Tantrums - Greenfield,MA

NO more candy, mom. That kind of sugar rush is not helping...

Threatening a two year old with "you won't get your "x" later" doesn't work. They don't understand "later". They only understand NOW. And he wants what he wants.

Does he talk yet? How much can he say? When he starts, get down on your knees and look right in his face and say "Use your words. Talk to me." Say it quietly. If he is yelling, he cannot hear you talk quietly unless he quiets down.

When he doesn't quiet down, pick him up and put him in his room. Tell him that he cannot come out until he stops the tantrum. Hold the doorknob if he tries to come out anyway. Do NOT let him know you are outside the door. If he knows you are out there, he will continue to do this because you are a captive audience. You have to win this, mama. Don't let him hold you captive!

As you are 100% consistent with how you treat home tantrums, you can start to look at him and say "Am I going to have to put you in your room?" Wait a moment, then get down to his level and say "Use your words." He may start to actually talk to you and then you can say things like "I can tell you are unhappy that we are turning off the TV. I understand. But it is time to do "x" now. I'll help you."

When you take him out, talk to him directly as you are getting him out of the car. Tell him that he must behave well or you will put him in his carseat. And then do it every single time. It is SO hard, I KNOW! If he has a store tantrum, leave your cart and take him to the car. Put him in his seat, strap him up, and stand outside of the car. You are depriving him of your presence. When he is done with his tantrum, get him out of the car and go back in the store and resume your shopping. NEVER give in to him when he screams for anything.

Make sure you give him a snack and that he has had a nap before shopping. It is a lost cause to take a little child out hungry and tired.

When he hits at you, take his hands firmly in your own and tell him "Hands are for helping, not hurting" and put him in a play pen or his room (if you don't have a play pen). Walk away from him so that he isn't with you anymore. Do it over and over and over.

You must truly be consistent, or he will break you down. Little children get easily frustrated whether they have all their needs met or not. They need limits, guidance, consistent consequences. Depriving them of you is a consequence that they understand. But it takes many, many times of doing it to get the dots connected in their mind, if that makes sense. So this is a process, Mama.

So, do what I'm suggesting over and over and over, don't yell at him, and pretend like it doesn't upset you. He will learn, because you will be teaching him.

Good luck,
D.

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Two choices:

1) Learn to live with the fits by doing mild management techniques that will sometimes divert him or let him rage in his room. Accept the fits as normal. He'll outgrow them one day.

or

2) Firmly discipline them and he will stop doing it.

If you want to stop the fits, this book has great tips. Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. None of my kids threw fits more than a few times. Neither did I as a child. Fits and ignoring fits did not used to be universally acceptable. That's just since the 80's. You don't have to yell or get mad. Just warn and take effective action, an soon all you'll need is the warning. He's two and that's pretty set in his ways, mature, and hard to fix, so it will take consistency, he may get worse before he get better to try to throw you off, but you can do it.

All good, healthy kids will take everything you do for them for granted and learn to be unsatisfied if you let them. Setting a positive example is not enough to teach this age, and yelling won't help. You CANNOT improve this by doing more and more nice stuff for him and scurrying to meet all his needs even more. Choices are great when he's being good, but sometimes he doesn't get a choice. Don't run yourself ragged trying to constantly avoid discipline by offering choices when he may get "mad". He'll still get mad. He's training you and wearing you down. Normal! I recommend getting tough on the misbehavior so that by the time he's 2 1/2 you have a sweet, mature child who respects you. Get the book, scan it on Amazon.

ps, hitting you and kicking you also needs maximum discipline EVERY time. You'll have a little bully if you don't make sure he knows in no uncertain terms that you will NEVER tolerate that. Get the book.

1 mom found this helpful

The simple answer is give him choices that you would be happy with either way.
"Do you want to brush your teeth first and then I get a turn or do I get to brush first and then you?"
"its time to come down stairs, Can you come all by yourself, or do you need me to help you?"
"Do you want to earn your treat after lunch or are you choosing not to have it?"
It will make him feel like he has some control over his little life, he will happier because he is choosing, you will be happier because he is still doing what you need him too.
Just before you tell him that you are changing activities, or what you need him to do next, think of two ways he can choose from that will accomplish the end result.
Most often my staple is, "Its time for _____. can you do it yourself or do I need to (do you want me to) help you".
Good luck, just remember choices choices choices.
E.

1 mom found this helpful

Tantrums are a part of life with a 2 year old - you aren't alone! But, you do need to find a consistent way to deal with them so that he will stop. For my current 2 year old, when he starts to throw a fit, I put him in his pack-n-play (which serves as the time-out spot in our house). As I'm putting him in, I tell him 'when you are all done crying, you can come out'. And then I let him have the tantrum in there, and walk away. I periodically walk over and say "are you done crying/screaming yet?" Often, when I ask he will completely stop (just like that, he turns it off), and say 'all done'. And then I let him out. It actually works pretty quickly now that we've been through it a few times and he knows that he's going to stay there until he stops.

It is harder when we are out, because we don't have a handy time-out spot. I have used the car seat before (if he tries it when we are in a restaurant, my husband will finish his dinner while I strap my son in his car seat and then stand outside the car, and then we trade places). Grocery shopping is harder. I know moms that have walked out and left a full cart of groceries to put their child in time out in the car for screaming in the store. But I haven't done that (yet, anyway). It would probably work though.

1 mom found this helpful

I really like the suggestions given to provide him with ongoing info about upcoming transitions. Also, I would follow your gut to walk away/ time him out when he throws a fit. Keep walking away even if he begs you to stay. Say firmly no fits and then disengage no matter what he does. His begging you to stay is a sign he does not like the separation so sounds like a good consequence. Let him know you will come back when he is done. Fits equal no contact with mommy. You are teaching him very important lessons about self control, being kind to others, and handling frustration maturely. Good lluck! Please don't beat yourself up and have faith that you will figure this out.

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You need to talk a lot with kids. You need to say 'we are going to the store and you will sit in the cart and be good'. Then expect that out of him and if not whatever discipline you chose to use should be applied. Every time. No bribery with candy or toys or anything. Just because that is what is expected of him. He's not too young to know that. You should remain calm and controlled and let him know you are in charge. Be consistent and let him know you mean business. Discipline everytime. Not just when you feel like it. Do not let him kick or hit you ever. Put him in his bed or somewhere and say 'you do not ever hit and kick mommy or other people.'
Remember no bribe. Just say it and do it. Tell him what is expected and he will learn. Brushing teeth maybe just take him in there and start brushing if he refuses. Don't say 'Let's brush our teeth' Say 'We are going to brush your teeth now'. See the difference? He's not in charge, you are. It's very hard and I know because I had some just like him, my first and I did what you are doing now until I learned and the longer you put it off the harder it is to break. I didn't want to be 'mean' ( or so I thought ) but it is not mean but the right thing to do and the child is so much happier too in the end.

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He is 2 years old, and as any child will do, he is testing his boundaries and trying to Establish control. Show him boundaries and that YOU are in control. The key to discipline is consistency....not by always doing to the same thing, like relying on time-outs, but by Always disciplining. One time, use a time-out, the next, take a toy, the next, early bed-time. Sit down with your spouse, come up with a plan and then implement it. Believe me, you want to settle this issue now, before he gets bigger and you can't control him, and before bad behaviour begins to affect him socially. Giving children options is a good way to help them learn cause and effect, but sometimes, they don't get a choice. If you tell him to brush his teeth and you are in a hurry, he needs to brush his teeth. Some things you can be flexible on if he's being well behaved, but he needs to know that if he is running towards a busy street and you tell him to stop-he needs to stop...period. That kind of reaction comes from establishing that he MUST listen to mommy. It is hard, and you are not alone. Every mother was new at this, and every mother needs to find her own balance. Best of luck!!!!

1 mom found this helpful

Our DS is 15 months old. When he started having fits a few months back, our ped recommended that we let him have fits, and ignore them if in the home. If in public, she suggested we quickly move him to a place which is safe, and ideally not dirty, and then ignore the fit.

Hasn't stopped the tantrums altogether, but it does make them short lived.

Good luck to you and yours,
fanged bunny

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Kids need to know what's expected of them and what their routine is. It sounds like your son might be getting overwhelmed by changing from one activity to the next (being at home to going out) or by not knowing what's coming next (which aisle you'll turn down). Try explaining to him more what is going to happen during the day or at least in the next ten minutes. This really helped for my kids.

Also... you didn't ask about it... but candy after lunch for a two year old? Perhaps he's got too much sugar in his system. That certainly causes tantrums in a lot of kids.

Sounds familiar...I agree with alot of the other posts...start forewarning him of transitions...however, the only thing that worked for mine was leaving the room (but not going too far so i could still make sure he was safe)... and then he'd calm down...Does he speak yet? My son had a speech delay which was part of his frustration and telling him to "use his words" didn't help because he didn't have 'em (BTW: he started speaking at almost age 3 after a year of speech therapy which he still gets and helped with the tantrums at the time) Good luck

When their own kids are crying, every mother thinks everyone is staring at them. Maybe people in the store do look and maybe they even throw a judgemental look at you, but you'll soon notice they really don't stop and stare.

It might help to remember your focus should be on your child, not what other people are thinking about you. Learn to ignore them and you'll be able to tolerate your child more.

Maybe he has too much of what he needs? Plan on staying at home for a day or two. Then, put him in timeout the first time he doesn't listen to you. Don't wait for him to throw a fit. If he screams and cries, ignore him. If he kicks you while you are putting him in timeout, hold his legs down or away from you. If he keeps getting out of timeout, keep putting him back. A day or two of that, he'll get bored and see you mean business, and that timeout isn't all that its cracked up to be.

Once he can stay in timeout, keep him there for a min or 2 and then let him out.

If he's only 2, he doesn't need alot of talking or commands. Say he doesn't listen to you. Just loook at him and say "I will put you in timeout". Or if he starts throwing things, just say "Stop please". He doesn't need to know why you want him to stop, he just needs to know he needs to stop whatever he's doing. Maybe when he's 3 you can start explaining reasons to him. The less you say, the better. I'm not saying ignore him completely or don't talk to him at all. I'm just saying less words works w/toddlers. you also don't have to scream back at him to gethim to listen to you. All you have to do when he starts throwing a fit is "if you don't stop you will go to timeout" in a calm voice. If he refuses to calm down, then just pick him up and put him in timeout.

He may also be overstimulated w/too much attention, too many activities, too many things. Let him start the day w/1 or 2 toys and then build up to more toys throughout the day. If he only has 1 or 2 toys and they get taken away, he'll soon see those 1 or 2 toys will be worth not throwing a fit.

He is 2 so he's old enough to understand bad behavior is unacceptable and that it will have consequences.

gl!