Teen Issues

T., I call this a pitty party and I dont buy into it. When I see this attitude raise its ugly head in my kids I immediatly address it. First of all I do recognize the disappointment and give them a break an afternoon to get over it and then that is it. We as parents give so much to our children they forget how good they have it and focus on what they dont have instead of being greatful for what they do have. If my children dont snap out of their self pitty modes I take them to volunteer for the less fortunate to put things back into perspective. They always have a change of heart and attitude when they are finished serving and honestly I follow the same thing when I feel entitled. As far as spring break what a wonderful gift. If my son acts like it is going to be boring I tell him boring is what you make it and let him know he can stay with grandma ( who is very very strict)and I will be happy to take his nephew who is less fortunate in his place. I am saying all this in a nice way I hope it doesnt come across brass, that is not my intention. Good luck.

I'm sorry, I don't have teenagers. My oldest is 9, so I was very interested in any responses. One thing I have to say though: I definately agree, I do not allow a poor attitude in my house - that's why God gave us baseboards. When a poor attitude, such as "I'm bored" is expressed I grab a rag and the poor bored child clean my baseboards. Works every time. I haven't heard that one phrase in months, my baseboards are proof! Good luck, I remember being a teenager, and God Bless my mother for not killing me.

Hi hon. I wanted to make a suggestion since you seem to be open to hear about anything to try. There is a clinic I heard about in Dallas called Girls to Women Health and wellness. I know it's a mighty long way, but as difficult as I was when I was a teen, I needed something like this. I am ready to investigate it for my dd who just turned 10. Look at the website and see what you think.
www.gtw-health.com
Having just lost a niece as a result of a very difficult adolescence, I won't be hesitating to pull out all the stops to save my dd mine or my niece's sufferings. Good luck and long patience. Big hug. S

You can't change where you're going, but you can ask her to plan one of the days events or an evening on Spring Break. Get her input, let her google activities wherever it is and give her a little control.

It's hard time, teens, and my 14 yr old was depressed (sleeping all the time, not going over to friends houses, eating ALOT) this Fall and the doc put her on Welbutrin and it made a huge difference. She's still on it for now.

I would suggest you ask her what she wants to do or think is fun and if she wants to bring a friend along. And for her eating issue... I'm sad to say that I do that too when I'm sad or hurt or stressed I will eat everything in sight! And for some reason I think thats the way I will be but I try to control it by going to the gym. Maybe you can get her to try a sport or a hobby at school or outside of school would be better because she will be introduced to people outside her school that have the same interest and even make some new friends.

I agree with Lori C. That's a teenage pitty party. They're working YOUR system and you're falling into it.
If s/he is so 'bored' with life, fine. Stay home with gramma and learn what life is like without any fun, any outings, anything. Take a friend or other and enjoy yourself.
I for one will not bend or give in to their tantrums, be it silent treatment or full blown throwing of items (tho that costs them the loss of the item...hahaha).

They're lucky these days. If I had done even ONE bit of what these kids do now....I wouldn't be breathing!!
Disrespect was out of the question and tantrums or complaining would get me a trip to the orphanage...for a WEEK so I could live the life of those without!

Parenting doesn't come with a handbook. You have 2 ways of doing it. Do what you were taught and stop worrying about if they might get their little feelings hurt. They will grow up to be responsible. Or let them walk all over you, feel guilty and give them their own way, while bailing them out for the rest of their lives.

I chose pattern ONE. They will get over it!! Mine did! And guess what? They are all well adjusted 'take no guff' adults....save one 17 yr old who hated me a for teh last 3 years and cant live without me now, and a grand daughter that is already working the system at the age of 6 months! OY

Unfortunately most are no longer responding to RSVPs - adults or teens which has been a problem for us in the past. I have a 14, almost 15 year old, dd and a 15, almost 16 year old, ds. We talk alot about the way kids are now - negative and often rude....we talk about how they are hiding their own insecurities and jealousies....we talk alot about kindness, manners and courtesy as it applies to how kids have treated them....we talk about choosing friends and the difference between friends and those we are friendly with. As to the 'bored' part...my kids have known for years to never say they are bored or I will give them more chores...boredom is a personal response to the world and one only they can control. It sounds as though she is having a tough time right now which happens in the teen years.......you might try to ask her when things are calm and let her know that you are really interested (then bite your tongue if she tells you). I do not allow poor attitudes either and have explained how my job is to raise successful adults and that we are in practice for that boss or spouse of the future........good luck to you and hope this helps some.........oh, you might do a surprise thing for the missed b'day party on break or when you get back.

I have a 13 yr old. I feel your pain. My daughter and her friends are always up and down and I never know the mood. I have a good kid, very giving and forgiving. She has a couple of friends we simply do not like at all. I dream of when she drops these girls. I know to keep my mouth shut or she will bond with these girls better. They have been to my home and over time, she is seeing the differences and has backed away a great deal. She has other friends from good stable families that we enjoy having here often.

Girls are so MEAN to each other in middle school. I see a lot of jealousy over looks, dress, hair, money, etc.

As for your trip....can she take a friend? That is what we do. We have her invite her bff at the moment and that works out well for us and the girls.

RSVP....this sucks. We had a huge 13th bday party for my daughter in Dec. I had to give a final # for my party and I put on the invitations that RSVP's would be entered into a drawing. This worked like a charm. We gave out a prize of an Ipod shuffle. We had a good crowd that was well planned. I had never thought about doing this.....another mamasource mom gave me the drawing idea.

Eating. My daughter is a very healthy eater and concerned about her appearance. She is the type to take a fruit if given the choice over junk foods. Even her friends (the ones we like) who come over are very health conscious on food choices. They all seem to be more concerned with gaining weight.

I don't know if anything I said is helpful or not. For one thing, it makes me feel more like my daughter and her friends are normal. I do not recall all the cat fights and such when I was 13.

Good luck to you. They will be off to college before we know it and we will be missing this stage!!

Susan