TERRIBLE 2'S

Let me ask you something: do you have a routine that you do every night with her? My daughter had a terrible time settling down, but once we established a routine that we did the same way every night,she accepted that it was bedtime and went down with no trouble.

What worked for me: brush teeth and go potty,get in bed and Mommy reads a story. Talk a little bit about the day, hug and kiss goodnight, give her her tiger to sleep with and lights out. What also helped when she was smaller was investing in a portable CD player and putting on soothing classical music when it was lights out time. Baby Einstein makes some wonderful CD's with nice music for sleeping - you can probably pick one up at Amazon pretty cheaply.

If she got up (and she did, at first), I simply put her back to bed and told her it was sleep time now. No anger. And I had to put her back, at first, about 3 or 4 times. It took a week to get her into the routine, but she took to it.

good luck and let us know how you do - establishing a daily routine may really help though.

R.,

I have a 2 year old a 3 year old and an 8 year old. It doesn't get any easier when they turn 3. I have found that putting my 2 year old to bed was a huge problem until I discovered that he was afraid of the dark. My 8 and 3 year old never had a problem with it. I put a nightlight in my 2 year old's room, read him a story and turn on soft music as I leave the room. He gets up and plays but I put him in bed the same time every night and the problem has gone away. You have to get past the power play because as a doctor told me "Negative attention is better then no attention at all". So what if my 2 year old gets up and plays with toys eventually he goes to sleep I'm not in there with him he plays by himself and I am able to have my time to myself.

I have to tell you that my daughter is very strong willed and as a toddler, I was very frustrated with her. I don't know of any magic solution to your problem. I went in and laid down with her until she went to sleep and that was that, but it is frustrating. When my daughter turned four it was like a switch went off and there was a noticable change. Hang in there, they're all different and some are just more difficult than others.

I agree with the other posts a routine is definately helpful. However it sounds like she is outsmarting you a bit and you are playing into a game. Remember she is 3 and you are 27 you have lots more practice at manipulation games. My suggestion with bedtime is this as it worked very well with my daughter. Get yourself an excellent nights sleep. That day do not give her a nap, when it is time for bed and she fights it. Turn on the light in her room block the door with a baby gate and give her a book, if she gets out of bed to play with toys, let her. More than likely her room is child proofed, let her stay up as long as she can, it is good for children to be able to self entertain. When she does fall to sleep, put her in bed and get her up at her usual time in the morning and if she needs a nap and she will do not let her sleep more than an hour. She will be so tired from all the staying up she will not be able to fight the following night and it will be super easy to begin a consistent routine of dinner, bath, teeth, potty, story and bed. Make sure when she does what she is suppose to reinforce her with a great happy and excited to see her wake up, tell her how good she did and what a big girl she is. Step out of yourself and try to see how you are playing into this game, it is okay if she screams make a decision about what is right for her and stick to it. Also at 2 some children don't need a daytime nap. My daughter now 2 only takes a nap every other day for an hour and consistently goes to bed at 9pm and gets up at 8am.

Hope this helps,
K.

I know it sounds easier said than done, but the suggestion to just calmly walk her back to bed each time she gets out really does work, IF YOU ARE CALM AND CONSISTENT. Trust me, I have struggled with patience, and had your same experience last year. My daughter had never had a problem going to bed, then suddenly wouldn't stay in. I gritted my teeth, kept my mouth shut other than to agree with her that she didn't want to go to bed, gave her the option of walking back or being carried, and then just put her in bed, kissed her head and said goodnight as I left the bedroom. Over and over and over. And it worked, and I've had friends do the same. Doing this for a few days or a week or even 2 weeks is much easier than dealing with screaming for years. You can do it. She will respect you more if you do. Be strong, and try to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation (to yourself) as much as possible. It helps....Good luck.

do you have a set bedtime routine with your daughter? my son is also very stubborn and he hates being interrupted in the middle of something. if you have a digital alarm clock she could have i would suggest showing her what numbers will be on the clock when it is here bedtime. you can use the alarm to go off when it is time to start getting ready for bed, having a set routine works well for our son because he knows whats coming so there's less to be stubborn about. reminding her several times that bedtime is coming up may help too, if she is like my son and doesn't like to be interrupted in the middle of doing something. these things have worked for us. i hope this helps!

Hi R.-

My daughter is younger, she is 18monthes but having just recently changed her into a toddler bed,she has recently started to act out in a similar fashion. I have noticed the easiest way to get her to go to bed is to make her feel like she is helping me. She has a wonderful "Sharebear" that she has had since she was about 3monthes, it tells her stories. I find that if I ask her to if she would like to go laydown with Sharebear so that she can sleep I have a much easier time getting her to sleep. I believe it is because she feels like it is not really just because I want her to go to bed,(though by the end of the day I really do...hehehe)but she feels it is more because her Sharebear needs to sleep too. I have noticed a huge difference in just communicating it this way.It is not a mircle cure but it does seem to help. I am also I parent that doesn't like to make her scream and cry for what could be hours, and has been in the past. Try getting your child involved in helping you put one of her favorite stuffed animals to sleep. I think it makes them feel less punished and like they are not alone. Anyway it is just an idea. I am noticing it is all about communication with my little one and about making her feel like part of our team. I hope it is useful, Good Luck:)

C. H

You've already gotten some great advice! I'm pretty much going to just repeat it! I have a daughter who will be 3 in a month. We are going through the same thing you are. A few things that have helped...
1. We shortened her nap and made it earlier in the day. If she sleeps longer than an hour or after 3pm, we are toast at bedtime.
2. We put a gate on her doorway and made sure everything was babyproofed. That way we can put her to bed, if she gets up, she can play but she can't come find us.
3. Bedtime routine is crucial.
4. It is soooo tough, but really try not to respond with anger. I can tell sometimes my daughter is trying to get a reaction out of me.

Good luck!

I wonder if you have a specific routine every night? My 2 year old son fought me a lot for awhile after our second son was born and I eventually figured out that it was because he had lost his routine, and some of the attention we would give him before bed. Maybe a bath or video or books would calm her down right before bed. My son needs some time to "settle" before he can sleep. Also, she may be needing attention... and this is how she gets it. I know the screaming must be difficult to deal with, especially with other children, but stay tough, eventually you'll find something that works! Also, one of the biggest mistakes I made was letting him back out of the room. Never do this, if you have a specific bedtime that works!!

UNFORTUNAETLY I KNOW ALL TO WELL WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. MY DAUGHTER NOW 6 HAD EXACTLY THE SAME DETERMINATION AND FIGHT THAT YOU EXPLAINED IT WASN'T UNTIL SHE WAS ABOUT 4 AND 1/2 THAT I FINALLY COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS AND EXHAUSTED FROM FIGHTING I SEEKED ADVICE ALSO. I WISH I WOULD HAVE NIPPED IN THE BUTT SOONER BECAUSE IT JUST GOT WORSE SHE BECAME SO STUBBORN THAT I HAD THE CHILD IN THE STORE THAT EVERY WOMEN SWEARS THAT THEIR CHILD WILL NEVER ACT LIKE...MY ADVISE TO YOU WOULD BE KEEP UP YOUR DETERMINATION AND STRONG WILL KEEP DOING WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN EVERY TIME SHE GETS OUT OF BED SIMPLY PLACE HER BACK IN BED OVER-AND OVER- AND OVER THE FIRST NIGHT WILL BE AWFUL AND SLEEPLESS THE SECOND NIGHT BECAUSE OF LACK OF ENERGY AND PATIENCE WORSE BUT, THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL BY THE THIRD NIGHT THE GETTING OUT OF BED SEEMS TO BE LESS AND THE NEXT NIGHT EVEN LESS UNTIL FINALLY PEACE AND QUITE...AWW BELIEVE ME ITS WORTH IT EXHAUSTING AND WORTH IT BUT THE ONLY WAY I FOUND TO BEAT IT WAS TO SHOW AS MUCH DETERMINATION AS SHE HAD. I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK, DON'T GIVE UP, AND JUST REMEMBER BY TEACHING HER GOOD HABITS IS JUST ANOTHER WAY OF BEING A GOOD PARENT. (YOU MAY WANT TO REPEAT THAT TO YOURSELF NUMEROUS TIMES WHILE KEEPING UP THE GOOD WORK) LOL

Hi R.,

My name is J.. I will be thirty in March and have three kids who are 11, 4, and 2. The 11 and 2 year old will go to sleep on their own and the 4 year old has to be rocked to sleep, until he is asleep. We have tried several times to change his going to sleep habits. Thank goodness once he is asleep he stays that way. The 4 and 2 year olds share a room and so trying to sit in the room with him until he is asleep is difficult. I don't have much in the way of advice but I am more than willing to be an ear to type to or brainstorm with.

You MUST win this battle of wills with your daughter!!! It may take a few bad nights, but it WILL be worth it in the long run, when she knows that you are the parent, and she is the child! Parents who refuse to win these battles are the parents of bratty kids (personal experience)and this loss of control can lead to bigger problems latter!!