I have been married for two years & my husband is 54, bother 57 & 51yr old lives with their mother. When ever my mother in law is around (80Yrs), she talks about all the injustice going on. When we take her out to dinner, she tells everyone in hearing range about all the injustice in the USA & how she dislikes people from other countires. She uses racial term such as (White trash) etc. I love all people & relize all people have problems, I have told bother her & my husband I feal hurt embarised & pushed around by her conduct. The only car that operates properly is mind, she came from a upper middle class family & is now broke. They all told me that I must take care of her later & she expressed the same. I have to tell my husband that I am sorry for upsetting his mother. I thought it would be nice to have friends over at our home & not either of ours family. He says that I am being mean to his noticable gay brother who lives with his mother & her because I asked for friends only. i want so Real Air just to be with my friends whom are extreemly kind & not have them there. My children & grandchildren feel they are shoved to the side because his mother has to be first in their eyes. My husband leant them his car & they won't pay for taxes etc. I married him & not his mother & my family, the rules have changed. Please tell me where I am wrong. I am not against my brother in law I just want to see my friends without them there.
Spouses come first. So you're not wrong there. But this woman is 80! My grandpa is a little bit older, and he talks about the same "injustices". It's just the generation. However, you should never be forced to do something you don't truly wish to do.
I would love to help but I am having trouble deciphering your situation? Maybe you can edit your post and give more details?
What is 'bother'. Who all lives with your Mother-in-law?
'I have been married for two years & my husband is 54, bother 57 & 51 lives with their mother'.
I can't understand who is who? I am confused by this statement? Who is the 51 year old? Is their a sister in there? 2 brothers? You live with them? They live with you? Please clarify.
You say:
'I have told bother her' ?? What are you saying here? Is bother a name? If so who is the 'her'? The sister maybe?
You say:
'I thought it would be nice to have friends over at our home & not either of ours family. He says that I am being mean to his noticeably gay brother who lives with his mother & her because...'
Again, who is 'her'?
Is this your house or the mother's house you live at?
****If it is your house you have EVERY right to have friends over without your in-laws being around and you are NOT wrong for feeling that way!!!
You say:
'i want so Real Air just to be with my friends..'
I am assuming that you are trying to say that you just want some space to be with your friends??
***If that is correct then once again you have every right to feel this way and are NOT wrong for feeling this way either.
Are you saying that your kids and grandchildren feel that the only person who is first in YOUR eyes is your mother-in-law? Or that everyone else, meaning your husband and his brother(s) thinks that your mother-in-law should come first in your eyes?
Please do not take offense but you do not write out the english language very well AT ALL...and I would love to help you but I am confused and can not understand what you are trying to say and who you are talking about. If you can try to edit and give us a better idea of who all the people are and who lives with who, I think you will have better luck getting helpful answers to your post.
I am only trying to help you, so just so you know...the only car that operates properly is 'mine' not 'mind'.
No one can take advantage of you unless you let them.
Husband need to be a man for you, not a child for his mom.
The ones who should be taking care of your Mother In Law... are her SONS. ALL of them.
They all sound like Mama's boys and are immature.
This all is not a good situation.
Once your husband married you, you became a couple and a family. You and the kids should be first priority on his list. You have every right to be able to have friends over or go out with friends without having your MIL tagging along. Have your husband talk to his mom. She needs to back off and give a little space.
I think you cannot do too much about her opinions, but you can tell your husband you are afraid to go out to dinner with her in a public place where she is so offensive. It's not entirely safe for her, actually, because her right to free speech is infringing on everyone else's right to privacy and freedom from discriminatory talk.
I'm not sure if I understand whether you live in the same home as she does and you want to have friends over while she stays in another room, or if you have your own home and she expects to come over all the time when you have company.
You can't do much when she is in your home in terms of her talk, but you can certainly leave the room and say the tone makes you uncomfortable. You can invite friends over without inviting her and the brothers.
Is your husband's family from a particular culture where it's more common for everyone to get together as a group all the time? That's more difficult. Do I understand you to say that your husband disagrees with you and he makes you apologize for upsetting his mother? Then you and he have a problem you need to work out. But your children and grandchildren should not be made to feel uncomfortable in your home.
As others have said, I think we could be of more help if we understood you a little better. If you could write a little more clearly and give more details and specifics, that would help.
Everyone is entitled to have people over that do not include family members! Your mother-in-law seems a bit pushy and takes advantage it seems. And there is nothing written that says you and your hubby should have to take care of her. Why don't the two brothers that live with her already take care of her and not the other way around? If you had a better relationship with her maybe then you wouldn't mind and you should let your husband know that, but until she respects your household and family and feelings why would you want to?
As far as her opinions in public you should tell her to keep them to herself and that you've already heard her opinions....thank you!
I remember a long time ago my mother told me that being old was not an excuse for rudeness and I truly believe that! Unfortunately the elderly (and not all) seem to think they can do and say anything they want. After all they are 70, 80 or something years old! I hope I never get like that!!
Also your husband should be on your side and talk to HIS mother about her attitude and rudeness. AND YOUR KIDS SHOULD COME BEFORE ANYONE!!!!!!
Good luck with everything!
Sorry sweetie but she is there mother not yours. They have to take care of her not you. You should be able to have your friends over without them. Your husband is the wrong one. Have a talk with him and tell him how you feel and how his actions are not family like.
