Teen Pregnancy.... - Wingate,IN

I was 17 when I got pregnant with my son! it is the girls choice what she decides to do with the baby not her mothers. The girl needs to decide for herself. My parents were supportive in my decision and I'm so glad for that. i think the best thing for the girl is to make this decision on her own. I have a friend who was forced into an abortion and to this day she regrets it and resents her mother for it.

I don't know about most of it, but I do know that no parent has the right to force a child to abort a pregnancy. I think she needs to talk to Planned Parenthood about what keeping the baby would mean.

It sounds like this mom is trying to bully her daughter to no end. I would highly suggest the girl or a family member contact an attorney and at least find out this girl's rights. I do not think her mom can make her abort it, legally. Maybe she will have to file for emancipation? She should not abort it.

I have seen this before as a nurse, and I told the patient It was the 1st day of the rest of her life. She needs to get herself back in school and get an education so she could support her daughter. Well the aunt heard us talking and went to my supervisor and told her I should be fired. My supervisior talked to the patient, and she said "That was the best thing that could of been said to me, I realized what a big responsiblity and job I have ahead of me.Tell her thanks". I also saw a girl who delivered when she was 15, they put a birth control device in her, so she would not get pregnant again. Abortion is not birth control, children raising children is not a good option. I feel like you are emotionally into this. She would have an entirely different life than a unpregnant 15 year old, and what is the guarentee that the boy will stick around and help raise the baby? Hes only been there for 7 months. Can the family afford to raise another child? I think this is something that will work itself out in time, and you as a concerned, and angry friend can give as much support to your friend as possible. Unfortunately not all moms are in tune to their dausghters sexual activity, and truthfully she may resent the grandchild . Hopefully the other family members will step up and help.

While I see many people here have their own opinion on what a girl should do... It is her body and no on can MAKE her have the abortion. The young lady needs to either call Children Services and tell them what her mother is doing... they have to come check it out .. and from the sounds of it the Mom will probably say yes I did - based on what you have told us. Or if she does not want to do that she should go to a trusted person at School or Church. They will help her do the right thing. And no place is allowed to do an abortion with out counseling first - all she has to do is say this is not what I want and the Clinic will take it from there - especially if the Mother trys to demand they do it. I wish this young lady luck.

Someone may have already told you this, but your half sister is the ONLY one who can make the decision to abort. Her mother cannot make her have one. That is against the law. Someone at an abortion facility will tell your mom pretty much whatever it is she wants to hear so that they can make a buck. I would urge you to take your sister to a crisis pregnancy center so that you can get ALL the information needed. There are things that the abortionists will not tell your sister because of fear of losing her business. Yes, to them it is all about the bottom line. Abortion is dangerous and risky. Please urge your sister to get all the facts before she makes such a decision.

That's a tough one. Personally, as an adoptee myself, I think she should give it up for adoption. But again, it's her choice to make. Your mom can't force her to have an abortion or give it up even though it will inevitably affect her life as well. What she can do is lay some ground rules if the girl wants to keep the baby such as she will have to get a part time job to help pay for some of the costs to raise it and do the majority of the child care when she's not in school. All too often it seems the grandparents take on the entire responsibility in this situation and I don't think that's right either. While it's unfortunate teenagers have to give up most regular teenage activities when they have a child, it's a consequence of having sex at a young age. Sorry if I sound judgemental, I hope things work out for everyone, especially the baby on the way.

If the girls mother takes her to try and force her to get an abortion, before the abortion even takes place the girl willhave to go into counseling, if they think for any reason she is being forced into doing it...they will not do the procedure. I think it is wrong for her mother to do things that she is doing. It is against the law I believe, but as I said above they will take her through counseling, and will not do it if they believe that she is being forced.

I think the young girl should seek some help through the school/councler for advise on her rights. I, too, was brainwashed by my parent to have an aborton at age 17, but that was 30 years ago. I often wonder what my life would have been like with that child in my life. If nothing else, let the baby live and give it up for adoption. There are so many people who can not have children. If I had to do it over again, I would not opt for abortion. Sounds like this girls mother is only thinking of herself, what if her mother chose to abort her. Did she think of that?

Ok for 1) I am glad the teen is wanting to keep the baby and step up. HOW SAD she is SO SO YOUNG. Baby having a baby. I will say this I am sure glad I do NOT know this mother I would do EVERYTHING in my POWER to SHUT this mom UP. HOW could she want to KILL HER GRANDCHILD??? She would regret it later BUT she seems to be the DEVIL. If I were the girl I would go live with the DAD if he is willing to take her in and/or a fam member. I would sure take her in to help her out. A baby is a blessing and even if so so young it is a LIVE.. I would DIE and have to walk out side to SCREAM if my daughter got pregnant BUT would accept it. She is 4 so I better be waiting A LONG time like 15 + yr before I become a grandma lol... Please KEEP US informed or private message me. I would love to know if the mom does NOT get her way and LORD I hope she doesn't... ALSO how would that mom feel if HER mom felt like she should have not had HER she would not have her daughter in her live but the way it sounds she does not care. Sry the more I type about this mom I do not like her and sure glad I do not know her. I will say this Young girl having the baby I am sure it will make her grow up FAST. Babies are A LOT of work I have 2 of em and MY they keep me going that is for sure. Could not imagine live without them other than I would get MORE SLEEP lol.....

Please I am begging you do not let your mother manipulate her ino an abortion. I am a little late on my response but please help your sister in every way possible. I can not describe the mental anguish I have suffered from my abortion. Normally I would not speak about it but you need to know for your sisters sake that an abortion causes serious mental distress. Stand up to your mother for her if you must she'll get over it eventually or she's not worth it. For any mother to want to treat there child like that is beyond me. My abortion was my choice no manipulation and it still haunts me to this very day. I've been in therapy for almost a year now and even thoughh it's a little better I will never forget.
No one should have to go through that especially if they have the support from loved ones. If you need to talk please email me I am more then willing to conversate.
Also I don't believe your mother has any legal standing on this. It is your sisters decision. Also if the doctor even believes for one second that this is not what your sister wants they won't do it so have faith.
I am so sorry for what you are going threw my prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.

M., I found this article under www.IN.gov website for abortion laws. As far as I can tell, unless medically necessary for the teen, she cannot be forced to have an abortion. She has to be in agreement with the physician. There is also something under the website that says something about possible adoption if the teen cannot care for the baby, but both the teen and her boyfriend have to sign for that. I don't know of any law that says a parent can force their child to have an abortion just because the parent wants her to. Hope this helps. Check out the website for info. I think she should contact her Dr. for help. There are also clinics and shelter type places for pregnant teens that do not have a safe enviroment like her home where she is being forced to make decisions about her body and her childs life.
IC 16-34-2-4
Written consent of parent or guardian of unemancipated pregnant woman under 18 years of age; conditions of waiver; representation by attorney; appeal; confidential records; emergency abortions
Sec. 4. (a) No physician shall perform an abortion on an unemancipated pregnant woman less than eighteen (18) years of age without first having obtained the written consent of one (1) of the parents or the legal guardian of the minor pregnant woman.
(b) A minor:
(1) who objects to having to obtain the written consent of her parent or legal guardian under this section; or
(2) whose parent or legal guardian refuses to consent to an abortion;
may petition, on her own behalf or by next friend, the juvenile court for a waiver of the parental consent requirement under subsection (a).
(c) A physician who feels that compliance with the parental consent requirement in subsection (a) would have an adverse effect on the welfare of the pregnant minor or on her pregnancy may petition the juvenile court within twenty-four (24) hours of the abortion request for a waiver of the parental consent requirement under subsection (a).
(d) The juvenile court must rule on a petition filed by a pregnant minor under subsection (b) or by her physician under subsection (c) within forty-eight (48) hours of the filing of the petition. Before ruling on the petition, the court shall consider the concerns expressed by the pregnant minor and her physician. The requirement of parental consent under this section shall be waived by the juvenile court if the court finds that the minor is mature enough to make the abortion

decision independently or that an abortion would be in the minor's best interests.
(e) Unless the juvenile court finds that the pregnant minor is already represented by an attorney, the juvenile court shall appoint an attorney to represent the pregnant minor in a waiver proceeding brought by the minor under subsection (b) and on any appeals. The cost of legal representation appointed for the minor under this section shall be paid by the county.
(f) A minor or her physician who desires to appeal an adverse judgment of the juvenile court in a waiver proceeding under subsection (b) or (c) is entitled to an expedited appeal, under rules to be adopted by the supreme court.
(g) All records of the juvenile court and of the supreme court or the court of appeals that are made as a result of proceedings conducted under this section are confidential.
(h) A minor who initiates legal proceedings under this section is exempt from the payment of filing fees.
(i) This section shall not apply where there is an emergency need for a medical procedure to be performed such that continuation of the pregnancy provides an immediate threat and grave risk to the life or health of the pregnant woman and the attending physician so certifies in writing.
As added by P.L.2-1993, SEC.17.

i work in the field and i know that in Indiana (as with the other parts of the country) no one can force anyone else to have an abortion, no matter what their age. The mother cannot force her daughter to have an abortion, just like a husband cannot force a wife to have one. If the mother is intent in forcing her into a clinic, you should instruct the girl to confidentially tell the staff of the clinic that she is not making this decision of her own free will and legally the clinic cannot perform the procedure and they will also get her the help she needs to talk to her mom and deal with the pregnancy.

www.itsaboutlove.org the counselors will talk to the girl (and her mom) about all her options without pressuring her into adoption or abortion or anything else. they are familiar with indiana law and they will have answers for all your questions. they have an office in indy but there are reps all over the state who come and do home visits with pregnant girls. it is an adoption agency but they are supportive of any choice the girl makes and will not choose for her or try to force her into anything, they will just talk her through everything and help her understand what happens with each of the options. all of their services are totally free.

she should not be forced into abortion if she doesn't feel like it's ok.

First off, the 17 yr old should be man enough to get a job and support this child. The girl should move in with dad and seek counseling and take parenting classes. Mom should get counsiling as well. The girl should think about what to do with staying in school. This is hard on everyone at this time and mom is angry bc she feels betrayed. NOW - Other family members should offer to step up and lend a helping hand and be there for both mom and 15 yr old. Lots of things to do.

What a horrible situation. While being 15 and pregnant is not a Wonderful time; it seems that the pregnancy is the LEAST of the Troubles. If this child has a family member who wants to help her raise this baby or even raise the baby alone, they need to get an attorney and file for custody ASAP. While the Court Systems is VERY LONG (my hubby and I fought in Court for 1.5 yrs for custody of his oldest two children) the family member should be able to get an Ex Parte Order to prevent the child's mom from forcing an abortion. Even though I don't know these two individuals, it seems that the 15 yo could have very easily gotten pregnant to get away from her mother. Any mother who would quilt a child or treat a child in this manner needs help. It appears that the mother puts herself first and her child is more of a possion than person. Plus, I would hope that her dad would step up to the plate and take his ex back to Court for custody. How HORRIBLE of this woman to trat her daughter in this manner.
Also, I wouldn't be concerned about the mother 'forcing' her to have an abortion. The real concern is that she will convince or brainwash (as you said) the daughter into having one. I would spend an extra amount of time with the child and sharing all the wonderful parts of the pregnancy. Take her shopping. Even though it is not wise to 'glamorize' being a pregnant teen, it seems that that is what is needed for this girl to counter-attack what her mother is doing. I hope it works out for the best.

whatever family member wants to assume guargianship over the 15yr. & her baby has to take her mother to court & sue for custody, since the 15yr old is over 9 the judge will ask her where she wants to reside. they can also draw up papers for guardianship of the baby after she has it. the girls mother can NOT make her have an abortion, the 15yr old can actually call DSS on her & be removed from the home & placed with family. i would tell the 15yr old to try to record their conversations without the mother knowing, that way she has proof of what her mom is trying to do & the mental anguish she's putting her through. I'll keep you all in my prayers. God be with you.

HI M.,
I haven't read what other mothers have wrote, so I thought I would just give my two cents. It is the young girl's decision 100%. The mother can not force an abortion. Good luck!

All I know if that I am so great full my mother gave me up for adoption instead of keeping me. She did knowing she could not give me the same kind of life that a older married couple could give me. Too many teenagers do not think about what is best for the baby and not about them. Teenagers are not mentally ready and surely do not have the money to give a child a good stable home.

I think it's great that you're offering to take the baby. What a wonderful thing to do! I just wanted to weigh in on a story about my best friend who was in the EXACT situation. When she was 15, she also got pregnant. Her mother, a nurse, did the SAME thing to her. She told her that if she didn't get an abortion, she was going to throw her out. Now, today, it's a little different, not as scary to be threatened to be thrown out, but back then, almost 20 years ago, it was the ultimate worst thing that could happen. So, even though she wanted to keep it, her mother literally forced her to do it. She said she cried the whole way there, begging her mom not to make her. She also was bothered by it for quite a while. BUT, when we first met, she was 22. We were talking one night, and she told me the story of it. She said that although she HATED her mom for making her get the abortion at the time, she understood now and was GRATEFUL for it. No matter what, we have to remember that regardless of the mother's nature, this is a child we're talking about. When I was 15, my boyfriend broke up with me after 6 months, and I cried about it for 2 weeks straight. I mean, a 15 year old child is NOT fit to raise a child. So, I actually am NOT against forcing abortion on her. Now, since you, M., are willing to take the baby, it's a different story a little bit, but even still. Let's say you take care of the baby while she is in high school. Well, at some point, she may want to resume her role as a mother. Will you be able to give the baby back to her after being her/his mother for 5 years + ? Or, what happens if she gets pregnant again? Then, are you going to just keep taking care of the babies? It's not just black and white on this one. There's no right or wrong answer, it's just a lot of possibilities. It's a matter of choosing what the best possibility is for everyone involved. Sometimes decisions are extremely difficult, but if it were me, I'd say let her have the baby, and make her give it up for adoption. Just my opinion though, you guys have to sort this one out. I'm sorry you're all going through such a rough situation so close to Christmas.

I keep seeing people say that making a child have an abortion is against the law....well that may be true, I honestly would have to look into it in order to know for sure, but as far as having respect for your own mother, being obedient is what enables a mother to force an abortion on her daughter. Let's not forget we're talking about a 15 year old CHILD here, pregnant with a BABY. If I were her mother I would give her two choices, 1. abortion, and 2. adoption. I would NOT let her ruin her life because of a careless stupid mistake. Let's remember that it's not that this life of the baby isn't important, of COURSE it is, it's that this 15 year old child is still being brought up and cared for by her own mother, so her mother is going to have her bests interest way over the baby's right now. Someone who said something about how the mother is blah blah blah about her granddaughter....well, I would be too if my child were only 15. I think sometimes people on here are too quick to respond without putting themselves in the person's shoes first. It's easy to grab the whole "rights of the 15 year old" card and play it, but what if you were that mother? And your daughter was a freshman in high school and you had all kinds of hopes and dreams for her? If she came home and said she was pregnant, can you honestly say that you'd be thinking about what her rights are or what SHE wants? no....as a mother, our job is to guide, protect, and do what's best for our children. Think about it ladies.

Kids need to be informed with sex education that NO BIRTH CONTROL IS 100% EFFECTIVE, THEREFORE, a BABY is ALWAYS a possibility!
I don't know what the law is, but I'm sure the mom knows that if she has this baby, she (the mom) will end up doing most of the work because the girl is still a child. I don't think anyone should have an abortion. There are millions of people out there that want babies and can't have them. This is a very difficult situation for all involved and unfortunately, unless the grandmother and mother make the sacrifice to discipline and work to raise this baby, the child will be the one to suffer. She should seriously consider adoption.

I feel for you wanting to get involved. I know what she is going through. I was 18 (got pregnant at 17) unmarried and wanted to keep my baby. NO One has a right to tell her to do anything but support her. Yes it will be hard. I married my high school sweetheart. My mother was absent from the ceremony. It still hurts that was back in 74. She too was upset and afraid neighbors would think she was a bad mother for allowing it to happen. When I was told she was there and the doctor did not want me going home with her. He was scared she was going t hurt me. She stated still that I ruinrd my life. She hates my husband. We have defied the odds and are still together. We right now while never rich had enough funds to raise 2 children and I pretty much had anything I needed or really wanted but now both of us have bad health preventing us from working. The state says while we cannot do what we did because we are younger than 65 and have both hands and feet we should be able to work. I am also going blind and they do agree but say it's correctable. The trouble is I have no funds to pay for the surgery. They also say I am too smart. Didn't know being too smart would be bad for you. We get $115 a month to live on and $323 a month in food stamps. We lost our home of 20 plus years to foreclosure back in Feb because of the health reasons. He hasn't worked in 4 plus years and I not since June of 06.
It might not hurt to call child protective services or a lawyer who deals in family law. But since you are a bystander they may not be able to legally speak with you. But hopefully they can give you some general advise. Maybe try to call planned parenthood. In general a minor cannot make legal contracts but she may need to divorce her mother. Become emansapated (mispelled).
Good luck to her and you for trying to help.

I should add my son and his girlfriend got pregnant at 17 and her parents tried to make her have an abortion. She was on the table and as soon as it started (they give no meds for pain BTW) She told them to stop and even though the mother said continue they stopped the child was the patient.
Mike and Jeannie got married and while it was not easy she will admit that was all her fault, they have to wonderful children. The condom broke both times.

It IS the girls choice and I know the mother is freaking out but she does NOT have the right to make that choice for her daughter and needs to take a step back. Regardless of how it happened, it is what it is now. If the girl feels she's responsible & mature enough to care for a child, then she should be given the chance, with proper help & guidance. Perhaps some parenting classes through the crisis pregnancy center. NO ONE can make ANYONE of ANY age have an abortion. In fact, teen mothers can go GET an abortion without legally having to even NOTIFY their parents beforehand...or even after!! (Which I think is completely wrong, given the procedure is surgical, and under 18 they're considered minors and unable to make any other medical decisions. But that's another issue!) It sounds like the grandmother-to-be could use some counseling herself, to realize that this isn't about HER.

Would your mother or sister watch videos on how an abortion is done? It is an absolutely cruel procedure. The further along the mother, the more gruesome. Research it & have them watch how it is done if they haven't already. Most people who see the reality end up choosing other options. It could torment her for the rest of her life.

They need to give the baby up for adoption. A 15 year old is too young to decide if they want to keep a baby or not. Raising a child is a huge task and it will eventually fall in the mother of the 15 year olds lap. Obviously the mother of the 15 year old is already overwhelmed. We can not judge her on how she handles the ex husband for we are not walking in her shoes. Every person does the best they can ( be it right or wrong) when it comes to raising our children and they should not bring a new born into this craziness. If you feel the 15 year old got pregnant on purpose then a counselor needs to get involved. The 15 will just do it again. The 15 year old needs to have a ring put in or some type of birth control put in her body to prevent this from happening again.

I see High School kids thinking it is cool to get pregnant. They have someone to love them. But they don't understand the difficulties of raising a child.

Good Luck!

It is ALWAYS the pregnant mothers choice NEVER anyone elses, not even the father of the baby!! What you need to tell the girl to do is this... If and/or when her mother takes her to get the abortion the girl needs to speak up and say this is NOT her decision and that she is being forced into it. That alone will stop any procedures from happening. The center should talk (counsel) the girl alone so she won't need to be frieghtened to say so in front of her mom. I had a baby at 15 and kept her. It was a LONG hard road but I managed but I also had the support of both my parents and my family. That in itself is a blessing and made it much easier. Give her courage to stand up to her mom and IF it is better for her to live with her dad then that is where she should be.

GOOD LUCK and please keep us updated on what happened!!

RECOMMEND THAT MOM GET COUNSELING!!! She's only making the problem worse than it already is. Mom needs to think about the child, NOT herself and her so called reputation. Seems as if mom needs some serious help with compassion and maternal skills.

If the girl decides to have the child, she CAN choose adoption. At that age, I think that is a VERY wise choice. She should talk to people in various professions WITHOUT mom.....and then make her choice. Talking to a couple of teen moms would be helpful, too! She needs a healthy dose of reality.

I hope that you are close to the family and can talk to someone about this. I am not sure about the law in Indiana but my 15 year old daughter had a baby boy last May. If someone in the family was smart they would try for temperary custody of the 15 year old and get her away from that aweful mother. Doesn't she realize that if she does force her daughter to have an abortion it could haunt the daughter the rest of her life? Doesn't she care? I'm agenst (sp) abortion and thank God my daughter didn't want to go that route. I help my daughter raise my grandson and yes it gets hard at time but I wouldn't trade it for the world!! I hope that I have helped a little bit. You can go see a lawyer. Usually you can get a free first time. E mail meif you like.

tell the teenager to go talk to someone in the abortion clinic, they don't make u have one. they can help u w/other resources. try these, someone i work w/with volunteeres here.
www.clevelandpregnancyhelp.org
cleveland office ###-###-####
berea office ###-###-####

hope this helps.

This is a tough situation. THe mother of the daugther does not seem supportive. This does not seem like a situation where anyone will win. The girl needs an advocate to represent her. If the mother disagrees with the daughter the girl may end up with no where to live. This girl needs counseling. There are usually teenage pregnancy centers that should offer a multitude of services in the bigger cities. I know Cleveland has one. CHeck with the county she is living in to find out more information. Also some churches have people who can assist in these types of situations or can offer names of people who can be helpful. Either way this family sounds like it needs family counseling. There is a lot of anger there.

She should contact a local Planned Parenthood office or if they have sometimes like Heartbeat. I would think they would be able to recommend someone to help her and she needs to get prenatal care. I would think there would be a local Teen Crisis Center too that would be able to offer information.

I had friends who in high school were pregnant, it was hard enough going thru all the hormonal changes at that age without having a crazy mother.

Good luck to you and this young mother.

Hi M., I see there are already a bunch who have answered this and I am not going to read them just give you my view. The mother is a BAD mother to put such ideas in her daughters head. Now is the time she should show her more love and patience. I pray the daughter does NOT have an abortion and will accept help from family. I didn't hear about how the father took it but if he is on the side with his daughter maybe he should take mom back to court and have his daughter live in a home that has a whole lot stress. God bless her