Tantrums

My daughter, who is now 3, tried this briefly. The trick that worked for me was to just calmly tell her that if she was going to throw a fit, we weren't going to do ___ (like go to the park, or something else we had planned). Then I would walk away. She learned quickly that I wasn't going to stick around for her "show". She tried following me for a while, but I would send her to her room until she could talk to me calmly. It takes a lot of willpower, but this worked for me!

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Yeah, this stage isn't fun. My son used to have TERRIBLE tantrums, we even started seeing a psychologist to help us deal with him. She told us to put him in time out, which in our case, was throwing him immediately on the deck and not letting him back in the house for 2-3 minutes. It's getting cold now, so you'd have to do something else. It worked! He was on medication that made him terrible, but we were in control, not the medication. It had to be an immediate response, he'd throw a toy at his brother, we'd pick him up (NOT SAY A WORD TO HIM EITHER!) and put him on the deck. He hated it. He'd cry and cry out there (I'm sure our neighbors loved us) and then we'd bring him back in and talk to him. The psychologist said that if it happened in a store, pick him up, leave the cart and go home. He'd get the message that we weren't giving him empty threats.
He almost never has tantrums anymore, but the next one will be 2 soon!

My son is just slightly older (2 next week) and he went through this very recently. I honestly just let him down wherever he is and tell him that when he calms down, mommy will help him. After he's done and calm I will tell him "when you want x, you need to y" The worst of the phase passed pretty quickly fwiw. I assume he is going through a growth spurt or some other developmental milestone when he has these rough phases, because they do always pass. Hang in there, this is a tough age at the same time as being an incredibly fun age.

Offering DS choices or giving him prewarning when he needs to do something that might cause a tantrum seems to help avoid most tantrums too.

I feel your pain! My daughter turned 2 the beginning of September and has the worst fits! I have a 6 year old who never once threw a fit, so it was quite a shocker to me! The best thing that I have found that works with my little one is to talk very quietly and calmly to her when she is in the midst of a tantrum. This has worked so well for me because she has to stop her tantrum to be able to hear me. Once she stops, I just say, "Hey, weren't you just upset?" and she usually says, (in 2 year old speek) "I mad" and then we TRY to talk about what it was and she can ususally explain to me what was wrong and we figure it out. That worked for me and maybe you can find something that will help. The other thing is, there is nothing you can do to prevent them except give her her way all the time, and we all know that's not really possible. Just work throught the tantrums and they will stop eventually! Good luck!

You are right, she is too old and advanced to be throwing such tantrums. A good sharp swat on the butt works really well and then set her in time-out until she calms down and make her tell you what she wants. You need to be more aggressive at this point and don't let her know that it gets to you. Children feed off of our emotions. If you teach her communication skills, this can also illeviate this problem. My daughter is 2 1/2 and since I have used these tactics, she has learned that she will get much farther with communication than she can with tantrums. Patience is key here as well.

My son is 19 months old and he is doing the same thing. I have found out that it is normal and the best thing to do is to ignore it. If you can't ignore it establish a time out place. Put her in her bed or the corner and you should walk away. Come back a few minutes later or until you feel better and get her out!

Good LucK!

I have 2 and 4 year old girls. My 4 year old doesn't throw tantrums anymore as much as she whines and cries, but my 2 yr old is doing the tantrum thing. I usually just sweep her up, swat her leg(because she is still in diapers) and put her in her room on her bed. I tell her when she is done throwing a fit I will come back to talk to her. Then I leave the room. Sometimes she will start screaming louder. When she does that I just walk in and remind her that throwing a fit does not get her what she wants and I shut the bedroom door. She usually doesnt continue for very long. But you have to remember 2 year olds throw tantrums and they don't necessarily stop at 3!

You might try not doing anything at all don't talk to her or give her any attention for it, just go on doing what you were doing, when she stops and talk to you in a normal voice again then reply to her she will catch on without even saying anything kids are smarter than we think they are! If that doesn't work you might try a time out or her room again the same thing don't say anything to her just pick her up and take her there and leave her until she calms down. Good luck with this, my kids are all out of the terrible 2's although I think it drags on into the 3's and 4's!!

I am in the midst of the same issue with my 4th child! My best advice is to calmly tell her that you can not help her till she calms down and speaks to you. Then give no other attention or response, even after it ends, just dont address it with her. If the tantrum continues for over 10 minutes I pick her up and put her in her crib. That usually fixes the whole situation in less than 10 minutes. They have become fewer with this tactic. It has worked on all 4 of my children! They just want some power and if they get any response good or bad they will continue.

I had the same issue with my first daughter. I put an acrylic key-chain picture frame on her little backpack that she wore to 'school' with the three of us, told her it will always be the same and our family will be together, and she needed to be patient for a little while, then I'd be back...THEN I put on some lipstick or lipgloss before taking her, and I'd give a big hug, take her little cute hand, and kiss the back of it. I told her she could hold Mommy's kiss until I got back. She'd smile, hold her hand up and wave!! It was the best trick ever!! Best of luck!

Don't talk her through it. Take her to the time out place, tell her that when she can use her words she can come out and leave her there. When you go back in 2 minutes ask her if she's willing to use her words instead of crying/screaming to ask for something? If she says yes she needs to apologize for throwing a fit then give you a hug.

I use my pack and play for this. Now I can tell him he has a choice, stop and use his words or he can calm down in the naughty spot.

Growth spurts at this age can make them so tired they can't think enough to talk. At that point you have to offer choices so that they don't get frustrated and melt down.

Sounds like the Terrible Twos to me. You're doing right to keep yourself calm. Eventually she will learn that she won't get her way with a tantrum. Until then, hang in there.
Good luck!
J.

If you give the fit no attention at all it will end quickly....walk away and ignore her, into another room closeby if you can and she wont like not having an audience so she will stop. When I think of this subject, I think of America's Funniest Home Videos program where they had a toddler who was throwing a fit and his mother left the room so he stopped, got up and went to the next room where she was and threw himself down again and then did it in 2 more rooms! The video was hilarious! Hopefully your daughter wont take that long and sometimes they just need to vent...like we all do. :)

Hi J.,
I had this exact same thing with my daughter and I tried hard to be calm and handle it like a mature person but eventually it wore on me and I decided I had to teach her that it doesn't pay to throw fits.
So here is what I did. Whenever she would literally throw her head back and make her body go limp and throw herself on the floor (mind you she had hurt herself fairly bad several times doing this) I would stand her back up immediately and say NO firmly. Then I would gently pull her arms in front of me as to assist her to walk and move her to another area. That started working to eliminate the throwing herself down after a week or two. Then with the other parts of the fit, I started to use the exercauser as the time out chair. I would say if you need to have a fit then you need to go to your chair. She does NOT like being in that chair, she wants to walk and play. So for about 2 weeks I would first tell her if she needs to have a fit like that then she would go to her chair, I would give her a chance to stop and if not then I would calmly put her in the chair and turn all the toys off and say no screaming or no whatever. My DD is a screamer and I just can't tolerate or listen to screaming all day long over tiny things. I know some people say they have screamers and they scream to this day and are like 4 years old but I guarantee she will stop doing at least part of it if you are consistent with this because it is working for my DD and believe me she is the strongest willed child I have ever met in my life! Figure out what part of the fit you want to work on and take the fit apart and deal with each one separately. For us it was the throwing yourself down and screaming. I know they say one minute for time outs and I did try that the first several days but she just screamed in the chair. So I increased the time and said when you are all done screaming you can come out. The first two times that took all of 15 minutes which is a long time I know but screaming never hurt a baby just the mommy. Now when she has fits she will PUT her head back but she will not throw herself down. She normally will not scream either. If she does I still tell her Do you want to go in your chair? She shakes her head NO and I say ok, no more screaming. Usually that works. Of course there are setbacks, teething and being sick or tired means going backwards but she knows what will happen if she does it. I almost think they do this to test where the limits are. I know before this time I was not as consistent with my responses in general. Also, daddy has to do the same thing!!! This is very important! And daddy can't "rescue" her by giving her something while in the chair, paying ANY attention to her, or getting her OUT of the chair. Whoever she is in trouble with is the person she has to deal with. Kids are smart, they will learn to use the other parent, mine still tries it but daddy and I are a unified front when it comes to this and he does the exact same thing as I do. Granted she can get away with more in some areas with each of us depending on the day and what is going on but ultimately when she goes into fit or screaming mode, she knows what is coming and usually will make the best choice and stop. I also try hard to use the simplest shortest phrases....so that she clearly understands me. Good luck, you can get her to stop this behavior, if I can, you can!!
L.