47 answers

Teen Pregnancy

Has anyone dealt with teen pregnancy and what did you do? We desperately need help!

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

We had a family meeting and discussed all the options available for my teenage stepdaughter. The silver lining? We are now communicating more effectively and very supportive of one another. It seems my stepdaughter matured over night and has taken on the task of researching all the services available for single moms. My stepdaugher wants to solely provide for her baby and we hope to hear from moms who can give us any information.

Overall, we now have peace, lots of love, hope and the blessing of a new baby. We don't know you, but you are all family to us. GOD BLESS!!!...A.

Featured Answers

If you live in the San Jose Area, the Broadway Young Families Program offers daycare for the child while the student continues to go to continuing education.

1 mom found this helpful

My best friend had her first son at 16. It was a really hard time for her family and her... She kept her son (he's 18!) and was a wonderful mom after a rather rocky start. She chose to marry his dad, but had a lot of support from her mother, which was vital. She went into a pregnant teen high school program, which helped her learn parenting skills.

I am also friends with a family who adopted recently and another friend who has been waiting for a child for 2 years. I can honestly say that both families are/would be outstanding parents. The ones who just got their son are amazing with him, and he is already completely attached to them. I believe adoption is a wonderful thing and is truly a selfless act.

I wish you strength and peace as you deal with this situation. Hugs.

I would try very very hard to gently convince her to have the baby and let a family who is ready and full of love raise the baby. Then she can continue her teen life and beyond without the guilt that people talk about when the pregnancy is terminated.

All the best to you-

More Answers

I have been on two different sides of this situation. My sister was pregnant at the age of 14. She kept the baby and my family and I supported her desicion.
I am also the proud parent of an beautiful 2 year old girl as a result of an adoption from a pregnant teen.
In my opion the birth mother of my daughter made the right decision. Although she had the support of her family, she made the decision that she was not prepared to be a mother and she wanted the best for her baby. While it was a hard decision to make, she feels that she made the right decision for the baby. We have a semi open adoption with the birth mom. We send her updates w/ pictures.
I am always willing to discuss my personal experiences, so please feel free to contact me privately.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi A., It is such a heavy situation. I found out I was pregnant my senior year in high school. I was with a long term boy friend that I did not want to spend forever with. I chose to put the baby up for adoption. It was a humbling heart breaking experience. And if I step back and look at the big picture It really helped me to grow as a person.I am willing to talk to you or your daughter about this. I am not super religious and definitely pro choice.My decision was just what I felt I could live with. Good luck, D.

2 moms found this helpful

It really depends upon the response of your daughter and her feelings. What are her feelings towards being pregnant? I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant. I chose to abort. I knew that there was no way I could be a mother at 19. I received a lot of criticism from friends, my boyfriend (at the time) his family, but to this day do not regret my decision.(There are other options such as adoption.) My parents supported me in whatever choice I was going to make. They were not happy, I knew, but not once did they come down on me or criticize me, they loved me and were there for me 100%, whatever I decided.

From my prespective on being pregnant at 19, the only advice that I can give you is to support your daughter, give her love, help to guide her. Her mind is probably going crazy right now, she is unsure of herself, her feelings and what to do. The only thing that you can do is to support what decision she makes. Being angry at her is not going to help, you will only alienate her, get her to open up, talk to you and then work as a family together.

I wish you the best, I know it is not easy as I saw my parents go through what you are now going through and it is not easy for your daughter either.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi A.,
My advice is to find your nearest Planned Parenthood. Although many think of them as 'just an abortion clinic' their name says it all, and they can help the teen by providing information on adoption options, pregnancy termination, and also get her checked for STDs, which may be a good idea. Best of luck!

2 moms found this helpful

You are very brave to ask for help! I believe this is one of those things that "the right choice" is different for every person. You didn't give much information, how old is the teen, does she want to continue the pregnancy? Is the dad-to-be in the picture?

Let me tell you a little about my situation, I was a teen mom, I had my daughter at 17, her biological dad and I had dated since Jr. High and broke up later in highschool about a week after we broke up, I found out I was pregnant. I did tell him but he wanted me to abort, he was not ready to be a dad, I decided to keep the baby with the support and love of my family, I finished highschool, attended a Junior College and became a preschool teacher, so that I could spend more time with my daughter.

Fastforward to today, I am married to a great guy for the last 10 years, together we are raising 3 children, my oldest 14 [will be 15 in Oct.], our middle 7 and our baby 19 months. Last month my daughter's boyfriend's mother told me that my daughter is pregnant, I was hurt, heart broken, angry, fustrated, and in all honesty a little crazy. I immedately wanted her to terminate the pregnancy, but found out that it was not my choice, since she is over the age of 12 it is her choice. I can tell you I was dumbfounded that a child not old enough to work, vote, support herself, or anything else was consider old enough to make this choice, yet I as her parent would be financial responsible and in all honesty have to do most of the upbringing of the baby.

I want to support my daughter in all she does, so that she will have a happy and sucessful life, I just never dreamed in my wildest nightmares that she would want me to support her choice to be a teen mom at almost 15?!?!?!? I know that I was a teen mom, but that is why I know how hard it is even with the support of your family, and the guy doesn't always stick around.

Anyway, after hearing the news, we went to the doctor to confirm the pregnancy [which they confirmed], they [my daughter & her boyfriend] did some pregnancy counsling, things are still rocky, my daughter currently is saying that she is still looking at her options [which right now is better then saying she is keeping the baby]. So we are playing the waiting game, I am trying to convience them to have a "teen age life" and not become parents, and his mother is telling them that she will watch the baby while they go to school and they can get WIC, my daughter can move in with her [which is NOT GOING TO HAPPEN]and get welfare and on and on, so in other words I am the wicked witch, and she is the good witch. Mean while, I am looking into classes for teen parents, and support groups, for both girls who have aborted, and teen moms but the clock is ticking. I haven't given up hope, I decided to seek counsling for my daughter and us as a family, which she was not open to at first, but now seems more open to, she has gone a few times and she is communicating a little better with us, but things are not easy and nothing she chooses will make life any easier, but we are just taking things one day at a time. I truely feel that there should be a support group for parents of "teen parents" and I am open to talk if anyone else would like to talk, I realize that everyones experiences and opinions will be different, but if we can learn from each other and support one another I am open to it.

Good luck to you and your family, lean on your family and friends you will need their support with whatever lies ahead. Be aware that there will always be someone judging you and your choices, but it is easy to judge when you are not the one dealing with it. You will have to do what is right for you and your child and not worry about what others will do, say or think. You will need all the strength you can find, but as a mom your love for your child will provide you with strength that will even surprise you. Good luck! :o)

2 moms found this helpful

I myself was pregnant at 15. It was extremely difficult telling my parents because we were so involved in church and I was afraid how it would look to everyone in the congregation if their worship leader (my mother) had a pregnant teen. At first there was a lot of shouting and crying, but once reality set in the biggest help was that my family AND my church supported me in whatever my decision was. I had decided to keep my baby until my brother sat me down and asked me what my future plans were to take care of myself and my baby. He also told me to rememeber that my life wasn't just about me and what I wanted anymore. It was now about what was best for my baby. I realized that my parents would most likely end up taking care of my baby since the father and I were both so young and that wasn't what I wanted. After a lot of thinking and tears I decided on adoption. I went through a christian agency and was able to pick the parents I wanted to raise my child. I also made sure that I chose parents that were ok with open adoption. I couldn't stand the thought of never seeing my baby again. So, 14 years later my daughter is a beautiful, well loved, well adjusted teen. We have a fantastic relationship and she is close to my other 3 children whom she refers to as her brothers and sister. We even got to have her go with us on a family vacation for the 1st time this last summer. I do know this is not always the norm. There has to be an agreement between the adoptive parnets and birth mother as to the degree of openess in the adoption. While I am a big advocate of adoption I also know that not all girls can handle it. It was definetely the worst pain my heart has EVER had to handle. Yes, it still hurts, but it is easier to bear since she is in my life and I can call her, email her, text her, and we have visits every month or 2. I even had to write myself a letter and bring it to the hospital with me to remind myself why I was choosing adoption. On the flip side, a friend of mine got pregnant a year after I did and kept her daughter. She is still married to the father and they are a very happy and strong family. I do know that isn't the norm in these cases though. Whatever your daughter decides to do, above all please support her and let her know how much she is loved. I know that my decision was right for me and for my baby, but it is not right for everyone. I'll be praying for you.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi A.,

I got pregnant at 17. It was the first week of my senior year of high school, I was pregnant September to June. I graduated and walked to get my diploma as all my other class mates six days after giving birth. I did most of my finals in the hospital after the delivery. A little background, I always had good grades, always played sports, already was accepted to a college I really wanted to go to...and BAM..the plans changed. Not every teen mother has to go on welfair, get WIC, live with parents etc etc. I moved out on my own with her father when I was 18, graduated with a 4.0, and now have a thriving 9 year old. I am no advocate for teen pregnancy, but I guess my message to you is to make you aware that not all teen mothers have to be a part of statistics. I was lucky enough to have a supportive Mother who coached and guided me through the hard parts and was happy and cryed with me during the amazing parts. I never collected welfair or WIC. Her father and I split when she was 9 months. I moved out on my own, worked two jobs and she has always gone to private school. her Dad and i never went to court, I don't squeeze him for money. He pays exactly half of her expenses, schooling, clothes, etc. He picks her up from school Mon and Wed and brings her home at bed time and spends everyother weekend with her. It took a few years, but we have successfully Co-Parented for years...with our occasional differences in opinion. Have hope it can work out...think positivly, not "oh God, her life is over"..it's not. It's just taken a different turn. No I did not get to go to college...YET..but i will. Support her, guide her, LOVE her no matter what. Smile with her, cry with her..be excited with her. There comes a point when you can't force her to do what you want. You can only support her decisions and hope they work out. I did not always make the choices my Mom wanted me to, and believe me, she let me know it!! But in the end, she knew it was my choice and all she could do was support my decisions. I could not have raised the wonderful little girl I have without my Mom. Her wisdom and guidance when i was lost was my savior. She was my crutch, shoulder, and biggest fan...be that for her...

my good thoughts are with you through this very hard time..

D. :)

1 mom found this helpful

My sister went through this when she was a teen and she decided not to have it. My parents were very supportive, comforting so as to no make this a traumatizing experience for her. Be loving and supportive no matter what you decide. She is very happy now with two children, and BA degree and a wonderful job. God Bless you and your daughter!

1 mom found this helpful

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