Temper Tantrums in 19-Month-old

M., Have you tried separating and containing him when the fit starts. Try a pack and play in a room apart from everyone else. Explain, if you are going to have a fit, you can do it here. When you are done, we will talk about what you need. If he doesn't have an audience the fit is less likely to continue. I watched a friends child for about a year and we realized the most important thing was to have the consequences the same at both places. They were gracious enough to accept my plan since I was with him more, although we did discuss it. He is old enough to begin to put together cause and effect, ie: if I have a fit, I am separated and do not get what I want!! It may be WWIII for a bit, but he will get it!!

I would say call your pediatrician and get his/her advice on the situation. Does he throw fits like this at home or on the weekend? I'm almost wondering if you should switch daycare providers, but talk to the pediatrician first.

My sons fits got so bad I had to physically restrain him because he was hurting himself and others (banging his head on the floor, biting, kicking). He responded really well to a counter - he could watch the time count down and that relaxed him.

If I could catch him before he got to that point... We also made a safe time out place for him to calm down and be safe... only the bed and pillows in the room. We allowed him to jump on the bed, throw the pillows - whatever he needed to get back to that calm. The deep pressure of jumping provided the sensory input he needed to calm himself. We had a bean bag in here that we eventually moved to another room so that he had more than one place to calm himself and in lesser degrees.

Our ultimate goal was to teach him to recognize that he was getting angry and calm himself. (self-regulation)

Another mom suggested sign language - I recommend teaching the words "More, again, yes, no". My sons fits were due to the language barrier, since he was born tongue tied and didn't talk until later. These 4 simple words helped a lot.

Good luck!

I think this behavior needs addressing and you should take him into your pedia doctor asap!!!! something is not right here, i have a son that can not tell me whats wrong and usually when we see behavior its a ear infection/or he is coming down with something or he has a headache and so on. Don't relie on the daycare person, her comments warrant you to take this precious little guy to the doctors asap.

Check out the book Holding Time, by Martha Welsh. It is a helpful way to reconnect with your child that has had a hard day and help them to feel grounded. Some people have a difficult time with this method at first but my opinion at your son's age is a perfect time for him to receive this type of attention from you and will help his tantrum significantly. I have done this with my son when he repeatedly acts out. He hates it at first and then calms down and afterwards he listens, seems to be secure and happy.
R.

This could very well be a food sensitivity. My oldest is literally like Tigger when he gets certain foods in him, especially artificial colors and flavorings, wheat, and dairy. He actually gets a bit aggressive when he has citrus. A friend of mine, her son gets violent when he gets dairy (he actually took a baseball bat to his sister once). Check out feingold.org. I finally found a doctor who actually believes that foods can cause problems for some people. Your top culprits are the artificial anything (if nature didn't make it, it's artificial), wheat, dairy, soy, and eggs. Keep a food diary of what he eats and when. Also keep track of what his behavior is and when. Then you might start seeing if there is a connection. I say "might" because if he is getting a food all day, every day that is causing problems, it could be harder to figure out. Hope this helps!

Hi Melisssa,

I feel your pain .. LOL. My daughter just turned 2 in January and has been having temper tantrums since about the age of 1. Her brother, who is 3, never did this but is lately starting to pick up her bad habits. What do you do at home when your son does this? I have tried every method of behavior modification and I have found that "time-outs" actually work the best. Even though he is young, he'll understand what you are doing. Telling him he has to go to time out for his behavior for 1 minute (increase 1 minute per year of age) will not harm him and can only help. At first he may not get what you are doing, but he will eventually. Just tell him he can not get out of time out until you say so, and don't say anything else to him. As much as he screams, kicks, wails etc., do not talk to him. Just put him right back if needed. The more you talk to him, or try to rationalize, the more attention he gets for it and the more he will do it. My daughter still gets time out, but not nearly as much as she used to. Now that she can talk more, I can tell her to calm down and use her "big-girl voice" or else I won't talk to her. Her daycare provider is great at doing the same, consistency is key! I know all kids are different and this may not work for you, but maybe it will. It doesn't hurt to try. Just try to remember to always talk with a calm tone, even when he gets you mad.

I run a family daycare with a 17 month old and 2 1/2 year old and when they start "bad" behaviors thats when I step in and separate them and pull out new activities. Your daycare provider should watch for signs of temper tantrums and head them off before they start. Distract and redirect works every time. :)

My 20 month old is going through the same thing, it's the age...terrible two's are just around the corner. The best thing you can do is remain calm. Make sure you explain what is wrong and why it is wrong to him: "It's not ok to scream it hurts people's ears... use your words... hitting hurts..." I use brief time outs when things are too escalated, while discussing the problem. I also use 123 Magic (giving a count to three before removing the child) in dangerous situations or refusal to listen. Work with him on his vocabulary, flash cards, first word books, and sign language can do wonders! My daughter loves to do these everyday! Also, giving simple choices can help a lot: "Do you want PB&J or cheese...blue shirt or red...pick up the toy you threw or take a seat..." Hang in there, it's just a stage...I remind myself of this daily!

This sounds more like a communication frustration than true temper tantrums but it could be a bit of both. I highly suggest teaching your son some sign language to help him express himself until he can find the right words. The DVD series BabySign is an excellent way to do that and you guys can learn right along with him. Tantrums are very common in kids of this age and research indicates it is usually more about frustration that they can't tell you what they want or need in a way you can understand, or they can't do something yet that they really want to do but their body isn't quite ready. I have several friends with kids this age, even one with a set of fraternal twins, all started using the baby sign and the frustration level for all of them has dropped dramatically, it's worth a try! Good luck.