Teasing and Bullying

How sad and unfortunate for your little girl!

I'd contact the school and find out if they have an anti-bullying policy. Our school does and it extends to their time on the bus.

However, short of that, I think this is one of those really, really hard life lessons we try to protect our kids from whenever possible. It's hard to accept that people may not like us regardless of how kind we are to them. It's hard to feel shunned and left out. But, not everyone in life is going to be nice, give hugs or sing koombaya by the campfire together, right? Maybe you can help her channel her feelings by doing something creative, like drawing how it feels to be bullied or even having her write a journal or book about her experiences. She can indulge in a fantasy of "What if everyone treated others with kindness and respect?", she can role play with her dolls, etc.

Also, I'd consider enrolling her in some extracurricular activities like girl scouts, swimming team, etc. to allow her the chance to make friends with people outside the neighborhood and even outside her own school. She'll see that she can be accepted by others regardless of how these girls are behaving.

Good luck : )

2 moms found this helpful

It's not easy. I go thru the same thing with boys from up the street who are mixed. They pick on my child, call her scare face, just because she has a birthmark over her left eye. i tell my daughter to ignore them. i even had a something happen at school where a little girl scared my daughter saying something about dying, so i wrote her teacher a note, which in turn she gave to the school worker. and the problem was solved. i would try meeting your daughter everyday at the bus stop. try saying something a little stern to the kids who pick on her. if that doesnt work then go to the parents. good luck. J.

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When I have had similar situations with bullying, I have found that I get no where with the parents because chances are, if the child is doing this then the parents are SOMEHOW promoting or encouraging this behavior at home-possibly unaware that they are doing it. The best luck that I have had in putting a stop to it for my own children at that age is to approach to bully myself. I literally threaten to "turn them in to authorities" whether it be the principle or whomever and give them one heck of a scare. If they tell their parents what I have said, I back it up 100 percent and I have taken the attitude that my kids are far more important than the relationship with neighbors or friends. My kindergartener was being bullied by an 11 year old!! After repeatedly talking to his parents, I took matters into my own hands and told this bully I would call the police if he lay another hand on my child. I read somewhere that if a bully is 4 years older than the person that they are bullying it is considered a crime that is punishable. I don't know for sure if that is true. As our kids get older, certain things have to be battled out on their own, but at your child's age, I would still fight the big fights for her!

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I just had a similar situation with my kindergartner. I recommend a meeting with the kids. My daughters teacher brought all three of the girls together and had them talk about their feelings. Your daughter would probably be really embarrassed/angry if it were you who did the group discussion, but a teacher or a principle.
If you don't stop bullying now, your child may end up hating school and as she gets older she may even become the bully. Take care of it as soon as possible. My daughter came home one day and dropped her body on the floor. Wanted me to start picking her up from school and didn't even want to go. I went to her teacher immediately the following morning. It was resolved that day. We have an amazing teacher and are in a fabulous school; hopefully you will experience the same IMMEDIATE approach. I would not bother going to the parents, most parents have no ability to handle these situations and take it personally. Good luck, I feel your pain. It was the hardest night following her return home in tears.

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Hi D.,

I am so sorry that is happening to your daughter...that is down right mean...and I worry about my 2 year old son...that has to be exposed to mean children!! It's not fair...well anyhow...I was bullied when I was in first grade and I feel that if she has you at home to reassure her she is fine...and to NOT ignore them...and to stand up for herself...they will become intimidated by her. Believe me I was not one to like fights...but I did use my mouth to get me out of trouble. And eventually me and the bully became best friends...so it's a trial time for her...she has to try her best to intimidate not by fighting but by using her communication skills.

By the way, I was looking to work part time too and I was hoping you could give me some pointers on how to sell jewelry as well? thank so much and Good luck with your precious angel...

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Hi D.,
I am M.. I am 43 and the mother of a 24 year old son and an 11 year old daughter. I have been through this kind of bullying at the school level. My daughter experienced this type of bullying grade to through 4. It can get very nasty. I pulled her from the school district. She went to school last year in a great school that had no tolerence for bullying. This year we moved and once again I am facing the same type of situation.

I will tell you what I have done so far and I hope that it may help you. Since I am new here, I do not know the parents in our subdivision so I was not sure of what to do at first, I did not want to make things worse for my daughter. I went to the school in reaction to my daughter getting in trouble because of her reactions to the teasing and bullying. She is a very strong person inside and stands up for herself, alot of times the wrong way. We tried the ignoring but the hurt just goes deeper. Last week, the girls were making phone calls to my cell. It was the last straw. I went to the township police. They went and talked to the mother, she was understanding and cooperative but had no idea what had been going on. The next morning, I went to see the principal once again. I explained to him that I understood that he is responsible for 300+ children and that it can be difficult to be aware of every student but also a rewarding experience. However, I am responsible for only one child and it is my job to see that she is safe and secure while obtaining her education. I explained to him that I had gone to the police and they said that the communications that I had received was harrassment by communication. I explained to him that I have no tolerance for bullying of any type and that I wanted to see what my options were to finding a solution to this problem. He put the teachers all on notice of the situation and they were to be diligent in their observations. The security guard, he is a very kind, gentle heart, he watches when she enters the school and during her lunch and studyhalls and changing of classes. The principal had all the children meet and give him a definition of respect, he talked to them and them had them shake hands. I have removed her from the bus and take her back and forth to school. You can try talking to the parents of the children first, watch and wait, then proceed to the school level, if they do not take control of the situation, you may need to speak to an attorney to force the school to act. It is a heart wrenching situation but one that can be resolved by being involved.
Good luck, I hope I have helped.

M.

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I would definitely talk to the parents of both girls. Kids can be mean and cruel and it's up to the parents to teach them tolerance. Otherwise than that your daughter should ignore them. Does she have any other friends on the bus, if she does, then tell her she should talk to them. I hope everything works out for your daughter. I would defenitely watch out for the second grader, she's older and I'm guessing she's the ring leader of this whole thing.

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HI D.,

I fing myself going through the same thing you are, only it's 5th graders, 3 of them, 2 3rd graders and 1 1st grader picking on my daughter (2nd grade) and my son (k). The teasing and bullying has gone to the point where they have both been threatened with getting beat up, on a couple of different occassions. I have talked to the school repeatedly, as they do have an anti-bullying policy, 2 and 1/2 weeks later, only two of the children have gotten any type of punishment. I'm still in contact with the school, almost on a daily basis, because there's no talking to the parents in this neighborhood. Their children never do anything wrong.

I have reported every curse word said to them, every threat and physical contact made to my children. I have also spoken with other teachers in the area, who have advise me that if the matter is not taken care of by the school, to tell the school you'll take it to the school district level. Also contact the transportation department and tell them what's been going on and why isn't the bus driver writing these kids up. If nothing is done by them, advise the school you will take matters to the police and name everyone you have spoken to, along with the children's names and parents names, to place a formal complaint. The police will have no choice but come to their home to speak with them. If you want to speak with the parents, I would suggest you speak to your school first, so they can arrange the meeting. This way, you'll be protected from the other parents!!

Bullying is not something that should be left alone....going through this experience myself, it doesn't surprise me how many children are going to schools with weapons. I don't agree with their ways, but you have to think that they have gotten to this point in their lives, because no one was there to protect them when they needed it, right?

I don't think my children would ever go to that extreme, but children now a days can be very cruel to each other and it seems they keep getting younger and younger every time.

I wish you the best with this situation. I know it's not easy for either one of you.

Take great care and remember, do what you have to do, since others don't always seem to do what they need to.

P.

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D. so sorry to hear that a child so young is being bullied my question is what did the mother of the other child say " if said kids will be kids" this is bull wonder if where the child is getting it is at home. Who learns to shove or hit but by watching another i wonder whats going on in that house. Or its lack of respect or manners for another, again its what you instill in your children thet are followed through also call the school immediately there is a anti-bullying policy in every school let them know you've contacted the parents and it is continuing also that child should not be doing this on the bus "where's" the bus driver there is also policy on the school bus. If left go this problem may escalate to something more extreme like bruises. Good luck and give that child more love than ever now so her self-esteem doesn't fall.

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Teasing and bullying is serious business and can leave lasting effects on a child. I definitely think you should have a talk with both parents of each child. I would start out by telling them what you've observed their children doing and what your child is telling you they are doing. I would then explain to both sets of parents what the consequences will be for them and their child if the bullying doesn't stop. And by consequences, I mean- alerting the school, the transportation deptartment, your child's teacher, principal, law enforcement possibly and the neighbors in your area. And possibly consulting an attorney if the parents don't get their children under control. I would also look into having your daughter take a self defense course - like Karate or Judo to help her protect herself and difuse the situation. These martial art programs not only teach self defense, but also how to handle bully's and walk away from potentially dangerous situations.

I would also not accept the excuse " well, kids will be kids". What these children are doing to your child is a form of harrassment and assualt- especially if they are touching or hurting her in any threatening or harmful way.

My son had a problem with a bully when he was in 3rd. grade and the parent of this child was a complete idiot. I eventually took matters into my own hands and confronted the child myself and scared him. Not something I would reccommend - unless all else fails.

Good Luck with this!

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You should talk to both moms together and discuss it. Ask them how they would like to approach the matter to be consistent with the girls. Perhaps instead of 'your girls are bullying mine' maybe 'it sounds like our girls are having some trouble on the bus' and go from there being careful not to use blaming language. Your next course of action which you may gently elude to when talking with the other moms is having the school intervene. School rules apply to the bus and if your daughter is pushed or otherwise treated in a disrespectful way, the girls should be punished at school.

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I'm sorry this is happening to your daughter.My best advise would be to go to the school with this.I find you get nowhere with the parents of some children.Have you spoke to the bus driver?Ask him or her if they have seen it or heard it as well.I know most school feel very strong about bulling and name calling.I have 3 kids in school,i never go to the parents anymore,i go right to the school with these types of problems.Best of Luck to you.

1 mom found this helpful

I haven't had to deal with this issue yet - my son is only 3 months, but I've had some training in dealing with bullying and my suggestion would be to talk to the bus co. about having the driver address it. Also, the school's principal could address it with the children who are bullying. Your child shouldn't have to dread getting on the bus each day. Good luck!

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