22 answers

Telling Your Child to Stay Away from "That" Child at School

How would you tell or "WHY" would you tell your child they are not "allowed" to play with another child at school.

My child is "that" child that this little girl "emma" was told she can't play with "tommy (the other little boy) or Tristan". Tristan can make poor choices and loves to play around, he likes to hid and then scare you if your coming around the corner. I went to lunch with Tristan just because no reason. Sat with his class and the children shared with me that Tristan is bad and always in trouble. I listened to them share, then asked them to stop sharing the bad, but asked if they could share the good stuff. That yes Tristan does make bad choices, but so do I! I said and maybe there was one time that you might have made a bad choice too, huh? They agreed. A couple of them shared that when they play together Tristan makes them laugh. Then a little girl shared that she asked Tristan to be her partner in PE. Then Emma shared that her mommy told her that she was not allowed to play with Tommy or Tristan. Tommy an other little boy who I think makes bad choices too. As Tristan's mother it broke my heart because I know the mom, and the Emma always makes it a point to hug me, wave hi every chance she gets.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Scenario:
Two children both went to kindergarten and 1st grade together. One child is the “child” who constantly makes bad choices, both children have been sent to principal office for different things that did not involve each other, one child is a boy one is a girl. One child always runs up to the other child’s mother and offers hugs, and waves to mother when picking up from school.

The one mother goes to have lunch with the children at school and the other child tells the mother that their mommy told them that “they” are not allowed to play with that child or Jonny who tends to get into trouble too.

Featured Answers

I have told her to stay away from the kid who acted out sexually against other kids. I have told her to stay away from violent, bullies as well.
I would NOT tell her to avoid someone who is poor, a different race, a different gender, a different religion, or handicapped.

8 moms found this helpful

Well, you'd have to define what "That Child" means, hard to answer the question.

Is it like "Those People"?

:(

In that case, no, I would not tell my child to "stay away". I would kiss my child before school and warmly say, "Have a great day today babe, and be a smart girl, ok?"

4 moms found this helpful

More Answers

I have told her to stay away from the kid who acted out sexually against other kids. I have told her to stay away from violent, bullies as well.
I would NOT tell her to avoid someone who is poor, a different race, a different gender, a different religion, or handicapped.

8 moms found this helpful

I don't tell my kids to stay away from any kids at school. If the other child is mean, or violent or a bully I trust that my kids will figure this out for themselves. I would rather they gave another child the benefit of the doubt. In fact my younger son regularly plays with a boy who has autism and behavioural problems. When his friends behaviour gets out of control my son will walk away from the situation and get an adult. How sad would it be if that boy never had anyone to play with because other parents stopped their children from playing with him. I imagine the behavioural problems would be that much worse.

5 moms found this helpful

First, I would likely not tell my child 'not' to play with 'that child'.

That said, I would caution my child on *how* he plays with another child if I saw that other child doing unsafe things or getting other kids into trouble.

For instance, if little Bobby is always getting my son's attention so that he's distracted at school, I'd remind my son of his classroom rules. "When Bobby is making you laugh, is he helping you to learn? Is he letting the teacher teach?" and then "Next time, you can tell Bobby 'I'll play with you at recess, but right now I have to listen to teacher'."

If Bobby is hitting, then that's something to talk about. "I notice that Bobby hits other kids. Do you think they like that?"

"If you see Bobby being unsafe with his body, it's a good idea to go and do something else. Even if Bobby is acting like it's fun, it's not fun for the other kids, and you know you need to be safe for other people's bodies. There are other kids who can play in a friendly way."

My son is in kindergarten, by the way. The only time I would really go out of my way to even address something like this is if the teacher brought it to my attention that my child and that other child were being in an unsafe or disruptive manner. If my child were the one causing problems, I'd want to know. I think it's really important to label the actions (unsafe, not helpful, etc.) without labeling the kid. These children will be in each other's classrooms for years, and I would personally NOT want to be the mom of the kid that's labelled 'bad'.... I imagine that I should treat any other mom's kid with that save respect. Lots of kids go through hard phases during their school years. Phases can last a few weeks or month, or even a year or two. At my son's school, we're all together from k-8 as parents, so we're going to be seeing a lot of each other. :)

5 moms found this helpful

Well, you'd have to define what "That Child" means, hard to answer the question.

Is it like "Those People"?

:(

In that case, no, I would not tell my child to "stay away". I would kiss my child before school and warmly say, "Have a great day today babe, and be a smart girl, ok?"

4 moms found this helpful

The only time I have ever told my daughter to stay away from a kid at school was after he assaulted her...and I said "Do not go near him, if he comes near you go straight to the teacher and tell her that she needs to make him leave you alone!"

She knew why...I didn't really need to remind her that he choked her three times.

4 moms found this helpful

Not a fan of dictating a child's friends.

4 moms found this helpful

Why dont you tell us first why you dont want your child to play with "that child" and then we will try to give you advice on how to explain...

3 moms found this helpful

A suggestion:

I have a friend who writes a letter to the principal each and ever year. She states that her child and so and so cannot be together due to bullying. The 2 have never been in the same class since. The letter is confidential. Only I know !!!

The mean behavior has stopped !

Kids are supposed to be learning in school. Kids should not have to be w/ a bully every year !

2 moms found this helpful

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