Tampons or Pads for 13 Yo

Tampons.

The hymen actually pulls out of the way during menses (and then relaxes shut again at the end)... it's how the blood leaks out. It's a fairly tight fit, but they fit... and it hurts too much to break them. You actually have to use quite a bit of force to break a hymen. Think about how "hard" you insert a tampon, and then think about sex. Also think about relative size. Even straddling balance beams with the full force of your weight and momentum and gravity behind it... while causing pain bad enough to throw up from... rarely does more than a partial tear on the hymen.

Toxic shock is very very rare. In part, because the materials they make tampons out of has changed. Still possible... but tampons can be worn overnight without cause for alarm. Also... tmi... while working in a women's clinic the docs said about 1 woman a week came in to get checked for toxic shock... because they'd "forgotten" a tampon up there for over a week. Typically it was a "sex while 1/2 asleep" sort of thing, and the next morning with no string... etc. As of the time when I left the office, none of the patients actually had toxic shock. But a great number of women got PID from improper wiping. What the docs told me is that tampons are a lot like contacts... 30 years ago sleeping in contacts could cause blindness and be cause for surgery. Today people wear them for 2 weeks-30 days without taking them out. YES toxic shock can happen, and YES contacts can fuse to the cornea... but both are now very rare events.

I FEEL you on the septic system. We have 100 year old side sewer. It's only 4 inches in diameter. TINY. So it clogs with the least provocation. It was a choice of fork up $800 every time it clogs, or spend $40, learn how to use it, and rent the 100' electric snake. It's also a dirty job. We have to do it about twice a year because of tree roots. NO tampons can go down our toilet. But many do, because friends use our bathroom. What I did for my OWN tampons (because I hate the smell) is to put Ziplock "snack" sized bags in with the tampons. I drop it in, seal up the bag, drop it in the bin, and "waste" toilet paper to put on top of it, so it's out of sight.

BTW... I highly reccomend OB tampons. I don't use the applicator ones. There's a wee bit of a learning curve with them, but they also have ones with applicators. Sans applicator can also be easier for girls starting out, just "grosser". Also, it negates the problem of what to do with the applicator. Why I personally reccomend OB is that they have a silky liner on the outside (which helps with "slide" AND keeps "lint" out), and they expand outward. Which keeps them in place and also prevents leaks like nobody's business. I have a reeeally heavy period. (1 super plus an hour heavy for at least 12 hours, and then 1 every 2-4 hours, and then I use regulars for 2 more days switching out twice a day), and since switching to OB I have yet to have a single leak or stain. LOVE them. Gross factor at first, but not any more. They're too cool.

5 moms found this helpful

I used pads for exactly one cycle when I started around the same age. My mom gave me a little resistance, but (surprisingly) gave in pretty easy when I told her that I'd use pads if she would!

Broken hymen? Even if is was to happen, so what. That can happen in any number of activities. Unless her future husband's family is going to check the sheets after the honeymoon...they only difference she'll notice is not having as much pain the first time she has intercourse.

Toxic shock is rare these days and its nothing a little scare tactic won't take care of.

We didn't have a septic tank...but very old cast iron plumbing. I used to have to help my dad do the clean out. It only took one time of pulling out disgusting used tampons covered in raw sewage in front of my dad to remember to put them in the trash. Inexpensive plastic sandwich baggies are good to use as a hand cover and wrap up the tampon for disposal--just keep a box with the the tampons.

You have a choice in the matter. Educate them and let them choose...or let their friends educate them and you have no choice.

4 moms found this helpful

Tampons! I started those the second time I got my period - hate pads. You will have to consistently remind her of the hygiene regarding tampons. She will eventually figure it out. Do not put them down the septic system!

3 moms found this helpful

When my niece started her period, I took her to the local store and buoght several different tampons and pads. I let her open each one and ask questions. I explained how to use each type. It took her several months of trying both to decide what she wanted to use. In the end, she chose the sport tampons by playtex because they were the smallest of the small ones. Just to let you know, you will not break your Hymen by using a tampon. They are much more comfortable for teens then pads. teens can usre a panty liner with the tampon as a back up. It will leak if they forget to change it. I was using tampons by that age and never ever forgot I had one in. Make sure to tell then that pampons must be disposed of in the trash and not the toilet. Yes, toxic shock is a concern but is rare. I say give then the choice of what is right for their own body. I never got toxic shock and have used tampons for many many years.

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I haven't read the responses but see you have many. I just asked my OB/GYN about this on Saturday at my appointment regarding my 13 and 15 yo. She said that she recommends pads, however, if tampons are needed for sports...

1. use the slender ones
2. use the ones with plastic applicators
3. put a little lubricant (KY) on the end to help with insertion
4. teach her how to properly insert the tampon
5. use them for sports only.. DO NOT wear for 24 hours

as far as the septic is concerned, the tampons and applicators should never be flushed, even if the advertise that they can

2 moms found this helpful

Well as for the septic system, I wouldn't flush them down. Just tell them to wrap it in toilet paper and throw it away. Problem solved. As for the broken hymen thing. .. it's not like it's taking their virginity away, so there isn't a problem there. I agree with Sarah D all the way. I'm sure mine broke or stretched while riding horses or in my dance class. It's no big deal if it does break.

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In terms of comfort, if she's a runner, tampons would be great. You could experiment with pads though, as there are so many on the market and one might work out well. I did a quick google search and plumbers recommend not flushing tampons down a regular toilet (surprise!). Perhaps you can keep a small lidded trashcan specifically for feminine products near the toilet. Pads go in there anyway, so the tampons can go in there too - less muss and fuss if the trashcan is right there.

Broken hymen is no big thing - I used tampons for YEARS and my hymen was intact. I suggest the plastic applicators that are tapered because they go in more comfortably.

Re. toxic shock, if they use light or medium flow absorbtion, it shouldn't be an issue. Tampons can only hold so much so there will be overflow that says "change me" and I'm sure they'll want to take care of that. I always wear a pantyliner or mini-pad with a tampon.

2 moms found this helpful

I used pads for my first two periods. Hated them and was so happy that my mom had no problems with a switch to tampons.

I grew up with a septic system too and heck no those things don't break down. My father would have had a fit if we tried to flush any part of the tampon or the packaging. They go in the garbage! BTW -- They shouldn't be flushed in a city system either. That is plumbers #1 answer to a plumbing problem.

Doesn't break your hymen. Or at least didn't break mine if my painful bloddy "first time" was anything to go by.

They have made improvements in tampons the last 2-3 years that have decreased the risk of TSS. But ultimately, just tell your daughter how very important it is to change it every few hours (I never never let it go anywhere close to the recommended 8 hr max - Gross).

2 moms found this helpful

I would let the decisions be up to them. Lay out the pros and cons and medical information for them. As far as your septic tank goes tampons are easily discarded into a used laundry detergent container and then thrown away. We would spend the summers out on a farm using the laundry detergent container prevented odors and kept animals out of it.

Edit: A liquid laundry detergent bottle.

2 moms found this helpful

Tampons! Your girls will like being girls a lot more with tampons. They offer freedom and comfort. Don't forget about swimming, and if they have heavy periods you will still need pads as a back up. Possibly my worst memory from my youth is PADS!

Re the septic system: Buy little baggies to dispose of the tampons in the trash. If they learn that on day one it just won't be an issue. Do you use non-toxic cleaners? They go a long way in keeping a septic system healthy. I can recommend if you like.

I VOTE TAMPONS!

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Personally, the concept of tampons disgusts me. Our bodies produce a variety of fluids for our vaginal health, but tampons absorb all of those, indiscriminately. We live in a world where women are taught that they smell, they are gross, and they need to mask their bodies' natural functions, but also in a world where women are constantly battling infections (and so, the cycle of using a variety of products continues.) I'm 39, I've used a tampon only once in my life, and I've never had a yeast infection, a UTI, or anything else like that. I believe that a lot of that has to do with the fact that I allow my body to flush out toxins, rather than artificially shoving something up there to dry it out. Just something to consider...

If they want something to insert, soft cups are better because they merely collect the fluid--they don't dry out the vagina in an artificial manner.

Also, hymens break naturally; your daughters may already have broken hymens, especially since they are athletes. It is merely a social construct that an in-tact hymen equals virginity.

Finally, Toxic Shock is real. One of my high school teachers got it and lost her foot. SCARY.

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I didn't read all the answers to see if this was mentioned - but the "hymen" issue is irrelevant - you can tear your hymen through sports...it is NOT an indication of virginity... And if your girls are serious runners - they have probably already "torn" theirs. The hymen only partially covers the vaginal opening - so that menstrual fluid can pass. It is such an "non issue"...

They should NEVER be flushed no matter whether you have septic or public sewer - I know that seems gross - but they just don't break down. I supply scented diaper disposal bags to throw them away in - I put them in a basket in all my bathrooms with a note not to flush them- I have had the plumber out too many times pulling tampons out of my lines!!!!

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If they want to use tampons let them for sure! It will be sooo much easier in sports (and frankly in school too!). Others have said it, but the risk of toxic shock is low....and why are you concerned about a broken hymen?? It is likely broken already with the different sports they engage in, it's really not a big deal.

As far as the septic system (and I hardly think it's selfish not to want to shell out hundreds to fix it!) I would just instruct them to NOT throw them in the toilet. I didn't grow up with a septic system and I was still taught to wrap them up and throw them away. They don't really make the bathroom smell or anythig as long as they're wrapped in a bit of toilet paper before being thrown away. They would have to do that with a pad anyway, so just teach it for both ways.

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If they are runners, swimmers or any other athletes, they really should try tampons. These are my reasons: It does not cause broken hymen, toxic shock has warning symptoms they should know about, like diarreah and nausea etc.,did you ever run or walk far in the heat with a pad on? You get a terrible rash from the sides of the pads,they dont stay in place and can be embarrassing for a young girl. 13 is certainly old enough to learn to use these safely.
Two things I would tell them before using: Dont leave them in more than four hours at a time (use pads at night)
If the tampon dosent pull out easily, dont pull! It just isnt wet enough and you have to leave it in a little longer.
As far as the septic: no flushing applicators, even when it says septic safe on the box.

1 mom found this helpful

You do not break your hymen with tampons.

Toxic shock was caused by the quick absorption of a certain type of Tampon.. Has not been on the market for over 30 years. You will know almost right away if your daughter is having toxic shock. She will become ill with a high fever. Lots of time vomiting.

Also NOTHING should go down ANY toilet except body waste and toilet paper. EVER... Even in regular toilets with traditional plumbing. When they remove a used tampon they should wrap it in toilet paper and throw it away.

Let them decide what is most comfortable for them to wear. Remind them where to insert the tampon. Some girls have never explored their bodies by touching themselves and do not realize where the opening actually is. Each box has instructions. I stood out side of the bathroom door and kind of coach our daughter.

They make really slender tampons and can start off with these and then try regular and then medium.

I will pray for your husband.. 3 women with periods.. Ey vay!

1 mom found this helpful

I remember having a gym teacher who insisted we use tampons so we could swim during PE. So I learned to use a tampon with an audience of fellow students telling me how to do it. Having had my mother help me to learn at home would have been much less enbarassing.I would suggest if you are concerned about your septic system to let them use them when they run, but use pads at home. That is what most of the girls I knew who lived on farms did. Tampax and Kotex will send free samples and some good books if you request them to.

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I would buy both and let them decide. There are even packages you can buy that have different size ones in them. There are so many responses to your question, I am sorry if I am repeating... I did not read through them all. You can also call the different companies and ask for samples. They will send them to you without any question. They are hoping to gain you as a cu$tomer). Let them play with them a bit and see what they like. You can instruct them on the proper use and turn them free in the bathroom and bedroom to try it for themselves. The little hand out in the box is a joke... I work in this field and think it is crazy the way it is written. Now know if you are letting the experiment; the best time to do this is mid cycle ovulation or during the actual period. Trying to place a tampon when not on your period or having mid cycle vaginal lubrication is VERY uncomfortable and they will for sure find them uncomfritable when this would not be the case during menstration. They will ten decide what they like and can tell you and that becomes your product of choice. Also consider using pads at night if they go the tampon route and then you have both options in the house if they end up having a "pad type of day." It does not have ot be an either or choice... They can interchange the two.
As far as your hymen concerns... Breaking your hymen does not take away your virginity. I stress this with girls I work with. I feel it is the reason that many girls (not saying yours) feel it is ok to engage in oral sex and anal sex; "to save the hymen". To tell you the truth, most people can not tell if one is in place or not. So no one will ever know. If your daughters are involved in sports, there is a good chance it has broken already. They can break from riding a bike... People sometimes come in asking for us to check to see if their daughter is still a virgin... I tell them; there is no way we can do that because there is no magic test. Most active girls don't have intact hymens anyway. So get that worry out of your head. As far as toxic shock... I do not worry much about this either. Both your girls WILL change tampons out. If they do not, they will leak and cause them a mess on the clothes and we know how that makes them feel. I know we should not group or sterotype, but the ladies that tend to have let the tampon go to long and cause infection or TS are the early 20 year olds who have gone out to party and forgot it in or came home wasted and went into "recovery mode" after that. Also the ones that went out and had sex with the freakin tampon in and it got pushed so far back that they forgot it was in.... So YES, educate your daughter on what TS is and to change them out help prevents it, but I do not think you have many worries. As far as your septic system. Just teach them to wrap them in toliet paper and throw them in the garbage. Even with new houses many are finding the need to do that, because the new toliets just do not accept them as well.
I sure hope this helps and relieves some of your worries. Just chuckle at your daughter not brushing her teeth... You then at least know she is not messing around with boys yet... Whoop Whoop.... "When the apperance starts to change and the teeth are sparkling white.... Know there is a boy in sight..." ;)

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Let them make the choice but explain the proper disposing of them, changing them often, etc.

Communicate with these girls, they need to know they can talk to you about anything.

A tampon does not break the hymen.

My almost 16 yr old was 12 when she started her period. She wore a pad the first month and after that slender tampons all the way. Tampons are more comfortable, not as smelly, etc. It is ok.

I am SO glad I have been done with my monthly visitor for 10 yrs!!

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It really is up to the girls actually-My 13 year old started her period at 12 and as well is an athlete. She was so disgusted by the feel and over all mess she immediately asked if she could try tampons. I went out bought the very slimmest ones I could find, KY jelly and said here is a possible way to try. She was not successful-that too was just too much, too invasive....so she went back to pads and we found the brand most suited for her. I asked the other day had she tried tampons again and she said no, maybe later. Providing the items and instructions for them on how to use them is probably the best solution. There are pads today so thin and so absorbent that it can be a more comfortable situation. Good luck!

I say start with pads.

I started wearing tampons as a freshman in high school. I was a cheerleader and you could see the pads in the bloomers. Believe it or not the broken hymen doesn't mean they aren't virgins and many girls break theirs falling on a bicycle bar or in other ways as little girls. I definately understand about tss, teach the girls to use tampons during competition and practice only and to use pads the rest of the time. My daughter also just started her period this summer and she currently has no intrest in wearing tampons yet. So, just have an open and honest discussion with them. Good Luck

I practically BEGGED my daughter to use tampons over pads! :)

I just know how I feel when I am all messy from wearing a pad, and I wanted her to be able to have the alternative of feeling clean. Being on your period is bad enough - let alone not having options of how she can deal with it...

I talked to her about the concerns of TSS (I think that is why she chose pads for almost a year). And, frankly, just because her hymen might break, it doesn't mean she looses her virginity. Their hymens might already be broke because of all the running!

We don't have a septic, but we do have picky sewer lines that will catch tampons and cause backups outside. My daughter knows this and knows to wrap up her pads or tampons and put them in the trash.

I suggest giving them the option. Would you want to run with a pad on?

I tried once in college-very uncomfortable for me! My 18 yr old daughter tried one last week-uncomfortable for her. I like the post about OB brand and might try one.
I would contact all those companies and request samples so they can try different ones. We did that with pads.
We don't even put paper in our toilets in the country!!

They have a lot of different sized tampons now. Some are made specifically with teens in mind. And it does make it easier to do sports!

I would have them use pads for the first 2 or 3 periods, then let them try tampons. They may like them, they may not (I never really could use them until I after I had kids, it just felt weird the whole time.)

My daughter is 13, she got her period when she was 12. She just started to use tampons this summer. We have a pool and it was not fair to make her sit out. I bought her the playtex sport and we both love them. They are very easy to use and not bulky. She knows that she is only allowed to wear one to swim. She is like your daughter, i have to remind her to brush her teeth! After she swims i remind her to take it out... so far she has been good. I explained the dangers of leaving it in to her and she seems to take it seriously.

I used tampons all through high school and didnt have sex until I was 18, and my hymen was intact. I dont think it should affect that if they're using them correctly.

I'm not sure about the septic system issue. Do you use them? Definately dont let them flush the applicator, even if it says flushable.

There is also the option of things like The Keeper, Diva Cup or Instead. The Keeper and Diva Cup are reusable, only have to be changed every 12 hours, one is made from medical grade silicone (I think it's the Diva-that's what I have). There is a learning curve but not much to it. And you buy it once and you are done! The Instead is different but similar idea except it is disposable. I know several women (and have gotten them for their daughters) who use the Keeper and Diva and never have leaks, never have to worry for a second while they have their period. One friend can wear white pants with no back up panty liner.

If I didn't have to wear pads as a teen that would have been amazing! I always hated that wet feeling! And the leaking! I had a pad leak when I was a sophomore and had a huge spot on my jeans as I was walking down the hall. I was horrified!

I really, really wouldn't be concerned about the hymen issue. Most girls, especially active girls, have their hymen broken just with physical activity.

I think you should let them choose... offer both.. every woman is different.

toxic shock syndrome is reallynot a risk for tampons.. it was associated with super absorbant tampons made out a certain kind of fiber.. RELY tampons which are not sold anymore..

many girls are not ready to use tampons intially.. therey is a learning curve for tampons.. pads are easierl..

I wouldnt even think about her hymen.. it will break someday during athletics or sex..

I have an14yrs and I thoght about that myself.She is very active in sport in sports as well. She stared her cycle at the age 11. This year is the first yr. that I have mentioned tampons to her. I told her if SHE wanted to I will go threw the care with her IF this was something SHE wanted to do. Because after all she is the one that has to do aal the maintainence. And I am the one making share she is following the rules of useing them. She is response able useing pads and bathing and has a great sence of hygien so I know that IF this is something she choose to do she will be OK.

Personally I would wait a few yrs to go threw this with her.Wait until she has the concept of useing the pads down first and knowing the importants of good hygien.
I hoped I helped in some way
Have a great day
cindyc

My 21 year still uses pads, I never liked the idea of tampons, and your girls don't need to be sticking anything up there, to me pads are safer. J.

Dear MM:

What I did with my 14-year-old daughter was start her with pads. When she got the learning curve down I bought OB tampons (tampons without an applicator because they're easier) and had her practice wearing them at home, not school at first. We had a talk about how to wear tampons, (wear them no longer than four to five hours, never overnight.) We do not have a septic system, but I still told my daughter not to put any used pads or tampons down the toilet.

Today's tampons do not have the super-absorbant coating of the seventies, which was the main cause of toxic shock syndrome.

The bottom line I think is start with pads, then depending on maturity level add tampons. As for the broken hymen, lots of girls have broken hymens just from everyday activities, so I wouldn't worry about that.

You know the maturity level of your daughters. If they can't handle the rules for wearing and disposing of tampons, they don't get to use them. Eventually, though, they will use them because their girlfriends are.

L. F., mom of a 14-year-old daughter

I would let them choose. I have never been able to comfortably use a tampon and despise them. :) I knew girls in sports though who used them for swimming and other athletics and it was a lot easier for them. I just had to avoid swimming and double-up for sporting events. I think the risks are pretty minimal. As for your septic, you can keep small brown lunch bags in your bathroom and tell them that they need to be disposed of like a pad--many public bathrooms instruct people not to flush ANY personal hygiene items. The bags will help with smell/containment.

Have you looked into reusable menstrual cups? I have used the Divacup (www.divacup.com I think) for several years. It's a washable silicone cup that works like a tampon, except you can wear it for 12 hours and there is not a risk of TSS because the silicone is not absorbent. Plus, these wouldn't clog your septic system since they are reusable.

My daughter is an athlete and she started with Tampons.... It just isn't necessary to hold girls out of an active lifestyle because of their period. The exercise will reduce cramps, bloating, etc... It's just part of being a woman. Not a big deal.

I have an idea. If she tries and likes tampons, instead of brown paper bags or clear bags, have a handy roll of black or blue plastic doggie bags (from pet store) or baby diaper plastic bag (smells like baby powder, to use. You can't see through it, it can't create a blood, leaky mess, they tie up, and the plastic keeps the odor away longer. Come to think of it, this could be used for pads too. Things feel even more disgusting to girls than grown up women, so make it less disgusting to take care of business well.