Teaching Son Not to Interrupt....

My son sounds a lot like your son... I've taught him to say "excuse me" so I know that he has something to say. Then I ask him to sing the alphabet song or something while he is waiting to talk to me. Sometimes it's just a quick request or response he is looking for - that has worked for me.

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Something that helped with my girls when I was on the phone is if they needed my attention they just needed to put their hand on my leg, shoulder, whatever and then I put my hand over theirs. Then they knew that I noticed them and would soon take time to see what they want. When appropriate I would ask the other person on the phone that I needed to talk with my daughter for a second. After helping her with whatever the current need was then I went back to talking. Most of the time I just told my girls that I would help them when I get off the phone. This process takes practice so we practiced while I pretended to talk on the phone. Roll playing is a great idea. Pretend you are eating a meal (make playdough food!) and practice not interrupting. Another idea I heard but never tried was to have a special "phone box." When the mom has to be on the phone she lets the kids play with the extra special toys in the phone box. That was the only time they could play with those toys. I also heard to do this if you are a nursing mom to keep the other children busy. Hope this information helps.

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J., if you ever figure out how to stop any one from interrupting, Patent it and make a fortune.

Right now you have one child and you notice he interupts and you think he understands that he isn't suppose to do that. What about the grown people that do it all the time? I have a sister that i talk to on the phone and her 75 yr old husband interrupts her over and over and over again. In a 30 minute conversation, he interrupts her 10 to 15 time!!

Is he interrupting you just to get your attention back to him or is he wanting to tell you something he thinks is real important. His important is different that our important!

He has no one else to talk to if you and your husband are having a coversation. If he is standing there or starts to say something what do you do? Can he get a word in edgewise or is your conversation non stop? Do you see what i am getting at. When you are on the phone if he says anything he is interrupting because you are on the phone. If you have a friend over and you are conversing, you will have him interrupt.

If you say to wait a minute and you finish your sentence or conversation with in 10 seconds and he gets to say something, then what happens? He isn't interrupting to interrupt, he wants to be part of the conversation. He is advanced in his verbal skills and he is going to talk non stop from awaking to sleeping and it doesn't make any difference if you are talking to someone else or not. When he is about 6 or 7 at the rate he is going he will be able to carry on a conversation with your friend as well as you do.

So, the problem isn't the interruption, it is that he isn't included in what is going on and he is trying to be. So, when you are having conversations with dad, friend,on the phone, you need to have him engaged in some activity that he loves to do so his attention is not on you. TV, toys, books etc will do the job. But you have to say to him that you are going to be busy with dad for a while and he needs to go do bla bla bla.

Now if you had (and i know you are trying - have you considered adoption?) 2 or 3 kids, then you will see what interruption really is. One kid hits the other one and she come screaming to where you and and interrupts what ever you are doing. One kid gets a toy that the other one wants and they both come screaming about it. Even with you one child, say he is watching a video and it ends. He is going to interrupt you to either put in another one or tell you he wants to do such and such. That is an interruption.

Giving him his turn is great, but he needs another turn as soon as you have said anything and again when dad or the friend says anything. He wants to be part of that conversation so he isn't interrupting, he is contributing!!

Like I said, grown people interrupt for the same reason. Donnie wants to participate in my sisters call when we talk and you can't stop it.

Good luck to you on a second child. You might think about adopting one that is between the age of 1 and 3. They are harder to place than babies so you have a better chance of getting one. I had surgery when our natural son was 4 yrs old but when he was 11 we adopted a 21month old and when they were 15 and 6 we adopted a 3 1/2 year old. So I can attest to the fact that you will love that child as much as your own. Good luck to you.

Marciab

I worked at a day care for 7 years and raised 3 children. I found that when they start to interupt, just put a finger on his lips and tell him "shhh, it is my turn to talk". It takes patience but it does work. It also teaches him patience and taking turns. Good luck.

the hand on the arm thing works amazingly well. When my 3 yr old dd forgets, instead of responding to her, all i do is grab her hand and put it on my arm, and make her wait until there is an appropirate pause. This reminds her of what she is supposed to do. I just have to remember to try not to make her wait too long.
Really Ijust wish some adults would learn this trick, it is amazing how rude they can be, and think that it is okay to interrupt when a kid is talking. Talk about a bad example!

my husband & i have taught our two year old to say "excuse me" when he wants to intervene a conversation which doesn't involve him. i don't respond to him at all (when i'm busy) unless he says "excuse me" then i pause, ask him "how do you wait with your hands?", he then shows me his hands & wiggles his fingers. if you do any signing this can be helpful in allowing you a few extra seconds to get to a break in your conversation while he entertains himself with his new found dexterity.

sometimes i get the "excuse me, scuse me, scuse me, mommy, scuse me" all within two seconds flat... but we're working on that one! :)

good luck!

by the way, i love the hand touch method. that sounds great! i might have to try that myself… it's just so darned cute to hear my little one verbalize his interjection with polite words!

Hi J.,

It took my a while, but I have learned a little trick. It's sign language. I started using that and I've seen my kids start to use it with each other.

Take your right hand and form an L with your thumb and pointer finger, then run the L from the bottom of your left palm off the tip of your fingers.

This means "Later". Show him and have him show you and say "Later" while he's doing it.

It may take a few times, but without looking at him, sign "later" and when you are done, be sure to find him and ask what he needed. If he knows you will respond, maybe he will learn to wait.

Hope this helps!

K.

The trick I use with my daughter (now 6) is that she is to come up to me and hold my hand, put her hand on my leg, etc. This lets me know she's there and has something to say, and I usually look at her and wink (or something) to acknowledge her. Then when I'm at a good stopping point I'll thank her for waiting and ask what she needs. Now, she is reinforcing this with her brother (2.5) even!

I still have trouble with that and my kids are way older. I have a 12 year old and an 8 year old. They like to talk to me and when I'm on the phone, I gently tell them I am on the phone. Please wait. They just get excited and don't realize that I am busy. When we are in the car and everyone talks all the time, we take turns. Just keep reminding him that he needs to wait for his turn. He'll learn. Good luck.

My son is like that. I think he just forgets not to interrupt. So -- we just keep reminding him over and over. I get such little time to actually talk to my husband it REALLY bothers me when he's yelling at us :-) I hold up my finger to him - that sometimes works. Otherwise, I make eye contact w/ him and say - Dadddy's talking now, wait your turn. It's hard for him too because then he forgets what he wanted to say, so I understand why he gets so intense about getting our attention LOL. Yep - I'd say just keep on reminding him the way you already are. He'll get it someday :-) He's not this little long.

J.~
Your little guy is obviously gifted with the ability to verbalize. How great! He will probably use this to his advantage through out his life.
When our children were little, we would have them place their hand on us (leg, shoulder, back) and just wait until we could take a quick break from our conversation to ask them what they wanted to say. This allowed them a way of letting us know they had something to say while allowing us to finish our sentence. Of course, it also required that we be very attentive to this mode of communication ourselves and respond.
I must confess that I am always working on listening without interrupting those around me. :)
C.

I think just about every kid has a hard time not interrupting. When my girls interrupt I remind them they are interrupting and to wait their turn to talk. If they wait then I let them talk when it's their turn and thank them for waiting. If they persist on interrupting I will stop my conversation and set the timer or use my watch to time for 1 or 2 minutes after it is their turn to speak. They are not allowed to talk or tell me what they wanted to say until the timer rings. I always make sure that they have a chance to say what they want and that I listen intently, but I try to make it clear that they have to be polite and respectful when someone else is talking. It has really helped.

J.,

In my experience with interrupting, what my husband and I do is use the sign for "STOP" which is holding up your hand, palm out. This signals to the child, especially during times when you do not want to interrupt the flow of the conversation or be rude to another person on the phone, etc., that it is not his/her turn at this time. It also is a quiet signal so that you aren't stopping the flow of what is being said and still giving him/her a strong message that it is NOT his/her turn. Depending on how emphatic you are about the interrupting, you can make this sign with soft body language or strong body language. My children know when I sign "STOP" to them with a stern face or strong body language while I'm on the phone that it is very important that they do not interrupt.

As for interrupting during table conversation, discussions, etc., I would use a teaching technique that I have used with children who struggle with this. Have an object that stands for the "it is my turn to talk" symbol. This can be anything. Maybe it is a little wand or a little squishy ball, anything will work. You explain to your child and your whole family that whoever has this object is the person who is able to do the talking at the time. When that person is finished, he/she passes the object on to the next person. Of course, this doesn't work at all times but if you practice it at home, then your child will learn to do it out in public too. At restaurants you can always use a spoon or some other convenient object and then explain that the spoon is serving as the "talking" symbol.

It takes years to work on this and lots of practice. In my experience it will never go away but will improve over time. There are lots of adults who interrupt so, hopefully, if we work on this with our own children, there will be more and more polite turn-takers in this world!! Hope this may help you a bit.

A.

Oh J..... does your life sound just like mine. My 4 year old talks CONSTANTLY. He'll pick any stranger and carry on amazing conversations (yep, we are working on that too). Something I did with his constant interrupting was to teach him how to interrupt politely. It actually helped with interrupting in general (probably cause it's too much work now..LOL). For instance, when I am on the phone, I taught him to put his hand on my leg and just stand there (without talking). When I found an appropriate time, I would say excuse me to the person I am talking to and listen to what he has to say. Something else that worked for us in all behavior issues was a reward chart. He got a sticker for every time he politely said excuse me and waited his turn to speak. Once he filled up a truck (seven stickers), he got to pick from a grab bag of inexpensive toys/candy. It really just helped break him of his habit of interrupting. Now, he barely even interrupts at all... even politely. He just waits his turn (for the most part). Hope that helps. S.

J.--I read once somewhere to teach your child to come over to you and hold your hand until you are done speaking, then he/she is getting your attention (physical). I have done it with my kids and it takes practice but it may help. Good luck! L.

I definitely believe you should be able to have a conversation with your husband, friend, on the phone, etc, without interruption from a child. Each of us needs to learn respect and self-control in that area. I have two kids and am teaching them both about interruption. What we have done is to have them put their hand on our arm when they need us and we are talking. Whether we are reading them a story or talking to someone else, they know that they need to quietly touch us and wait patiently until we talk to them. Once they have put their hand on us, we will put our hand over theirs in order to acknowledge them. Then we talk with them as soon as we can pause the conversation. Of course they aren't perfect, but it really is working. It's the best solution I have used so far. I hope you find what works for you!

My husband and I learned a great way to take care of this problem from some good friends who have 4 kids. Teach your son that when he has something he wants to tell you, Daddy, or any other grown-up, he can just simply put his hand on the leg of that person which will get the person's attention. Then you, or whoever he is wanting to talk to will put your hand on top of his to let him know you know he wants to talk. Then he will need to wait until you are ready to hear him, and you address him. It is very important to praise him every time he does this. That way he will keep using the technique. It really does work, and is so much less annoying than a verbal interruption. He is only 3, so you will have to keep reminding him to do this. My son is now almost 6 and does it just about every time he wants to talk. We are now working on it with our 3 year old girl. Good luck!

We have that same challenge, as I'm sure most do. Here's some advice that we got that seemed to do the trick (for the most part) for our daughter. When she would come up to me as I was talking to someone, she would put her hand on my arm to let me know that she had something to say. Then, my response is to put my hand on hers to let her know that I realize that she is there and needs to ask me something and I will acknowledge her as soon as I am finished with that sentence or as soon as it is appropriate for me to hear what it is that she has to say. Like I said, it has really been a great thing for us and seems to work like a charm.

My favorite parenting book is "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp.

Good luck!
J.

My first suggestion is to go to your local library and get one of the HELP ME BE GOOD series, called INTERRUPTING. It is a great way for kids to see other kids interrupting and see it is an ugly behavior. You can have great conversation about different ways to handle situations with you child every time you read it. Great series.
Here are two great ideas that worked for my three wonderful kids. I have told them that I love to hear what they have to say and am excited about it, but that there is a proper why to tell me if I am already having a conversation. I ask them to lay their hand on my leg and stand quietly to get my attention. I was surprised at how well that worked for my 3 year old. Afterward there was a huge reward for waiting patienly. I also have taught them when they are waiting for something and it isn't coming as fast as they want, to say, " I will wait patiently", kind of like a confession. More than once they have said it at the table after I have forgotten that I was getting them something. It was a poilite way to remind me that I forgot what I had told them "just a minute" about and then got busy, and forgot. It happens.

Hi J.,
We have a 6 yr. old son who also LOVES to talk! We started having him raise his hand if are were in the middle of talking so that he doesn't interrupt. You need to make sure that you recognize that he has his hand up though and that you will let him have his turn talking in just a minute. It took a little time but he has to act the same way at school so it comes easier for him now and we are always getting comments on how polite he is. WOW

We have an interrupter too. She is 4 and has been talking nonstop since she was 2. I will have to try the touch method and see how it goes. Right now, we are having her say "excuse me" when she needs to interject. One of the other responders said it best when she said "his important is different from our important". Making sure that they have something else to do always works too. Let us know how it turns out.

We taught our daughter to ask, "May I interrupt?" Then we just answer yes or no. No means no. Yes means we pause our conversation to listen to her question/statement. If she asks again, we tell her 'I already said no. you will have to wait until we're done.' Then when our conversation is over, we *always* say, "ok, we're done talking now. What did you want to tell us, sweetie?"

Now my daughter politely asks, "May I interrupt," when she has something to say even if her parents aren't there. Her teachers and other adults compliment her on her manners.

If I'm on the phone, I hold my palm up in a "stop" signal or put a finger to my lips to shush them. I don't listen to what they say. Unless they're bleeding...

J., yes this is a great device:
you can all start playing the game of raising your hand, for example, BEFORE you startg talking. If you include into the game all the members of the household, then it will be fun for him, and he won't feel like it's only a rule for him as he is not big enough to speak. You have something to say to his dad, raise his hand, wait for his nod, then talk. ALL THE others are quiet. Then, it will be his turn, and he does the same move, and all are quiet while he talks. It will take a little effort for you two parents NOT TO INTERRUPT each other's conversation, as we actually all do it, not even noticing. If you want to teach him, be an example, and let him raise his hand, nod him an agreement to listen, and let him speak hhis soul out, NOT INTERRUPTING unless he's done or asks a question. I bet it won't last long, he will get the idea pretty soon, and then you can diminish the hand-raising to some smaller "secret sign". Good luck to you all, and happy listening! :)

Wow! I love the idea of the child placing his arm on your leg or arm and waiting. When we were at a friend's house, her little girl was really good at saying excuse me before interupting. I made a big deal out of how good she was for doing it, and he picked it right up. But he says it, then just starts talking! We're working on the waiting part it's tough!