Teen Girls Emotional Day

my children got me a shirt years ago that said I survived raising teenagers. I had three at once 1 1/2 years apart. Two girls. yipeeeeeeeeeee. the harmones are so wild they have a hard time understanding it. Social acceptance is a biggy. Suggestion is one mom said a journal good idea. explain to her this is a way to let out your feelong and emotions privately. Tell her this is for your eyes only, however i would like you to know i am there for you with an open mind and heart to help you through some of these high school blues, issue if only to let you vent. this way you will have an idea of her activities without to much input. be prepared to hear things that may disturb you and react calmly and know this is your life line to her mind. explain to her that these times dont have be as hard as they are with some guidance. and some choices are hers and may have consequences. do what your doing your a great mom for wanting to be involved. good luck and God bless your family.

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Hey D.,
Try this one. Get a spiral notebook with a special pen, give it to her and let her know it is the "bad day notebook", tell her when she has had a bad day to write in her and leave it in a special place, maybe its the top of the fridge but its a desk that you have or maybe even just have her give it to you. Tell her you will read it and then give back your suggestion, advice or even just your thoughts. Tell her when you are done you will either leave it in the special spot or give it back to her. If after you both have read it or even there needs to be more communication afterwards you will meet in her room after dinner. Tell her there are rules that she can't call you or anyine else names and you will not nake fun or say I told you so with anything she puts in there. Also let her know that none of this will be shared with anyone else unless she wants to.
Oh and even under your pillow is good place. I know it sounds kind of corny but sometimes it's easier to talk on paper than it is to talk with your voice.
Also what is being felt inside comes out so much easier when you write down than to try and say it. Maybe this might help a little, W.

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Can you set aside a day over the weekend and take her out for a girls day? Maybe go to lunch, see a movie, go shopping, etc. She might not open up right away, but she'll know that you care and want to spend time with her, which could definitely start a dialog. You can't sit her down and make her talk, but letting her know you're concerned and there if she does want to talk and that you love her will help.

Also, maybe check with her school guidance counselor and see if they might have any insight. The counselor could check with her teachers to see if anything might be going on in her classes.

How are her grades in school? Is she struggling with the subject matter? Or do you think it's more of a social problem with classmates, friends, or boys?

Girls that age are moody anyways, so add something like school and social matters into the mix and they can get crazy.

Whatever it is, I hope it works out and gets better for her.

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I wish I could offer some good advice. Teen age girls have to be the worse...Give me a teen age boy anytime. I have a teenage niece living with me and her mood changes like the wind. She can be so much fun one hour and the next a freak!
I hope someone will offer both of us some advice!

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Dear D.,

I have an 18 year old daughter as well and she can be very emotional at times, If I try and talk to her when she is like that and it doesn't go over very well I just tell her I love you and I am here when you are ready to talk. I have a great realatinship with her and when she is ready and if she needs to talk to me she knows I'm here for her. Sometimes it's things they feel they need to work out themselves. Put yourself in her shoes and remember what it was like at her age, it has helped me alot with all four of my teenagers. Have the faith and convidence that you have given her a strong foundation and she know's your thre for her.
Hope this helped and good luck.

K.

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I have a 21,18,7,9 yr old and a grand baby. The 9yr is my only boy. I have been thru it all let me tell you. Just let her get thru what she can and when she is ready she will talk if she wants to. Wait a few days and say something about how worried you were about her the other day and ask if she is ok. Don't push her. Most likely it is over a boy. My 18yr girl is crazy over a boy now. Crying, sitting home alone some nights, but is open to me as well. Some times she will not talk about it and bites my head off and other times she does. Don't judge her at this time, just listen. Don't say bad things like you are all on her side. I try to be open about the subject and look at both sides and say something short and sweet about how I feel and wait to see if she talks. It is hard to see them upset, but let her know she makes good choices and you are confident she can handle anything. Hope things go better for all of you!!!
J.

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I only have a 4 and 5 year old...so I haven't yet reached "those years"...but my thinking is to contact her guidance counselor or her main teacher at school and indicate that you've noticed a problem at home...do they have any ideas as to what might be happening and if they don't, would they please keep their eyes open...As far as dealing directly with your daughter...make sure she knows you love her (TELL HER EXPLICITLY THAT "I LOVE YOU") and that when she hurts, you hurt...you want to help, but you can't if you don't know what's going on...say it to her over and over...as a former law enforcement officer, those years are touchy and if you don't get a handle on what's going on...all kinds of unwanted behavior (drugs, alchohol, unseemly friends) can become part of the picture. Good luck...Let us know what happens.

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you didn't say if the bad days are always a monday or tuesday or whatever day maybe if it always the same day of the week she could just be struggling with a certain class or maybe the teacher in the class

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My son is a junior in high school as well. He says it is the most stressful situation you can be in. Teasing is like breathing for some of the kids there, teachers have told me that. Drugs, sex, social status are all pressures everyday. When my now 21 year old daughter used to shut me out, my first reaction would be OK fine. That thought was my red flag, instead of backing off, like it seemed like she wanted me too, I keep asking, kept telling her I might help. Maybe we would go shop, go for coffee. Usually, eventually, she would open up. Don't give up!

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Hello! I am a mother of a 1 1/2 year old so I cannot exactly relate on your smae level. That being said I am also not much older than your daughter so I have both the advantage of remembering those days and being on the different plateau of a concerned mother. I agree that their is likely a certain day of the week she is likely acting this way, but I disagree that it is a class or teacher- at her age it is much more likely a BOY or possibly "mean girls" (see the movie) Unfortunately at her age she doesn't really want to talk to you because "you wouldn't understand." I would therefore go with the approach of just talking in general to her and letting the problem at school come when it comes. Start a general conversation about dinner or whatever, let it lead to your day perhaps and be willing to discuss your troubles as a teen. Most importantly do not belittle her problems. Yes, the stupid football jerk she may be moody over may seem juvenille to you and I (now) but try to remember that at one point those were our (as mothers) biggest problems at one time as well. Hope this helps!

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Hey D.,
I ahve been through the same with my boys....our counselor advised me to get them involved in an activity........for the boys something like fishing or basketball...during the activity ask them about their day...or how things are going at school. For a girl of course, if you can get her to help chop things up for dinner or bake the dessert maybe..then you can gently lead into conversation about what is going on at school. Whatever she tells you, do not make judgements or act all surprised or upset.....say something like I have been through that...or I had a friend who went through that..and try to give advice that way..or maybe don;t give advice at all at first...ask her..."What do you think you could do to make that different or better?" Say things in response like.."That sounds like a good option." or "maybe this would be an idea that would work to change things."

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I had two girls in high school, I know what you mean. What it boils down to is a mix of Girls, High School = Drama!!!!!!!!!!!! The schools do not really get involved they feel like they have your kids all day, so they really don't want to hear what the parents say. Especially if she is in sports or cheerleading....... What I did was I went to as all the Friday night football, home basketball games, some plays a few other activities at school and OBSERVED how the kids acted. You can see usually tell yourself which friends or classmates are on ones that keep the pot stirring...... Also, if you have a computer at home, and your daughter has FaceBook? Sometime when she's on there just sit next to her and look at her friends pictures eventually she will even call you to comeover and look at something. To if you have great communication see if she will give you her password. Im always looking at my daughters ones, I look at it as not snooping this way I see what kind of relationship her and her friends have......especially now a days how these kids will have a time bomb go off and before you know it someone can be hurt really bad or even worse. What I will do is randomly ask about a friend then she will start telling me things that I seen on Facebook. Also, remember your daughter has one more year and you want to enjoy her Senior year with her. Hope this helps

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Having had an highly emotional daughter myself, (she's 22 now and I lived through it!!!)My advise is quite simple. Let her have her time alone in her room. She is learning how to process what happened to her and unfortunately, since she is 18, this is something she needs to be able to do even when mom isn't around. It sounds like you have a great relationship and that you are just going through another transitional phase in your relationship. It isn't fun. But what I discovered was that when my daughter really needed me, she came running to me because the communication lines were open. But I also learned I had to give her the freedom to develop within this stage of emotional development.

In other words mom....go ahead and ask, she needs to know you care, but if she doesn't tell you, that needs to be okay too. If she needs to tell you, she will when she is ready.

Don't you wish sometimes they were 4 again!!! Good Luck.

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Does she have a certain class that day or afterschool activity that she doesn't participate in any other time?

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When I was in junior high and high school my mother got me a journal that I was allowed to write whatever I wanted in and would not get in trouble for, but that if I wanted to share with her, without talking or judging, she would read and respond to in a very open manner. I don't know it may be an idea. It has to be hard as a Mom not to judge or panic at this notebook, but to just answer in a helpful friendly manner (of course unless otherwise truly needed- that was our rule too). But it is also a way for her to get her feelings out to someone who cares and can help without pressure. Just an idea. I hope it helps, or leads to another brainstorm that may help.

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I do not have a teenage girl, but a teenage boy and he is moody, moody, moody. (I myself was a morose, melancholy teenage girl).
I have been told this in part has to do with the hormonal changes taking place and it is quite difficult to make sense of anything (for them) during this time period. Take that into consideration first and realize that she is trying to sort this out and she most likely wants to be able to communicate it to you. Also practice patience and prayer. This is a great time for her to know you are praying for her well-being. There are a lot of things which could be taking place... which is less important than your daughter knowing that when she is ready,(with you giving gentle encouragement and an occasional gentle push) you are available to LISTEN to her. You are available to Hear her needs, her woes, her teen angst and you are ready to comfort her in all of this. If you can recall how you felt during this time.. if you were the least bit moody that might be helpful to convey to her.

Above all, cover her in your mother's prayers. That is foremost with it all things can be overcome. Without it, it's an uphill struggle in which precious ground is lost.

Anecdote: I finally opened up to my mom one night about a boy who had scared the daylights out of me. It occured while she was brushing my hair and just being there. She simply was caring for me in the simplest of ways.

A nurse at our family doctor's office shared an interesting piece of advice with me during one visit. She said that you learn more information from your children in a bedroom with the lights dimmed right before bed. I think she was speaking from experience..."tucking" her children and saying good night at all ages.

Maybe that certain scenario is not the right answer for you and your daughter, but finding something like it in which she feels comfortable enough to finally speak up. I work with teenagers daily and they want to talk...it is just waiting for the right moment. Sometimes it happens naturally and other times it has to be gently forced.

Good luck!