Teacher at School

Updated on January 31, 2011
S.G. asks from San Diego, CA
20 answers

Hello Ladies, O.K. here goes. My daughter is in the 7th grade and has been running summer track for years. Well, now that she is in middle school she can run for the school. My daughter is in really good shape, small waist, muscular legs. She looks like an athlete. Having said that she has this male teacher that keeps asking her is she going to run for the school. at first, I didn't think nothing of it because when he first noticed her running in a competition they were having at school LAST YEAR. He was like wow you can really run. We were like o.k. that good he wants to you run. My problem is that she keeps coming home telling me her teacher keep telling about track all the time. I ask her is he making her uncomfortable and she said no. She said I just laugh. The comment she said yesterday kind of disturb me. He asked her was she working out at home to get ready for next month and she told him that she did some push ups or what-ever. He said because I am going to work you out. I'm not even sure he is going to be her coach. I just think he is showing her too much attention towards that. Why do he keep bringing it up. She already told him she was going to run. Could I be over-reacting or should I be concerned? Is there a way I can approach him without accusing him of something.

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K.P.

answers from New York on

I think you are overreacting, especially if she's not uncomfortable with the comments. The odds are pretty good that having a "trained athlete" who is ready to run track at this young age is rare and he's seeing the "state championship", not her tiny waist.

5 moms found this helpful

L.M.

answers from Dover on

Find out if he is the coach because if so, the comment seems pretty normal to me. If he isn't the coach or the gym teacher, you may need to follow-up.

3 moms found this helpful

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K.W.

answers from Youngstown on

I would say he is just excited about the running season knowing your daughter will be good for the team. As long as she doesn't feel uncomfortable then it is probably fine. Just keep the communication lines open and if you notice anything weird then you can talk with her about it or go to someone at the school if it is an issue.

7 moms found this helpful

A.S.

answers from Iowa City on

I think you are overreacting. He probably just sees potential in her and a win for the school track team. If your daughter isn't uncomfortable then I don't think you need to worry just maybe mention to her that if she becomes uncomfortable to let you know right away. My sister was a track star in school and teachers often talked with her about it because she was really very talented (got a scholarship for it).

6 moms found this helpful

A.G.

answers from Dallas on

I teach high school, and our coaches do this all the time. They scout out the kids they think will be good for their sport. My son is in the 7th grade, and he says that they do it in his school, too. As long as your daughter isn't uncomfortable, I wouldn't worry about it. She must really look like an athlete.

6 moms found this helpful

K.I.

answers from Los Angeles on

Like the others have said, as long as he isn't making your daughter feel uncomfortable, I think it's fine.

If it would make you feel any better you should go with for sign-ups and meet this teacher in person, to get your own feelings about him...

~I think what you are describing is fairly normal, I got scouted by the basketball coaches every year starting in the 6th grade all the way thru H.S because I was so tall...coaches and teachers just always keep their eyes peeled for those kids that will be good for the team. I would, for now, take it as a compliment....but keep the lines of communication open!

4 moms found this helpful
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J.K.

answers from Phoenix on

Be cautious, be aware and keep your eyes on him. Seeing "red-flags" and taking precautions isn't accusing anyone of anything and sometimes these things work themselves out, but if it is something disturbing, it will show itself very soon and you need to be on guard. If he is just annoying whether he's weird or just excited to have a good athlete at the school, I don't see harm, but if he gets too close or inappropriate, then it's time to go to the school and confront him. I'm glad your daughter is speaking up. Kids need parents to watch their backs because adults can make them feel uncomfortable or intimidated sometimes. Good luck!!

4 moms found this helpful
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D.S.

answers from New York on

You know what I think is your the mom and if it doesn't feel right then go with your gut. I do not agree that you should ignore it. When it comes to our children you can never be too cautious. The fact that your daughter is telling you all of this means to me that she also is feeling uncomfortable with his interest. If your daughter wants to continue then educate her on how to protect herself and if at any time she feels uncomfortable to call you immediately. We have these gut reactions because they are our built in defenses. Don't ignore it. Good luck to you. And kudos to your daughter for feeling comfortable enough to come to you.

3 moms found this helpful

T.K.

answers from Dallas on

Do the girls have a male track coach? That part seems strange. If they do, then the comments don't seem out of place. Maybe she's just that good and they are excited to have her level of talent. He may just be trying to encourage her. Or he may be a new teacher. It makes younger teachers feel good to be liked by the kids, so, they try to "connect with them on thier level. It may be the only thing he knows to say.
My son is 4 and everytime we see his big brothers highschool football coaches they say something about him being the next star of the team or can't wait until he's a pat of the team or keep working little man, we're gonna need you in top shape. Now he wont be going to that school for 10 more years, they're just being nice.
But it's the only thing we all have in common to talk about. Our sons and thier football abilities. I dont see anything innapropriate about it. It's kind of a great compliment to our older boys talent and our good genes.

2 moms found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Lincoln on

That comment weirds me out. I had a roommate in college that revealed while she was in highschool she dated her soccer coach. With that said, he needs to back off a bit. If the school has a gym where athletes can work out, I honestly wouldn't allow her to go to that facility if he's part of the coaching staff. Following my instincts on this one. You can ask to speak with the principle and discuss your concerns. At the very least it will make someone aware and perhaps take notice themselves.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

Off-the-top-of-my-head reaction: I would go to the teacher, tell him my daughter is feeling pressured by him, and ask him to lay off - I would not take any excuses from him. If he wouldn't listen, I'd go over his head.

You don't say if this teacher is the school track coach - actually, you say something about not being sure. At any rate, he's being foolish at best, and something else at worst. He's not encouraging her to go out for track - he's making her uncomfortable about her running and about herself. Teachers ought to know that seventh-graders will take things personally if they can - it's their nature.

If your girl decides to run track, the school coach will work her out, or you can perhaps find her a coach at a local gym. This teacher does not need to be involved.

1 mom found this helpful
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R.J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

It sounds a little creepy, and if he persists I would talk to someone at the school. Your daughter doesnt need that on top just trying to be a teenager

1 mom found this helpful
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T.M.

answers from Columbus on

Do not ignore it. Keep a healthy skepticism until your concerns are allayed. Unfortunately, just because someone is a teacher doesn't mean that they are safe. His comments could very well be innocent, but if you have any concerns follow your gut F.. I'm not saying you have to confront him about the comments, but definitely meet him, find out if he is going to be the track coach and monitor the situation.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.W.

answers from Washington DC on

I was very tall in school so I had the coaches constantly asking me if I was going to try out for volleyball or basketball (little did they know that I had no talent). This coach spotted someone that he thinks will make him win. Coaches sometimes talk like that to try to relate to the kids without realizing the alternative meaning. I would ask your daughter if it makes her feel uncomfortable, and keep the lines of communication open and be watchful, but otherwise let it go.

1 mom found this helpful
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L.S.

answers from Dallas on

I hope it is just him being a coach and seeing her potential BUT I would definitely confront him on it and tell him to stop the comments even if he means no harm. Make it as non-confrontational as you can because you don't want her to be singled out again for other reasons.

Sadly, I have worked at high school level and even in my own high school teachers DO flirt with their students. It's crazy and disgusting how often/common it is.

I would NOT ignore him - let him know you know of his comments but just be casual (at this time) about it. If he persists I would go to the principal at that time...

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M.H.

answers from Dallas on

I think it is just a coach scouting his best potential athletes and encouraging them to sign up, work out, etc. At my sons' middle school all the coaches were disappointed that a tall, strong-looking boy chose not to do football and instead signed up for PE. They kept pestering him, encouraging him. -- As long as your daughter does not feel uncomfortable, then I think it is just a coach doing his "marketing/recruiting".

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P.M.

answers from Dallas on

In this day and age with all the stories about teachers crossing the line it is wise to be concerned. With that said, a phone call or meeting with the coach is in order. This way you can introduce yourself and in a subtle way let him know that you are actively involed in your daughter's life and he better behave himself. The benefit will be you will be able to have some peace of mind meeting this coach.

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J.B.

answers from Tyler on

Talk to the coach, but I wouldn't involve anyone else now since even a rumor can destroy a teacher's career. Keep it casual, perhaps asking what potential he sees in your daughter. Then you can suggest that he let her make her own choices and decisions, and that you are watching her closely and will encourage her if she indicates she's interested. This should let him know your are aware of his comments, and you are watching. If he's just being a coach (and they can get pushy), then he'll back off. If there's more to it, well, just keep talking to your daughter so she'll feel comfortable discussing it. Perhaps at a time when this isn't in the forefront, you might talk about teachers overreaching their perimeters, just in case she needs to realize the wolves are out there.

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C.T.

answers from Dallas on

While I would be cautious at all times, I don't think this seems out of line if he is the coach. Just ask your daughter if she would like you nicely ask him to stop pestering her. I'm fairly sure your daughter will say no, but at least she knows you are there for her. Since your daughter feels ok with all this and he may be the coach, I would just leave it alone unless something more comes of it.

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W.L.

answers from Dallas on

You may or may not be over reacting, if all he talks about is track it is probably innocent. If talk involves things like you have great legs it probably is not. Coaches are always trying to recruit players, so they can have a winning team. Do not jump to any conclusions.

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