23 answers

Teenage Daughter Dating Older Boy??

I have a very Mature 13 (almost 14) yr old daughter.. She is dating a 17yr old boy with our consent.. She came home & told me she really liked this boy & He liked her @ 1st her father & I was like NO way will that ever happen & then after having a long talk with her & inviting him over for dinner we found out he was a very good kid with Manners, Morals & good values.. So we allowed them to start Dating with limiations (no car dates or dating alone) Well to be honest they can't go anywhere without one of her parents & he is prefectly fine with this.. MY question is my husband & I have been on different sides of the fence with our daughter most of her Life.. She & I are very close & talk about everything, My husband & her on the other hand can't set in the same room without fighting & Yes it is His fault... So yesterday we set down & talked about her & the dating age, I have twin boys who we allow to date @ age 15 (16 in 3months) & they have dated since they were 14 (movies, dinner, friends, type dates) My husband has double standards & says she can't date till she is 16 or older & I feel she is mature enough to date whenever she chooses..
My daughte has had a cell phone since she was 10 with no problems she has never given us any trouble she is well aware of what can happen if she has sex or if she is pushed to do something she doesnt want to do.. I feel this boy is a very nice boy & would never do anything to hurt her. He is nothing but sweet & makes her very happy.. I haven't seen her this happy in months & I don't want to push her away because her father & I can't agree on rules.. I have always made the rules in our house cause my husband is always to busy to worry about what goes on in our house so do I just go ahead & do what I feel is right or do I take his feelings into consideration?? Please help..

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I don't think this is the right place to post this but anyway.. I don't many of you understand.. I'm not forbidding her to date him.. I have total control over what they do while dating.. I'm a very open minded Parent.. My husband & I were young parents having our twins @ age 18 & 20.. (he 20, myself 18) So we have made our children & there GF's/BF's understand what can happen if they have sex or are not dating by our rules.. I am a strict Parent but I do find it very inmature for any parent to say they would NEVER do something until they are put in that situation.. I was 1 of those parents 1 time.. & I was also a young girl 1 time.. I"m not stupid I totally understand what most people thing about boys/girls or the dating older or younger.. I don't thing anyone should place judge on somebody because of the Sex (male/female) each person is different... & for us to tell a 17yr old boy you are only dating my daughter becasue you want to have sex with her is just the most ridiculous thing a parent could ever do cause then you are just saying I don't trust you from the start.. That is the thing I do trust both of them.. for a matter of fact I trust all my kids totally.. Do I think they may make mistakes one day in life..sure i do but with the proper help they always know I will be here to get there throug that part of there life.. Unlike my parents were in a hard time of life.. I just want to make sure I am seeing everything with Eye's wide open.. thank you for all you answers..

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I wouldn't let a 13 yr old daughter of mine date a 17 yr old boy. I wouldn't let a 17 yr old son of mine date a 13 yr old girl either. When they are 23 and 27, they'll be adults and will have a lot in common. Right now they both have a lot of growing up to do.

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I do think that 13 is too young to date, but you have already allowed it. I would say that a parent has to be with them until she is 15/16 and would not allow the boy to drive her. A lot of children go on "group" dating...Like a bunch of girls and a bunch of guys all go roller skating together and a pizza afterwards.
My husband and his first wife split over the fact she was too lenient. Try to keep everyone happy...it's not easy. Good luck.....

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No offense intended, and everyone is entitled to raise their own children as they see fit. However, in my humble opinion, 13 is really young to be dating, however supervised they are, and a 13 yo girl dating a 17 yo boy is a recipe for disaster. I remember very clearly what even the sweetest, well mannered, moral 17 year old boys were interested in. And it ain't reading the Bible, I can assure you of that.

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I am 16 years old and when my mom read this, she asked me what I thought. From what you are saying, I thought maybe it would also help to have a teenager's perspective on this too.
The only kind of relationships I ever had with boys when I was 13 were the kind where they say, "Hey, I like you. Do you wanna be my girlfriend?" And then we would hang out at school, and maybe occasionally after school at a football or basketball game. But when you are 13, or 14 or 15 or even 16... It is a rare thing that the relationships will last forever. And I remember very clearly (seeing as it really wasn't that long ago) being completely devistated over breakups. Even if it had only been for a month or two, it was always pretty hard on me, especially when it was a boy that I had liked a LOT. But in the last couple years I have noticed that with these type of things I have matured. I dont put so much into one guy and if something does go wrong, yes is upsetting, but I have learned how to handle it better. I believe that this is something that you have to be a little bit older to fully get a grasp on. I know that when I was 13, I would have said that I understand all of this but felt differently when it actually happened to me.
Even if he is a really good guy, that doesn't mean he will never break her heart. Me and my dad don't really get along either, so I can completely relate. But I think that him saying she shouldn't date right away is him trying to protect her from this. Maybe he is being a little overly strict by saying she has to be 16, but you can always compromise to say maybe 15? And the best relationships always come from strong friendships. So instead of dating, hanging out as friends works as well, just minus the drama of a breakup.
So as much as I would hate to hear someone else saying this to my parents, I would say just talk to him and come up with a compromise on this.

3 moms found this helpful

I wouldn't let a 13 yr old daughter of mine date a 17 yr old boy. I wouldn't let a 17 yr old son of mine date a 13 yr old girl either. When they are 23 and 27, they'll be adults and will have a lot in common. Right now they both have a lot of growing up to do.

3 moms found this helpful

There is no way I'd let my 13yr old date a 17yr old. And the other way around,I wouldn't let my 17 yr old date a 13 yr old.

I don't care how much "maturity" kids have these days , kids are being forced to grow up too fast as it is. I believe kids should be able to be kids as long as possible.

Just maybe the constant exposure to mature subjects, clothing , and what have you is part of what has screwed up society so bad. We look down on pedophiles but then we let our little girls date much older guys and dress them in clothes that say " juicy" on the butt.

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I do think that 13 in general is too young to date a 17 year old. But- if it is already going on, forbidding it now is just going to make it seem more romantic! It does sound like your husband has a double standard with the boys, though.

You and your husband need to work out some strict guidelines together- you MUST present a united front or your daughter will blow you off! Remind him that 'forbidden love' is the most tempting- remember what happened to Romeo and Juliet? Instead, if this boy really wants to date your daughter, make him work for it!

If you have met this boy and think he is a good kid and responsible, you have to make your decision based on that. At 13 I went out in groups with both boys and girls together, but I think no car dates, no dating alone, etc. is a good strict rule. I would make sure your daughter has to call to check in with you frequently and also that she has an early curfew. Everytime they go out, he needs to come in and talk to you.

Have you met his parents? Call them up and introduce yourself and say that the kids have been 'hanging out' and that you've met him and think he is a very nice boy, but you are a little concerned because your daughter is not 'officially' allowed to date yet. You may find that they either don't know about her, don't know her age- or maybe they've been a bit concerned too! Either way, communication on all fronts is the best policy.

With all these restrictions, I have to wonder why a boy so much older would WANT to date a 13 year old, no matter how cute or mature she is for her age. Is he shy or do they just have a lot of common interests? I am not trying to downplay your daughter's attractions, but it may be that with such strict rules, that he will get tired of them and look to girls his own age for company.

I am not saying that your daughter or this boy are not good kids or that they would sneak around on you. Even good kids occasionally sneak out on their parents once in a while. But- the more supervision the harder that is. Make it clear to your daughter that you expect her to remain active in any school or church or sports activities she is involved in, and that her grades need to stay good. Dating - even in a limited way- is a privilege, not a right!

Good luck- it sounds like you've prepared for this time as well as you can. Just keep an eye on things and convince your husband that you have to remain united on this. You are the mom- you can do this!

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I personally would never allow this of my own children. Also, keep in mind that once he turns 18 he is an adult and she is still a minor/child and that can lead to problems for them both. Personally I would be more concerned about the age difference right now. As far as letting your daughter date at 15, I think daddy is just being protective and is concerned. Also, stop blaming every fight on him, it does take two and she probably knows how to push daddy's buttons, I'm just saying this b/c I was the same way with my own dad

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Personally, no matter his personality, I think 13 is too young to date a 17 yo.

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I dont care how mature your 13 yr old daughter is, there is no way she should be "dating" a 17 yr old!! That is just asking for trouble! Children that age are very impressionable. Even though you and your daughter talk about everything and she is well aware of what can happen if she has sex or is being pushed into something. Sure there is a possibility that he really is a good kid with good morals and values etc... How long do you think a 17 yr boy and a 13 yr old child can control the raging hormones? As far as the dating issue, I think 15 is also too young to start dating. 16 is an appropriate age for girls and boys. Even though you have always made the rules, you should definately take your husbands feelings into consideration. They may fight, and I am sure it is not all his fault, however, that is still his little girl and it is his job to protect her. If you just do what you want and God forbid something happens, your husband will blame you and resent you for the rest of your life!
J.

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