Teacher Is Concerned About My son...thinks Autism?

Oh boy...I think that the teacher is out of line. It's fine for her to suggest an educational evaluation and tell her your concerns about his social skills to but make a leap to autism is very unprofessional - she's NOT a developmental pediatrician or even a school psychologist (and even a school psychologist can't make a diagnosis like that).

You have to keep your mind open to everything (I have a cousin who was diagnosed with Asperger's at age 20) but from what you describe here, even high-functioning autism like Asperger's does not seem likely. Check out a reputable site such as autismspeaks for more information.

Sometimes as parents we can be too close to our kids to see what's obvious to others. My mom has a friend who is a school nurse who commented that another one of my cousins had Asperger's a year before he was diagnosed. She absolutely knew what she was seeing and my aunt just didn't have anything on her radar although clearly her son had some quirks (at age 3 he was toe walking and only eating pureed foods but could read, do math, and was an excellent speaker). My mom's friend of course didn't say anything to my aunt but it was his preschool teachers who raised flags and got her on the path to an evaluation.

Regardless of what happens, having a label doesn't change who your son is. I had a hard time hearing that my oldest had ADHD but really, regardless of whether or not I knew of or agreed with the diagnosis, he is who he is (which is a boy who can't focus!). So if they come back with "something" then rest assured that he's already quite fine - he's in school, performing at grade level, and perhaps has some quirks that you can help him overcome.

Best wishes to you - do go ahead and call your pedi and get the ball rolling but don't lose sleep over this. Whatever comes your way, you will handle just fine.

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I would maybe listen to her cocerns about his reactions in class... but not on the diagnosis.
Teachers are wonderful, smart people who spend a lot of time with our children. But she is not a neurologist, developmental ped or psychiatrist. She may be taking a small snippit of what she learned about Autism in a recent inservices and running with it without having the whole idea of what Autism truely is.
I would as for a meeting to talk abotu her concenrs more ind epth. Maybe ask for the school psycholgist to be there. If after that meeting there seems to be something to her concerns other than perhaps a personaility conflict... then seek an formal eval

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I think, unless there is more to the story, that this teacher needs to learn
about kids. He doesn't get excited about things. I have four kids. There
are two (like me) that if you said they won a million dollars, would be running around crazy, screaming. The other two (like husband) would go
oh, good. From what I am reading, I would not be concerned. I do not
even think I would have him evaluated. So he is a bit behind socially, ding
ding ding, he is a boy. Some don't get it together until adulthood LOL. You
have to do what you think is right. I just get the feeling this teacher is way off base.

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It sounds like this teacher doesn't' like your son. She isn't qualified to tell you if your son is autistic. She sounds like an idiot to me. I'm with Tracy, how would your pediatrician miss this for 5 or 6 years?

Good luck!

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I can not speak to wether or not your son may be autistic, but I can speak the teacher influence. If your son feels like the teacher does not like him, or treat him nicely, that has a huge impact on his reactions at school. If he feels like she talks meanly to him that is his true feeling and for him it is valid. Maybe have a conversation with your son discussing some of the items the teacher noted and get his feedback, he may have reasons for why he reacts that way that causes her concern. My son had a kindergarten teacher that did not treat him well and he came home every day defeated. It does not hurt to speak to the pediatrician, but I would get the child's input as well.

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Just from what you describe, and believe me, I've got plenty of experience with it...your son doesn't sound autistic. It sounds like he's lost his enthusiasm for school because of x, y, and z...whatever the situations were. It's common these days, and sad. Sounds more like a bad teacher to me.

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You can get him evaluated, but I suspect that if he's not that way at home, he's reacting to the classroom. I would not stress. I would start with the pediatrician and say, "I just need a baseline opinion from someone who knows this child. Do you think he has issues that need to be evaluated or is this more likely an issue at school?" And if it's at school, talk to the teacher about the doctor's findings. If she continues to insist your son has Autism, call the guidance office or principal. Tell them that the teacher is trying to diagnose your son and the pediatrician disagrees so what now? You feel it's an issue with that class, not the child.

Anybody I know whose child was diagnosed with Autism (or Aspberger's) knew something wasn't right early on, even if the diagnosis wasn't that early. Friend whose son has Aspberger's was concerned from behavior at home, not just behavior at school. And not every child who struggles socially has Aspberger's, either.

It may actually be that the way she handled the punishment was demeaning and he's still hurting from it. Some people shut down as a defense mechanism. My SD will stoneface you when she's mad and her 4th grade teacher got that look a lot. Turned out it was a bad teacher who didn't like kids who didn't toe the line exactly right. My SD was a round, sparkly peg in her gray, square classroom. Teacher insisted that SD had ADHD. The pediatrician disagreed and so did we. The issues cropped up in the 2nd semester that year, too. Maybe they feel that after the first semester they know your child well enough to mention it. We had a lot of PT meetings and got SD through it.

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If a smiley sticker being taken away months ago is really the cause of all this then something is seriously wrong. Have the school evaluate him no matter what. That way they will get to evaluate him in a natural environment and see the more true self.

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I'm sure you are worried but an evaluation is truly in his best interest. Have it checked out, if he passes great! ( pay attention to by how much he passes and what percentage of a delay or sypmptoms he needs to display to be diagnosised) If the eval does show you that he needs work or help in a certain area then great you'll be giving him what he needs to succed.

If someone told you the noticed he was squinting, you'd have his eyes checked and if he needed glasses you would get them for him. You wouldn't just ignore their advice. In your post i am hearing you say that at least 2 Educators that work with CHildren ALL the time have noticed some areas of concern, Believe it or not they want what is best for him and I highly doubt 2 people have just decided to make him a target.

I'm curious does he have siblings, did he got to preschool, any allergies, what time is bed time, i've seen those things affect social skills.

Good luck i hope your fears are relieved and that your son gets what he needs to be successful.

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I seem to recall in a previous post, you said he started out the school year happy and fine, but then something happend and the teacher took away his smiley face sticker award and he was so upset about it. I remember reading that and feeling sad for him, being treated so cruel and I felt it crushed his sweet little spirit and broke his heart. (please dont cry) But that teacher was mean, and I wanted you to pull him out of that school or class and get him back on the happy side. You have seen him not want to get up and go to school since then and I dont blame him. He knows he isn being treated as well as the other kids, and isnt liked as well at school now and the teacher has a problem with him for whatever reasons and is seeing things in him that probably dont exist. Id bet she wants him gone, or shes enjoying having someone to pick on who want talk back. How dare her! Start looking into new class or new school. But, if you can talk to his Dr, ask about it and see what they say. Tell the Dr what this teacher has said, and how you dont feel its right. Have some preliminary testing done and prove her wrong. And make sure she knows she was wrong. He doesnt act the same at school because she treated him terrible and he knows it.

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Okay, so outside of school, does he have friends? Does he play well with other children? How about when you go to a neutral place, like a park, does he engage with others? I'm not talking about being shy, I'm saying does he interact well with others if they invite him to play, is he cooperative?
Did he go to preschool and if yes, what was his experience there?

Sorry but it's hard to answer your question without the whole picture. I'm not sure if his teacher is "mean" or not but it doesn't hurt to have him evaluated. Why not, go ahead and let the school pay for it. If there are any issues you can go from there :)

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So your son must be 6 possibly even 7... Don't you think that if he had autism that his pediatrician would have seen signs of it previous to now? That seems pretty fishy to me. How does he act at home? Does he interact with people and make eye contact?

Not to say that he doesn't have some sort of learning disorder, but it seems that you might take your concerns to his pediatrician and see what they say. Perhaps he does need to be evaluated for something, but I can't believe that if he was actually autistic that his ped or his kindergarten teacher wouldn't have seen the signs before now....

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Who knows? But she was out of line.
My son is like yours--very blasé--doesn't get "really" excited over stuff--not that he doesn't enjoy/appreciate/etc. It's just him.
My advice: trust your mommy gut.
If there is the **slightest** inkling that something might be "up" follow up with your pediatrician and see if they think he should get an eval. If nothing, it will put your mind at ease, and if it's *something* then you can get any/all services he might need or benefit from having, right?
All the best!

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I think the teacher is jumping the gun. Big time.

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I actually thought my son had aspergers since 1st grade. He's always been in an IEP, not so much for academics, but motor and social skills. They said no, no no, we see aspergers all the time, and he does not have it. Now that he is in the 3rd grade, they think he has it. He's a little behind academically, only because I did not know he was falling behind sooner. He is easily over stimulated and has a hard time concentrating when there is a lot going on around him. He does well at home because of minimal distraction and one on one.
I also don't notice the drastic behavior at home that he seems to display in school, but doesn't mean it doesn't happen. He's always had trouble socially and only has one or two friends, neither of which go to his school. He has one kid at school he likes and usually only has one at a time. I invited two friends to his b-day party last year at the Great Wolf Lodge. He ditched them both days and went off to play by himself.
Until this year, he has HATED school. They tested him at school recently, and he displays some of the same symptoms as your teacher is describing: joylessness, doesn't seem to get excited at the same things as other kids, etc. etc. They asked me if he ever seems to get excited about things at home, and, yes, he does. He gets excited about all kinds of things. Do people notice he does not make eye contact while speaking to them? My son makes eye contact with me, but apparently does not with others. And, when he doesn't want to do something! Talk about defiant! It's a major issue at school and daycare.
It might be a good thing to get him checked; better to be safe than sorry. I could kick myself for not following my gut instinct over 2 years ago. But I didn't because all the "specialists" said my son didn't have aspergers. If your son does have it, believe me, things just get worse. Maybe it's not even aspergers; maybe it's something else that you can get to the bottom of by just starting somewhere.
Good luck.

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It sounds like you are getting a lot of confusing messages and details between your son and his teacher. I know I would feel the exact same way. Without knowing more, I think I would take a wait-and-see for a little while as long as your son is maintaining his progress and not showing signs of decline emotionally or otherwise. Let whatever the teacher said sit with you for a bit and then decide what her motive is. I am a teacher, a mother and have friends whose children range all over the map with abilities and disabilities. I routinely receive students who have been referred for evaluations and I work in the area of special education. It is possible that your son's teacher is way off track and may or may not be picking up on the right cues. It is possible that her style of teaching is not a good fit for your son's style of learning. It may also be possible that she is working from a standpoint of genuine care and concern for your son-- rightly or wrongly in her assertions. I sit on school evaluation teams for older students in my current job. Sometimes I feel so bad for students who were not identified for services early on. At other times, students are referred who do not qualify for services. I would use this time to educate myself on the signs the teacher has noticed. If you do decide to proceed and take your son's teacher up on her suggestion to refer your son, you will most likely get a meeting with a school psychologist and others to discuss concerns. If you give consent for an evaluation depending on the team's decision (which includes you as an integral part of that team), then the assessments most likely will include unobtrusive observations from more than one professional in the classroom setting. This information can be helpful. At any time, as a parent, you can choose to halt the process. I just wanted to let you know this so you can have the information to do as you wish. You are your son's parent and best advocate. It may be that your son does not qualify for services or it may be that he could qualify for some services or interventions to help mediate concerning behaviors. Feel free to contact me offline. I wish you lots of luck.

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If you can move him to another class to get a fresh start, I would. I'd probably also discuss my concerns with the school, but I'd get him away from that teacher. For whatever reason, she has labeled him.

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Is he shy maybe? My grandsons last year teacher was a battle axe..he didn't like being in her class, this year...complete turn around...and he has an awesome teacher. Teachers are human...I am sure they have students they love and students they hate being in their class. And they can treat them differetly. I wouldn't worry a whole heck of alot.

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There is no harm in taking him to the ped or having an evaluation done (though I would vote for privately rather than through the school system). However, that said, it is not her place to diagnose him. She is not accredited to make any kind of diagnosis and it's not right that she's causing you alarm in this way. Believe me, I went through a somewhat similar situation last year. The teacher felt my son had some sort of "underlying condition". I won't go into the whole story, but you can read back through my history, if interested. He is doing fine now, in a different school with different teachers.

She did not handle this professionally - the teacher last year pulled the exact same kind of stunt on me - no prior notice, just BOOM - he needs an evaluation. I completely understand your stress.

I recommend a book by Dr. Anthony Rao - The Way of Boys. Check it out on Amazon. Helped me through the issues last year.

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As a teacher, I can tell you that this meeting sounds like it was very unprofessional. Teachers see things parents often don't see. Sometimes we see red flags that need to be addressed. But generally speaking, teachers are in no way qualified to assess what may be causing those issues. And for her to suggest a diagnosis like autism is out of line. I have worked with several children who have "social issues" and are no where near the spectrum of autism. You have posted before about concerns with your son and you are aware there is an issue of some sort, but an emotional issue is not always autism. There is no harm is getting him evaluated. If nothing else to put your mind at ease. Unless it's different in your state, the district should pay for the evaluation, especially since the teacher took it upon herself to "diagnose" him.

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Your son's teacher has probably taught hundreds of kids. And, although she is not a physician, she can probably tell when a kid is "different" (ADHD, Gifted, Autistic, Immature, etc). I would get him tested. Some moms said that it's not the teacher's place to diagnose. I completely disagree. The teacher sees your child 30-35 hours a week. They can easily compare them with their peers. I think the teacher is a fantastic resource!

Could he be getting bullied at school?

I completely agree with AC.