Teenage Daughter with Eating Disorder - Bulimia

Dear K. O,

I'll pray for you! As for what to do, definitely get her some help! It will not go away by itself. Especially with the pressures of school and friends, and the need to fit in at this age. There are a lot of resources on the net about Bulimia which list things to look for. Example, over eating, then going to the bathroom right away. Looking at pro-ana, pro-mia type websites. You may want to monitor her online use as well. But definitely get her the help she needs as it never goes away on it's own. Intervention is needed. In her mind, she's not thin enough, so she needs to also deal with body issues, self-confidence and so-on. And it may not help either if she has friends who may also be following the same trend. But definitely follow her restroom trends. Not to mention there are a lot of "tricks" on the internet. Such as using diuretics, laxatives, learning to spit your food out in a napking, or dark glass, or a glass filled with dark liquid. Some girls even go back and forth between bulimia and anorexia. So again, get her help. Good luck!

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First and foremost - my blessings to you and your family. I was a child who grew up with an eating disorder that grew so bad that I almost died. I am to this day suffering consequesnces there of. (Teeth issues, damaged muscle structure, stomache issues, thyroid problems, etc.)

Here is what helped me - educate her on the risks, causes etc of an eating disorder. There are huge risks that can affect you the rest of your life. Look on about.com or other sites and you can educate yourself in the process.

Look into a support group - let her make the decission, but give her choices such as a support group or a counselor.

Teach her proper eating and exercise routines. Let her go to the gym and work off any "extra weight" she is concerned about. Possibly meet with a nutritionist and a personal trainer. Education is the best defense.

Remind her it is similar to a disease or an adiction - it doesn't just go away. Keep an open line of communication. Talk talk talk! I can not tell you how important this is. If it were not for my Aunt sitting me down and opening the door to talk, I would not be here today.

Something that helped a friend of mines daughter was also to get involved with other teens that did not have an issue or an idea she had an issue. She sent her daughter to a leadership seminar through choice center worldwide that actually helped her daughter learn the root of why she was doing this to herself. Go to choicecenter.net to find out more about it.

My prayers are with you and your family that you are all strong enough to pull through this. It is a difficult process, and being a teenager is hard enough without these types of things. Again, many blessings to you and yours!

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Love and acceptance, and a few doctors opinions. Don't just go with what one doctor says, there are many treatments and causes. Find the place/organization that suits you guys best. Do research and ask them a LOT of questions. Don't let anyone judge you, or your daughter. Again, love her, guide her and be there for her. Find support groups that work in your area/on line for your family to learn other ways to "respond".

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I had a friend who was bulimic in high school it can be a hard habit to break. Remember not to get mad and to talk with her not at her. Find something she can do to stay fit without throwing up. Something like jazzercise or a gym membership. Talk to her friends they will have a bigger impact on her. sorry I know it sucks. She has to want to change. Build her self esteem but make sure she doesn't link the change to the bulimia. I talked to my friend till I was blue in the face but it wasn't until I started taking swing lessons with her that she wanted to stop throwing up. I hope this helps

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i agree with what has already been said. i had a problem when i was younger. and once i was out of the hospital i found new and "BETTER" ways to hide it.
this was 12-13 years ago. i still get the urge to do something about my weight. or i feel guilty for weight gain. (they say that i am cured) when i eat a large dinner is when i feel the worst. its a long road and she needs a support system. not just at home but professional. i still keep in contact with my old support group.
1 thing that keeps me from having a total collapse is educating myself on food and exercise. i eat like i am supposed to and exercise everyday. that helps so much with the guilt. to know that i am doing good for my body.

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I myself went through that when I was getting divorced. At first it wasn't on purpose being around him seeing him speaking to him i would get physically ill! Along with the divorce diet I got sooo skinny but got a lot of attention for it. It was about 1yr into it when I finally talked to someone about it. I was getting happier but couldn't control that! My cousin had gone through it she had told me it's something that you will or can always battle with". Given that it's been 7 yrs since my divorce I know all the harm it can cause I still fight with it sometimes more than others. Counseling I would suggest but you can't force her to stop no matter what she gets told it's in her control or not for that matter. I feel guilty after eating sometimes. It's sad and takes control just be there for her. Let her know she can tell you. I started having people take my food away as soon as I felt full or would put pepper all over so I would stop then wouldn't feel guilty. Little tricks to help but it wasn't a cure! Talk to her let her know you will listen don't lecture esp if you haven't gone through it. I would be more than happy to email her back and fourth. I have walked in her shoes it's not easy and i was in my 20's now 30's!

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Bulima is a self esteem issue-some type of self loathing has been triggered and once it's in place its hard to fight. Insist she is in good counseling, and don't focus on food or weight issues, but help her find her "niche"; what she is really good at. Incourage her and keep her involved. If she relapes, hospitalization is a must, and can be a good "threat" to keep heading in the right direction. Even if she denies she had a problem, she must go through the motions of treatment anyway.

Addressing any surface issues, such as weight, eating habits, or purging is not the answer; building up her self worth is the only tool you have to help her.

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Dear K.,

She is hurting, and doesn't know how to express the depth of her feelings. She needs time to mature and guidance from people who care deeply for her. She does not need nagging. She needs lots of love. Do not be afraid that you will 'spoil' her, please, do not listen to people that say that to you. Be on her side, she has a huge ability to make it through all of this difficult time, but she does need support, support, support, and care and love and again, no nagging. And, of course, medical advice from people who have taken care of this disorder and will be able to know what to do.

Remember Jesus came to support us, to teach us, to care for us, and to love us unconditionally. We can do that too.

Sincerely, C. N.

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I think you should first of all sit her down and find out what it is that she is trying to accomplish if weight is not an issue. There is always something behind what these teenagers are doing these days. Maybe you should see if you can fit a Gym membership into your budget. You have to also realize that nowadays peer pressure is alot worse than it was years ago.

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Dear K.,
I'm sorry to hear this but is others saying to her she is fat our has she just assumed this on her own. What I'm trying to say is she may have been listening to others of ways to have her loose the weight. And as she seen she has kept from getting fat by throwing up her foodand now it has turned in to Bulimia. I can't say I know alot about this but I was getting scared for my little one whose 11 and coming home from school saying she's fat and needs to lose the weight. And i will tell you she didn't due to her tiny butt and her figure is beautiful. She would just come home and tell me she was because she heard it from others. But now she isn't saying this anymore. But i am always asking her questions and i am watching her like a hawk. I can't help it when i hear her tell me that others are saying things about her. Or stuff around her, that may change her thinking about who she is and what she wants to become. So i have to encourage her daily. And i believe you do the same, but something she is feeling has become worse for her and not eating then throwing it, and now she can't hold it down is a reason for her to get attention she craves or she feel fat. I wish I had more advice and to tell you everything will be alright but, she has to believe she's beautiful all the time and that her weight isn't the issue. Get her help as soon as possible and try and see if she can be around the real people who are going through the same things as she is. I pray for her and You and GOD Bless u as well.
M.

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The Kartini Clinic and Emanual Hospital have good successes. This is a tough one, but can be overcome.

Hang in there!

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Hi K. - Now that your daughter has received this diagnosis, I would check with Lucille Salter Packard Children's Hospital. I know they treate anorexia and I believe bulimia as well. This is not something you want to wait around to see if it all works out - I know it is shocking, but you must be proactive. Your daughter is a minor, and you are responsible for making sure she is treated and overcomes this illness. God Bless you and your family and I will keep your daughter in my prayers. I believe all will be well for her. V. Garnese

K. - you and your daughter are in my prayers.

The maid of honor in my wedding struggled with anorexia from about age 12 to 25. She is now at a healthy weight and is married with two children. However, little things she says tells me that, even though she's "cured," she is more occupied today about her weight than I have ever been about mine. For example, she can tell me the approximate clothing size of any woman she meets. I can honestly say that I never even think about such a thing.

In addition, my sister-in-law was bulimic in high school and college. She, too, no longer throws up, and lives a healthy lifestyle. However, she (like my friend) can obsess if she gains just 5 pounds (outside of pregnancy, that is).

You're doing the right thing - getting her counseling, loving her, taking the diagnosis seriously. She can pull through this and so can you.

Whatever you do, try not to feel guilty. The messages girls and women get through the media, school system, and society at large is terrible - beauty is defined as a "size 2, able-bodied, 19 year old woman." That's it.

As her mother, you can't change the world around her. You can only do what you ARE doing - love and accept her, get her help, research and read whatever you can, and pray.

I'm praying for you both. M.

K......

RAW coconut oil!!! You must have her try it. Take a tablespoon, 3 times a day. It will help her loose weight, naturally. In the body it acts more like a carb than an oil, burns very fast and speeds up metabolism.

Dear K.,

All of the advice is so kind and well meaning, but PLEASE, listen to Abby and get the whole family into Therapy. You must deal with the very best professionals in this field and as someone else said, get several opinions. People mean well, but this is an issue that requires extensive training and education.

This is not your fault, however, this could be an amazing opportunity to build a family unit that is more loving, happy and strong than ever. Try to see this as an opportunity, not a problem. Working with the very best professionals in the field will result in good things for everyone in your family. Lots of love and positive energy coming your way!

K.,

Sorry to hear about your daughter. I too have a teenage daughter. She does not have bulimia, but I worry about her.
There is lots of help out there. Start with your daughters Doctors office, they will be able to refer to more information.

E. C