My daughter who will be a senior this year has asked to go on a trip to visit a friend who has moved away. There would be 4 or 5 kids going. All the other kids are 18 and just graduated. She is an incredibley responsible, honors student who has a great head on her shoulders. The trip will take approx 11 hours by car. This same group took a bus to visit this friend on spring break this past Easter. My question is, am I crazy to even consider this?
I'm not sure if I am using this forum right but I hope answering all the helpful moms questions here is ok. The reason they are not taking the bus is that they were highly uncomfortable at one of the necessary stops. They were approached by a drug dealer and a guy who just got out of jail at the Nashville stop. My daughter and her friends are very low key, non drama oriented kids. As to what I was doing at that age-I was just like she is: very responsible, holding down a job, and never got in trouble. Not saying I was perfect ut I was smart enough not to do anything too dumb! I keep searching for train tickets or flights that would be inexpensive so far no luck. My biggest concern is the length of the drive not that she will be away from home. I trust her to be away from home and act accordingly.
Not in a million years would I have let my 17? year old daughter take off with 4 or 5 other kids who are 18. Now this is just my opinion.
What were you doing at her age?? I would not care if she was an honor student or not. Have you talked to the parents of who she will be visiting?? Have you ever had trust issues with any of these friends she may be going with?? Do you know them all??
Good Luck with this decision!
5 or 6 teens, even incredibly responsible ones, is a recipe for disaster. Distracted driving is one of the leading causes of teen accidents in cars.
Is it too expensive to fly? That's a much safer way to get there!
While I believe in teen freedom, and kids freedom in general, car accidents are the #1 cause of teen death.
See http://www.statisticstop10.com/Causes_of_Death_Older_Teen...
Find a safer way for your daughter and her friends to go visit the friend. If them flying is too expensive, how about the moved friend flying to you? If the 5 or 6 pitch in, that could reduce the cost considerably.
I'll take some heat for this, but I would be uncomfortable. Too many ways to get distracted with a large group. Who is doing the driving, etc... I would want her to fly or go by bus again. However, I sort of think I may be in the minority, so No, I don't think you are crazy for considering it.
Sounds like a great experience. If you feel she is responsible enough and that her friends are just as responsible I would let her go.
My consern would also be the lenght of the drive. You could find a half way point and rent a hotel/motel room for them for the night. Most have pools so they could stop have dinner swim hangout then start fresh the next morning. If cost is a problem you could see if the other parents would help pay for it that way it would only be $20-$25 each parent.
I was also a very responsible teenager...my freinds and I went camping over spring break my senior year. It was awesome. Will still talk about that time and it was 16 years ago.
I think it comes down to the other kids going. Are they trustworthy? Do they drive recklessly? Are they taking a bus again? If you feel the same way about the other kids as you do about your daughter, then I don't see a problem with it. She will be out on her own soon enough and since she is responsible at home, then I don't see the harm.
I would be okay with it. I would have a serious talk about driving safety and what to do if the other people on the trip are not being safe.
But if she is incredibly responsible as you say, then her friends are probably similar. Why are they not doing the bus again?
Gosh this is a tough one...I drove regularly with 2 girlfriends to and from college (we were form the same home town) it was a 6.5 hour drive and it was pretty long. I was 17 when I went off to school, so I was your daughter's age. We never did anything crazy/wild/irresponsible.
My only concern would be the length of the drive, eleven hours non stop is a long time...if you stop for meals and gas/snacks that can push it up towards 13 to 14 hours. It is a long time on the road to get tired, etc etc
We just took a family vacation and drove about 12 hours in one day and it was brutal. I would feel better of they were on the bus or plane.
I don't think so. If your daughter is trustworthy, then you should let her go. I was 18 and went on a trip with my friends to a campground that had NO adult supervision because we were the only campers there. There was still snow and a frozen lake. We didn't get into trouble because my friends and I were all responsible. Did we drink? A little, but we didn't go anywhere either because we're not stupid. I checked in all the time with my mom. As did all the other girls I went with.
If it were into another country? F no! But they're technically all adults that can't be forced not to anyways really. They're all very responsible for talking about it with the parents to begin with.
I don't think it's a bad idea as long as you lay down ground rules (when she needs to call and check in, who will be driving, etc) and set her (and her friends) up with "tools" for handling unexpected roadside events - like a flat tire, dealing with bad people, etc.
I'm 33 now and my mom let me take my first trip away with friends to go skiiing when I was a junior in high school. She layed many ground rules but she now tells me that she knew I'd be going away to college in a year and she wanted me to "test the waters" with a small trip to see how I did. Especially since your daughter just did this same trip over Spring Break and handled it responsibly, I think you'd be OK to let her go.
As other moms have posted, it might be a good idea to have them stop halfway there to stay at a hotel.
Only you know your child well enough to know if she is ready for this kind of responsibility. Best of luck!
Nah.....bus or plane is safer.
Yes, you're crazy. I'd only allow this with a trusted adult (and not just a young adult) chaperon. How many kids have gotten into trouble with a group of peers on a vacation, and then we hear how no one suspected they'd do that because they were such a good kid and on the honor roll and responsible.
She is almost an adult. If it's a good group of kids, let them go. They have cell phones, GPS, etc. It's a crazy world but there is definitely power in numbers. If they were party kids or she had given you a reason to questions then don't. God is in control and let her become an adult.
I am avid about my daughter testing her own limits, trust in her inspiring trust in herself and our relationship, self efficacy, all of it. But teens are impulsive. Period. I have worked with so many teens who are "levelheaded" "responsible" "AP students" etc etc and they crave some adventure, be a little bad, break out of the good girl box they've been in. Your gut + knowledge of the teenage brain = your answer.
Best!
Jen
My parents let me travel when I was 18.
My dad had a little rule, though, that I had to have some tools in the car. He was a mechanic so if there was car trouble, I could call home and he could tell me what to do.
But more than that, letting me travel told me that he trusted me to make decisions in life.
I did have to call home at when I arrived at the destination and when I left to go back home so that they would know when to expect me (ok, before the days when everyone had a cell phone) and would know that I was safe.
Since it was before cell phones were affordable for the average Joe, I had a CB in the car so that I could call for help in an emergency.
But it all worked out well and now I love to road trip.
I think it sounds like a wonderful opportunity.
- Growth and independance (aka in a year she'll be in college, yes? So this trip will be a good mini-experience/ learning experience of being on her own in the company of her peers)
- A chance to bond / farewell trip / closure with friends who will be leaving shortly for their own schools.
Just to add my bias... I frequently went on weekend long or week long camping trips with my friends in the 11th & 12th grade. I think they were invaluable life/learning experiences. Did we mess up sometimes? Sure. But not nearly as bad as I watched others who got their first taste of freedom when they were out of their parent's houses. I had already learned some of the lessons they were JUST learning, and furthermore I had gotten to come home and hash them out with my parents at the end of the trip... which was really killer.
ADDED:
House rule was that I could call my mum 24/7 to either pick me up or fly me home if for any reason I was uncomfortable. Furthermore, that by doing so, it would prove to her that I was making a responsible choice, so the LAST thing she would be was mad or disappointed (aka she made a point of telling me this in advance). I never needed to but the option was comforting.
