealing with different stages of development!

Your son is definitely at the age of asserting his independence. I agree with other advice you received about being firm and tough, but not mean. Don't bargain with your son, and don't ever phrase anything as a question unless you really are giving him an option. My family does that will my youngest and of course she takes every opportunity to say no. So for instance if you want him to eat his veggies, don't ask if he wants to eat his veggies, but instead say "would you like corn or peas"? So obviously you're expecting him to eat veggies, but at least he gets to choose which one. And more than anything . . and I know how hard this is . . . try to be patient and stay relaxed. If he knows he's pressing your buttons and getting the attention he wants, he'll keep up the behavior. Good luck, and you'll make it.

I agree with getting the cough accessed first but most of this is just terrible twos..course then the horrible threes, the potty mouth fours....5,5 is a great age, live for 5! More than anything YOU need an outlet. It will make you a little more confident in your own abilities and understanding that most kids are "terrible" at this age and give you some perspective. A play group with kids his age or a mom's group, if worse comes to worse, start one so you can pick the hours that someone else can watch the 2 yr. old. I am not at all saying you are not a good mom, just when you are fulfilled and less stressed and encouraged, you can be an even better one!