Taunting in Pre-School

Kids will be kids. My son goes through this, too. His friend doesn't want him to drink chocolate milk because he can't drink it and won't be his friend. His other friend won't play with him if he is playing with a certain boy. It's just typical kid talk. I don't think you should talk to anyone. It's a part of childhood. Kids are just possesive at this age. And sadly this behavior will follow everyone of those kids throughout their 12 years of school. But if you feel the need to get it out in the open, you can talk with the teacher. But she will probably just tell you it's typical :)

Talk to the teacher! I had an outbreak of "you're not my friend" this year and it was really disruptive to our classroom. I talked with the children about it over and over again, and finally it stopped. The children need to hear from their teacher that those are mean words, and are not okay to say to each other.

Yes, of course you need to talk to the teacher. While your child needs to know how deal with these situations, he is still at the age where intervention & follow through need to happen with the adults in charge. The other child need to know that his behavior is not appropriate.

Personally, I would create some space & take a break from the play dates for a while, without mentioning why. The thing about these situations is that no one ever wants to hear about their kids misbehaving or doing something wrong, especially if the kid is an angel at home.

Your child deserves to have respectful friends that don't mistreat him. I mean, would you associate with someone who talked to you like that? Of course not, so why should he have to?

i wouldn't take this to the teacher or the mom. yes, this is very typical and will not go away. people think little kids are naturally sweet and caring and that all exclusivity-based behavior is learned, and it's just not so. small children are feral little beasties and need to be tamed by patient, persistent modeling of good social mores.
that doesn't mean you just let it go, or stop at telling your son 'stand up for yourself.' role play with him, using a wide variety of scenarios and responses. just saying 'no that's not right' might not be the response that's appropriate for each situation, or may not really fit with his personality. help him develop his own unique style that really works. if he is self-confident and can handle himself, he can go into any situation and be fine. getting the moms and teachers to police the other children will a) not work and b) not give your son any useful skills.
use this as a teachable moment.
khairete
S.

This just sound like normal behavior, kids have to learn to deal with things like this in their own.. BTW... It's may, ive been un invited to my own kids birthday party by my 4yo like 4 times already.... It's normal...

Don't all 3-4yr olds do this. All the kids in my daughter's classes regularly do the "you're not my best friend anymore, "we aren't friends" etc routine. I think it normal and the more attn it gets, the more they do it.

I agree with Kirsten. Tell the teacher and ask her to do a general talk, or several, about using kind words and not doing the "you're not my friend unless" routine. Kids need to hear this; in preschool this is exactly the kind of social learning they need to be getting because by kindergarten, teachers are too overloaded to deal with it much. She should NOT specifically single out this boy and your son, and should not say to the kids that "Billy's mom told me about this...." but a general talk about friendship (repeated if needed) from the teacher -- rather than parents -- can nip this in the bud at school. Also, I'd ask the teacher what consequences she plans to use when she overhears this kind of talk.

At home or on playdates, the boy likely will revert to this, at least until he outgrows it. If you generally like the kid's behavior other than this, then only do playdates with you and the mom (not the nanny, with whom the boy seems to go off the rails again). Or cool it on playdates with him for a while at least; find your son other play dates with other kids who don't do this. But it is a common behavior, unfortunately. If the boy just can't seem to shake it or be distracted from it during a play date, I'd be too busy for play dates with him for quite a while. If your son asks why he hasn't had a play date with this boy, just tell him that you've been too busy and he's been seeing other friends.

My 5 yr old been playing with a 6 yr old neighbor in the yard i dont let her go out of the yard without me..i was listening out the window and i heard her say oull down your pants and show your butt to the neghbors or i wont b your friend...my daughters eyes filled with tears cuz she wants friends so bad i almost cried as i ran out there and told that girl how gross that is and never come back...its a shame we have to deal with mean kids bullying and everything but something we cant do nothing about but teach are kids right and let them no its ok not to like or be everyones friend thats my opinion im so scared for my daughters futures

This never changes. I'm dealing w/parents who act such as your children. I brought my situation up to the teacher. Administration should be aware as well in some circumstances as I have a five year old. The teacher doesn't want me to go to admin but I'm waiting until last days of school. Plus, I haven't been able to volunteer this week and want to to see if the situation was discusses w/these two parents. This being said, if you deal w/the parents maybe they are friendly w/you; it's still best to let the teacher know your concerns. To many parents are taki ng control, when the teacher should deal w/the behavior of other children.

My son went through a similiar situation in Pre-k last year. It's quite normal but the issues should be addressed as it is important to the little ones. Remember a lot of these children are little versions of their parents.

If the teacher has not heard what is being said, then yes talk with her. If she has and feels the children will resolve this, then no.