my daughter is 18 months old and is getting really good at throwing complete tantrums. I mean anywhere from screaming to stomping her feeting to banging her poor little head on the bed. im worried that she is going to cause serious injury to herself. She also tries to kick me in my tummy and im 4 months pregnant with our 2nd baby. What do i do?
You have to firmly tell her to stop! Hold down her legs when she starts kicking and firmly tell her she will not be acting this way. Whatever you do, do not ask her to behave any certain way. You tell her how to behave, asking her, only shows you are weak and kids have weak sensors on them!
I am sorry, I do not agree with the "ignore, ignore or walk away" method...I say a small swat on the hand or the butt and a firm "NO-NO" is what has worked at my house. They will usually have a bit of a shocked look on their face or maybe even a lil' bit of crying but I have never experienced anything more than that...and they're off and running and playing again!
I am what you would consider a "spanker" or "pro spanking" but pretty much what I have described above is the extent of the "spankings" my kids have received...and you hardly ever have to do it, after a time or two just the "No-NO" will suffice.
I have never allowed my kids to just sit and scream their lungs out and throw themselves about...just NOT how any of my family has ever worked...and I absolutely have never had to take any of my many kids out of a store and let them continue on a rant!
~But, with that being said...every family and every child is different...you will gets tons of ideas on here from all these excellent moms...you just pick the one that fits into your lifestyle/parenting style!
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Ignore, ignore, ignore. And walk away. She won't hurt herself. She'll be OK!
It is not good for your daughter to let her have tantrums. Kids can express themselves much better when they are extinguished, and they aren't spending time in self inflicted frenzies.
My daughter was exactly 18 months old when she tried her first raging tantrums for not getting her way. If you are philosophically against discipline and/or spanking for tantrum, you wont' agree with this, but if you want to stop them, here's how.
Give one calm warning at the VERY beginning of the tantrum, "No fits". When she continues for a few seconds despite the warning, one good calm swat to the bottom. Repeat until she learns to respond to just the calm warning. Every time, never let it slide. Never get mad, or she won't take you seriously until you're mad. Make it an immediate logical unpleasant result to her choice to begin a tantrum. Never let the tantrum proceed. It will be super fast at that age.
For my daughter it took two swats and the a huge praise celebration the third time when she stopped the tantrum at the warning. Ever since, she can be told to "calm down" immediately when she gets upset, and then we handle the issue at hand. She's never had a full blown tantrum at 4 1/2 because the habit wasn't allowed to begin. Your daughter could take a bit more consistency since she's gotten the bug for indulging in them and it's a hard habit to break. It worked for my 2 1/2 yo son-he never had a tantrum, and it's working on my very strong willed one year old, who was angrily tantruming for a few months before I stepped up tot the plate, but now does it only occasionally and stops after one shriek when I say, 'No!". It worked for our 30+cousins as well-their grandpa gave me the book we use.
Many friends I know don't agree with disciplining tantrums, or they use time outs and things "less mean" than spanking etc.
They are living with tantrums. We aren't.
You have to realize that tantrums are the result of frustration. Your little girl is beginning to see all the wonderful things that are possible in the world, and yet she either isn't coordinated enough to be able to do them, can't verbally express her desire to do them, or the big people in her life are not letting her! (And sometimes for very good reason! =)
The way I dealt with tantrums with my two daughters was this. When the tantrum began (or even a full-on snit that preceded a tantrum), I'd say, "I can see that you're mad that Mommy won't let you put your crayons in the dryer." Then very calmly I'd walk the child to her room and sit her down and tell her, "When you're feeling better, you can come out." And then I'd leave the room to let her sort through it. Of course, sometimes the child would be full-on screaming, thrashing on the floor, and if that was the case, I'd pick her up as carefully as possible and carry her to her room.
My kids always knew that this was a cooling-off period, a chance for them to collect themselves, vent their frustrations, whatever needed to happen, and NOT a punishment. To this day (they are now 5 and 8) I will still send them to their rooms until they're "feeling better" when they give me any kind of attitude. It's a good coping mechanism for a child to know that they can go to their own space, take a few minutes to be as mad as they want to be, and then re-group and join civilized society.
I would employ this same tactic if a tantrum happened in the grocery store or Target or wherever. We'd just leave the cart, go out to the parking lot, and the offending child would sit in the back of the SUV until they "felt better." Of course I'd get some funny looks from people as they walked by the car and heard my howling banshee of a child in the back of the car, as I'm standing outside the car watching... but it worked for us.
If your child has a meltdown while standing in line at the DMV or pharmacy... let her. Chances are everyone else will get so sick of hearing it that they'll let you to the front of the line. LOL
If she treats you, her mommy, like this, just think what she might do to a new baby. FIRMLY tell her no and grab her legs if she even pulls it back to get ready for a kick. If you get her attention now and let her know that YOU are the boss, you'll be so thankful later. I have wonderful relationships with our kids and could probably count on one hand how many times I spanked their bottoms when they were little. It got their attention and they didn't do it again. You can not be weak on discipline or you and everyone will have to suffer with their poor behavior. Our kids both comment on how crappy some children act now and how their parents let them act. Yes, the parents LET them act. You control (not her) how her behavior goes. Be firm when needed and you'll then be able to shower her with love all the other time.
Depending on what mine is throwing a fit about, I put her in he bed or just walk away and ignore her. She has red hair, so she is very tempermental! She will hit me whenever angry. I just tell her why she is going to her bed and leave her there for no more than 2 minutes. She now knows what I mean by "I will put you in your bed"...
Ah, gotta love those temper tantrums huh? I'm sure you are going to get tons of advice. Just keep in mind that every kiddo is different. So try a few things out and see what works for you and for her.
For us, any type of agression gets an automatic time out, no questions asked. I put him in the corner of what ever room we are in and make him stay there for a minute or two, then I get him and tell him why he was in a time out and give him a hug.
Oh, and my son bangs his head too. On the floor, running head first into the door. NOT FUN. I talked to the dr about it, he said it is really common.
When my children were that age, I automatically put them in the naughty corner whenever they got physically agressive, 1 minute for each year of their age. I wanted to send the message that hitting, kicking, pushing that the like would not be tolerated. Luckily for me, whatever violent tendencies they had were not all that often but maybe it was because they didn't like being in the naughty corner. Who knows.
As for regular temper tantrums, I'm of the school of thought that temper tantrums are there for a reason. They could be attention grabbing. They could be brought on by frustration. It could be because they are tired and hungry. It's a form of communication but not the one that we want them to have. When my children had a tantrum, I would tell them that I couldn't understand them and that they could talk to me when they calmed down. If it took to long for them to call down (this was usually the case with my daughter), I would tell them that they had to go to their bedroom and work out their feelings there, and then, when they were through done yelling and screaming, then they could come out. This usually nipped my daughter's temper tantrum in the bud real quick. When they had cooled off and were ready to try talking, I would get down to their level and really try to listen to what they would have to say and give them the words if I had to. This is just what worked for me and my kids. Of course, it's always a work in progress.
Hope you find the solution that works for you and your family.
