Teen Pregnancy, How Should They Tell Their Parents/grandparents?

Honesty is the best policy.

I made some bad choices, I need your support.

This is what I plan to do. I hope that you can and will support me. I know this is not what you wanted for me - but this is what is happening.

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I remember having to tell my parents that same thing at that age. It's not fun. It is also two different situations, how to tell her father is a completely separate situation than how to tell his grandfather. I think some key things to remember is that he should be there when she tells her family, it is after all his responsibility too, and it shows that he is accepting that if he is there. Having a support person there, such as yourself may not be a bad idea either. These kids are going to need to be honest, upfront, and honestly they are going to have to suck it up and sit there when the yelling starts. As for Grandpa, well I'd suggest he tells him without his girlfriend there and that once again he has someone there for him and that may be able to keep the peace.

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Good advice below.

I think your nephew should add that he intends to support his child and be fully involved in his/her life. And I hope that is his intention. Because he brought a new life into this world with his carelessness (no condom), so I hope he's ready to adjust to a total change in his life. Childhood is OVER.

I'm not completely trying to chastise your nephew for this -- I really like teen boys and people do make mistakes, myself included. But this was a big mistake. Go for it nephew -- and be a good dad.

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Grandpa, Dad, your going to be very disappointed in what I (we) have to tell you. I've (we've) made some not so great choices ...

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I agree with do it sooner than later. Maybe rehearse with them what they are goin to say and have some hard ?'s for him to answer. Let them know that they need t remain calm an no yelling or getting tempers. none of that will help.

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Be straightforward, honest, and do it sooner rather than later. Being that they are conservative, expect ranting/raving and anger. Your nephew should have a plan in place and recognize that it will be DIFFICULT -- not act as if it will be a walk in the park. Parents and grandparents have dreams for their children that do not involve teen pregnancy so in telling them, you will see their reactions will include their own shattered dreams. Tell him not to take it personally. Two of my husband's sisters got pregnant at 19 and had to tell their ULTRA-CONSERVATIVE parents...the best they can hope for is that once it blows over that the families are supportive (but not SUPPORTING them). Good luck to him!

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What I did was tell my older sister, who then told my parents. (I had a baby at 16, he is now adopted) I know that sounds kind of bad, but if someone else tells them, then they can get upset/yell, and then have time to cool down and think about it before they talk to the kid. It makes things more civil, and can prevent an argument. Then, when they calm down (maybe 24hrs later), they can talk.

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I don't know how but if you call a pregnancy resource center, they have mentored hundreds of teen parents on how to break the news to their families. The one center I know of and trust immensely is Women's Center-Dayton and their number is ###-###-####. They would probably be able to help you over the phone. Good luck!

I was 21 or 22 when I had to tell my parents the same thing and one of the many things they were upset about is that my bf could not be bothered to be there with me when I told them. Unless there is concern that her father will become violent (which was not the case in my situation), I would suggest that he be there when her father is told. Looking back on it now, it makes sense to me why my parents were upset by this. Also, my parents were in the same situation at 18 years old and my dad stood by my mom's side when telling my grandparents. They just celebrated their 33rd wedding anniversary and I divorced after 5 years of marriage. I wish the both of them the best of luck in telling the perspective adults in their lives. It is a really hard thing to do, but its gotta be done.

I think it depends on what he/they intend to do. If they will be giving the baby up for adoption, either the girlfriend or the two kids together can tell the fathers. If they are terminating the pregnancy, then I would either just tell the mother and see what she thinks or honestly, not tell the fathers if they think that would be best. If they are planning to get married I think they should tell the fathers together. If she is planning to keep the pregnancy and he (nephew) does not want to be involved then the girl should tell her father and the boy should tell his father.

I do not think kids need to get married because they made a mistake. They should get married only if they love each other and want to spend their lives together. Otherwise, there are many loving couples who are emotionally and financially able and willing to adopt an infant. I also do not see that since the boy has no say in adoption or abortion that he should be obligated to stick around forever.

Well, your nephew is 18 so that's good I hope the girlfriend is too. If she not that can bring in problems meaning if she's younger her father can make an issue over age (let's hope he doesn't). Sounds like you are the Aunt that the kids come to and he's comfortable talking to you about this which it's great he has someone to go to. I'm an Aunt also and I've had my nieces and nephews come to me when they have something they need to talk to with their parents, I get it tried out on me first. They will both need support from you to listen to them if need be, later.

First off the girls father needs to know then your father (his grandfather). Not knowing them and their responses meaning how they handle things like wanting to hit (which some families do) or if they are men of words and words can hurt too sometimes more, frankly. I think you may want to consider being present when this takes place or near by for support.

I agree with the other ladies honesty best policy. Practice what they want to say also makes a great difference and you hearing it tell them your opinion on how it sounds. Here's what I'd suggest:

I (we) have something to talk to you about, please keep calm no tempers, yelling or hitting. I know you will feel disappointed as I have felt with myself and I know you have wanted other things for me in my life: then come out with it ................

However please share this with your nephew I have a nephew that got his girlfriend preg she was a high school senior he has just graduated (this was 4 yrs ago). Everyone was pretty upset with both of them but realized they were both grown up enough to know what they did and they were no longer going to be treated like kids. Her parents told her she'd be out of the house to move out, it was a drama mess. He and her had many trials to over come. She graduated high school no prom she was almost due, she missed that, they didn't get college right away. However they worked, went to school at night she did he worked two jobs one at an air condition/ heating place and a restaurant at night, sister babysat and well here's the out come no one can imagine life with out their little girl, they have a house the now wife then girlfriend is about to graduate from college many classes taken on line and they are all happy and health. They love each other and did everything themselves no, no one bought them the house they are doing it on their own. Yes some of us have babysat but for work reasons. Many times things happen in our lives that make us a better person then we could ever realize. I wish them both the best and I know things will turn out fine just keep your head forward and don't let anyone get you down.

I would probably say to do it in writing. That way the 18 year old can get out all the things he wants to say to his grandfather. I would have the girl do the same for her father and that way the parents ccan react and freak out and all and it not cause a horrible rift. they will have time to come to grips and then perhaps it might be smoother and if they say well you couldn't even tell me to my face etc.. they can give very good reasons for doing it the way they did. Very tough situation.

Go with him. Having another adult present can diffuse the situation while offering moral support to your nephew. Try and have him be prepared with some concrete answers to questions like "how you going to support a baby", "what are your plans regarding our daughter", etc.

At 18 he is legally an adult - is the baby's mother also of legal age? If not, you may want to talk to an attorney about the legal ramifications of his having sex with a "minor".

It is good that he has you to support him. This is not an easy situation.

Wish him good luck from me.

Does he plan on marrying her? Or just being there to raise the baby?

For me it would make a difference, since it would change the way I would suggest approaching the fathers.

If he is going to marry her, I would lead with that. "I am here to ask your permission to marry your daughter. Why? Well sir we love each other. As part of that it turns out that she is pregnant, and while it might seem a bit backwards, I'm here to set the order of things straight."

If he does NOT want to marry her, that should be talked about between the two of them first, and then you just have to come out and tell the parents what the two of them decided.