Teen and Chewing Tobacco

Updated on May 13, 2010
A.W. asks from Sullivan, IL
16 answers

I have a 16 year-old son (who'll be 17 this year) who has started chewing tobacco. I just found out yesterday. He isn't aware that I know yet, but I am going to confront him tonight. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out what to do about the situation. I suspected him with this bad habit only a couple days ago when my daughter found an empty chew can in his vehicle AND yesterday his step-father's can of chew was missing. Yes, not only does his step-father do it, but his father does too. Before you say anything, that does not make it okay or excuse my son's behavior. We have discussed the issue to devolop a plan on how to handle the situation, but I am [for some reason] at a loss. Has any other parent here had a similar situation? My son is a good person and has never been in trouble with the law or anything major. I am a very protective Mom and refuse to sit back and let him do this to himself. So, I have to not only say something, but stop this now. Unfortunately there are many kids in the school who are chewing tobacco, and I've read that this may be a new fad for high schoolers. Either way, this behavior is unacceptable. I am contemplating contacting the school to see what measures they're taking on school grounds. Anyway, I was just hoping for some insightful, outside advice on this matter. Thank you all in advance.

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B.M.

answers from Chicago on

He has a role model that chews what do you expect. He is at the age that you can't do anything now. He started and now likes it. It's up to him now. I started talking about tobacco and drug use is not okay when my son is 9 years old. My husband chews too but I told my kids about lip cancer and how my grandpa died because he chewed. We even made he try it and he threw up. He said he will never do that again! You can talk to him but he is almost an adult (in a year). Schools banned any tobacco use on school grounds so he will get detentions if he gets caught or suspensions.

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A.B.

answers from New York on

My friends husband started chewing tobacco at age 16. He and all his buddies did it. At age 25 he had his first bout of tongue and throat cancer. He was in remission till he turned 30, still chewing by the way. The dr's told him it was worse than smoking as the leaves/juices are directly going into his blood also arteries. 30 he got esphogial(sp) cancer and the cancer also went into his jaw bone and clavical. They had to remove 1/2 his jaw and cut a big hole into his neck and remove part of his clavical. He stopped chewing. Last Christmas age 33 he died. He left behind a wife, a baby and an 8 year old son. There are more cancer related tabacco chewing instances now than ever before. My advice print my post and show it to all your men!!!

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J.H.

answers from Chicago on

I know I was able to schedule my God daughter a visit with the medical examiners office(ie the morgue) when I found that she was smoking. I first made her smoke the whole pack of cigarettes she purchased. The visit showed her the lungs of deceased individuals who smoked. They looked like tar. She hasn't smoked since and is now 27. She was 16 when I caught her. Also, you may be able to call the ATF(alcohol tobacco and fire arms for educational materials to present) Good Luck.

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D.B.

answers from Chicago on

I agree with the idea of showing him pictures with cancer of the mouth. I've seen someone who lost a huge portion of their face to cancer from chewing...it was DISGUSTING! This would be the perfect time for dad and step-dad to step up and agree to all quit together. Not only is it a disgusting habit, it is SO bad for their teeth and health. I'll never forget when my one year old grabbed his dad's (my ex) spit cup and tried to drink out of it! I freaked and banned it from the house after that. Get him to stop now before he's so hooked that he can't.

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S.X.

answers from Chicago on

i'm sure you expect this to be included; but if dad and step father do it, how can you realistically expect that he won't? learn from example, actions, not words. I would say its really up to them to stop and talk to your son.

that aside. i'd print out pictures of gum cancer and leave it on his bed.

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

Oh my goodness.
I would have a fit if I were you, but I'll tell you why.
I don't actually have fits, we call them conniptions.
My kids always say, "Oh no...Mom would have a conniption!"

Anyway, my grandfather chewed Copenhagen. I adored my grandfather and I thought, hey, if it's good for him, it must be good for me.
I was 8.
I snuck and tried it.
I was found passed out behind the fig tree in his backyard.
Copenhagen was not my friend.
All I remember was feeling really dizzy. And super sick to my stomach after they dragged me in the house.
Anyway, my nephew started chewing at 15.
I was absolutely shocked that my sister allowed him to do it. She even bought chew for him. He was chewing before school, during school, after school, if we went to visit he was chewing. And spitting. Yuck.
He tried to give my son some and I told him I'd rip his gonads off if he tried giving it to him again.
(I'm pretty blunt).
It's the same thing as letting your kid smoke at that age. The nicotene factor. Nicotene is highly addictive.
My nephew was, and is a good person, a good kid, but his parents let him start chewing very early thinking it was not the worst thing he coud do and they just allowed it. His dad chews so they felt it was hypocritical to tell him no.
Schools should have a zero tolerance policy for it. They don't allow smoking. You should ask.
It's not a moral thing and I love my nephew, but I certainly wish he'd never started. He talks to me about wanting to quit, but he gets nervous and edgy if he doesn't have it.
Sometimes downright mean.
One thing you might be able to get through to him with is if he is interested in girls. He's going to be 17. No girl will kiss a boy with chew mouth. I don't intend to sound mean, but I've told my nephew the same thing.
And, it may be a fad with boys, but I don't know too many girls who actually find spitting attractive either.

Definitely confront him. If you know...tell him you know. Tell him you don't like it.
You only have two choices.
Let him do it or tell him you won't stand for it.
My sister felt she was choosing her battles and let her son do it, in front of her, bought it for him.
I never would have gone that route, but he's not my kid so I didn't really have any say.
Talk to your son. Be blunt about your feelings.
I hope you get it worked out.

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B.

answers from Augusta on

I'd set up an appointment with a Dr that deals with cancer caused by chewing tobacco and have him show your son what could eventually happen to him if he doesn't quit. It's disgusting, I don't know if he's got a girl friend but that nasty stuff can keep him from getting any girl worth her salt.

K.I.

answers from Spokane on

My DH, now 38, has been chewing since he was 14...and to make matters worse, he swallows it, instead of spitting it!

If this is something that your son knows you do not wish him to do, then I say you do whatever it is you have to to get him to quit now...take away the car maybe? If he is insisting on killing himself with this stuff, the least he can do is wait til he is out of your house to do it!

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K.S.

answers from Chicago on

Perhaps if you google and find pictures, really gross ones, of people with cancer from chewing...not say anything, but leave them where he will definitely find them when he is ALONE, so he doesn't have to reject them or comment on them, but just see them.....

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A.H.

answers from Chicago on

I am at a loss as to why people think it is ok to make someone do something (such as smoke a whole pack of cigarettes or use a whole can of chew) when they are trying to break someone of the habit. It might make you sick but remember that this is a PLEASURABLE experince they are having. It would be akin to making someone eat a whole box of ice cream when they shouldn't have it. Scare tactics don't work well unless they see something that they think is gross, not what we think. We have all seen people that are grossly overweight but that rarely stops us from eating what we want. This is a very tough problem. You seem like such a caring mom. How great it is that you are going to tackle the problem instead of ignoring it. I don't know the answer to this question. It is not threatening or shaming a person-that much I know. If that worked there would be no repeat smokers, no overweight folks, or no repeat drunk drivers. It has to do with motivation to change. You know your child best. What is his motivation to change? It is easy to get into the "blame-the-role-models" thinking pattern, but at some point your son will have to make decisions based, not on what he has seen, but what he knows is right. My thoughts are with you tonight. God Bless.

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T.G.

answers from St. Louis on

Really the best thing to do is to educate him! The reality is you can forbid the stuff in your house, forbid him to chew it at home, but that will not stop him from chewing if he wants to. Tell him how you are worried about his health and you are willing to do what ever it takes to help him quit. Demanding he quit is not going to work.

I hope for his sake he quits soon. I have watched loved ones die from cancer and it is terrible.

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M.D.

answers from Peoria on

No matter how bad you tell him it is to chew he has 2 people that have set a bad example for him. I think the most noble thing for your husband is to quit along with him. Whether he says it or not he is thinking if dad and step dad do it, it can't be that bad. If there is no way they will step up and quit with him, let him know the consequences of continuing and do everything you can to help him quit. We watched a movie in high school that scared a lot of the boys away from chew. I don't remember the name of it but it was a true story about an athlete that had to have surgery to remove his jaw from cancer due to chewing.

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A.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

There are some good ideas - showing pictures of gum cancer, meeting with a doctor.

here are some additional facts: http://www.cancer.org/docroot/PED/content/PED_10_13X_Quit...

chewing can cause throat cancer, jaw cancer (part of your jaw may need to be removed), thousands of $$ in dental bills - this includes gum scaling (cutting gums away) when getting caps (very painful).

FYI chewing tobacco is VERY hard to stop (my husband chewed and finally quit when the doctor took him into the operating room where his mom was having a stint placed in her heart - he quit cold turkey but to this day (7 years later) he still says he craves it.

good luck!

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M.J.

answers from Chicago on

If your son is a school athlete, it would be a violation of their code of conduct. this might help force the issue.

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