July 19, 2008,
D.C. asks from Mesa, AZ on July 18, 2008
Teenage Discipline Needed for ADHD Teen
I have a son who will be 14 in three months and our relationship has become a yelling & disrespectful match! I know I'm not supose to argue back, but my point of view is I'm the parent, and I will stay in control of the situation...and I say that because my son belives he is on my same level. He thinks that he can talk to me like a grown man. Example, if I do something or said something wrong he will correct me and at times down talk me & is direspectful! So I snap back with "who do you think you are...blah, blah. If I don't yell the loudest or take away something he wants (like the Wii) he will just keep arguing back. He also loves to disipline his 5 yr old half sister & will tell me how to discipline her if I choose not to or choose a different method then what HE thinks is right!! Though let me express he is a really good kid(besides his attitude)...has great friends, doesn't distroy stuff, doesn't smoke, drink, sex, drugs...all that. His grades are good too. I might add that he has ADHD. We just can't seem to get through one day w/ out arguing, Or him being mean to his sister.
1 mom found this helpful
C.S. answers from Phoenix on July 19, 2008
This is a difficult time for him and you. He is striving to become adult. He learns how to do that by watching adults. When he sees adults being respectful, he learns how to be, etc. At the same time, he is striving towards independence. Look at how you can give him opportunities to be successful in acheiving adulthood and independence and foster those. Offer him choices, acceptable choices, in everything. Really listen to him, asking him what he needs/wants. He is looking for loving guidance, too. While you are the parent and need to provide guidance for him, some times it is easy as parents to fall into the role of dictating. Always check into where your intentions come from....loving guidance, or enforced obedience? The Golden Rule really works, treat him as you want to be treated. Blessings to you.
S.M. answers from Phoenix on July 19, 2008
I feel your pain, I have a fifteen year old and she was acting up. We took everything away from her. All her cool cloths and bought her polo shirts and kaki pants to wear to school. She had to earn them back. Lay down the rules. do not waver. Give them the consequences first. Example: If you talk to me like that, no computer, phone and wii for 2 weeks. do it! do not give in at all. Explain to him what happens is his choice. If he acts up and wants to go some place say you have a choice you can stay home or you can act accordingly and i will take you. But it is his choice with cloths also. You want to wear that you have a choice stay home and wear that or change and you can go. abide by that. Do not waver in the dicipline. Also a little counceling might work to find out why his feelings are so negative with you
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M.B. answers from Phoenix on July 18, 2008
M.S. answers from Phoenix on July 19, 2008
Hang in there. I did not read your entire entry before I wanted to repy. go to www.parentingtodaysteens.org and check out the very helpful advice. Mark Gregston is a teen counselor with alot of helpful info. I am usually in tears most times I hear his spot on KFLR 90.3 and when I listen online. We are in Family counseling for my teen and It really seems to help to have a outsider see inside. Also I am currently reading Crucial Conversations, Tools for talking when stakes are high by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler. God is very present and the book of James states that If anyone lacks wisdom Just ask God and he will answer. God has given me wisdom many accounts--sometimes doing what is right is very painful and difficult.
T.N. answers from Phoenix on July 19, 2008
I HIGHLY recommend taking Love and Logic classes. Here are the list of classes the local Love and Logic instructor is teaching: http://www.keriparentcoach.com/447486.html Tell her T. sent you. You can also call the Love and Logic company at 800-588-5644 to get the contact info for people who teach classes in your area (I just called and a real person answered right away and was very helpful).
It is better to learn when the consequences for defying authority are relatively small.
The Love and Logic approach is all about tough love--being firm and consistent in letting children suffer the natural (logical) consequences of their actions, while doing so in a very gentle and loving way, having true empathy in your heart. My mom parented this way, and I really appreciate my upbringing. I feel she was a very effective and loving parent who helped prepare us for the real world.
If classes aren't available near you, check out some Love and Logic materials at the local library for free or buy them at www.loveandlogic.com. Here are some I recommend: a seminar on DVD "Painless Parenting for the Preschool Years," the book "Parenting with Love and Logic." They also have some great CDs full of wonderful advice and real-life applications that you can listen to in the car while driving.