Teenage Dating Wrong Guy

ok i have meet the wrong men all my life i feel..i would do anything for them and they would use me and then dump me. and my mom and dad tried to tell me and i wouldnt listen. i have been marred, ok here it is 4 times. i hate it, i hate to say the words and my best friend has me beat she has 5 times. me and her have the same prob with men. our parents are freinds and never been divorced. so now i have a 17 month old girl. and this is what ive decided to do and if anyone has any other ideas im open. if the time should come(and im sure it well) im going to tell her what has happen to me and tell her the heart break that i had. my mom and dad just said no you cant, if we had talked maybe it would have been different. im going to raise her with morals and respect and pray that i get it right. you need to explain to her what he did to her the first time they broke up the hurt she felt. tell her just take it slow and if he really does love her then time well tell if he has changed or not. you can explain that your a momma and when she hurts you hurt. and its going to take some time for you to forgive him and one of these days she'll know when she has a daughter. just keep talking and i hope everything works out. good luck

1 mom found this helpful

Having been there and done that myself, you have to trust her! It's really hard it'll take time...maybe a LONG time, but she will eventually come to her senses and know that you always knew what was best. Just make it clear that she can still talk to you about the relationship, even though you don't approve of it. If the line of communication is ever broken it's extremely hard to get back.

Have you ever heard th saying,"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer"? If she is going to date this guy you want to keep you eye on them as much as possible. If you tell her he is not invited to do things with you as a family there is a chance she will choose not to do those things also. If you and your daughter spend time with this guy together maybe you will see what she sees in him and understand why she is with him or maybe....she will see what you see in him and will understand why she shouldn't be with him.
Good luck!
D.

That is a tough one. If only our teeneagers could see what we do. Although I believe your daughter knows but is having a hard time not letting him back in. You've set some good boundaries for them. Just keep the door of communication open with your daughter. My daughter also confides in me way more than I ever did my mom. If their relationship begins to be an unhealthy situation you may have to step in and put an end to it. My daughter's best friend was in a relationship with an older boy. It was a sweet relationship but her parent's were uncomfortable with the age difference. I tell you this because the girls' father handled it by calling the boy and asking him to quit calling their daughter and not to talk with her. He respected their wishes. In the end you may have to do something similar. Keep praying....God is faithful and will answer!

T., i want you to know that you CAN keep her from seeing him....we did with our son and one young lady, we wanted her GONE...it took about 2 weeks and we became the parents our son never knew existed...we would show up where ever he was at any given time. At a ballgame, at a restaurant, etc. He knew that it was a matter of our trusting him not to see her. He decided after 2 weeks that it was not worth loosing our trust to see this girl. But if you choose not to take that route, then i'd require that he be in church, at family functions etc but still not allow her to go to his house, etc. you keep them where you can keep an eye on them and keep the rules in place when they aren't with you....i know it's tough but it's well worth the effort...good luck...R.

Here is what I am trying with my 17 year old daughter. I am inviting her boyfriend to everything for three reasons;
1. So that I can get to know him better and truly see if he is the the person that her father and I see him as or if we are missing something.
2. If he is around enough other people who are important to her and they have the same reaction as her father and I then hopefully one of them can get through to her. So far no one in our family nor any of her friends like him (except her brother, who she thinks is an idiot). (grin)
3. So that she gets to see his behavior enough to realize that we aren't just seeing him on his bad days and maybe will get sick of him.

We went on vacation last week and she actually told me that she has realized from conversations with her cousin and her best friends that something has to change. She is going to "talk to him" and tell him that he has to work on his behavior towards people who are important to her and make some big changes or they will no longer be a couple. I can only hope that she follows through with this.

Anyway, hope this helps....

my parents wouldn't let me date the love of my life because his brother and sister had a bad reputation in the neighborhood,we found ways to sneak to b together .I took a babysitting job down the street and he met me in the driveway for kisses.from there he moved to another state.But he still had my heart,I moved out and years later he came back to find me and all of the forbidding from seeing him made the desire even stronger.we were married 1 year later after dating.when he came back he had given his heart to Jesus and was such a good man.all the rebellion and wrongdoing had left his life.The very same punk kid my mom hated is now my husband of 15 years and my mom loves him so much as her own son.He is on the advisory board at our church and I am a youth pastor.Gods will was done.We have never had one fight or have we ever called the other a profane word.We let god be the center of our marraige and it really works.The most powerful thing you can do for your child is pray for god to prepare them a mate.And ask him to protect them from wrong relationships that will harm them.Hope my story helps your dilema!

Well, I must say, so far you have done the right thing with your daughter. I am 35 and have been married only 8 years. My mother didn't agree with any relationship except for one guy. The guy she loved ended up breaking up with me because he wanted to take things to a different level and I didn't. I felt I was better off without him if he was going to do me that way. She was devestated and cried and cried about the break up. This was when I was 18. The guy I dated before him she forbid me to see. Of course I saw him anyway and our relationship was forever changed. I feel she handled things with me totally the wrong way and she continued to be very rude to him as well. I ended up very embaressed for her behavior. In the end, our relationship was so broken it took us both years to get it back. When I was in my late 20's is when we started growing closer again. My suggestion to you because I've been on the other side of things, is treat the guy with respect so he can't say anything bad about you and your family. Let your daughter know that you love her no matter what but you don't agree with the relationship because of "this and this" and you just wanted her to know. If you tell her, "You'll see one day when you have your own daughter." That doesn't mean anything to her because she doesn't have kids yet. Talk to her in a loving way not saying things against her and what she's doing. Tell her you are on her side. If you do try to "control" everything she's doing, you will not have a relationship and she will resent you for years to come. Pray pray pray....for her. A mother's prayer is answered more than any other. I met my husband which she "kind of" liked and we tied the knot and she was ok with it. During our engagement? She was diagnosed with cancer. Three years later, she passed away. I was glad I was open to releasing the resentment and our relationship ended up being something beautiful again. I realized I didn't know what I had until it was gone. I now have a child that she's never met. I miss her so and now I realize it was all "just a guy"...I would rather have had my mom and everything that comes with it. I hope both of you realize how special you are to each other and hope the best for all mother's and daughter's!

Hey Tesesa,
You sound like you have the main concept. So first congratulations on not forbidding the relationship because you are right it would drive her to him.... and as for forbidding hanging out at his house.. you have a valid reason and i hope your daughter has understand your decision and reasoning. Now the part i want to help with is the having him at church, lunch..etc. Forget about what other people think and remind them to mind thier own business when then inquire...or at least until it is over. So i would have him to every family function and get together and every thing.... 1) because it means she will be there, 2) because you can keep an eye on him, 3) because hopefully she will see through him or you may get to see that he has changed. And do continue to keep open the communication lines... it will prove helpful for when she might need you. and then i know this is a lot to swallow but you are over half way there. now the last and hardest part.... focus on all of his good qualities...not for yor benefit.. but so that you can casually comment on things... for example.. that was nice of "jason" to pick up your plate, and so forth... eventually and especially when they have had a disagreement, she will blurt out something like "he is not always nice, just this morning he yelled at me, etc."
AND THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED.... now you will do nothing but offer an open ear...and no advice when this comes....other than to suggest counseling... but i promise if he is not nice and when she has the opportunity to voice it..well that is when she will hear it herself. and if he is a jerk it should not be long after that when she leaves him. oh and no talking to others about how you feel about him ...otherwise it will get back to both of them and they will fell less trusting of you. okay my roayers are with your family.
God Bless, -mb

Wouldn't you rather have him at your house where you know whats going on than who knows where doing who knows what?? And you should not care if other people think you approve of the relationship, this is your daughters life and if bad decisions are made they could affect the rest of her life, his life and perhaps another life? At least if you let him spend time with your daughter at your house you know where she is and what she's doing and may find it easier to keep the lines of communication open with her. And him coming to church with you-what can be wrong with that?? I think you do need to remind her what he did before, but she's 17, did you listen to your mom at 17? The best thing you can do and are doing is to pray everyday for your daughter AND for this boy in her life.

T. T. - u hv a hard row to hoe - bear in mind as long as he is your company u know where they r - So I would suggest that u try your best to keep an eye on them and pray that she will c the light. Remember if not u can possibly push her his way.

God Bless

You may not want to hear this but she is 17 now and she will do what she pleases for the most part. At this point you are doing all the right things to guide her to the place she should be in her life. You give her a good faith base by going to church and your open about the fact you didn't like him before and things have not changed. Plus she is open with you, what more could you ask for at this point. She is a walking emotion right now,lol. Hopefully you can be paitent and she will give up on him the same as last time. Not to mention you are making it difficult for them to have "alone" time. the more time they spend with you the less they try to spend it by themselves. Keep your enemies close my freind,lol. Good Luck