Tell Me About Life with Three Kids

Updated on April 06, 2008
A.N. asks from Tualatin, OR
33 answers

My husband and I are on the fence about another child. On one hand I want to experience the joys of a baby again and this time savor the steps instead of just trying to survive. On the other hand, I worry that another kid would take resources, energy, and attention away from my existing kids, making it a negative thing. How hard is it really to have three kids? My kids are just over two years apart and when the second came, it was very hard having two kids at such needy stages. If we had a third and got pregnant right away, my kids would be 5 1/2 and 3 1/2 when the next one would come and this sounds like it would be easier than last time, even though it is more kids. Right now my kids get along really well, we have one of each, and the family seems balanced. It just seems small and sometimes "too easy," if that makes sense (not always, obviously!). Advice?

ETA: I couldn't find a place to respond, only edit. To the pp, I am a middle child, too, with the same birth order as yoursL girl, girl, boy. I felt left out a lot as well and feel like I didn't get the attention I should have. I think part of that was the specific birth order, though. A second child of the same sex followed by a new one is a hard position. Part of me felt, right or wrong, that I was not the gender my parents wanted and that is where my brother came in. He did get a lot of attention and is/was a wonderful, lovable guy. I think if I had a third, my middle child would not have the same issues I did because 1) I am very sensitive to "middle child syndrome" and don't dismiss it and 2) since I have one of each now, my middle would know the third was not because she wasn't exactly what we wanted.

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So What Happened?

Well, I went in for an appointment to get my IUD out and was going to go home with the pill instead to give myself a little more time to think. It turns out the strings on my IUD are curled up and the doctor couldn't get it out. We will have to schedule a procedue (hysteroscopy?)at the hospital in which I would be put under briefly and the doctor would go in with a special instrument to get it out. Is this a sign? The more I think about it, the more life with two is doable. Yes, there isn't the full house and chaos that I grew up with, but I am a low energy person, and can't picture being in charge of all that. I think I am mostly sad to be done with the baby stage and move on. I am still thinking about it, but am currently leaning towards two. Thank you everyone for your responses!

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J.M.

answers from Portland on

I could tell you about life with seven too...

I love children. My kids love each other. They have become very good with their studies too because of their competetivness. I was the youngest and felt neglected and unwanted. My kids know every day that I want all of them and they are very loved. My husband even decided not to go to Med school because he didn't want to miss out on them growing up.

I won't deny that it is hard work, but I wouldn't change a thing. My kids are 15,13,11,8,5,3,1 plus one due in September.

Best wishes to you,

J.

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S.A.

answers from Seattle on

I am a mom of 3, now ages 11, 15 and 18. I had always wanted 3. For me, it was easy. I have boy, girl, boy. Occasionally, yes, my daughter feels left out, not because she is in the middle, but the only girl! I am happy to say, that they have all thus far grown up healthy and happy - and I am still sane. I don't feel that it took attention away from any of my kids. We all adjust. Even with the first! I have friends that have more than 3 and they say it gets easier the more that you have. I think it is just something you have to jump in and do, if that is what you want. : )

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K.B.

answers from Portland on

I am the middle of 3 girls. there is a big age gap(5yrs between the oldest and i,4yrs with my lil sis)there wasnt much of being left out. i loved having 2 sisters. but i also have 3 kids about 3yrs apart.1 girl 2 boys in that order. the boys were suprises. the personalities are so different but they are amazing. it can be hard to manage 3 butonce you get a "routine" it isnt bad.they all love each other play together and yes they will fight. be fair keep the same baisic rules. i cant imagine not having 3 times the love i get from them.

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A.F.

answers from Richland on

I have 3 kids. Ages 9,5 & 2. Caring for a 3rd baby was easier because we were well experienced. But my 3rd does cause me to say things like, my hands are full now and I am so done having kids. I think your age spread to have another is very good though. Everything that you are thinking is true. You will find ways to give each of your children your attention to balance out any negativity. I definitely find it harder to have 3 over 2, but very rewarding as well. In the pie of life, raising a family is very small piece of that pie. I'm happy with having three kids even though it's a lot of work.

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A.V.

answers from Seattle on

I grew up in a family of 3 kids. I am the oldest. The order was girl, girl, boy. My sister who is the middle child always felt neglected and unloved. She had and continues to have insecurities. My husband also grew up in a family of 3 kids. He is the youngest of 3 boys. His middle brother also constantly felt that he was the ignored one...sandwiched between the "apple of the eye" oldest kid and the "needy, cute" youngest kid. My husband and I decided that we will not have 3 kids...eithers 2 or 4 ...that way there will be
no issue of only one child being stuck in the middle.
We ended up having 2 kids and are happy with that decision.
Just one viewpoint.

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L.R.

answers from Anchorage on

I have 3 little people...girl 8, boy almost 6 & boy 3.

We teeter-tottered over a third child. A family of 4 was perfect...we had one of each...do we want to go down that baby road again? I finally told my husband that we would leave it up to God. 2wks later while on vacation in Disney World, we got PG. We were/are beside ourselves with great joy. He is a blessing! They are all blessings. Now our family is a perfect 5.

Going from 1-2 is a challenge, but adding on is easy. My daughter was in preK, so I only had 2 at home. Then she went onto grade school and the 2nd dude went to preK, only 1 at home. My daughter & I have special time (we play Bunco together). My 2nd dude is playing soccer and we are his cheerleaders on the side. My littlest dude is great fun.

God's plan is better than any plan I could have written for myself. I am so blessed to be a SAHM to my 3 kids.

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C.M.

answers from Seattle on

I can pass on a story from my sister... she has 3 kids - a girl, age 5, a boy age 4, and another boy, age 1. If you and your husband share the burden of childrearing fairly equally, one more child is not as much of a burden as you might think. As she put it to me, "When I had one, I couldn't do anything, then I had two, and I could do everything." She's found the third one a little more challenging, but the routine she set in the past with the first two made the third child a little easier. Of course, this depends on each child's temperment. However, if finances are an issue, 3 children quickly become harder on mom... as you probably agree, moms tend to bear more burden of running the household-adding a job to this causes more stress for mom. If my sister's husband were more of a help, she would probably be happily getting ready for #4 by now. Even though this isn't from my personal experience (I just have one baby for now!) I hope this story might help you a little. Best wishes.

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M.S.

answers from Portland on

From the sounds of it, I don't think your kids will crave attention that they can't get. You sound very loving and attentive. As far as money and resources go, you really only have to factor in 1)can our car fit all our kids plus a friend or two (get a minivan) and 2)can we afford the extra hotel room that 3 kids might entail?

I think you would regret it if you didn't have the third because you sound like you want it. I think that you should put more time between them though. With your youngest only being 3 1/2, you will be "surviving" again. It will be just as hard as last time. You may not have a toddler, but two slightly needy kids equals about the same as one needy toddler. I recommend that you wait until your oldest is in school full days and your youngest is in preschool at least 3 days. Then you will have alone time with baby, nap time if you need it, down time to recharge, and a reason you must get out of the house multiple times a day.

I have 5 years between my two, and I am SOOOO thrilled with the spacing. They both get tons of attention both alone and together. They hardly fight at all because my oldest understands that the toddler doesn't know better, my oldest is old enough to play alone unsupervised, and to watch baby (in the swing or exersaucer) while I shower.

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T.K.

answers from Portland on

I have three kids...now all teens. My oldest are identical twin girls and the yougest is a son. I always say if I didn't have the third child, I would never have really experienced what being a parent is all about. The girls are best friends and since they were very little have always been easy. My son, however, has been more of a challenge. Partly because he is a boy and always a third wheel to the girls and partly because he is a boy. :) I was the baby of three...I had two older brothers and I was always left out or a third wheel as well. I try to empathize with my son, but he's just so different from my girls that I stuggle with how to parent him to meet his personality and unique parenting needs. Every child is different and each one needs different parenting. Even twins need to be parented differently sometimes. All of this being said, just know that whatever decision you make, it will end up being different from what you know now. The balance and ease will be gone, but the excitement and challenge will take it's place. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like with just two kids. I know it would be easier, but I also know it wouldn't be as much fun. My son has brought laughter and joy to our home. He's made me learn about things I never would have learned if I only had girls...like the rules of soccer and football, how to patch the knees in jeans, how to fix a closet door multiple times, how to give a buzz cut, and so much more. I don't know if this really answers your question, but I hope you'll understand that whatever you decide to do, it will be the right choice for you. God Bless!

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M.M.

answers from Seattle on

I have 3 lovely, exhausting and wonderful children. 8 yr old boy and 6 and 3 1/2 yr old girls. Same age difference as you are looking at. I had moms with 3 or more tell me that the biggest thing you have to realize is that someone always has to wait once you have 3 or more-only 2 hands/2 legs to sit on. Lol. That said, I love it. I am a single mom now, and that makes it harder sometimes, but especially with one of yours school age, that will give you a little time to spend with the middle child while the baby sleeps and oldest is at school. Then, you spend time with oldest while middle and baby nap in the afternoon. You figure things out as you go along, and you make it work. I say go for it if you both really want to. It means a little more work, ya, but a lot more love!

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J.G.

answers from Bellingham on

My hubby and I also go back and forth. We have a 4yo and a 16mo. Now is the perfect time if we're going to do it. Here are our pros and cons:

PROS- Having a baby is wonderful and we love it. The genetic make-up of another child makes us curious. (silly, I know). Another playmate for our kids.

CONS- Having a baby is exhausting and takes over our life for that much longer. Bigger house, bigger car, more space to take up at restaurants, movie theaters, and grocery store carts. We may end up with a child that feels left out because they don't have a brother/sister to bond with like the other siblings do (which I experienced). That much more of our "after kid life" will go to the next child. Two kids get an equal amount of attention from two parents.

Unfortunately the cons outwiegh the pros for us, and we will probably never have anymore. It's hard to decide, though...having babies happens so fast, it's only a few years and then it's gone. Maybe writing things down will work for you guys too.

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T.B.

answers from Seattle on

Hey,
I am a Mom of 3 kids ages 6,4, and almost 2 - and I was raised as the oldest of 3. I would say if your heart is yearning for more then go for it. The transition from 1 to 2 was hard for me too. The 3rd has been such a blessing to our home and the transition was much easier. I do accredit part of that to the fact that I planned my post-delivery time so that I had plenty of help around the house. I finally learned the art of asking and that I needed others to help and that I couldn't be super Mom.(I had a bad experience after the birth of #2)
So, don't be afraid to ask. People are usually very good about trying to help out. All in all I wouldn't change it for anything. I have never regretted my decision to have 3. All children take energy and resources - but in the end they are so worth it. Yes, there will be days when I feel I haven't measured up as a Mom, but in the end they all 3 know that I love them and that seems to fill in the gaps.

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J.V.

answers from Seattle on

A., let me say right up front that your third will be your hardest! Now with that out of the way, It needs to be a total family decision. Ask your other children what they think. I have 5. 4 boys, 1 girl. the first three are 2 1/2 years apart then I have 3 year old boy/girl twins who are 3 /12 years younger that my 6 year old. They are 11,8,6,two- 3. After 3 children it really doesn't matter how many you have. it doesn't make a difference then. But if you are on the fence then you are already thinking about it. My suggestion is ask youself how you feel about the ones you have. are you a patient person. if so, have the third! Good luck in what ever you choose.
All mine are adopted so we made more of a consious choice then many people do to have them all. I do not regret for one minute adopting all of them and we are actually considering adopting one more. (a girl) so our daughter will have a sister. Now that we have them I couldn't ever imagine my life without any of them.

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T.F.

answers from Seattle on

If you are "on the fence" as you say, then I'd wait. I agree with one of the other people that mentioned things are made for families of 4. Bigger family means bigger car and even hotels charge more for the 5th family member for things like vacations if you are lucky enough to take them. Kids are a joy, but they are also expensive and lots of work and some are born with special needs you don't expect. Sounds like all your are healthy now.

Maybe offer to watch a friend's baby overnight to give her a break and experience some of the joys until you feel sure?

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E.L.

answers from Spokane on

Have four, it gets easier. My two middle children get along great, my oldest and my youngest have teamed up, it works out great. When we had three it was actually harder on oldest. I have girl,boy,girl and now boy again. Because my middle child at the time was the only boy he knew he was mom's baby boy. I love having two of each. They are all so different and not all middle children have the "Middle child syndrome" If you were a middle child then you are more aware of the issues that can bring.

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G.S.

answers from Seattle on

I've got to say, I came from family of 3 kids and didn't want an odd number of kids because someone always got left out. But I end up only having 3 kids. 3rd was totally unexpecting, but I don't regret it one bit. Mine are all boys, they are all so different yet they all play well together. My older two are two years apart, then 3 years between middle child and youngest. My youngest has a personality that makes me smile no matter how busy or overwhelmed I feel at times. When my youngest was born my oldest was just starting Kindergarten so with my other two at home it worked out nice. Since baby napped a lot I was able to spend time with my middle child alone. Then when my middle child started kindergarten, it was good transition for my youngest because we got to spend time together and he he got to play by himself while other two were in school. Then they all got along much better when they were all home. Hopefully that makes sense. Both older two helped alot when baby was born, they could do things like get diaper, botttle premade, washclothes things like that. I let them help fold laundry, even though it wasn't the way I always did it, it was good bonding time and after awhile they learn how you do it. I know this because times when my husband was home with kids, and didn't know where anything was my two older kids would show him where things were and ALWAYS said, that's not how mommy does it... we always found that very humorous. As they got older when we read together I'd have my two oldest on each side of me when reading and baby on my lap so they all still got to be by me which is always what they wanted. But with them being boys I was always told they'll eventually switch from wanting to be with me to always wanting to be with daddy. Out of 3, only one has switched, which balances out when we got out, so I have two with me, which is fine because now they are 5 and 10 and the other 8 yr old goes with dad.
I also knew with my 3rd I didnt' want any more kids, I enjoyed my 3rd pregnancy the most. I noticed things I didn't notice with the first two. I know my first pregnancy I slept ALOT. My second I was very active. But with first two I didn't show alot at all, but with my third I was bigger and more noticable but I loved it. The way I look at my life and kids, is when I pass on... my kids will only have each other as family and when I think like that, my family seems so small. Then I had someone tell me a long time ago, when I was planning on only having one child.... God forbid but what if something happens to that one child, if they are center of your world you might lose your mind or go into a deep depression. But if you have mor than one child, and if something happened to one, as a mother your also going to think of that other child who n eeds you, yes you'll mourn or whatever but you'd have to balance yourself... does that make sense.
And last, the more love you give out and if its more kids, the more love you get in return. That to me is worth it all. If I could financially afford to have more kids I would have. But in the end life is what you make of it... yes it seems like were a larger family now but we have a lot of fun. Hope you could make sense of what I wrote. Another thing, don't just think of how life is only going to be with a baby, but try to imagine them when their older... also your two kids are good ages to explain about having an other baby and what it would be like and how they could help, you'll be surprised, if they get a long good together then they'll be good examples to the third. My two oldest got along great and still do, and they were the ones who taught more by example than I could teach my third son. And you know, every time we go out in public, I always get compliments on my children, of how well mannered and how well they get a long and look after each other.
Another thing I know I said last already but I was thinking. My husband comes from a family of 4. The oldest two are a couple years apart, then his parents waited like 8 years then had another two, less than two years apart. From their stories they had a lot of fun in their family. But there was no one left out, the oldest two were boy and girl, the next two were girl and boy, in that order. Just thought I'd throw that in.

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C.G.

answers from Medford on

I would only add that it is not only your resources that will be affected but also the planets. I think everyone has the right to have as many kids as they choose but I do hope they consider that this is the biggest impact we can have on the environment both positively and negatively depending on our choice.- Good Luck!
also:on a personal note I was the 3rd child that according to my Dad wrecked their happy family and was treated thus by my sisters and dad until I left home pretty much. We are loving now but it was a real burden emotionally to me as I grew up and to this day I always feel in the way and like I have to earn my love (ie I want to wash everyone's dishes when I visit them...good friend to have but kinda insecure!)

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N.B.

answers from Seattle on

I have three kids and it's really wonderful. Yes, with just two, it was balanced as you say. We didn't need to look for a bigger car, bigger room when looking for a hotel, or that odd seating chart when we were just about anywhere. It seems as if everywhere we go, everything is built with even numbers in mind. Our first two played so well and they loved eacher so much. They were best playdates and friends.... BUT!!!! now they are getting into tween years....... without our third child, we would never see the other two. Our youngest is a boy and he brings our family together. I prayed that he would be the bond when we need him to be, and a link between the boy and the girl when we(the parent) are long gone. He brings joy and laughter. He also makes it easy for us to remember about the other two. They learned a lot of responsibility of having a little sibling and I really am truly blessed. It was an easier transition between the two kids to three kids. - hope that helps a little...
Ultimately, it will be up to you, but just a note to say that I really love having three kids.

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S.V.

answers from Portland on

The more the merrier!

What greater gift can you give your children than a sibling, and they each come with their own love, so don't worry about your capacity. I have never experienced more bliss than my chaotic, fun, busy house with 4 - each child has brought more joy - we are about to burst with joy. I say go for it!

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G.S.

answers from Portland on

Well, I have 2 1/2 year old triplets and though I love them dearly, on the trips to the zoo or the mall or the science center, it sure would be safer and much easier to have two - one for each parent =) I too am very sensitive to the middle child syndrome because my middle triplet is more passive a lot of the time and the other two are type A. I would never discourage anyone from having a desperately wanted child because the gift is so great but I have to say for practicality, 2 seems easier. When we were all out one day, I had an elderly man tell me that it doesn't matter what you do after 2, there are still not enough hands for the third or more...his voice rings in my head every day and I never even knew his name...=)

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C.F.

answers from Seattle on

Hi, I have 3 lovely ladies ages 6 1/2, 3, and 18 months. I love them sooooo much, however it is hard. The more kids you have the more it takes away from the others. Think about what you want your for your kids. Do you have the income to support 3 the way you would like to? 3 bedroom house vs. 4? A bigger car to fit the whole family? In the future... sports, clothes, cars, college? It is hard to find a babysitter for 3 vs 2. It is one more expense, I know that sounds terrible but this is your life. Some days it is a zoo at my house other days pure bliss!! You may not care about the things I listed and that is o.k. Have faith and roll with it. Take care

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W.L.

answers from Seattle on

Boy can I relate to you right now. I have 2 boys 12 and 4, and I just found out we have a little suprise coming in October. I never pictured myself with another and was kind of wondering the same thing. Wondering if I can give the attention to the other two that I do now. It was tough having the 2nd because they are so far apart, and my oldest was used to being the only child. They fight like crazy right now too, and soon they are going to have to be in the same room for a while. I am the youngest of 3 and we all feel we are equally loved, although my oldest brother is my mom's fav....lol... If you get any good advice be sure to pass it along. Sorry I couldn't be of more help, but I thought knowing someone else is in your shoes would help too. I wish you all the best!!!
W.

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P.K.

answers from Portland on

I have 3 kids, myself (boy, boy, girl), and the ages are roughly about the same as what yours would be, if you chose to have a third (there's about 2 1/2 years between the older boy and the younger boy, and almost 3 years difference between the younger boy and my youngest, my daughter). When they were younger, it was a little touch-and-go at times, but the older sibling always felt that they were "helping," with the younger one. By the time my daughter was born, my older one was just starting Kindergarten, so he got to do the "big boy things," while his younger brother "had" to stay home. And, because my oldest was now in school, it gave me plenty of time to spend with my middle child while my daughter was asleep, which seemed to be quite a bit! By giving him small tasks to do around the house, whether it was helping me with laundry, or even getting his little sister a diaper, it made him feel important (which, of course, he was!).

My kids are now considerably older (my oldest will be 13 in May, my middle turned 10 in October, and my daughter turned 7 in September), and it is definitely interesting to see the 3 of them interact-they have their squabbles, like all siblings do, but they all have their unique personalities, as well, making them all get along so well. And, by spending some one-on-one time with each of them every day, whether it's asking how their day went in school or answering questions they might have, it helps them realize that this time is "their time" with mom, and that their brother (or sister!) can't interrupt! :)

I guess all I'm saying is, it's really up to you and your husband, whether or not you want a third. For me, I always knew that I wanted 3 kids (and, surprisingly, I got them in the "order" that I wanted, too-2 boys, and the youngest a girl!). My husband and I have always strived to make sure that the kids were happy, healthy, and as well-adjusted as any kid can be in this day and age. :) I couldn't imagine life in a "2 kid" household, now - yes, our house can be chaotic, hectic, loud, and downright nuts, but you know what? It's something I wouldn't trade for anything in the world! :)

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J.R.

answers from Seattle on

Do you want another child? That is the question you and your husband really need to answer. If you want one, go for it! My first two were the same ages yours will be when #3 came along. I haven't regretted it for a minute! I guarantee the first two kids will be fine. However, if you feel you will resent it because it will "drain" your resources, maybe you shouldn't be having another child. Perhaps you are overthinking the situation and need to go with what your heart tells you to do.

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N.M.

answers from Seattle on

I think every parent has a different meltdown threshhold when it comes to the number of children, as far as how much more difficult things become. For one of my friends, it was her first baby. She was overwhelmed and had a very difficult time adjusting, but coped well with her second and third children. I've heard other people say that once the second child came along they had reached their limit. For us, it was our third. My husband says it's because we were outnumbered! I don't know what the reason was, I would say it is partly due to different temperaments of each individual child. In any case, we ended up having 2 more after that (long story--but it turns out that the infertility I had experienced with the first 3 was no longer an issue, but not realizing that at the time, we didn't think we needed to be as dilligent with birth control as we needed to be), and, as another poster mentioned, after the third one we didn't notice any difference; 5 were just as busy, exhausting, chaotic, and crazy as 3.

It's a decision only you and your husband can make. For me personally, I only wanted 2, but then longed to experience another pregnancy and breastfeeding, which I missed out on since we had adopted our second child. For us, 2 was easy and nice and there were very few times I felt overwhelmed. That all changed with the third one, but like I said, that breaking point is going to be different for every family, and you won't know till you get there; or maybe you will never have an overload level, I'm sure there are many families that don't! My best wishes to you whatever you decide!

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F.J.

answers from Anchorage on

As a mother of three girls ages 5, 3 and 1. my two oldest are 15 months apart and they are the best of buds, but when my 1 year old get's up the first person she looks for is her 3 year old sister just to give hugs. I couldn't see my world with only two. I see other mothers with two and they see me and wonder how I do it. there is nothing too it if you love your kids. My two older girl's don't go anyway without there babysister. Remeber you are somebody that is a wonderful mother that is making wonderful decesions to make other siblings happy.

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K.V.

answers from Portland on

you could end up like me...having twins! so, instead of "just one more" we have 4 kids. there is never a dull moment and i wouldn't change a thing, but i do feel the older 2 get ignored more than i'd like because i am so busy with 2 little ones. good luck to you!

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J.R.

answers from Seattle on

I dont have three children but was a middle child when I was growing up and I seemed to get left out of a lot my older sister got a lot of attention because she was the first and my brother got a ton of attention because he was the last and a boy. I am not trying to discourage you I thik that the ages of your children now are great for having another baby. Your oldest will be able to help with the new baby and it will be a cool bonding experience. My oldest daughter was almost 6 when my youngest was born it was so nice to have a "second mommy" in the house and she was old enough that she didnt demand so much of my attention and I could really focus on the baby. Now your 3 1/2 year old is going to demand your attention but it would be more like having too little ones and an older one not three little ones. I would talk it over with your hubby if you feel your family isnt complete and you agree that another child will help that I say do it.

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K.W.

answers from Seattle on

We have 3 kids: 17g, 15(almost 16)b, and 9g. The oldest two are 17 mos. apart, and the middle and last one are almost 7 years apart.

While not even having the first one out of diapers before the second came along(she was *almost* there, but then regressed when the baby was born) was hard, it was in a way just as difficult when the 3rd one was born, even with almost 7 years diffference. It was a huge culture shock for me, and not at ALL like riding a bike(you most certainly *can* forget things, and each child is sooooo different from the others).

After I had my first, I desperately wanted to have another, and just when I stopped wanting to get pregnant, WHAM!, there I was. After having him, I wanted to wait awhile, so I got on Depo, and that messed me up for quite awhile, so badly in fact, that I didn't think I was ever going to be able to have children again, so I pretty much accepted that I wasn't going to. I had one of each, and I was content with that.

When my son was 5, I was having some medical issues. Not life threatening, but they were of a concern, so I went in to get treated. The suggested treatment was a fertility drug so that things would get back to normal(not so I could get pregnant), and we were counseled that I could become pregnant with multiples. All of a sudden, we were faced with the possibility of not just two children, but maybe 1, or 4, or 7 more. We talked and decided that for me to get better, we were willing to risk not only a pregnancy, but possibly way more than one baby. Thankfully, we only had one.

Although we were content with two, obviously the "divine plan" was for us to have at least one more, and even though our two youngest are so far apart and it was like starting over again, our family is the way it's meant to be now. Sometimes I want another, but then I remember all the individual challenges we had with each one, and how dramatically it would change life now, and how all consuming a baby is on life, and I decide a brief baby fix is enough for me, to "oooh" and "aaahhhh" over someone else's will do just fine. I love babies, but deep down, I don't want another of my own. Nobody else in the family does, either, not even my youngest, not even when she was 3.

I think for you, you should think about all the ways a baby would affect you, your family, your life. Someone else did pros and cons. That's good, or just look inside yourself, and think about if it's really what you want. Definately, it's something you and your husband should decide.

If you *did* do it, I'd suggest waiting until the youngest is in school at least half day, like someone else suggested. You have more time to bond with the baby without someone else getting jealous(and yep, it will happen), and in the evenings, your husband can help, as can the older children, with the baby, so that you can rotate individual quality time with your other family members.

Whatever you decide, it seems like you have a wonderful family life right now. Children are a blessing rather they're the first, third, or 6th.

Good luck with making your decision.

K. W

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J.K.

answers from Spokane on

Having three is sooooo much different from 2 (like, duh right?) but seriously it does change so very much. We were very much "surprised" by our third. We had 2 boys and then got our girl that we never expected. We are thrilled of course but can't help but think how much "easier" 2 is compared to three. Once you have them you wouldn't have it any other way, of course. Your time, emotional energy, finances, patience will be taxed all that much more. So much to consider.... 3 does make life that much more interesting and I think it is good for the kids to have siblings teaches them so much: sharing, empathy, etc.... Wishing you the very best

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L.N.

answers from Seattle on

A.,

As a mom of three my advice is to go ahead and do it. Yes, life with three is more complicated and demanding. It's also completely rewarding and manageable! It's great to see them all become friends and also have more than one playmate at home for when one of them is somewhere else.

My oldest was almost six and the middle was 2 1/4 when our youngest was born. Two boys and then a girl (also a huge blessing!). I don't really remember our daughter's first year as things were really crazy with alot of changes in our life. Now that she's three and our oldest is almost nine, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I also come from a family of three children (I am the oldest) and I love that there are three of us and not just two.

Good luck on your decision.

L.

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S.M.

answers from Portland on

I think you should stay with the two you have. That is the perfect size family and if your kids get along that is even better. This world is set around a family of 4. If you have more then 4 you have to pay more, not that that is bad but I hope you know what I mean. I have three kids and I think two would have been easier for me to handle because there is always one left out or two is against one. Keep your life as simple as you can. I hope this helps. Amanda

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A.B.

answers from Portland on

I myself don't have life with three kids, BUT I have several close friends that have 4+. The feedback from them is that after 2 kids it really doesn't make that much more work. If there's trouble to be had...they usually are doing it together so it's the same. I would say that now or relatively soon would be a fabulous time to get pregnant with another babe. Your youngest will be in school soon and would give you a little more bonding time with the new one without "encroaching" too much on you bonding time with your other ones. Also, though, don't feel guilty about not having it too hard if you have a content and well balanced family. Don't let that be a deciding factor in having more children. It would just be a cause for resentment in the end if you are not able to balance life with a 3rd sweetheart. Hope this is helpful! ~A.

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