Teacher Questions My Daughter's Truthfulness

I completely agree with Patty's post. Life can really be unfair sometimes, and I would take the opportunity to use this as a lesson. I am constantly teaching my 5-year-old to do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. No matter what others are saying or judging. She can stick up for herself, try to prove that she was not lying, but in the end it still may not go her way. Forgive, move on, and be true to her character.

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I think it would be best if you express your thoughts to the teacher in the same way you expressed them here. Most teachers appreciate honesty and communication up front. If it bothers you, it would be best to talk to the teacher right away. Don't talk to other parents about the situation and then stew over it. That's not fair to the teacher. Most parents have no idea the challenges involved in teaching. Many students don't always express things the way they really happened either. I should know as I am a teacher myself. Approach her in a fair and reasonable way; give her the benefit of the doubt, and I think you will find you will be glad you did.

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I think that it is BS an absolutely rediculous that your daughter can't sharpen or aqcuire a new pencil to finish her work. How does that make any sense? I would go in there and have a talk with the teacher. Ask her why she thought your daughter was lying and what proof she has. I know, I know, innocent until proven guilty does not apply to kids. I get that teachers are overworked and underpaid but they don't have to take it out on kids. See if the teacher can give your daughter an opportunity to work to get her money back. (even if she can't prove it) This is a turning point for many kids. When they start to have bad school experiences at this age they start to doubt school, and hate it. Don't let this happen to your daughter. It is also part of her job description to take to you. Call the school and set up an appointment so she does not feel bombarded. If she will not make an appointment, have the principal make one for you. I think that yes you could teach your daughter the "high road" but doing only that can make her not trust adults. good luck!

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Life lessons... good chance to teach your daughter "wow, this is really unfair but not worth too much more stress" and move on. This teacher sounds kinda extreme. Oh well maybe she has her reasons. I would just be on my daughters side and then let the issue die. I work in school and so many times I see parents dragging out an issue looong after the kid could have moved on from it.
Your daughter will encounter other unfairness in life. Sympathize with her and believe her account, but don't let her dwell on it. If she is a good student like you say there are plenty more "scholar dollars" to be earned out there!

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I would talk to the teacher and tell her that your daughter is very upset that she is basically being called a liar. I work at my childrens school and the kids work very hard for those tickets/dollars that they get and they are very careful about counting them and always know how many they have because they are saving up for that special prize that they want. Tell the teacher if she has an issue with believing the kids, she shouldnt give them tixs in the first place. In most of the class rooms that i help in, we have a can of sharpened pencils so that incase one breaks, the kids just trade them out and we sharpen the broken ones when it wont disrupt the class. I had a problem with one teacher when my daughter was 7, they had to use tix to go to the bathroom and if no tix, they didnt get to go. My daughter got a bladder infection and believe me, that teacher got an ear full and never made her hold it again. Do talk to the teacher and get things worked out, otherwise your child is never going to feel like she can be trusted by that teacher. Good luck!!!

I agree with Jennifer S. !

I agree with Patti and the others, teach your daughter that mistakes happen in life. If you really can't get passed it, have your daughter talk to the teacher so that she learns to voice her opinions and stand up for herself.

Hi, D....although, I'm not sure what "scholar dollars" are, wouldn't it just be simpler to have your daughter take extra sharpened pencils to school with her? If this is possible then I would let this go. But, on the other hand, we as parents, try to teach our children honesty, and if they are honest and still aren't believed, then why be honest if someone is going to call you a "liar." Maybe you should let the teacher know that you believe your daughter and see if there is something you two can come up with so this doesn't happen, again. This is a tough call, but I guess, I would stand up for my child. Good luck to you.

First of all I don't quite understand this Scholar Dollars system. However as difficult as it may seem you need to explain to your daughter that even teachers inadvertently make "mistakes" and she did not intend to question your child's integrity. I would make an appointment to see the teacher and voice your daughter's concerns. Stress to her teacher the fact that it could be a misunderstanding on both their parts and to prevent any further incidents perhaps the "dollars" should be counted out to the teacher rather than put in an envelope. This way both parties are aware of the money exchanged and it offers the students participation in a transaction much like they will experience when they shop in a real store.

Something similar to this happened to my child. In my case I was not able to solve it. Hope you have better luck. If not, please let me know and I will tell you what happened next.

My son is in 4th grade and also has a good track record with honesty. So, if this happened to him I would want to talk to the teacher privately. I would ask her why she did not believe him - what is making her question his honesty because although I am his mother and could be biased, I believe he is telling the truth. Maybe she will give you more information that will help you understand why she thought your daughter was not being honest. Or, maybe she has no good reason and your talking to her will make her realize that she was too harsh. I think as mothers we have to be advocates for our kids and "fight" for them. I would definitely speak up! I think we also need to be aware that teachers "play favorites" and we need to look out for our kids if they are not being treating with fairness. A conversation with your daughter about life not always being fair is also good to have while encouraging her to continue to make good choices. Best wishes!

I'm sorry that this happened. And i'm sure that if i were in your shoes, I want to justify and rectify things for my child too. BUT..I know that deep down, the RIGHT thing for me to do, really...is to teach my daughter that it's how she deals with things in life that really matters, and NOT expect how others should change themselves. Of course, we should have expectations of others...but we have to have a healthy mindset in knowing that people can only change themselves. I want my daughter to know as early as possible that we will all go through life having things happen that are very unfair too us. We only have control over reaction.

It's more dangerous if our children grow up thinking that everything has to be fair because if they don't know how to deal with mistakes, mishaps, even down right cheaters...they will be seeking justice for every little thing. That everything is owed to them...It can lead to a very dangerous way of thinking.

I would encourage your daughter that what really matters is that she did the right thing and she knows that. And that her family believes her and in the end, they are the only people that truly matter. Sometimes honesty isn't always rewarded. But that makes for a very noble person...Someone who does the right thing, even when no one is watching...NOT the people who do it to get praises.

Tell her that you are proud of her (I'm sure you do) and that in the end all it matters is what her mommy and daddy thinks of her. An, of course, you think the world of her!

It doesn't mean that you shouldn't talk with the teacher if you can. Because she should at least know what's going on with her students. That's really something a parent should be able to talk to the teacher about. But I wouldn't get your daughter involve in the conversation...she shouldn't have to know.

sorry but teacher sounds like a nut ball...pencils break..she is trying to do her work..this nut bag is just getting off on being controlling i would talk to the principle and ask why a child has to pay like this for wanting to do their work. I would be livid!

I agree completely with Patty. Good luck!

As a former teacher I can say that I have made mistakes and regretted them. Please do talk to the teacher, but take your daughter with you. They both need to be present to share their sides of the story. Good luck... but make sure that you are careful in your wording. The worst thing that you can do is put the teacher on the defensive. Use "I" statements... as cheesy as they might sound.

I would just talk to the teacher and ask her about the incident, without blaming her. To me, it seems kind of petty to tell a child that they can't sharpen a pencil until a certain time of day. (Are they supposed to go without having an assignment done just because a pencil breaks?...that is silly.) I would ask the teacher if it is permissible to send your child to school with extra pencils and that way incidents like this can be avoided. Just let her know that you would prefer to handle it this way in the future, because your daughter came home that day quite upset and perceived that the teacher was questioning her integrity. Ask the teacher how your daughter seems to be doing in class in general and just see what she says.

Very best of luck to you.

Having raised a daughter already and been through what you mention and more, I can assure you this is a minor problem in life.

Not all kids, but my daughter lied many of times from this point until she pretty much moved out of the house. Some stories were more believable than others and some were just blatant BS.

As for the teacher, not to let her off the hook, but she deals with all sorts of kids and she probably carries a blanket view about all kids. As adults, we work with people and once you begin to see a large pattern, it begins to taint your view that not everyone is the same. I would just explain to your daughter not to take it personal. Do they balance their cash drawer? Is there a possibility the drawer was over by $50? Are you or better she, able to challenge the teacher to prove it?

Best of luck.

Hi D. -

I can feel my own heart beating a little faster just reading this story, so I can fully understand your wanting a bit of time before talking to the teacher. I would absolutely request a meeting, possibly even with your daughter as part of it. Maybe the teacher has issues about not wanting to lose control of order during class time and she jumps to conclusion. With you there, your daughter would have a chance to explain. With your daughter there, you won't feel as much like biting the teacher's head off. And with you there, the teacher will hopefully be more open to reason. Sounds like the Scholar Dollars thing needs to be "audited."

And may I suggest a mechanical pencil or at least a supply of 3 or 4 pencils in her desk? At my daughter's school, they each keep a pencil box on their desk with back-ups. Maybe that's allowed at your daughter's too. I hope so anyway.

All the best,
C.