J.M. asks from Kansas City, MO on March 17, 2007
Talking Back Issues
My son recently turned 6 and has begun talking back all the time. I am not sure if I should ignore the behavior, or if I should punish him for it. Simply talking to him about not talking back has not worked. Should I take privilages away? Yesterday we took away a treat for being rude and he was sad about not getting the treat, not about his behavior. Is this just normal behavior? Help!!!!!
D.H. answers from Springfield on March 19, 2007
I have a 7yr old and have the same problem. I have a friend who had the same problem with her son. I'm being to believe that it is just an age thing. But I would suggest to take things away or I have found washing his mouth out with soap works. It sounds awful but it works. I hope this helps a little.
S.H. answers from Wichita on March 18, 2007
I personally think you should start punishing him. If you let this behavior go on because you are ignoring it, it will cause major problems in the future. You are the parent and you son should respect you. He needs to learn that now, if its not addressed think what it will be like when he is a teenager!!! Teach him to love and respect his parents and that talking back is not an acceptable behavior. Try time outs first, if that doesnt work, try taking toys away or his favorite foods if food is a good incentive for him. Maybe grounding if food or time out doesnt work. I dont know if that will be as effective since hes only almost 6 but if it means he cant go play outside with the neighbor boy, maybe that will teach him he better behave or he wont be allowed to have any fun. Hope this helps!
C.B. answers from Kansas City on March 17, 2007
My kids get mouth time outs. When they speak to me in a disrespectful way, they will have so many minutes of not being able to use their mouth for talking or making noise. They must think about why they have a mouth time out. After their time is up, I ask them why they have a mouth time out and they will tell me. With my three year old, I prompt her, "you have a mouth time out because you talked to Mommy in a very mean way" and so forth. And then I ask them to apologize.
S.J. answers from Lawton on March 17, 2007
He might not regret his behavior, but if you continue to show him there will be consequences for it, he will eventually stop it. I promise, consistent consequences will work. He'll learn not to talk back in order to keep his privledges.
You're on the right track! Best wishes to you.
M.C. answers from Tulsa on March 19, 2007
This is just normal behavior. Kids are always testing the waters to see how much they can get away with. You must nip this in the bud now and teach him that it is wrong. If you don't just think about the kind of mouthing and sass you are going to get when he becomes a teenager. My sister has a boy who is 17. He talked back to her when he was little. She just let him do it or ignored him. While babysitting for her while she worked, I did not allow this behavior. I informed him that my kids don't talk to me that way and he would not either. Now at 17 he will listen to me and my mother alot better than he does her.
If asked why he will tell you that he knows that grandma and I will not stand for it and he will be in trouble. With his mom she has let him do it so long he doesn't care. He knows she isn't going to do anything about it.
So teach him now that you are the adult and he has to obey. All through life we have to listen to people who are higher up than we are, and we may not always like it, but we still have to listen and do as we are told.
A. answers from Kansas City on March 17, 2007
I started having this problem recently with my almost 4 year old. I have a friend who has her masters in early childhood education that I always call for advice. She also has 3 boys similar ages to mine. Anyway, I called her about this same problem and her advice to me has been that
you really have to learn to ignore a lot of that behavior.
I am not saying to ignore all of it but if you respond to it every single time they talk back to you then you are teaching them that they can get a rise out of you. Sometimes it does need to be addressed but a lot of time if you ignore them and don't even respond they will just move on. It is sort of the principle behind choosing your battles. Sometimes you can let it go and sometimes you need to put your foot down and set them straight.
It has been really hard for me to do this because I have always been sort of "I will not be talked to that way!" but her point was the more attention you give it the more likely it is to occur. I have to say that ignoring it as much as I can has really helped to curb it.
Hope this helps.
B.S. answers from Rockford on March 17, 2007
When my kids did that I would say "Excuse me, what did you say?" (very seriously) and make them repeat it, they usually didn't want to, but I made them. Then I would ask them if they would like for me to talk to them like that and they would say no so I would say then stop doing it to me. OR start talking back to him like he is to you and he wont like it and he may ask you why you are being mean to him, then you can say "Oh, you were talking like that to me so I didn't think you would mind if I talked that way to you. Maybe we should both stop doing that." He will get the message! :) Hope this helps!
B.L. answers from Tulsa on March 18, 2007
My 5 year old does the same thing. He has also started stomping his foot...Which gets on my nerves.. I think it is all normal behavior. In fact, I think I remember myself doing it to my parents when I was younger.. I am so sorry I did that too. I take away my son's Leapster or anything that he really enjoys. It helps for a while. I also stand him in the corner. He gets out of the corner when he can tell me what he done wrong and after he cools down.
A.H. answers from Kansas City on March 18, 2007
This is very normal behavior.
If they want the treat, they will be respectful.
Time-out worked best for my boys.