Tantrums - Acme, PA

I know what you mean I have an 18 month old going through the same thing! All I can tell you is there's not much to do. I do put my son in time outs, 1 minute, and it seems to REALLy calm him down! YOu should try it!

I'm sure that you're doing all the right things. Being consistant is #1. You may be on something about the teething AND the stage. She's nearing the 'terrible twos'. Buckle up, and get ready! CONSISTANCY is so important, and staying calm is right behind it - you're modeling the way to act, so she's looking to you for cues on how to act. She's challenging you, and in return if she see's you loose it or talk with a yelling tone, or get very frustrated, that's modeling to her that is the way to handle things... so try to stay on top of your game with her as best u can. I have a 7 year old, and a 7 month old (both boys), I'm getting prepared for this all over again! I also think that it IS appropriate to come up with a form of timeout - have you ever watched 'the nanny'? She does a 'naughty' chair, or a 'no-no' chair. And suggests that you put the child in the 'spot' for exactly the age in minutes. So for her - it would be for 1.5 minutes. Not long, but tell her that she needs to sit in the no-no spot until you say get up, and keep putting her back there EVERY time she gets up from it until she stays put for the duration. Then afterwards, go to her with loving arms, and tell her 'you kicked mommy and that's not nice, it hurts mommy.' then she has the kid apologize in their own way (either verbally, or by hugging) and then all is a clean slate. This will literally wear YOU out before it EVER wears her out. But it works, we do it with our 7 year old, have for about 5 years now. They keep running into the same wall over and over and over (hundreds of times it seems) then they eventually get it! YOU'RE DOING GREAT! Keep it up, and stay consistant. This too will pass!!!

Your daughter sounds just like my 18 month old daughter, right down to the incoming incizors!! I've noticed that my daughter is really starting to assert her independance from mommy and daddy now that she is more mobile, but still gets so frustrated when we can't understand what she wants and she doesn't know how to communicate it to us. That's when I notice she has the most tantrums. Lately what has been working for me is when she is just going over the edge, I put her in her crib or pack n play where she is safe to let off some steam. Once she calms down I go to her and talk softly to her tell her I love her, hug her, hold her and then we move on. I don't know how long this will work for us, because at this age, one thing will work till they are a little older and then we'll have to find something else! They are growing so fast!! I hope you find something that works for you and your sweet baby girl!

Hi L.,

I completely agree with teh advice the other member gave you... teething and stage (mostly stage!) Time outs are great as it will help both you and your daughter calm down before you have to communicate again. It give her time to reflect and you time to figure out how to handle the situation. My only advice is for both you and your husband to use a consistent place, method and criteria for time outs.

My husband often works late so I understand what you go through in the evenings. I have found that meeting up with other moms before or even after dinner time gives my daughter a chance to play outside with other kids her age and for me to have some adult interaction. There are several Moms groups in Tega Cay that meet both days and evenings. Even an outing to the store or the park or a long bubble bath with toys and soapy crayons seems to do the trick for us.

Please feel free to email me directly at ____@____.com if you have any questions.

Cheers
M.

I don't think you have to really be two to be "terrible". This is the time when they start to be independent and the combination of a move and your husband's work schedule could have turned her world upside down. You should try timeouts, it's supposed to be one minute times half their age. So one minute is not to much and she'll understand that there are consequences for bad behavior. You also might try playing simon says...start out with just the game but then later you can use it when you really want her to do something serious. Hope this helps, sometimes you just have to show her you're still the boss even though she's experimenting with her new independence.

Sounds like she is starting to test her limits with you; stay strong! My son used to drive me crazy with that kind fo stuff, and as a little kid he still does. They constantly test their boundaries with parents and care takers to see how much they can get away with, how far they can push the envelope.
You just have to deal with it and not give i on things or allow her to kick and be mean to the dogs. I think the word "NO" will come out of your mouth more in the next few years than any other time in their lives. Have fun with it though, sometimes I wish he was still that little!

Tantrum and acting out behavior are classics at this age, and will only continue to get worse unless you can nip it in the bud. The other moms have suggested a range of time out options and that is very good, you will need to remove her from the situation and put her in time out. It doesn't have to be for very long maybe a minute or two depending on the behavior but they will learn. Time outs work well at this age because they are so active and having to sit still and be quiet is h*** o* them. You mentioned that she is bitting and you have got to get her to stop this or she will be the child at school bitting other children and getting in trouble. I know that is sounds harsh, but the tried and true thing to do is when she bites to bite her back, I bit mine on the shoulder, hard enough to hurt, but not hard enough to leave marks or break the skin. They do not understand how much it hurts when they do it, and usually one time is all it takes to get them to stop. Other than that just be consistent with whatever punishment you choose for your little girl. Remember, children are precious but they are not perfect and punishment is part of parenthood, if you want them to grow up and behave properly. I know it must be hard and I wish you the best, this stage will pass and the more consistent you are the faster she will pull through.

Really, the whole "terrible twos" is caused by children testing their boundaries. They're not babies anymore and are exploring things and they know that sometimes mommy says "no" when they touch certain things. Imagine yourself being them and how exciting everything looks, like that glass lamp that puts off light or all of those buttons on the stereo. The key to this stage in their lives in consistency, consistency, consistency. You will have days when you feel like all you accomplished all day long was telling her "no" and pulling her away from things that aren't appropriate for her to play with. But, if you're consistent about what you do not allow her to touch and remain in control of those things instead of sometimes giving in to the feeling of not wanting to get up for the fifth time in 15 minutes, you will find that quite soon, you're child will learn what he/she can and can't play with. A good thing to try is when your child is getting into something, go over and kneel down until you're eye level (it takes away some of the intimidation factor our kids can feel when we're shaking out fingers at them and scorning at them) and tell her "no touch" and then you can carry or walk her over to something else, like her toys and say, "here, you can play with these." As long as you're consistent, the child can learn which actions cause consequences and which ones don't. It's when a parent is inconsistent that the child begins to realize that sometimes they can get away with things and sometimes they can't, but believe me, it will always seem worth it to take the chance just to "see if mommy will let me do it this time". Hang in there, stay strong and pretty soon you'll have your friends saying, "how do you keep your kids from getting into all of your things? Mine would never leave all of this stuff alone"

L.,
My daughter was a saint just like yours. All in a matter of a couple weeks she had become that monster I had thought I had avoided. It took weeks for us to come to an understanding about her "first adolesence". I had an easier time when every time something had to change in her schedule or mine that I gave her a few more minutes a night of "lovin' time". And gave her choices for as much as I could. "Do you want green beans or peas?" Do you want these pajamas or this night gown?" It made her more secure to know (think) she had some kind of control in her life at times when we couldn't control the things that were changing in our lives. She's three now, and though times are tough on and off still, providing her the opportunity to take control of a situation and make a decision, leaves her with a sense of security in her ability to have control over things, from green beans to what emotion she decides to display when she's upset with something. You can see it in her eyes that she's happy with herself, because she does so much for herself she has less fear, and more faith that I trust her so she can trust me. Even at three I know little people grasp some sort of security for us when we put options there for them...simply green beans or peas? Leads to thank you's and please. C.

Totally normal, it can be very draining unless you get a handle on it now. My son started at 15 months old and by putting certain actions to work on my part when he was having little tantrums which included him showing his dissatisfaction with the word "no" by throwing his paci or finding other small objects around him to throw. He is very responsive to how I handle his tantrums which may last for all of 2 seconds and most of the time I just have to give him a "look" or say stop. If I have had to pop his diaper he cries less than 5 seconds and comes to me wanting a hug as if he is telling me he is sorry. I use discipline with love by letting him know he is going to get popped if he doesn't listen or do as I ask, then I always follow through if needed, followed by mommy loves you but you have to obey me.

We have moved due to my husband�s job 4 times in less than a year. We are not in an apartment in the Asheville area while we build on land here. We came from Cornelius/Charlotte. Our son has also had to adjust but has done very well. I have also noticed the days where he doesn't get daddy time a little in the morning and then at night or if my husband hasn't really had more than a few hours with him several days in a row it messes with his routine and he seems to be a little grumpy. My husband just left for a business trip, which is unusual and will be gone for nearly 5 days. This should be interesting. What children need to understand is that being tired, hungry, and grumpy, etc. does not excuse them from being obedient. No more than adults have the right to mistreat others if we are having a bad day.

If she is throwing things you only need to warn her of your intentions but follow through with your threat. If you don't always follow through it sends mixed signals. Hope this helps.

P.S. There is a book called "Don't Make Me Count To Three" that is excellent. My son will never hear me mention the "terrible" two's. Just like he will never hear me say anything negative about him growing into his teenager years. I do not believe, even as hormonal as the teen years can be, does this give any excuse for disobedience. I do not believe in the "right of passage" when it comes to stages in a child�s life. They will go through these stages but if they hear other people and their own parents talk negatively about certain ages and stages it teaches the child that because they are that age they have the right to act up and it's normal to react without self-control. I lead a group of 35 girls ranging in ages 9-19, they were very hormonal. Some grew up in families where they were taught self-control and respect and others just reacted to whatever their current emotion was.

It sounds like your little one has undergone quite a few changes lately. Under the circumstances I would say that the new behavior is perfectly normal. She is entering a phase where she will begin asserting herself anyway; but all children are very orderly and their inability to reason makes it necessary for their routine to be maintained. When they undergo changes it can cause anxiety because they equate security with sameness. They like to know what's going on and when they feel they do not they feel anxiety and things get hairy for everyone involved. Give her time to adjust to the move, her daddy's new work schedule and the fewer naps. In the meantime make sure that you patiently, but firmly, let her know that it's not ok to hit you or the dogs (or anyone else for that matter). Believe me if she realizes that this is a behavior that really gets to you she'll use it often. It is always easier to deal with these situations by removing her from them (maybe put the dogs in another room). Use timeout as an opportunity for you both to calm down not as punishment. You can sit her down in a neutral place (away from fun and toys) and you can sit right next to her. Above all try to remain calm. It will get better. Good Luck.

I used what I called the "rude rug" with my daughter when she was around that age. Yes so normal, both my children went through this phase.
I purchased the uglies small rug I could find, and when she acted out I placed her on the rug and would say " your behavior is rude, this is where rude children have to sit" I know it sounds mean, but it worked and I did not have to keep that rude rug for very long. However I did have to be consistent with using it when I had it out. She learned quickly that her behavior was not going to get rewarded.

goodluck!!

Your daughters seems perfectly normal to me. I often thought the same this about my daughter, who is also 18 months. She started experiencing the "2's attitude" around 13 months!!! The pediatrician even noticed that.

A few things that have helped have been to turn attention to something else. If my daughter is doing something that is not allowed, I have her join me in a sing-a-long or something else that will grab her interest. One thing I try not to do is say, "No". I was saying that about 100 times a day. Your daughter is just trying to find her identity. So just get prepared for the rollercoaster ride (at least that's what all my friends say who have older children).

Hi! I had the exact same problem with my daughter at that same age too. It turned out that it was the terrible twos. If you think about it there are so many milestones at that time and they are starting to find themselves as individuals. It can be frustrating. I had to enforce time outs. It was the only thing that worked. They begin to realize that there will be consequences if they don't follow directions and of they are being mean (biting, hitting things like that). Even if it is for a minute and a half it still works. They start to get the picture. It does take awhile and it will test both of you. Hang in there and remember that there are tons of people going thru the same thing if you need help. Stick in there! Good Luck!

Hey L.,
Went thru the exact same thing when my 1st son was that age (he is now 3 1/2) & we now have another son who is 17 months & is showing me signs that it's about to start. I think dropping the 2nd nap by this age is pretty standard so that's probably not it. I would say that the terrible 2's usually starts at 18 months (according to most moms that I've talked to about this) so get ready! You're right .... probably too young for the time outs (those worked well for me after age 2, & still do!). The only thing that worked for me at this stage (b/f timeouts) was a stern tone & an occasion "swat" on the diapered bottom or hand (if he was in danger OR I had told him several times to stop the behavior). It was the only thing that got his attention at that age. I understand not wanting to be physical (and we NEVER hurt him physically) - my husband & I cried almost everytime we disciplined him in that way but it worked for us & I would do it again (looking back) to get the positive change in behavior. I know plenty of people may disagree w/ me but I also know that MANY moms that completely agree.
As far as the TANTRUMS (usually following the act of discipline) .... we completely ignored him (hard to do in public places but I suggest a trip to the car while she gets it out of her system). It showed him that throwing tantrums (even though it's completely normal b/c it's a form of communicating frustration) is not the way to get his way. Once he settled down, we would get on his level & try to get him to communicate w/ us in a better way. It'll pass - by 24 months or so, your daughter should be able to communicate w/ you better & the tantrums should ease up.
Hope this helps a little.
Good Luck w/ whatever you decide to do :)
L.